Setting the Stage
In Ponyville, rain began pelting down.
Choco frowned as he looked out the window. Having a friend on the weather team meant that, despite his personal level of disorganization and also not particularly caring if it rained or not, he always knew the weather schedule, because Rainbow would always tell him, ad nauseam. It wasn't supposed to rain today. Outside, shrieking ponies were running for shelter, clearing the streets within moments.
He sighed deeply. Ponies were such foals sometimes. "I'm fairly sure you're not all made of sugar and afraid that you'll melt," he muttered. "What's wrong with a little rain?" On scheduled rain days, you'd see ponies strolling down the streets with umbrellas, or even enjoying the feel of rain on their coats, but let it be unscheduled and oh, it was the alpacalypse. Although -- he frowned, peering outside -- the sky was an unusual color. Almost like the sun was setting through the clouds, but it wasn't even midday yet.
Taking a deep breath, Choco left his shop, hanging the "CLOSED" sign on the door, and strolled out into the rain to see for himself if there was something about this rain that justified the total panic. As the drops pitter-pattered against his coat, he detected a distinct, familiar and delectable smell. Experimentally he tilted his head up, letting some rain fall in.
Chocolate milk. Chocolate milk was falling from the sky. From pink clouds.
Either he was dreaming or this was the Best Day Ever.
Buckets! Buckets, who would have buckets? Applejack! Choco raced at full speed to Sweet Apple Acres.
As he zoomed past, Rainbow Dash yelled down to him, "You trying to break my record there?"
"I'm going to Applejack's!"
"I'll meet you as soon as I get this weird storm under control!"
"Under control?" But she'd already flown off before he could protest. Choco redoubled his speed. If the weather team were working to get the chocolate storm under control, he needed as many buckets as he could get, as quickly as he could get them.
Applejack was inexplicably surrounded by popcorn. "Where ya goin', sugarcube?"
"This is an emergency! I need to borrow something from you!"
"Uh, well, go ahead, I guess! Hay, what are you--"
He lost the rest of her sentence as he skidded into the barn, identified three yokes' worth of bucket pairs already set up on yokes, and loaded them onto his back as fast as he could, then galloped back outside and crouched, setting the buckets down.
"Choco? What're ya doin'?"
He gave her a shocked look. "My dear appley friend, isn't it obvious? It's raining chocolate milk. How can I be expected to let that go to waste?"
"This weather's crazy!" Rainbow Dash yelled down, descending to the point where she no longer had to yell. "The clouds are made of cotton candy! And this kind of thing is happening all over Equestria! Cloudsdale's getting soaked with a major cola storm right now!"
"Is it raining up?" Choco asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, Cloudsdale is made of clouds, and clouds make rain, so wouldn't the rain have to shoot up from the clouds rather than falling down from them?" Choco asked, triumphant in his logic.
"Uh... that's not how it works," Rainbow said. "But don't worry! I'm staying right here until I get control of Ponyville!"
"You want to stop this?" Choco stared at her. "My friend, perhaps you are not comprehending the situation. This is chocolate milk. Chocolate milk!"
"Ahem," Rarity's voice came from behind them. Choco turned, to find Rarity under a large, elegant, gem-studded umbrella. "I heard about your troubles, Applejack, and I came to see if there's anything I can do without getting wet. Or dirty. Or out from under my umbrella."
"Troubles?" Choco asked.
Applejack sounded deeply irritated. "In case you ain't noticed, Choco, all my corncobs for market just exploded into popcorn all over the darned place, my apples just got so big my trees are falling over, and there are critters! Eatin' all my apples! Shoo!" She waved a hoof at the critters in contention, which were jumping up from the ground to grab hold of the monstrous apples.
"Well, the critters seem problematic, but other than that I'm not seeing a downside..."
"Fluttershy! Thank goodness you're here! Do something!" Applejack yelled.
Choco turned, his face lighting up at the sight of Fluttershy, who was trying to coax her demon bunny rabbit out of Applejack's tree. "Now, Angel, you really shouldn't--"
Before she could finish the sentence, Angel's legs suddenly elongated to the length of stilts, shaped like goat legs, cloven hooves and all. The startled bunny fell out of the tree, onto his new absurdly long legs, which he promptly used to run off... followed by what looked like every other rabbit who lived near Sweet Apple Acres, all in the same condition. "No! It's not possible! I must be seeing things!" Fluttershy whimpered.
For the first time Choco felt bad about what was going on. Candy in the sky, popcorn on the ground, chocolate raining from the heavens... he was sincerely trying to comprehend why his friends considered any of this to be a problem, and was failing. Sure, the popcorn would have to be gathered in buckets before it could be sold, but he'd be happy to buy it off Applejack and make popcorn treats out of it; popcorn kept well when you caramelized it. And huge apples? How was this an issue? But Fluttershy's distress got to him. It hadn't looked to him as if any of the rabbits were unhappy with their bizarre legs, but on the other hand, they were all running off, which might mean they were spooked, and just the fact that it was upsetting Fluttershy was bad. "No, I saw the same thing," he said to her reassuringly. "The rabbits really did all just grow stilt-length goat legs."
This somehow did not reassure her. She whimpered even more, covering her eyes with a wing, and leaving Choco puzzled and somewhat guilty. He'd meant to make her happy to know she wasn't hallucinating.
Twilight came over the crest of the hill, Spike trotting behind her and a glowing book in front of her. "Don't worry, everyone! I've learned a new spell that'll fix everything."
"Oh, must you?" Choco murmured, but quietly.
Twilight's horn lit up with greater intensity. Her brow furrowed in apparent concentration. Then she lowered her head, and a burst of pink light washed over everything, temporarily blinding Choco.
When it faded, the chocolate rain was still falling, the popcorn was still all over the place, and the apples were still huge.
Twilight looked stunned. "My fail-safe spell... failed! What do we do?"
"Uh, give up?" Spike suggested, causing Twilight to glare at him.
Rarity strolled up to them. "Spike, Twilight will come up with something." As she spoke she passed her umbrella to Twilight.
"I have an idea," Choco suggested.
"What?" Twilight asked eagerly.
He presented Spike with a popcorn string that he'd just soaked in the chocolate milk. "Spike, do you think you could heat this up to evaporate the milk and leave the popcorn coated in chocolate?"
Twilight sighed. "How about an idea that actually solves the problem?"
"And how is making the popcorn into chocolate coated candies not solving the problem?" Choco asked. "I could sell them for Applejack and probably the two of us could make far more than she'd have made selling the corn cobs!"
"Yeah, but what about the ponies that just want to eat the plain old corn, not a chocolate covered popcorn treat?" Applejack said.
"There are any?"
Twilight was lost in thought. "Hmm... that gives me an idea, though. Rainbow, can you corral all those clouds in one corner of the sky?"
Rainbow saluted, and proceeded to do just that. As she gathered the cotton candy clouds into a giant cotton candy cloud, Twilight said, "Applejack, I need you to bring those high-strung storm clouds down to Earth."
"No problem," Applejack said, and in short order, she had lassoed the cloud.
Choco sighed. "Ah, well, my buckets were full anyway."
Twilight whispered something to Fluttershy that he couldn't quite catch. Then Fluttershy said, in an obviously staged voice, "Oh dear. I hope none of the animals see these delicious chocolate-filled cotton candy clouds. I'd hate to have to share them." Predictably, the animals swarmed the cloud mass.
"You know, I could break that thing up into boxes and sell it," Choco muttered. "We don't have to feed it to the animals."
Fluttershy nodded. "But they'd really enjoy it. And it'll be easier for them to just eat it up than it would be for you to break it apart. It's really sticky, Rainbow says."
"And when y'all are done with that," Applejack called, "feel free to have some popcorn for dessert."
"Oh, come now, surely we can make some treats out of the popcorn?" Choco said desperately. "Don't you think it's a waste to feed all of it to the animals?"
"Better the popcorn than the apples," Applejack said.
"You see, Spike?" Twilight said, with a big smile. "You should never give up. There's nothing we can't overcome if we all work together."
Spike responded to this platitude by burping out a scroll.
Twilight grabbed it with her magic, unrolled it, and gasped. "Come on, everyone. Princess Celestia wants to see us all in Canterlot immediately!"
As the six of them raced in the door to the inner palace, Choco noticed something.
Celestia was pacing.
He knew that the other ponies viewed her as practically a goddess, that Twilight in particular thought she could do no wrong, that there was in fact a widespread belief that she was infallible and untouchable. He'd never been able to understand why. Was he the only one who looked at Celestia and saw a mare like any other mare? An intelligent and wise mare, to be sure, a kind and compassionate beauty who reminded him of Fluttershy in some ways, but a mare with feelings like any other mare, somepony who could feel grief or fear or heartbreak. And right now she was afraid.
"Princess Celestia, we came as fast as we could!" Twilight panted.
"Thank you, Twilight," Celestia said, her voice showing very little of the strain she felt. Though, how did he know she was feeling strain? Her eyes, he decided. Her face was almost an impassive mask, as usual, but there was fear in her eyes. "Thank you, all."
"Is this about the weather? And the animals' weird behavior?" Twilight babbled frantically. "What's happening out there? Why isn't my magic working? Is there–"
Celestia held up a hoof, silencing Twilight. "Follow me," she said.
They walked to the Great Hall, where the stained glass images of long-ago legends decorated the windows. "I've called you here for a matter of great importance," she said. "It seems an old foe of mine, someone I thought I had defeated long ago, has returned."
Choco saw Fluttershy creep over to one of the windows and look up at it fearfully. He moved toward her, instinctively trying to protect her from whatever was frightening her.
"Her name... is Eris, the Spirit of Discord."
Fluttershy shrieked and bolted, nearly knocking Choco over. Choco caught her. "It's all right," he whispered to her, and looked up at the picture that had frightened her. To be fair, the image was somewhat frightening.
A creature that looked rather like a dragon, but with the head of a mare, grinned goofily from the window. The creature's appearance didn't bother Choco; she was strikingly asymmetrical and strange, different colors and shapes for her limbs and wings and a cloud of poofy pink mane around a head graced by two different kinds of horns, but he'd always found asymmetry and unusual combinations to be intriguing. He might even have considered the creature attractive, considering that she had the head of a mare, if it weren't for the psychotic grin on her face.
"Eris is the mischievious spirit of disharmony," Celestia said, sounding... upset. Choco's eyes went wide. Celestia being upset was probably nothing unusual. Being so upset that she'd show it to her "little ponies?" That was alarming. "Before my sister and I stood up to her, she kept Equestria in an eternal state of unrest and unhappiness with her chaotic games." She gestured at a tableau showing a grinning Eris above a carousel, where an earth pony, a pegasus and a unicorn were posed in various positions as they would be in a normal carousel... except that they were wound in chains that held them in those positions, crying out in fear or pain, and Eris' claw was plainly spinning the carousel. "Luna and I saw how miserable life was for Earth ponies, Pegasi, and unicorns alike, so after discovering the Elements of Harmony, we combined our powers and rose up against her, turning her to stone!"
The final image chilled Choco, but not for the reason the others had. It showed Luna and Celestia, magic firing from their horns, and the manic creature from the other images stood in the center, still laughing crazily, but gray like a cockatrice victim, gray like a statue. Choco started breathing hard. It was his worst fear, the one he'd never told anypony but Fluttershy about.
He'd spent his childhood on the rock farm having screaming terrors of turning into one of the rocks, and finally fled when he'd gotten his cutie mark, as much because of the fear as because the lifestyle of parties and excitement he wanted was incompatible with rock farming. Years and years later, he'd almost gotten over it, and then he'd learned that Twilight had been turned to stone by a cockatrice, and Fluttershy had almost been, escaping it only by using her Stare on the creature and demanding that it turn its victims back to normal. The nightmares had returned full force, then. Twilight said that while it had been a terrifying experience to turn to stone, she remembered nothing about actually being stone, but that wasn't how Choco's nightmares went. In his nightmares, when he turned to stone, he was fully aware and paralyzed, trapped in darkness.
The psychologist he'd seen, once, for the nightmares had told him condescendingly that he probably suffered from sleep paralysis, and the imagery of turning to stone was how his brain interpreted being half awake but still unable to move from sleep, and had prescribed a potion, which hadn't done anything. Now, confronted with the image of Equestria's beloved princesses inflicting his personal nightmare on that creature, as crazed and cruel as she seemed... he felt almost betrayed, as if his image of the princesses was shattering. He knew Celestia was a mare like any other, but he'd always seen her as kind and gentle. How could she do that to anyone?
"All right, Princess!" Rainbow Dash cheered.
Choco swallowed back the words that had been forming in his throat. It was obvious, when he looked around at his friends, that they didn't share his opinion. And, well, should he be surprised? Celestia had banished her own dearly beloved sister to the moon; if Eris had been as cruel and dangerous as she was portrayed, maybe there had been no other choice? Maybe Celestia would have taken a different way had there been one, and had grieved that there was not?
"I thought the spell we cast would keep her contained forever, but since Luna and I are no longer connected to the Elements, the spell has been broken," Celestia said.
"No longer connected?" Twilight queried.
They came to an ornate door. "This is Canterlot Tower, where the Elements are kept inside since all of you recovered them. I need you to wield the Elements of Harmony once again and stop Eris before she thrusts all of Equestria into eternal chaos."
Choco gulped. Was this going to involve turning someone to stone? For making it rain chocolate milk? That seemed horribly unfair. He looked away from Celestia, from his friends -- and his eye was caught by a different image.
"But why us?" Twilight asked. "Why don't you-"
"Because we're obviously famous heroes," Choco interrupted. "Look, we have our very own window!"
The image showed the six of them using the Elements of Harmony to purge Luna of Nightmare Moon. "You six showed the full potential of the Elements by harnessing the magic of your friendship to beat a mighty foe," Celestia said, nodding at him. "Although Luna and I once wielded the Elements, it is you who now control their power, and it is you who must defeat Eris!"
Okay. Okay, he could do this. The Elements hadn't banished Nightmare Moon again when he and the others had wielded them; they'd purged Luna of her madness. Maybe they would free Eris of hers. From the crazed expression on her face, she was obviously not a sane whatever she was. Just as long as they didn't have to turn her to stone.
The six of them all looked at each other anxiously. Finally, Twilight said in a voice of determination, "Princess Celestia, you can count on us!"
"Although, I would like to point out that apparently eternal chaos comes with chocolate rain," Choco said. "There are upsides to this situation."
"Be serious for once, Choco?" Twilight pleaded. "Princess, we'd be honored to use the Elements of Harmony again."
Celestia inserted her horn into a small hole in the door and sent a pulse of magic through it. The door slid open, revealing a bejeweled box.
Ooh," Rarity sighed. "You can keep the Elements. I'll take that case!"
"Have no fear, ponies," Celestia said. "I have total confidence that you will be able to defeat Eris with these!"
She levitated the box over to them and opened it. There was nothing inside.
The mares in the group all gasped. Even Celestia gaped in shock at the empty box. Choco found himself unsurprised, somehow. If the Elements were Eris' only weakness, she'd be foolish not to grab them and hide them before showing her hoof by transforming the landscape.
He shrugged. "Oh, well. May as well make the best of the situation, after all! I'm going to go find some more buckets." He started to stroll off, before being yanked back by Applejack.
"Be serious here, Choco!" she stage-whispered. "This is bad!"
"The Elements! They're gone!" Twilight stammered, winning the Stating the Obvious award, but then, she was obviously reeling in shock.
Celestia paced frantically. "That chamber is protected by a powerful spell that only I can break! This doesn't make sense!"
The sound of a hysterical feminine giggle filled the air. "Make sense? Oh, like it's any fun to make sense! Everypony knows that nonsense is what's fun!"
Celestia stood her ground like she expected an attack. "Eris! Show yourself!"
Eris giggled again. "Miss me, Celly Belly?" The image of her spinning the carousel animated and began talking in an echoing voice. "Oh, wait, you didn't! You and Loony hit me straight on, that's right! You know, it's super boring being stuck in a stone statue!" She jumped and landed in the image of the six of them restoring Nightmare Moon to Luna, displacing the Nightmare Moon image. "And sad. And lonely! But you wouldn't know that 'cause I never turned you into stone. Or anypony! Because being stone is no fun at all." For a moment her voice became darkly serious.
"Enough!" Celestia shouted. "What have you done with the Elements of Harmony?"
Eris giggled again. "Oh, I just borrowed them for a eensy teensy little while. Oh, wait, whoops, I forgot!" She snapped her talon, and in the empty box, a library card appeared, the kind Twilight kept on file when a patron checked out a book. "You need to check out what you borrow, isn't that right, Twilight? Silly me, the things you forget when you spend umpteen zillion years being a statue!"
"You'll never get away with this, Eris!" Celestia said, almost snarling. Choco stared at her in wonder. There had to be more going on here than just popcorn and chocolate rain for Celestia to be this upset.
Eris was now sitting on a pedestal in the picture, or rather, lying draped over it. "Blah blah blah hero speech. Boring! I used to think you were fun, Celly, but you're being a real party pooper right now."
"Hey! Nopony insults the Princess!" Rainbow Dash shouted, and flew at the window. Eris vanished, and Rainbow smacked into the window, hard. She fell down, dizzy, but recovered quickly.
"Dashie!" Eris yelled cheerfully, her face suddenly taking up most of the window. "Oh my gosh I've been waiting so long to meet you!"
Rainbow scowled at the window. "How do you know me?"
"'Cause you're super famous! Everypony talks about you! You're the Element of Loyalty, right? You'd do anything for your friends, or the Princess."
"That's right!" Rainbow said. "I'll always be loyal to the Princess! And my friends!"
Eris just giggled again. "It's so funny when you say that!"
"I can't believe we're wasting our time talking to a tacky window," Rarity complained.
"Oh, and Rarity! You are so super fabulous." Eris vanished and reappeared in the window where she'd been a statue, wearing what looked like a parody of Rarity's designs, a dress so overloaded with frills and gems that it almost hurt to look at it. "The Element of Generosity! Always willing to drop everything and help a friend!"
"So you know who we are, big deal," Applejack said.
"Yuppers! I know all about you." Eris smirked. "Not like it's hard to find out all about you, Applejack! You're the Element of Honesty! You've got no secrets, right?"
"You seem to know our strengths too," Twilight said.
"Like I said. I know all about you. All of you." For a moment that dark, serious note came into her voice again. Then she laughed. "You're Twilight Sparkle, the element of magic, Princess Celestia's faithful student and Ponyville's biggest bookworm! Fluttershy, you're the Element of Kindness, and Choco... oh, Choco..." Her voice sent chills up his spine. It was teasing, but the dark undercurrent was back. "Your Element is totally the best. Laughter! 'Cause what's better than a good joke?"
She then proceeded to dance a can-can on top of the image of Twilight's head. Despite the seriousness of the situation, despite the fear he'd begun to feel when she'd said his name, Choco couldn't help snorting with laughter at the ridiculousness of it.
"Choco, come on," Twilight pleaded.
"But look, Twilight, she's dancing on your head!"
"Stop stalling, Eris! What have you done with the Elements of Harmony?"
"I ate 'em! They were super yummy! Tasted like cupcakes!" Eris said, and started giggling again, bouncing between different images.
"You couldn't have," Celestia said, aghast.
"No fooling you, Celly! You're right, I couldn't, cause I couldn't find any frosting to put on them! What kind of a town is this where nopony can make good frosting?" She bounced to another window, and another, and another, laughing the whole time. "No, but seriously! Just think of the most twisty idea you can think, and that'll be how you find them!"
And then she vanished, although the sound of her giggles lingered in the air.
"Can we go home now?" Fluttershy whimpered.
"What do you reckon she meant?" Applejack asked. "The most twisty idea we can think? What the heck is that supposed to mean?"
"Twisty idea... twists... that's it!" Twilight pointed her hoof at the gardens below. "I'll bet Eris hid the Elements in the palace labyrinth! What else would be a 'twisty idea'?"
Choco frowned. "That doesn't sound right..."
"It's the best we've got," Rainbow said. "I say let's do it!"
"Good luck, my little ponies. The fate of Equestria is in your hooves," Celestia said, bowing to them.
"Thanks, Princess," Twilight said. "We won't let you down."
Choco followed his friends as they all raced out the door, toward the gardens, but his mind was racing in the opposite direction. A labyrinth wasn't a twisty idea, it was a twisty thing. What could possibly be the most twisty idea one could think about where the Elements would be?
He sighed. It didn't really matter, of course. Twilight was the acknowledged leader of the group. Possibly because he spent so little time actually being serious, nopony ever really took Choco's ideas seriously. Unless he could come up with a better suggestion, they'd have to follow Twilight's plan.
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yay my cover image!
YES!!! I freaking LOVE Coco and Eris! So, will you go to 'King' now?
I think you meant eris
As prophesied by the Llama Lamas?
In any case, it's fascinating to see the differences caused by the role reversal. Eris favoring subtler, simpler riddles over Discord's couplets is especially interesting. I'm not sure why, but it is. Definitely looking forward to seeing how she handles the labyrinth, especially the Choco Pie version of the balloon party.
This is going to be interesting. Good story. Count me as a follower of this story. I loved how Pinkie is still being Pinkie. Great job with have Choco having a crush on Fluttershy. I thought that was a nice touch.
The most twisty idea? Hm...
Mayhap the Elements are hidden on their very bearers. It would certainly be a twist to have them search for something they had on them the whole time.
Anyways, count me intrigued.
4894056
Argh. This is what I get for cut and paste at 4 am. I'll fix it.
4894220
Goddamnit. When I wrote that I fully intended to credit you in the author's note, but by the time I posted, it was late and I'd forgotten I did it.
"Eris" is going to handle several of the labyrinth episodes very differently. So yes, it will be interesting. :-)
SO excited to see this continue, this was one of the stories I was really looking forward to reading more :D and the plot thickens! I wonder how Discord got himself mixed up in this and if they'll be able to find a happy ending through what is probably going to be a very twisted maze... and I'm not talking about the one in the garden XD
This is awesome, the subtle differences between Discord and Pinkie, in both directions, are fascinating. I also like in general how you seem to be going back to your earlier incomplete fics and systematically updating them, it is so great to see an author doing that.
I think.... I think I may have figured out the twist in this....
Mwa-hahahaha.... I can't WAIT!!!
MORE! MORE I SAY! MORE!
But wait a second, Choco is afraid of turning into rock. He used to make jokes at others expense until he met fluttershy. And he is Light Brown and dark brown coat colors. THIS MEANS DISCORD CHANNELED ALL OF HIS ENERGY INTO PINKIE TURNED INTO A PONIE AND MADE PINKIE BE THE DRAQUONIQUOS AND THEN HE TOOK THE PLACE PINKIE WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep, nailed the explanation.
4962829 Why would he do that? And further more, when? If it was before season 3; how would he do it while in stone? And if it is after season 3; why give up your powers and go back in time to be Pinkie? Mabye the twist is that this is all a big old dream. Or mabye there is no twist, and this is simply a AU.
4967529 Or! He realized when he was turning back to stone that he would never get to spread chaos, and ABSORBED laughter, and shot all his magic to pinkie, wich is why he is an earth pony! But when he absorbed it, it replayed all the events in equestria! Just pinkie's and discord's roles SWITCHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is an awesome concept!
I must have more!
Will add my hat to the pile of Hats of fans of this fic. You also get a very special set of kudos for being the first author of the year to make me break into a spontaneous song of fondness
This needs to be continued. It just does.