Well... Since you just got yourself a new editor - and plan to go back over the chapter, etc - I don't have to point out the one grammatical error I found!
On another note, the only qualm I had was that, at times such as the very beginning of the chapter, Dazzle seemed a little old for her age. However, since you kindly elaborated upon your age system I've been caught thinking that at times she may be a little too young sounding. It's probably just me anyway, but, assuming it's not, I'm sure you'll find a good balance - after all, you even went so far as to make an author's note about it. Regardless, good chapter.
again you incorperat necromancy into the world in a way such that it creats an atmosphere around it not of pain and suffering but of indiference and use simply amasing. my opinion on necromancy is that it is usefull like any other magic only that it is mostly misused by those who usually wield its power now here i see a child cursed with the power due to the fact that she was convinced into it during the most traumatizing experiance in her life now she must rebuild her confidence now i wonder what this ability will do to her phsychy. under other cercumstances she might've liked the ability given her dont you think? anyway enough rambling 'Ruby' is awsome and blossom now has her own guardian angel '(guardian angel of death that is)' and its only a plus that they love each other like a certain pair of deviants
anyway point is awsome story you do yourself credit now thank you and continue on with this piece of fine work.
Edit: one last thing necromancy is also the power to deny another pony deaths blessing there for :pinkicrazy:endless hours of torture for you enemys.
378159 It's the difference between a rough foalhood and a sheltered foalhood (remember, Dazzle's parents wouldn't let her play outside until very recently). Also, Blossom might have lived alone, but she certainly wasn't fending for herself. She had Ruby. I should really get to bed.
I'll have to post a wall later but at the moment I'm trying to hammer out the next bit of my own fic, yet i couldn't resist reading the next chapter of this.
378669 It's definitely mutual, but theyre both inexperienced for obvious reasons. Dazzle more than Blossom due to what Jekyll said and Blossom reading more.
378159 What Jekyll said.It happens here too. Kids run away from home and fend for themselves all the time while you have kids that wouldn't know wtf to do since they grew up being pampered and sheltered.
Curse you peppy, i've had to have 15 hearts transplants and 5 blood transfusions just to survive ATFN an dnow this!? You my good sir are terrible! Expect a note from my lawyer!
Nah but seriously nice story per usual, and i need to ask, did Moon send the guards after DD? If so will she end up being mentioned in ATFN as a side character or as an assassin or something, because i don't see her having any love for Moon...
431142 Actually, that name was not my idea. One of the readers wrote a mini fic inspired by ATFN and used that as a location in their story. It's a large mining town/city thing. It's also right on the edge of griffon lands.
433347 Oh, Well. then whoever was inspired by your story and wrote a story decided to put the Stormcloak capital, Winterhold, as the town it takes place in,
so this story takes place during the War, right? a thousand years before ATFN? damn...Daring Do is an old series. Also, can't wait for Dee Dee and Moonie to meet. It better happen. Also, a beautiful mare who's a filly fiddler? sorry Colts, you missed out I guess.
436059 Noooooooooooooooooooo! This is during the recruitment phase before the Midnight Massacre during ATFN. So it's like 2-3 months after Nightmare Moon returns.
Their kisses in this chapter completely change Blossom's fate according to the laws of plot theory. Normally after something like this, a pony like Blossom would be Dazzle's crutch--a stable person that would help keep Dazzle emotionally and mentally sane. Blossom would have to die, either in Canterlot to make Dazzle an extremely unstable pony, or later on in Manehatten to make her in to a very apathetic and nigh unemotional pony.
But that kiss changed everything. Even if Blossom does die, Dazzle won't be (extremely) too bad off. Personally, I hope she doesn't die. Those were all just main potential paths now, sentient beings are always complicated and pretty unpredictable. Even if the kisses didn't happen, there were still many different paths this story could deviate--and there still is. Just a little spur of the moment thoughts from my plot theory.
Oh yeah, this is great btw!! Kinda sad there's only 3 chapters so far though.
How old is Dazzel?
377468 OH Sorry. Dazzle is 6 and Blossom is 8 almost 9 which would equate to Dazzle being 12 and Blossom being 17 in our age system.
So, yes, Blossom is technically a foal fiddler. But only till Dazzle ages another year or so.
377517Not sure how okay I am with this but....I did read The Back Room so....
Well... Since you just got yourself a new editor - and plan to go back over the chapter, etc - I don't have to point out the one grammatical error I found!
On another note, the only qualm I had was that, at times such as the very beginning of the chapter, Dazzle seemed a little old for her age. However, since you kindly elaborated upon your age system I've been caught thinking that at times she may be a little too young sounding. It's probably just me anyway, but, assuming it's not, I'm sure you'll find a good balance - after all, you even went so far as to make an author's note about it. Regardless, good chapter.
377595 Yeah, I'm going to make the narration from the intelligence of the 'future Dazzle' as if she's telling it through reminiscence.
again you incorperat necromancy into the world in a way such that it creats an atmosphere around it not of pain and suffering but of indiference and use simply amasing. my opinion on necromancy is that it is usefull like any other magic only that it is mostly misused by those who usually wield its power now here i see a child cursed with the power due to the fact that she was convinced into it during the most traumatizing experiance in her life now she must rebuild her confidence now i wonder what this ability will do to her phsychy. under other cercumstances she might've liked the ability given her dont you think? anyway enough rambling 'Ruby' is awsome and blossom now has her own guardian angel '(guardian angel of death that is)' and its only a plus that they love each other like a certain pair of deviants
anyway point is awsome story you do yourself credit now thank you and continue on with this piece of fine work.
Edit: one last thing necromancy is also the power to deny another pony deaths blessing there for :pinkicrazy:endless hours of torture for you enemys.
blossom took care of herself and lived along for 4 years... she's 8 years old
dazzle still needs a babysitter, she's 6
doesn't seem to add up, but hey still an nice story
378159
It's the difference between a rough foalhood and a sheltered foalhood (remember, Dazzle's parents wouldn't let her play outside until very recently). Also, Blossom might have lived alone, but she certainly wasn't fending for herself. She had Ruby.
I should really get to bed.
I'll have to post a wall later but at the moment I'm trying to hammer out the next bit of my own fic, yet i couldn't resist reading the next chapter of this.
378669 It's definitely mutual, but theyre both inexperienced for obvious reasons. Dazzle more than Blossom due to what Jekyll said and Blossom reading more.
378159 What Jekyll said.It happens here too. Kids run away from home and fend for themselves all the time while you have kids that wouldn't know wtf to do since they grew up being pampered and sheltered.
Curse you peppy, i've had to have 15 hearts transplants and 5 blood transfusions just to survive ATFN an dnow this!? You my good sir are terrible! Expect a note from my lawyer!
Nah but seriously nice story per usual, and i need to ask, did Moon send the guards after DD? If so will she end up being mentioned in ATFN as a side character or as an assassin or something, because i don't see her having any love for Moon...
I likes it. Nuff' said.
380215 It shall remain a mystery till both are finished
"It’s a very large city compared to Winterhold and Canterlot and the weather there is very nice year round.”
Winterhold and Canterlot
Winterhold
Somepony has been playing Skyrim.
431142 Actually, that name was not my idea. One of the readers wrote a mini fic inspired by ATFN and used that as a location in their story. It's a large mining town/city thing. It's also right on the edge of griffon lands.
433347 Oh, Well. then whoever was inspired by your story and wrote a story decided to put the Stormcloak capital, Winterhold, as the town it takes place in,
Forgive my assumption.
433377 It's no problem, I thought the same thing when I saw it
so this story takes place during the War, right? a thousand years before ATFN? damn...Daring Do is an old series. Also, can't wait for Dee Dee and Moonie to meet. It better happen. Also, a beautiful mare who's a filly fiddler? sorry Colts, you missed out I guess.
436059 Noooooooooooooooooooo! This is during the recruitment phase before the Midnight Massacre during ATFN. So it's like 2-3 months after Nightmare Moon returns.
436640
HA! That clears up a lot! still
Shapeshifting filly meets necromancer filly....DUN DUN DUN!
*finishes reading new chapter of ATFN*
*sees the name of another fanfic "Necro Domina*
"What be this?"
*reads chapter 1&2*
"All of my yes."
Their kisses in this chapter completely change Blossom's fate according to the laws of plot theory. Normally after something like this, a pony like Blossom would be Dazzle's crutch--a stable person that would help keep Dazzle emotionally and mentally sane. Blossom would have to die, either in Canterlot to make Dazzle an extremely unstable pony, or later on in Manehatten to make her in to a very apathetic and nigh unemotional pony.
But that kiss changed everything. Even if Blossom does die, Dazzle won't be (extremely) too bad off. Personally, I hope she doesn't die.
Those were all just main potential paths now, sentient beings are always complicated and pretty unpredictable. Even if the kisses didn't happen, there were still many different paths this story could deviate--and there still is. Just a little spur of the moment thoughts from my plot theory.
Oh yeah, this is great btw!! Kinda sad there's only 3 chapters so far though.
aaaaaaaaaaaah foaliphilia at it's finest