What, no image link? For shame.

“Come on! Can't you take a joke?”

I get it!

this made me laugh and
this is what iron will was thinking
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Damn I don't think I've ever got off five times for a story at one time.

“Just like those fucking ponies...”

Gilda sounds a wittle bit wacist...

EDIT: Jesus fk this was insane! And I love moist towelettes insane!

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Oh hey this story is in the feature box, and it is rated pretty high. Well, I'm not much for clop, but the concept sounds interesting enough to read it...

One reading later...

There were a good amount of wrong used words in this chapter. Over all it felt like a typical clopfic you see featured every other day. I think fixing up some of the odd sounding sentences and working on flow could help this story.

i used to think gilda was mean but now i feel kindda sorry for her.

pinkie pie: you do?! well then we can put you through it and you will realize its nice.

runs off with pinkie after me

Oh yes...
That was quite delicious.

longest clop evar

Not the biggest story around, nor am I a fan of the themes used, but it seems to be anything but simple. Let’s see how this goes…

If you wish to edit anything I point out in the story, use ctrl+F to open the search bar, copy what I put in quotes, and then you should easily be able to locate it in the story as a result.

… “J-shaped par was” – ‘par’ should be ‘bar’.
… “what she had had before” – Using ‘had’ twice back to back seems repetitive. To get around this, shorten ‘she had’ to ‘she’d’.
… “I probably wouldda liked” – ‘wouldda’ should be ‘woulda’. While neither is an official word, there’s a popular term: ‘woulda, coulda, shoulda’.
… “show them you rock!”” – Actually, ‘that’ should be placed between ‘them’ and ‘you’.
… “him over onto” – Place ‘and’ between ‘over’ and ‘onto’.
… “screeched in reply” – ‘reply’ should be ‘response’.
… “the issue again forced” – ‘forced’ should be ‘forcing’.
… “on other than her terms.” – Place ‘on’ between ‘than’ and ‘her’.
… “what dress she” – Did you mean ‘duress’ instead of ‘dress’?
… “once more, if a” – Remove ‘if’.
… “All natural beef” – Place a hyphen between ‘All’ and ‘natural’.
… “a triumphant low” – A ‘low’? Considering her cry was described as a ‘shriek’, perhaps his should be described as an action, like a ‘bellow’.
… “his monstrous of meat” – Remove ‘of’.
… “get away? I'll” – Replace the question mark with a comma.
… “He just held there” – Consider rephrasing this into something such as “He held it there”, or “He held himself inside”, etc.
… “now, griffin?' Iron” – The apostrophe should be an end-quotation mark.
… “perhaps boasting Iron” – Place a comma between ‘boasting’ and ‘Iron’.
… “Incredible, she felt” – ‘Incredible’ should be ‘Incredibly’.
… “bounced her was out” – Remove ‘her was’.
… “This is just great?” – The question mark should be an exclamation mark, or a period.
… “Oh simple!” – Place a comma between the two words.
… “swell me with” – Remove ‘me’, or replace it with ‘up’.
… “the flesh. 'JOKE” – The period should be a colon.
… “So I got one.” – This sounds too brief. Replace the period with either an exclamation mark, or a semicolon (since it pertains to the next sentence).
… “she stilled managed” – ‘stilled’ should be ‘still’.
… “Iron will's humiliating” – Capitalize ‘will’s’, since it’s a name.
… “was doing much as” – Place ‘as’ between ‘doing’ and ‘much’.
… “her abused backsides” – ‘backsides’ should be singular: ‘backside’.
… “her womb from...” – The narrative shouldn’t have an ellipsis, as the narrator shouldn’t be capable of providing a dramatic pause.
… “The run out,” – ‘run out’? Pardon? I… don’t know that term.
… “asked of Iron Will” – Remove ‘of’, since she directly asked him a question.
… “still was held stretched” – Replace ‘still was held’ with ‘remained’.

Well, this brings about the review. I’m not into this theme, truth be told, but I had gotten a bit curious about this story when I saw it featured. Seeing as this is a chapter-story, I can’t review EVERYTHING at once, but I’ll review what I can.

The depiction of Pinkie was probably one of the more accurate portrayals I’ve seen in fanfiction, and it didn’t become annoying, which is an unquestionable positive for me. The story started in a very strange manner, what with her being generally unpleasant towards Iron Will (almost hostile), and having it go into a theme of ‘questionable consent’. Honestly, I liked the scene at the bar. It almost felt like it wasn’t part of the story at all, really… It was kind’ve a shame to see it get moved past.

As for other themes, Gilda was, well… she was Gilda. Unpleasant, angry, stubborn, and didn’t like anything done to her, as was to be expected. It was nearly impossible to immerse myself in this story, though, because environmental themes would just be randomly used or tossed: Did Iron Will just stop tugging her nipples? What happened to her restraints by the end of the story? And how did Pinkie, who was originally hunched over her, get Iron Will in on the action? Did they sandwich her?

For all the positives, it left me wanting more. The scenes of her getting reamed barely seemed to register, especially considering it was from her point of view, yet the intricacies of the movements, be them from Iron Will or Pinkie, weren’t described aside from “stretching”. There IS more than that, or at least, there should be. Either way, I suppose I should get to reviewing the story itself in detail, upon checking out the second chapter.

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Nicely written.

What, did they kill your parents and set fire to your dog?

why does this remind me of JoJo's Bizarre Adventures?

>Can't you take a joke?

Dammit man, I can't clop and laugh at the same time!