Plotpony
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Wait. Luna is neglected? But I fucking love Luna.
I've only read this one. I'll probably vote for it, cause it has farting in it, and that's my bag.
Well fuck.
On the one hand, we've got Wordy McWorderson up there who can't shut the fuck up and decides to write a fucking novella about pony butts - too much description, man. Get a freaking editor in there and trim that shit like it's a Vietnamese hooker's vag. Oh, and while it's good you stuck to the clit, you need to study how your characters fucking look - seriously. Gilda doesn't have a white underbelly. GET WITH IT MAN.
On the other hand, we've got what I assume to be four trolls fics I won't even bother talking about and some touching on fetishes I don't really share. And frankly, I can't tell them apart. Is that a fetish? Is it ... just bad? I can't tell! Wooo!The last one ... that's probably my vote. I mean seriously. Good characterization, description of what's happening without going overboard, it gets right into the action instead of whatever the hell the first one was on about and it's not trying to wedge Gilda and Luna together in the same room - and it DEFINITELY isn't ... whatever the other four are
(still can't tell if trollfic or bad). Hell, even got Luna's really bad Old English down part. Though it needs a bit of a work over, it's still the best of the lot.EDIT: I wanted to do an in-depth look at each story but ... I can't. I just can't do it.EDIT2: Ok, I'll do it - it'll take me a bit though.
EDIT3: Ok, I said what I needed to say here. Sorry to all the other authors for suggesting they were trollfics, I don't honestly know what the hell I was thinking. I wasn't in the right mindset for commenting I guess - I should watch what I say or my mouth will taste like feet for days. Again, I apologize.
Ok, in the first is ... this. All my points still stand, author. It's WAY too detailed for what this should be. It opens with ... half of it being some unnecessary back story and a little Luna-clop before we even meet up with Gilda. Who is way out of character. Sorry, she is. And she's described wrong anyway so might as well call her Henrietta instead. So we have Luna - yearning for, er, ages past I guess? - and some uncharacteristic Gilda-turned-prostitute going to a dingy hotel to get dirty.
It keeps things pretty anatomically correct in the actual sex scene. I think. I stopped reading some times because damn you are wordy. One time I was scratching my head when Luna shoved her ass on Gilda's beak. Wouldn't that hurt? Other than that, I think I followed it. So ... many ... words.
So my assessment still stands. Trim this. It's way too much STUFF, way too much description for this kinda thing.
For what it is, it's ok I guess? It really does a better job then number 1 of focusing on the actual butt of the plot. No back story, no fancy flowering crap (lol) - just ass. I can dig it. It delves into a fetish I don't share but I think it's good? It's focused on that aspect. Some word usage issues and I had a bit of a hard time following when a butt of really pressed into one of them or when it was just above them. Also, you use 'she' in some areas where it's not exactly clear which she is which - oh it was that 'her.' Who has a magical suppressor on? I'm confused.
It's focused on both the action and the fetish it wanted to explore. It's a bit hard to follow in some places and it seems to sometimes forget what just happened in lieu of just more fetish.
I apologize for suggesting it was a trollfic of bad, that was unkind of me. Please ignore that.
Alright, alright ... so flashbacks? I guess ... whatever. Some comma and capitalization errors which are a bit endemic throughout. How is she laying in the initial scene? A little more description would be nicer. Not like McWordyson but just a scooch. The OTHER flashbacks were developed nicely enough but seemed a bit out of place. That's where the focus of the piece is, the flashbacks. Again, they were developed nicely but I feel we should have had more 'oomph' in the main story then we got. As it stands, the 'main' story seems more like an excuse to string some flashback scenes together. And the parts with Pinkie make me feel like you're just taking the piss mate. I know she's random and all that but that isn't a blanket excuse to just write whatever.
Then that ending.
Ok, I like humor as much as the next guy but this was a bit too 'lawl random' for me. Maybe you were planning a threesome and ran out of time? I'm thinking that might be it. A bit more focus on a singular story thread instead of the flashbacks and maybe try to use Pinkie differently. Oh, and take more time - I think you ran out at the end.
Sorry I implied it might be a trollfic. It really kinda looks that way at first glance to me but now I realize you just ran out of time.
THIS was good. It was tight, it was focused, it wasn't too wordy, it wasn't over wrought ... why'd I think this was anything but?! I'm a moron, that's why!
I have nothing to say. It was good. I prefer unclothed but that's just me. There really wasn't anything specific I could point out as 'bad.' It wasn't necessarily 'clop' material but if this is what you like, I can totally see someone getting into this. If I hadn't already voted, this would be a VERY close second place in my books.
Ok, well ... it starts off well enough. A few confusing word choices ('bedewed' and 'sneaked'[ yes, I know it's proper but I wasn't striked, I was struck ...]) but nothing really in the bad. You change narrative voice at least once (from you to I) but that might be intended. The action is fast and pretty focused and Gilda is more in-character here then most others featuring her. The guard probably should be labeled a rookie somewhere in the story - he's acting like it - but it may be you're purposefully making the Royal Guards nitwits. Either way, I guess.
Not bad at all. Focused, enough description to suit the purpose and in doesn't meander.
Sorry about suggesting this was a trollfic. It's pretty obvious it's not, I'm just stupid.
3214041 Well Gilda has a fetish for plot...
Also
It's poetic, I'll give you that. A bit too wordy for what I feel we are going for here. Still, I wish I could weave as you do.
Okay, I am sorry, but no. no no no.
Umm... okay, what happened at the end there? And I am not making a pun. I mean Pinkie's behavior kinda made sense and the flashbacks were okay, then I don't know.
Excellent. It flowed well. I am big fan of the whole clothes thing. I was worried you wouldn't describe her outfit for a while, but then it was there.
So far this is my favourite, I enjoyed this approach to Luna, out of touch, getting back, I've always preferred this approach.
As for the descriptions, I would only trim a few, as I enjoyed the descriptions quite a lot. Mainly a taste matter, I suppose~ I would definitely not part with the opening, which makes this feel just a little bit more believable, which always a nice thing.
i vote this
31.media.tumblr.com/34d7290cdc628df0c03cbcabad210161/tumblr_inline_mzmuzndcaC1qi4qb3.gif
80 likes, or 10 dislikes... Eehhh... I'll go with 80 likes.
I liked the first one, I stopped at the second one. I'd very much like to be informed about WHAT fetish you're gonna focus on in the damn story. I'm fine with ass play but then suddenly it becomes a fart show, and I dont like this fetish. A warning would've been great.