Fourteen Years Later
"Now you're sure you'll be alright, Sweetie Belle? I'm not entirely certain this is a good idea."
Sweetie Belle smiled at her sister and patted her shoulder. "Rarity, it's going to be fine. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom will be there with me. It's just a little birthday celebration with them. It's not like we're going to go wild."
A slight frown crossed Rarity's face. "I know. Call me the overprotective sister if you must, but I don't like the idea of you going out to a bar for drinks, especially if you're staying as late as you planned."
Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. "Come on, Rarity, it's not like any of us are going to let anything happen to anypony else. It's going to be fine." Sweetie Belle smiled at Rarity and put a hoof on her shoulder. "I appreciate that you're being the protective older sister here, but it's going to be okay. We're just going to have a few drinks, catch a movie, then go back to one of our houses. We're thinking Scootaloo's apartment."
"Well you're more then welcome to come back here once you have ended the festivities for the night," Rarity said. "I could make you some snacks or something."
Sweetie Belle shrugged. "Maybe. We'll see how we feel afterwards."
A knock on the door interrupted Rarity's next thought. Sweetie Belle grinned, rushed over to the door and threw it open. "Hey, girls!" she said to Apple Bloom and Scootaloo. "Ready to party?"
"You know it!" Scootaloo said, throwing a foreleg around Sweetie Belle for a hug. "Remember, though: you're the birthday mare. We're not letting you buy anything."
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. "Come on, Scoots, you were insistin' that you pay fer our dinners on your birthday."
"Yeah, and you stopped me. I saw the error of my ways. Besides... oh, hey, Rarity."
Rarity stopped alongside Sweetie Belle and waved to the other two Crusaders. "Good evening, you two. I trust you will keep my sister safe tonight."
"Oh yeah, don't worry about a thing," Scootaloo said, waving a hoof at Rarity. "We'll make sure nothing bad happens to her. We'll watch her like a hawk."
"And since she ain't allowed to bring her bit bag, we're gonna make sure she doesn't have too many drinks."
"Well if you say so." Rarity put her hoof on Sweetie Belle's shoulder. "Just be careful, alright? I know I'm being a silly mare, but I just want to know that you're safe."
Sweetie Belle pulled Rarity in for a hug and nuzzled her neck. "Of course I'll be safe, Rarity. I have Scoots and Apple Bloom with me. Like I said: we're just going out for a few drinks and a movie or something. No problems. We'll be perfectly safe."
"If you say so." Rarity broke off the hug and smiled lovingly at her sister. "I suppose I'm still getting used to the fact that you're a mare now. Perhaps I'm too much like Mother, but I remember when I held you the day you were born. To see you now..."
"I understand, Rarity," Sweetie Belle said, nuzzling her sister again. "But we'll be fine. I'm not gonna get wasted, or anything. We're probably not going to be out past midnight."
"Yeah, because once we hit midnight your birthday is over and you'll have to start paying for your own drinks and movie tickets," Scootaloo pointed out.
Sweetie Belle smirked and rolled her eyes. "If that's the way it's going to be, I'm going to milk your bit bags for all they're worth."
"Well then we best get goin'," Apple Bloom pointed out. "Movie theater closes at eleven, so we gotta have a little fun before then!"
"Very well, girls. Go have your fun. Just don't..." Rarity chuckled and shook her head. "You're a mare now. I won't play mother here."
"Don't worry, Rarity, we'll be fine," Scootaloo said. "On that note..." Scootaloo threw the door open and stepped aside to let Sweetie Belle go past her. "Time to hit the road!"
The Cutie Mark Crusaders all cheered and filed out of Rarity's house, rushing down the road in the direction of the nearest bar. Rarity stood in the doorway, watching them go until they disappeared. She sighed and shook her head. They'd be fine. She just had to keep telling herself that.
Closing the door, Rarity trotted over to her workroom and sat down at her sewing machine. Sweetie Belle's absence meant that she had a little peace and quiet to catch up on her orders. A couple of foal blankets, a comforter, a simple, yet elegant dress for a formal function, the usual. Rarity looked at the half finished orders before deciding on the comforter. It would be the easiest to finish quickly.
Just as Rarity began work, the pleasant tune of her doorbell rang through the house. She turned off her sewing machine and walked over to her door. She opened it and smiled when she saw Twilight on the other side.
"Good evening, Twilight." She stepped aside so her friend could come in. "How are you this evening?"
"Oh, I'm doing great, Rarity," Twilight responded. "I'm just popping by to see if you wanted to do anything tonight. The rest of the girls are getting together in an hour or so, so I wanted to see if you'd like to join."
Rarity smiled wistfully. "I wish I could, but I have a few orders that I need to take care of. I'll see what I can get done, then maybe we could grab lunch tomorrow?"
"Sounds good," Twilight said. "Nothing too strenuous, I hope?"
Rarity shook her head. "Oh no, nothing complex at all, but I'd be a poor seamstress if I didn't finish my orders on time. I can still spare a few minutes to talk, if you'd like. Can I get you anything? A drink? Something to snack on?"
"Well we're all going out to dinner, but if you're offering a drink, I'll take you up on that."
"Excellent." Rarity and Twilight went to the kitchen, where Rarity poured Twilight a glass of lemonade from her fridge. She poured one for herself, then sat down at the table opposite Twilight.
"So, how are your studies? Princess Celestia isn't working you too hard, is she?"
Twilight scoffed and waved her hoof. "Not at all. I have a few projects that I'm working on for her right now, but they're enjoyably challenging. It's not too difficult to balance those with maintaining the library."
"Good to hear you have everything under control, then," Rarity said. "I'd hate for you to overwork yourself like poor Applejack did that one time."
"No, not at all. Things are staying fairly simple. Are things going well with you, Rarity? I see that Sweetie Belle is out for the night."
Rarity gave Twilight a small smile and took a sip of her lemonade before responding. "Yes, she just turned twenty-one today. As she is now of legal drinking age, her friends took her out for a night on the town." She sighed and leaned back in her chair. "I know it's just Ponyville, and her friends are with her, but I can't shake the feeling that something will happen."
"They're just going out for a few drinks, right?"
Rarity nodded. "Yes, and then to a movie afterward. Probably some kind of food as well. I don't know, Twilight, it's just... maybe I can't wrap my mind around the fact that my sister is a mare now. I still remember holding her the night she was born." A wry smile crossed Rarity's face. "And not just because it was followed up with being hoofcuffed in the back of a wagon. She's always meant more to me than anything I've ever known. Now she's going to be all grown up and..." Rarity shook her head. "I know I'm being silly. If I'm like this with her, I can't imagine how I'll be if I ever have foals."
"It's not silly, Rarity," Twilight insisted. "Sweetie Belle was the best thing that happened to you when your life was bad. From what you've told me, she was the bright spot in the darkness."
"She was at that." Rarity sighed and looked out the nearby window. "She got to live the life that I never could. She got to have the foalhood that I never did. She had friends growing up. She didn't ever have walls. I suppose what I'm most worried about tonight is that she'll lose some of the innocence she still carries, and that it will affect her life in a negative way. I know she's just going out for a few drinks, but anything can happen."
Twilight gave Rarity a comforting smile and patted Rarity's hoof. "I know it's worrying, watching your sister become an adult, but trust her that she's going to make the right decisions. Even if something did go wrong, you're here to help her through anything. I don't think anything between the two of you is going to change just because you have to face that she's grown up. She'll have her own life, maybe even move out of here someday, but you two are still sisters, and nothing is ever going to change that."
Rarity smiled back and shook her head. "You are, of course, correct, Twilight. I know she has Scootaloo and Apple Bloom with her, so she can't get into too much trouble. She's growing up, but I'd hate for something to happen that made her grow up faster than she needs to. She's an adult now, but that does not mean that she's ready for everything."
"Of course not, but I think she's smart enough to know all of that," Twilight pointed out. "I'm sure that when she gets back, she'll tell you all about the fun time she had with her friends." Twilight chuckled and shook her head. "Then you can get ready for the Pinkie party."
"Yes, I'm almost surprised that Pinkie hasn't thrown her one already, but I think she knows that Sweetie Belle wanted a night with her friends for her birthday. Having said that, I think Pinkie might have snuck a line into the town charter about how every birthday must be celebrated with a party."
"It wouldn't surprise me," Twilight agreed. "Though on that note..." Twilight drained the last of her lemonade, then stood up. "I think it's time for me to head out. You have a good night with your orders, and I'll see you tomorrow."
"That sounds lovely, Twilight," Rarity said, following her to the door. "Thank you for your words about Sweetie Belle. I think I needed to hear that from a third party."
"No problem at all, Rarity." Twilight threw her foreleg around Rarity for a hug. "Let me know if you need anything else, and I'll see you tomorrow."
Twilight broke away from the hug and walked out the door. Rarity watched her go for a few moments, then shut the door and went back to her workroom. Twilight was right. Sweetie Belle would be fine.
* * * *
Rarity jolted awake when she heard her front door open. She lifted up her sleep mask and yawned. Sweetie Belle must be home. She glanced back over to her alarm clock, and her eyes widened. The clock read five-thirty. She tossed her sleep mask aside and rushed down the stairs. She saw the light on in the kitchen and heard the fridge door close.
"Sweetie Belle, are you al--"
Rarity stopped in her tracks when she saw her sister. Sweetie Belle was levitating the half empty jug of lemonade beside her as she leaned against the fridge. She glanced up to Rarity, then almost instantly turned her head away.
"Hello, sis," Sweetie Belle whispered.
"Sweetie Belle, are you okay?" Rarity walked up to her and gingerly put a hoof on her shoulder. "I thought you'd be home hours ago."
Instead of responding, Sweetie Belle took a direct swig from the jug of lemonade and shuffled over to the kitchen table. Rarity could smell the alcohol on her, but she was back, and that's what mattered. She scooted her chair next to Sweetie Belle's and sat down next to her. "Nothing happened, right? You just stayed over at Apple Bloom's in your clubhouse."
Sweetie Belle almost imperceptively shook her head. "No."
"Sweetie Belle, you can look at me. Whatever happened, I promise I won't be angry. I just want to make sure you're alright." She put her hoof around Sweetie Belle's shoulders and drew her in for a hug. "Did anything bad happen?"
"No. I mean... I don't think so. Maybe. I just... didn't think it would. It was loud and everypony was dancing and drinking and lots of ponies wanted to buy me drinks when they heard it was my twenty-first birthday and we all just kind of got... caught up in everything. After a bit I wasn't thinking about what I was doing. None of us were. We were just having fun, and there were stallions our age..."
Rarity's eyes widened. "Did... did you go home with one of them?"
"No, we..." Sweetie Belle sniffled and Rarity felt tears drip on her foreleg. "We went to his motel room."
"I see." Rarity took a deep breath and tightened her hold on her sister. "And where were Apple Bloom and Scootaloo?"
"Probably with the colts they left with." Sweetie Belle finally looked up at Rarity, her eyes red and puffy. "Don't be mad at them. We were all drunk. I wasn't thinking about it either. They're going to feel bad enough as it is."
"As they should," Rarity said through gritted teeth. "I can't believe--"
"I'm the one who made the choice. We snuck out when they weren't looking. I think they might have thought I was still there. It's my fault, Rarity. I..." Sweetie Belle sobbed and squeezed her sister's foreleg. "I did a bad thing."
"No, Sweetie, you mustn't think about it like that. He didn't force himself on you, did he?"
Sweetie Belle shook her head. "No. We both wanted it."
"Well there's that at least." Rarity began stroking her sister's mane. "I'm not going to give you any empty words of wisdom here. I'm just going to be here for you in whatever you need, okay?"
"But Rarity," Sweetie Belle whimpered. "What if I get pregnant?"
"Well then I'll be here for you there, too. I'll take care of you here, and I'm certain that Mother and Father will do their part to make sure everything is the best for you. Besides, ponies around here know you. I don't think anypony is going to look down on you if it comes to that."
"I guess," Sweetie Belle muttered. "But I'm not ready for a foal."
"Well, Mother and Father weren't quite ready for me yet," Rarity pointed out.
"Yeah, but they got married after Mom got pregnant with you and they had each other for support," Sweetie Belle said. "I don't even know his name."
"As I said: you have plenty of support if it comes to that, which it may not. There's no point in me making any foal clothes yet. " Rarity nuzzled her sister's mane. "I know it's scary right now. You're not quite sure what to do next. For the moment, I'd suggest you get a little sleep. You've had a long night."
"Yeah, I guess."
"Good, then up you go." Rarity gently nudged Sweetie Belle to her hooves and walked with her up to Sweetie Belle's room. She opened the door for her sister, who instantly went over to her bed and collapsed on it. Rarity pulled the covers out and draped them over her.
"Good night, Sweetie Belle. Things will be better in the morning, I promise."
Sweetie Belle tilted her head in a small nod, and Rarity kissed her mane before walking out of the room and shutting the door behind her.
Once she was alone, Rarity leaned against the nearby wall and stared at nothing in particular.
* * * *
"How's she doing?"
Rarity sighed and poked at her food before responding to Twilight's question. "She's still upset, more with herself than anything. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom are beating themselves up, of course, although I imagine that Granny Smith has taken care of Apple Bloom."
"So..." Twilight hesitated. "Could they all have gotten pregnant?"
Rarity shrugged. "I don't know. I'm more focused on Sweetie Belle right now. The Apples and Scootaloo's parents will take care of the two of them if it comes to that."
"So has Sweetie Belle started... checking? It's been a few weeks now."
Rarity hesitated, rubbing the back of her neck and looking down at the table. "I found a few pregnancy tests in one of the drawers in the bathroom. They weren't open. I don't think she has the nerve right now."
Twilight nodded. "Yeah, I can understand that. Applejack was telling me that Apple Bloom feels the same way."
"I'm sure, though they're going to have to check eventually." Rarity took a sip of her water before continuing. "Maybe we're all being worrywarts here. They'll be fine and take this to heart and do better next time."
"Not that I think there's going to be a next time," Twilight pointed out. "If I know them, they're going to stick to bowling and the movies when they go out again next."
Rarity allowed herself a brief chuckle and nodded. "Yes, I think that might be true. They're young yet, so if they're going to engage in this behavior, it's better that they do it now. However, if Sweetie Belle is indeed pregnant, we must make her understand that what happened is not a mistake. Rather an unexpected but wonderful thing." Rarity smiled and shook her head. "If I know Sweetie Belle, she's going to love that foal more than anything, even if she will be frightened at first."
"If I know you, you're going to love that foal more than anything," Twilight pointed out. "You're the Element of Generosity. I can see you spoiling him or her rotten."
Rarity smirked and rolled her eyes. "Oh please, darling, I'm perfectly capable of showing restraint. Like I said, though, she might not even be pregnant. This could all just be a little scare. Sweetie Belle is upset, of course, but..." Rarity shrugged. "Whatever will be will be. I think she'll be okay regardless of what happens."
"Me too, Rarity."
Rarity took the last few bites of her food, then stood up and put enough bits on the table for both of their meals. "Well, I have some more work to do. Thank you for meeting with me for lunch. We should do this again soon."
"Of course, Rarity," Twilight said, standing up for a hug. "Let me know if there's anything I can do for either of you. Even if Sweetie Belle isn't pregnant, I'm sure she'll still need somepony to talk to."
"Yes, she has been rather reserved lately," Rarity said. "I figured that she needed some space, so I haven't been pressing the issue. I think if she finds out she isn't pregnant she'll open up a little more."
"And if she is?"
"If she is then I won't let her lock herself in her room for eleven months until she delivers the foal. She'll know that what happened wasn't a mistake, and we're here for her."
With one final hug, the two mares parted ways. Rarity's smile slowly fell as she ruminated on current events. She hadn't said anything she didn't believe, but she knew things would be hard for Sweetie Belle if it came down to pregnancy.
Rarity opened the door to her house and walked in. All of the lights were off, so it didn't seem that Sweetie Belle had come out of her room.
"Sweetie Belle, I'm home," Rarity called out. "Have you eaten yet? I can make you something for lunch if you want."
Sweetie Belle's response was an almost imperceptible moan from the direction of the bathroom.
"Rarity."
Rarity's eyes widened, and she bolted up the stairs, taking two or three at a time. She nearly shot straight past the bathroom, but regained her balance and threw the door open. Sweetie Belle was leaning against the wall next to the sink, a pregnancy test floating in her magic. Rarity lit her horn and she transferred the test to her own magic.
"Rarity," Sweetie Belle moaned again, tears streaking down her face. Rarity flipped the test over and instantly spotted the two red lines in the middle.
"Rarity, I'm sorry! I didn't..." Sweetie Belle's words were marred by her sobs until she couldn't even speak. Rarity threw the test aside and sat down next to Sweetie Belle, throwing her hooves around her shoulders and hugging her close.
"It's okay, Sweetie Belle, you don't have to worry about a thing. Big sister is here for you. For... for both of you." Sweetie Belle's only response was wrapping her forelegs around Rarity's waist and holding onto her like she was the only thing left in the world who could help her. Rarity glanced behind her and saw three more pregnancy tests on the ground, each with the double red lines that left no doubt of the results.
Rarity didn't say anything more. There was nothing more to say for the moment. All she could do was hold onto her sister and let her cry herself out.
Glad to see that this had updated, and despite the time that's passed, I still find it just as enjoyable as I did the first time around.
Just had to sit down for 5 minutes before I read this so I could get all the events in order in my head, been so long since I last read it. This chapter is great, love it.
Wanna hear something funny? I re-read this story last night till around 3 am because it is one of my favorites and when I got to the trixie chapter I got sad because I was sure you had abandoned it. Imagine my surprise at the new chapter today.
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What did you think of the chapter itself?
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It was an interesting twist actually, though when Sweetie mentioned going out to drink with her fellow crusaders, I had a feeling something like that would've happened with poor Sweetie. I will admit I had expected it to be as a result of rape and Rarity being as protective as she was, go avenging angel on the poor stallion and have a brief relapse.
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We'll, I'll be honest. I like that Blossom is still going to be born but it all feels wrong? I don't know what you have planned for the final chapter but why introduce this parallel if from what it looks like it's not going to be fleshed out?
The 14 year skip is jarring, which in itself is fine if serving to get us to a point for the story to continue like when you fast forwarded through rarity's psych days. But what are we getting here that requires such a drastic jump? A 14 year skip for 2 chapters? If you're going to expand into a new story, why not do the jump there? If not, then why not end the story in the time period we were exploring where all the character progress is happening?
On top of that, it just seemed like this chapter could have been fleshed out more. You're usually pretty good at giving details and exploring moments but here we went from event to event to event without really any change or growth or anything. It established that sweetie got pregnant but it basically sets up the pieces, points at them, them moves on. It could have been a slower discovery. Rarity could have struggled to figure out how she felt, or in how to comfort sweetie. Hell, she could have told sweetie the story of having her hope rekindled again but this time with the added perspective of sweetie being an adult and being able to handle a more mature conversation.
You're ready to end this story, and that's fine. It just bled into this chapter and I feel it could have been handled neater if instead of trying to juggle a new setting (date wise), new dynamics, and introducing another plot point, you had instead focused on rarity's growth and closed the story where you had developed it.
Maybe she could have gone back to the mental institute to say thanks after everything that happened. Maybe she runs into the police captain and expects to have to relive the whole Annie problem only to find that he also moved on. Actually, you set up that Cornflower really cared about her and her well being but rarity only saw the attitude and closed offness from her so maybe something there to bridge that gap after all that has been done? I don't know.
I still love this story, and I'll continue to re-read it long after it is completed, but you asked what I thought of the chapter and here it is. I hope it's not too rough and that it in some way helps
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No, not at all. I like comments like this. Helps me grow as an author.
Hopefully, this is the saddest chapter. No need for things to get worse this time.
I don't think I am ready for the end of slor will there be any more parallel stories or is this the end
Missing something here (And I know this is an AU).
But in this AU is Twilight still a unicorn? What happened with Tirek? Did she 'renew' her studies as a student after becoming an alicorn? Or make a new library? It's one of those bits along with Rarity's 'studies' statement that throws in some confusion. Since with the time jump. I would have assumed other than Rarity being an ex-killer. Thing's would have progressed roughly the same.
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feeling
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I'm assuming Sweets is in Estrus?
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Why in the heck would she need to check? I mean Estrus is an open and shut case. Either she was in Estrus, and isn't. Or she wasn't in Estrus and nothing to worry about. It's not like humans who would need to check. And with routine Estrus is, if she's late she'd know, everyone would know if it's been a few weeks.
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Needs end " marks.
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Honestly ... this chapter really bugged me. The continuity probs (yes AU. I know! But how the story was written, the only 'change' was Rarity as a killer caught as a foal. 14 yrs later. Would expect things to follow the same track.).
And then the pregnancy thing. Ponies have Estrus. It's open and shut. Instead of "what if I get pregnant", or "saw test". Everypony would know. After all, you fuck when on Estrus and get batter in your oven. You'll have a foal growing inside you. That's how biology works with Equines. They aren't like humans with a monthly cycle. Where unprotected sex at all, is a loaded gun that can end in pregnancy.
And then with the jump so far. We never see any Rarity and Luna (not shipping, just together.) Luna as NMM did something horrible to Rarity. We never see either Luna appologise for NMM's behavior. Seeing the problems Rarity faces and how they parellel her own and make friends / support each other. There's a lot of potential that's skipped straight to a pregnancy scare chapter that makes no biological sense.
I mean I'm glad to see this continue. It's a good story with great potential. But this chapter was a far cry from all the chapters prior.
8445639 Well, in terms of the pregnancy thing, nobody had a problem when I went down this route in Public Life. It's not any different here. I hate to use the "magical talking ponies" excuse, but... eh.
In terms of continuity... I never really thought about that, and might change it. Twilight didn't become an alicorn in the original story, so I didn't think about it here. Plus I've almost never written alicorn Twilight, even though she's been a princess on the show almost three times as long as just a unicorn. Yeah, she didn't become an alicorn because of the whole "your best friend was a serial killer and you knew that" thing. So I might actually change that. Good catch.
In terms of your Luna comment... that would have been a better point for the last chapter. That one was several months after the NMM stuff.
I'll fix the typos. Hope you enjoy the next one more.
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Never read the Public Life fic. I just always find it weird when that comes up in a fic. I mean an EQG fic? Sure, they've got human physiology, but little ponies other than Faust saying they've got human brains, they've been always treated as equine (and I don't have a prob with Sweets getting pregnant. I just would think it'd've been better handled as either she missed Estrus and the whole "we'll always be here for you", or she was in Estrus and that + Rarity giving emotional support).
As for the rest. I mean other than those two quirks. This has been an awesome fic / series. One that I really do love re-reading and seeing progress.
I've been reading with a feeling that SOMETHING is about to go horribly wrong. Looks like Secret Life of Rarity series still haunt my mind. What have you done
Feels a bit rushed though, another 14 years. I sincerely hopy Blossom won't end up like she did in SLoR
Only one chapter left? I'm gonna miss this story when it's over. Though hopefully the last chapter won't take a year to complete. But yeah, with the whole storyline of Rarity's coping with being a murderer seems pretty much complete, I mean it's been 20 years since she was released so by now the worst has got to be over.
On a side note I do find it a bit odd that this new chapter which takes place fourteen years in the future of where the show is now doesn't include some of the current day elements. I can sort of understand Starlight Glimmer may have found her place elsewhere sometime in the future, but Twilight should have her new castle now. And she'd certainly be an alicorn.
Most stories set in the future end up this way because they started at an earlier point before changes to the show's status quo's were made, but while this story was made back in 2013 up until this point it was paralleling the story. This chapter where it begins it's first set in the future chapter was made in 2017. You should have been able to parrallel the newer changes in a similar way without harming your story's narrative.
Love the story and it's not that big a deal, it's just odd, that this chapter where the future starts and was made in 2017 is still running on 2013 continuity.
Honestly, the sheer number of times you tried to beat into our heads that "nothing bad would happen" just solidified the fact that SOMETHING bad was going to happen. You should probably go back through and take out most of those paragraphs, since they don't really add to the story. You say basically the same thing for half of the chapter on repeat.
Just noticed this now... great to see it's resuming, but sad to think that there aren't more chapters beyond one more here. Well, interesting concept you chose to take, even if it did seem a bit of a blindside to jump to Sweetie Belle getting pregnant as soon as she’s legal to drink. Dunno if you’ll be revealing the identity of her suitor, but I look forward to seeing how this ends, as I enjoyed this much more than I did Secret Life of Rarity. I hope it’s not too long a wait!
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I said she wasn't going to become a serial killer. I didn't say anything else after that.
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No, I was talking about in this chapter itself. Your characters say "nothing bad will happen" or something along those lines over a dozen times, which is rather unnecessary. By constantly repeating that line in the chapter, you're unwittingly letting readers know that SOMETHING will happen. Once or twice would be alright, but the sheer number of times it happens in this chapter is excessive. I would suggest removing most of those earlier paragraphs because they hinder the chapter instead of enhance it.
Oh my, look at this pleasent surprise. It certainly feels it's been fourteen years since I last read this. Although I am selfish enough to feel just a tad bit disappointed to find the chapter is only three and a half thousand words. Now I certainly don't believe a great story let alone a chapter should be long to be compelling. I think a sign of a great writer is them telling the same story in half the words and i think you told enough, at least in my limited knowledge of stroy telling. Back to the chapter at hand, I like the idea of Sweetie-Belle is still going to conceive Blossom Forth in this alternate universe, just makes me wonder where her life goes from this world. Always pleases me to see a continuation of the rarity killer verse, attracted me to you as a writer. Keep up the grind, hope to read more.
Blosom 2.0?
Yay Blossom is coming back! I wonder how this will go now that she'll have her mommy and her auntie!
Amazing story so far! I'm excited to see how this goes!
I want to thank you for this story. To be honest when I read The Secret Life of Rarity, I hated it. Your story was well written, I won't deny that, but the more i read it the more i hated it. And the thing is , I still don't know why i hate it. Maybe it was because it was the fact it was one of my top 5 favorite characters doing the killing or maybe it was that i just couldn't get past premise of one of the mane 6 being a psychopathic murderer. Eventually, I just stopped reading it and just skipped ahead to the final chapter where Rarity got executed. I didn't bother to read the sequels, so I just looked up what happened next on the TV tropes page.
When I saw the link to this story, i expected there to be more tragedy. And there was, but just a little bit compared to the others. I have spent the last 2 hours reading this story and I loved every minute of it. And the funny thing is, I don't know why i love this story but hate the original. Maybe it was that Rarity got the help she needed or maybe i'm just biased towards Rarity. Maybe it's both.
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Yeah, probably both. But I'm starting to ramble. What I'm trying to say is that I love this story. I'll probably reread the whole thing when the final chapter comes out. Whatever direction you decide to take this story in, I wish you the best of luck. And once again thank you for this story.
*Scratches head puzzled*
I thought red meant 'negative', which means 'not pregnant'. While blue means 'positive', which means 'pregnant'.
So shouldn't that mean she's not pregnant. Am I wrong?
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From what I've seen it's not universal through all pregnancy tests.
8866629
Sweet!
8866863
That...is actually a very good burn! Brilliant my friend, brilliant!