The writers who read it for the Plot, face off in several 'Plot heavy' stories about the oft neglected characters of Luna and Gilda Vote In the Description
Ok, in the first is ... this. All my points still stand, author. It's WAY too detailed for what this should be. It opens with ... half of it being some unnecessary back story and a little Luna-clop before we even meet up with Gilda. Who is way out of character. Sorry, she is. And she's described wrong anyway so might as well call her Henrietta instead. So we have Luna - yearning for, er, ages past I guess? - and some uncharacteristic Gilda-turned-prostitute going to a dingy hotel to get dirty.
It keeps things pretty anatomically correct in the actual sex scene. I think. I stopped reading some times because damn you are wordy. One time I was scratching my head when Luna shoved her ass on Gilda's beak. Wouldn't that hurt? Other than that, I think I followed it. So ... many ... words.
So my assessment still stands. Trim this. It's way too much STUFF, way too much description for this kinda thing.
So far this is my favourite, I enjoyed this approach to Luna, out of touch, getting back, I've always preferred this approach. As for the descriptions, I would only trim a few, as I enjoyed the descriptions quite a lot. Mainly a taste matter, I suppose~ I would definitely not part with the opening, which makes this feel just a little bit more believable, which always a nice thing.
Ok, in the first is ... this. All my points still stand, author. It's WAY too detailed for what this should be. It opens with ... half of it being some unnecessary back story and a little Luna-clop before we even meet up with Gilda. Who is way out of character. Sorry, she is. And she's described wrong anyway so might as well call her Henrietta instead. So we have Luna - yearning for, er, ages past I guess? - and some uncharacteristic Gilda-turned-prostitute going to a dingy hotel to get dirty.
It keeps things pretty anatomically correct in the actual sex scene. I think. I stopped reading some times because damn you are wordy. One time I was scratching my head when Luna shoved her ass on Gilda's beak. Wouldn't that hurt? Other than that, I think I followed it. So ... many ... words.
So my assessment still stands. Trim this. It's way too much STUFF, way too much description for this kinda thing.
3214041 Well Gilda has a fetish for plot...
Also
It's poetic, I'll give you that. A bit too wordy for what I feel we are going for here. Still, I wish I could weave as you do.
So far this is my favourite, I enjoyed this approach to Luna, out of touch, getting back, I've always preferred this approach.
As for the descriptions, I would only trim a few, as I enjoyed the descriptions quite a lot. Mainly a taste matter, I suppose~ I would definitely not part with the opening, which makes this feel just a little bit more believable, which always a nice thing.