My Little F***wits: Friendship is Weird

by Captain Princess

Chap 5: Party Pooped

"AAAAAUGH!"

His wing had been trodden on. Lemon had just gotten up, shakily, and in turning, had managed to tread on Zegram's wing. His entire body cringed, as did Fluttershy upon seeing it. She wanted to rush in again to help him with it once more, but the crowd of ponies around them had her frozen on the spot.

"Ohp, you oka-" but he was cut off by the most vicious glare he'd ever seen from Zegram. "Well okay then. I'mma go over there. And do something. Something else." he said, as he ambled his way back through the considerably thinner crowd. He could be heard a little ways off, mumbling to a cider about best friends. After glaring him to hell and back, Zegram finally mustered the muscle to get up himself.

The resounding chorus of concern was somewhat endearing, but he had to brush them off with a standard reply of "I'm ok" and "Everything's fine. No damage" and so on. Zegram had damage control to do. As he set about to it, he felt stiff. The sickly feeling all over his body accompanied a purple glow infront of his face, and as he struggled to move, he felt himself being...probed. Not invasive, just overall. The sickly lightness spread around him and shifted around, and as he looked back he saw Twlilight concentrating, and Fluttershy staring concernedly at him and Twilight, going back and forth.

"Yup! He's fine!" Twilight claimed. "Just a little bruising is all."

"Oh! Thank goodness!" breathed Fluttershy, visibly relieved. "But what about Mr Lemon? He might be hurt too!"

"Ohhohoh!" was a faint cry from just outside, as the crowd of party ponies was thinning and everypony was headed home.

"So Rainbow, are you still letting the new ponies stay with you?" askied Twilight, quickly.

"IF y'are" cut in Applejack. "Y'all best catch him. Ah don't think he knows."

"So where's he goin'?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"Ah don't think he knows."

The two ran and flew out of the treehouse in a flash, followed shortly by Fluttershy. Pinkie was off in the kitchen and Rarity was cleaning up, leaving Zegram alone with the bookworm princess.

"So I talked to your friend..." she said to him.

"And how badly did he-"
"I'd sooner have believed Discord was sorry."

Zegram near flinched at that. He had failed to spot just how suspicious they were. The metric tons of cynicism he'd found in other tales left him unnerved when he saw such signs, however small, of it all being true, or atleast relative. "Okay so, I swear to you, we're just here to look around. The chance to come here came with no chance to plan or come up with something to accomplish, and it was Lemon's idea to just come here. So really, we're just here to see the place. As for where we really came from...well I doubt it'd be very believable. I don't think anyo-uh, anypony...but you would even consider it." he offered, mentally kicking himself for that slip-up, hoping she didn't catch-

"Why do you say that?"

Oh lord she caught it.

"Listen uh...I was kinda hoping you could maybe get word to the princesses-"

"Wait...Spike? Where'd he go?" asked Twilight, as she looked around her. Spike wasn't anywhere to be seen, and indeed hadn't shown up during the party at all. She turned and walked to the kitchen entrance, calling Spike's name, while Zegram took the opportunity to look for Lemon. All he needed do was turn however, to see Lemon moon-bounce around just out the front of the treehouse, seemingly cackling like some sort of evil mastermind. He also witnessed the pony manage to dodge a grab attempt by a speeding Rainbow, before shouting "Juked for the glory of the Empraah!".

"Hold still!"

"Hah! He's too fast even fer y'all!"

Naturally, he had to intervene. He immediately took a step to run outside when Twilight returned.

"Why are you telling me all this if you want to keep it a secret? You sure didn't give anypony any details, and it seemed kinda suspicious." she quizzed.

"Aaaah, well...chances are that...silly pony doesn't know, or never thought in the first place, of how we're going to get back."

"You can't fly back?"

"No, you can't exactly fly to this place, as far as I know."

"I suspected as much."

"Heresy!" came the faint cry form outside, as Zegram flinched. "Listen" he said, stressing out.
"I'm really really sorry about all this and I was really hoping you could help us get back home, but right now I've gotta go stop that madman out there."

With that Zegram turned on his heels? Hoof-heels? He turned swiftly, and rushed outside, leaving Twilight to her thoughts.

"Madman?"

Outside the scene was a little more active, and chaotic. Lemon was basically short-range gliding around the street infront of the treehouse, as Rainbow Dash and Applejack tried to keep him penned in. Bouncing around, he kept shouting various things. Zegram came to Applejack, as Rainbow Dash kept flying around Lemon at speed.

"This feller eats a lotta corn does he?" she asked him as he approached.

"What?"

"He's been talkin bout sittin' on a throne of corn, an askin for milk fer his cornflakes. Ah gotta be honest, with his name an' colourins ah figured he'd prefer fruity things, not corn flakes."

"Yeah, uh, listen. You got like, a rope, or like an empty cider bottle or something?"

"No can-do on the rope there sugarcube, but ah reckon yer pal here's left a few bottles lyin' around. Grabbed a couple an' jus started drinkin' like a beast."

This left Zegram to scan around, and sure enough he found an empty bottle soon enough. Picking it up in a hoof, Zegram began to run at Lemon. After he'd closed the gap a little he shouted out.

"LEMON! BROADSIDE BARRAGE!" he shouted, and flared his wings and leaped.

"Huh? Whu-" DONK! was the sound as the empty bottle collided with the side of Lemon's head, as Zegram glided past him at speed. Instantly, he crumpled like a pony-shaped bag of rocks. Grinding to a halt only feet away, Zegram examined the bottle in his hoof, wondering why he didn't hear it break.

"Hm. It didn't."

"Welp. That was...effective" commented Applejack, as Rainbow came to a hover.

"Haha! That was awesome! Just whack! and he's down!" laughed Rainbow.

"Oh my! Is he alright?" called Fluttershy, who'd found herself hiding behind one of the treehouse's roots.

"Oh yeah he'll be fine!" called Zegram back to her. "Either of you wanna help me get him onto my back?"

"I can!" called Pinkie from the doorway. Trotting over, she buried her head under his wing before lifting it, whereby Applejack buried her head under his chest, and lifted him. Together they hoisted him onto Zegram's back, as Rainbow Dash hovered and pulled him over to an even balance.

"Thanks for the party Pinkie...uh" said Zegram as his drunk friend was draped over him. "Sorry about him, and uh, sorry, you two" he offered to Rainbow and Applejack.

"It was awesome! You got to meet so many ponies, and he so did he! From what I heard you two had fun playing tag!" replied Pinkie, smiling innocently.

"Gotta admit, he's fast when he drinks." continued Rainbow. "I almost broke a sweat."

"Wish ah brought ma rope." mumbled Applejack.

The three of them walked (and one slept) some ways down the street, before turning and walking some ways into a field.

"So you two are going to be sleeping with me tonight." said Rainbow, as Applejack and Pinkie turned to go their respective ways. Zegram couldn't help but chuff slightly as he heard it, fighting back the dumbest of giggles.

"Well it's a little flight from here.." she continued. "So you better wake him up unless you wanna carry him up there."

With a slight shrug, Zegram thought quickly. He had no idea if either of them could really fly all that effectively, and as he shrugged his KO'd friend off of his back, he had to think of a reason why. While he thought, Rainbow approached Lemon, and prodded him in the face.

"Wake up, light-feathers. Get your sour head up, we've gotta fly."

Zegram however, was having none of it. He grabbed hold of an idea that seemed plausible, and then walked over to the two, whereby he turned around, and promptly kicked Lemon in the face.

"Get up shitlord." he commanded. Lemon stirred immediately, and in a start, rose to his hooves, mumbling. "W-wha? who?" Immediately after that, he began flapping and shot up in the air. In the air however, he stopped flapping, sensing his hooves had left contact with the ground. He immediately figured that he was facing the wrong way, and proceeded to flip over, anticipating contact with the ground. What he got however, was a short free-fall, whereby he slammed into the ground head-first.

This gave the two sober Pegasi a good laugh. Then Zegram turned to Rainbow as Lemon started to get up, grunting all the way.

"Look, uh, we have a bit of a problem. We can't fly too good."

"What?" spat Rainbow Dash. She snorted at him and gave him an aggressively puzzled glare. "How can a pegasus not fly?" she asked, as if the news disturbed her.

"Weeeell ya see...our uh, town, it got overgrown with a poison joke plant. Grew all over the place and in pe-uh, ponies' homes and everything. Turned my wings to brass when I tripped on a bush of it. I think his got turned to stone. Neither of us could fly for the longest time, since we had no cure. Long story short, we need flying lessons.

"Eugh...fine. It's late but you can't get to my place if you can't fly so whatever, let's do it."

After a short lecture and then a short Demonstration, Lemon had fully awoken, though a bit groggy, as Zegram tried his hand, or hoof, at it. He lifted off well enough, but immediately nose-dived and headbutted the dirt. Rainbow Dash and Lemon both broke down in a fit of laughter, and as Zegram spat out a mouthful of earth he shouted.

"LET'S SEE YOU DO ANY BETTER YOU GROG-ASS!"

Rainbow just kept laughing as Lemon flapped up into the air at some speed, and when he flared his wings immediately began a loop. unfortunately, that loop wasn't tight enough, and ended up with Lemon getting himself caught in a tree, much to the amusement of Rainbow and Zegram this time.

After a few tries, and a few crashes, the two were just about competent. Rainbow decided that they could make it to her home, and so off they set, though Lemon cut a particularly awkward path on account of what he'd drank. As they reached the sky and saw the home of Rainbow Dash was indeed built into a cloud as they both suspected, they were a little careful about landing on it. Lemon's attempt to do this had him flopping on his face and stomach, finding himself very surprised that it didn't hurt as much as normal.

as they were shown in, the place turned out to be a sight large than it seemed. What Zegram had assumed to be thick and fluffy walls around a cave of fluff was infact a very thin-walled and complex cloud apartment. From the inside, it looked almost like densely packed snow, with even a snow-like glitter. The place did seem to be much colder, too, considering the lack of sun. No doubt the thin walls weren't exactly high-class insulation. As Rainbow led the way and droned out the various rooms she had, numbering 3 different napping or lounging rooms, a reading room, and a proper bedroom. Not even this could possibly support a bathroom or a kitchen, thought Zegram as he readjusted his expectations. Lemon remained blissfully brain dead as the tour came to a halt in one of the napping rooms, and Lemon allowed himself to flap onto what looked to be a couch just as Rainbow announced that this was where they'd be sleeping.

"And don't try anything" she warned.

"And here I was thinking what a great idea it'd be to attack a friend of the Princess!" he droned.

"Whatever" she said, as she threw Zegram a blanket. It didn't feel like much at all, like the softest and lightest of cotton. When he lay down on the room floor, which was, to the surprise of noone, as soft as any bed could be, and pulled said blanket over him, it barely lay on him. It lay lightly on the tips of his fur, as if it was avoiding touching him. Lemon had begun snoring with ungodly volume already, and Zegram fretted for a moment that Rainbow would be bothered by this, but there was no sign of a commotion from the direction she'd wandered, back where the place's only proper bedroom lay. He immediately tugged the soft blanket over his head, and found that light as it may be, the cloud insulted sound almost perfectly. He could barely hear the snoring, and as such, the day's efforts finally exacted their price on him as he grew tired very quickly.

As he drifted off, Zegram re-examined their day's efforts.
Their arrival went near perfectly. The round of introductions that the two had obviously expected to take place did so, and far from going well, he valued each one as a complete disaster. What left him in brighter spirits was that this didn't seem to dampen the day a great deal, save for the embarassing end it came to. He was going to have to give Twilight a better explanation, but as he drifted off, his thoughts lingered on the possible explanations he could give.

None of them were very encouraging.

Author's Note:

This Chapter was outline in it's entirety by my co-author, RustyServbot. All I did to this one was fluff it up and make it chapter-length.

It is by no means his only contribution, as he has been instrumental in the continuation of this story, but this chapter is effectively his own.

The reason it's taken so long to get done has nothing to do with that. I've been helping my family out with stuff as of late and that has taken up the majority of my time.

If you want to see his crudely put together outline of this chapter, you ask him. If he says OK then one of us will upload it c:

Comments

[RustyServbot]

Its only a matter of time until a Rogue Galaxy fan attempts to read this. He will be very confused.