Signs and Wonders
Princess Celestia trotted through the corridors of her castle. Not the marble halls of the Chronicle of Equestria. Not the vaulted ceilings and infinite towers of the Royal Chambers. Not even the dusty, quiet Bibliotheca of Starswirl. The corridors she walked through were dank, dark, dreary, and altogether unfriendly.
She passed an arrow carved into the wall, the word “dungeon” scrawled across it in a nearly-obsolete language. It pointed down a flight of stairs that were all but covered in cobwebs and dust. She passed this sign with nary a glance and left the stairs undisturbed.
A sign of a different sort greeted her at the end of the hallway, super-glued to a thick oak doorway. Written in a flowery script that defied readability, it read: “Keep out! Brooding in progress. No admittance. This means you, Celestia!”
She squinted at a thin line of fine print near the bottom. “Please bring cake.”
She sighed and pressed past the door. She nearly tripped over a ceiling lamp. Her hooves preformed a dance of skill and desperation as she righted herself. She looked up and took notice of a big, comfy couch hanging from the floor above. Sitting in that particular sofa was none other than Discord, Creature of Chaos and Lord of Lunacy.
And Prince of Pugnacity, he’d like to remind you all.
He lounged, his body taking up the entire couch and then some. He leafed through a book, though he barely gave the pages the time required for reading comprehension. His eyes looked up (down?) and gave Celestia a once-over. “Where’re the baked goods?”
Celestia produced a cake from behind her wings and held it up (down?) to him. “Boston cream, just how you like it.”
He sniffed, only then deciding to come down (up?). “Ah, Boston. It’s a magical place. Have you ever been there?”
Celestia took a step back as he produced a jagged knife. She let loose a little sigh as he used it to dice the dessert. “I can’t say that I have.”
“Never been to Boston in the fall?” he asked. He placed a paw over his chest and rocketed his eyebrows up (down?) to the roof (floor?). “Agog! Aghast! You should treat yourself one of these days.”
He placed a king-sized slice in his mouth and chewed noisily. Celestia pursed her lips and turned her head in a slow arc to take in the jumbled, upside-down room. “I have to admit, I didn’t expect you to actually be brooding in here.”
“Exactamundo!” Crumbs sprayed as he spoke. “It was the last thing you expected, ergo…” He chuckled. “Ergo sum.”
Celestia’s lip twitched. “Ergo some kind of explanation would be nice.”
Discord cut another slice of cake, then lifted the remainder of the pastry and tossed it into his gullet. It made a strange “ptang” sound as it hit bottom. “So the other horseshoe drops.”
“Uh huh,” Celestia said. “Just what exactly were you doing last night, Discord?”
Discord’s fang held a tight grip on his lower lip as the rest of his face smiled. “Helping out a friend or two. Why?”
“Ponies have told me about the spell you were going to cast.” Celestia raised an eyebrow.
“The spell that Twilight was going to cast.” Discord’s donkey-ish ears drooped as he booped the princess on the nose. “I was just the amp.”
She brushed his talon away. “What were you hoping to accomplish?”
“Truthfully?” Discord asked. “You want the whole, honest, sordid truth, eh?”
At Celestia’s nod, Discord snickered. “Well, if the spell failed, it had the potential to generate untold amounts of blissful, exquisite chaos.”
He held up a finger as her mouth opened. “But,” he said, “but, but, but, but, but. If the spell had succeeded…”
Discord crossed his arms and hovered in the air, the final piece of cake floating beside him. “If it had succeeded, Twilight would have been grateful. Blueblood would have been grateful. To me.”
He turned to the slice and smiled. “Tell me, Crème de la Boston, aside from Fluttershy, how many ponies are there who truly consider me a friend?”
The cake split in half and flapped as if it was a sugary, frosted mouth. “Only yah undertaker knows fah showah!”
Discord slipped his arm around Celestia’s shoulders. “I’m trying out this little ‘friendship’ racket you’ve got going here in Equestria. I really am. I know friends help each other, and I tried to do just that with the resources I had available.” His cheek pressed against hers. “Is it so wrong that I just want a little bit of the buddy-wuddy kinda stuff?”
She vanished in a sparkle of magic and reappeared a few meters away, the hairs on her neck standing on edge. “Fine. I’ll admit I’m more worried about my former student than whatever trickery you were performing.”
“Twilight Snarkle?” he asked. “Give her a week. She’ll be trotting back to Canterlot with explosions going off in the background, the limp form of the Nightmares' leader dangling in her magic grasp.”
“Perhaps. Perhaps I should have some faith in her.” Celestia closed her eyes. “Just… try not to use any spells that could blow up the castle in the near future.”
She turned to leave, but was stayed by the sound of the draconequus’ voice. “Do you wonder, Celestia?”
She turned, and froze solid at the sight before her. Discord stood, unmoving, not a meter away. His face was, for all intents and purposes, dead serious. “Do you ever stop and wonder about what’s holding me back? What’s stopping me from tearing a hole in the universe? What’s keeping me from twisting Canterlot into a giant fruit loop and finding how many licks it takes to get to the chewy center? Do you wonder, Celestia?”
Celestia’s breath became shallow as her wings spread ever-so-slightly.
Discord grinned. “Who am I kidding? Of course you do. Me, too. It’s a question that shall baffle philosophers for eons to come.” His eyes fell as his wings dipped. “But that might be because of how dosh-garned simple the answer is.”
His paw and his talon rubbed together. “So, when you figure out the answer, will you share it with me?”
Celestia sputtered. She shut her mouth with visible strain and gave Discord a curt nod. She turned to march out the door, and slowly closed it behind her.
Discord stuffed Crème de la Boston between his cheeks and chewed. He snapped his talon, causing his couch to tumble to the floor (ceiling?). Another snap caused the seat to morph itself upright with an audible “chook-chack-chick.” He sat, then lay, then sprawled on its green cushions. He set his book down and flipped the next page over.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Sometimes you can feel like what you have to offer is too little to make a difference…
His eyes trailed over the words on the page once, twice, thrice. He watched as the floor and the ceiling righted themselves, and his four walls became right angles once more. He pinched the bridge of his nose.
One eye opened to read the page again.
Moisture trailed down his cheek that had nothing to do with cotton candy clouds.
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Huh. And here I was wondering if Discord had known what was going on and just didn't do anything to stop it on account of being up to his old tricks. Guess I misjudged the guy.
3929460
In your defense, he's both a hard read and a little bit evil on his best days.
Things are amiss in the world of Discord, it would seem.
5052667
If there's one thing this story has in spades, it's escalation!
I think it's a combination of utter ridiculousness and the fact that he's a total hottie.
Don't forget the PINK.
*Tips hat, tips waiter, tips over*
It's one of my favorite scenes. I think Rarity and Twilight leaving their partners in the dust needs to be a running gag in my stories.
But is the tapestry unraveling?
An incident of the noodle variety.
Even when facing the nightmare apocalypse, you still manage to catch something that eluded me for a year. Hats off to you, and thanks!
Exactly.
Oops. That's not an error you want in one of the key moments of your story. Thanks for finding it and letting me know!
I was actually trying to say something like "Flashed into a facsimile of existence and then faded away," but got my words in a jumble. That's fixed, too!
That is a stinking awesome picture of Celestia, I might add.
Maybe, but who would be able to tell?
From Discord. You sure you're not going senile in your old age?
I really remember why I love Discord in moments like this, when he goes from a humorous troll, to dead serious, reminding those around him that his power is nothing to laugh at. Discord is SCARY when he's serious, if only due to how uncharacteristic and rare it is.
3951875
And impossible to predict.
5573207
Thank you for that. I can't tell you how many revisions that went through and I still missed it.
I beat you to it.
Relations with Equestria's neighbors can only be improved by letting one rip during meetings.
He's astonishingly underused, considering how much the authors around here like a good redemption story.
This is the story where Luna became my second favorite pony to write.
I noticed that as I rewatched the premier, all of his little spells were basically puns and bad jokes. Sneezes that knock houses down? Dancing buffalo ballerinas? Chocolate rain? Dohohohohoho!
The only thing better than Discord being a troll is to have somepony who's easy to troll.
Laypony nothing. When I think about how he must look in real life, I get this cold slither down my spine... To say nothing for the fan art i've accidentally stumbled across.
I get the feeling that his primary motivation is humor. He just happens to find chaos very funny. There's also the sense of a child not getting his way, with the "directly corrupting Fluttershy" scene. He's dangerous, but would be moreso if his lack of maturity didn't get in the way.
You know, I really do keep forgetting that this is pants-on-head, bat-poo crazy. Go figure.
Don't scare me like that!
Thank you. I love scenes where you get character interactions you never see anywhere else. I think Blueblood and Spike go well together. A regular pair of bros.
Even then, you have to squint.
But with lots of confetti!
Nightmares are too cool to wear black all the time. If you see Lyra whipping out sunglasses, though, watch out!
I maybe had too much fun designing them. Just a little. In writing, if you wanna spark people's imaginations, you gotta be imaginative.
Shadowfright may be the best villain I've ever written. He's got, like, all the good adjectives. Just wait'll you see his endgame.
It is, though! It means "dimly illuminated by twilight." You use it the same way you'd use "light" and "lit."
I wish! I didn't do "Dark of the Night," but the Nightmares get a very nice villain song at the start of the fourth quarter of the story.
You don't necessarily have to go too dark. You could go with temporary paralysis or a splitting, incapacitating headache if you wanted.
Not senile. Desperate.
I hope you enjoy where it goes in this story.
Muhuahahahahaha!