My Little F***wits: Friendship is Weird

by Captain Princess

Chap 4: Princess Partytime

Parties. The boiling point of an evening. They often go a similar route in most cases. The tropes are all nicely lined up. Further introductions are unnecessary, the party provides. Light familiarity is unnecessary, as the party provides. Drawing the evening to a close is unavoidable, the party demands.

And massive slip-ups or faux-pas are now possible, the party allows.

"SURPRISE!"

"WAAH!"
"OOH!"

Their act wasn't particularly convincing, but then it seemed like the party denizens didn't seem to notice. The moment the surprise was done with, they were already milling about amongst themselves. Even Pinkie had disappeared. The two gave eachother a glance and then stared back at the crowd, filling the treehouse.

It was a curious sight. The third dimension, and the added reality of actually being there gave the place a somewhat alien feel, considering how much of this place's interior they'd observed in the past. Lemon was the first one to make his way further in, as he caught the sound of clinking glass, and as his ears twitch and then both aimed directly forward, he followed the sound, hoping for drinks. Immediately he was gone into the crowd, leaving Zegram stood at the door, wondering what he should do. Obviously he should join the party, but where to go?

His moment of hesitation cost him, as Pinkie re-emerged, and began chattering to him as she nudged him towards the crowd.

"And THIS is Roseluck! She runs the flowershop near to Sugarcube Corner! I see her almost everyday and she always smells the best, like her flowers! Hey Roseluck, this is Zegram! I don't know what a Zegram is but I thought maybe you might know? Even though his cutiemark has nothing to do with flowers 'cause of being a rusted gear thingy and all..."

"Eeeehhhhh, Hi..." ventured Zegram, unsure of how to approach this forced introduction. But before the mare could voice her reply, Zegram was dragged further away. He offered Roseluck an apologetic smile as he was dragged, and then turned his attention to the next stranger he was placed infront of, only to be staring into the mint-green face of a pony whose presence made him nervous and excited at the same time. Yes, he was nervouscited.

"...and Lyra plays the lyre! Isn't that so cool? It's even on her cutiemark, see? Oooh! Maybe you play some kinda musical instrument with geer thingies! Or made of gear thingies? What would that sound like? I'd imagine it'd sound like clickety clackety clack or something. Hey Lyra, this is Zegram! Do YOU know what a Zegram is? I've never heard of one and Roseluck didn't know if it was anything flower related..."

Lyra was barely even interested. She listened out of politeness, and was unable to find anything musical that Zegram could have referred to, but her focus was elsewhere. She didn't want to linger on this Zegram pony too long. The way he looked at her made her wary, like he was having thoughts about her. And he was. For the first time in several hours, Zegram felt mischevious. His inner thoughts were slowly being drowned out however, by Pinkie's continuous chatter. She simply kept talking and he had no idea what she was talking about. The instant he heard her offhandedly ask what his cutiemark was even about, it came to his attention for the first time since his and Lemon's arrival in this place. A quick cursory glance at his rump and he saw exactly what had been described repeatedly.

"Uaaaahhh I fix things. Yep. I fix things that's what I do." he said.

"ooh! Like what? And what's a Zegram? Is it like a tool for fixing things? How do you fix things anyway, 'cause mostly the ponies that fix things are unicorns, 'cause their magic makes it so much easier to fix things, but you're a pegasus like Rainbowdash and Fluttershy! Have you met them yet? Hey let's go take you to Flutter-"

"THATS OKAY I AM FINE YES I MET HER SHES FINE EVERYTHING IS FINE LETS NOT GO BOTHERING HER SHALL WE" blurted Zegram, still sore in the pride. "Hey where'd Lemon go anyway? That butt is going to get himself in trouble." he asked.

"I dunno. I think he was thirsty, 'cause I saw him drinking a lot. He really likes the cider!" she chirped.

Good lord.

"YOU LOOKIN' FER ME?" came a cry from behind the crowd. Zegram expected to see Lemon pushing through the crowd, ambling through other ponies and making an ass of himself. What he saw instead was Lemon awkwardly flapping up and over the crowd, coming to a low hover right beside him and Pinkie.

"I'm here now ya fuck. Hah." he chuckled. Zegram noticed that as Lemon hovered, he was slowly getting closer. At this point he adopted an air of irritated patience. He expected something to hit him on the head.

Zegram was not expecting the wet sloppy lick that slapped across the side of his face however. For that moment, as it hung in the air, the moisture from Lemon's alcohol-soaked tongue perforated his facial fur and moistened his face, before that tongue started to drag. What made it worse was the "ngaaaahhhh" sound Lemon made during the process, which in actuality took place over barely two seconds, but felt like several minutes.

It also felt like all eyes were on them, despite the fact that only Pinkie was watching the two.
The instant lemon's tongue left his face however, all bets were off.

"LEMON GOD DAMNIT YOU DRUNKEN WHORE IMM GONNA TOUCH YOUR BUTT! C'MERE!" he shouted, and flared his wings to tackle the drunken bastard and...and what? He sure wasn't going to start a fight at this party, and anything else was going to add to the uncomfortable tension.

With a forehoof he wiped his face dry, and gave chase anyhow. Luckily Lemon seemed to be in on it, and made for an escape, giggling maniacally.

"I WISH YOU WOULD!" he called back.

The two made with a short aerial chase inside the restricted airspace of the treehouse, and was only brought short when Lemon's face came into fast and solid contact with a wall. Zegram ofcourse followed suit, only he did not recieve a wall-to-face meeting as lemon had. Instead it was Lemon's rump that got a rough and accidental kiss, right on the cutiemark.

As the two collapsed to the ground, dizzied and, in Lemon's case, drunk, the crowd gathered around the performers of the party's air show, and the sussurus began. Fluttershy could be heard in the crowd, softly calling out "are they okay!?" whilst Pinkie Pie was busy giggling her little pink ass off. Rarity and Applejack didn't appear to be anywhere in the crowd, and Rainbow Dash was imitating her pink friend, up on the second floor.

In the jumble on the floor, Zegram decided to ask a simple question.

"Seen Twilight anywhere at this party?"

Lemon, while dazed, managed an answer.

"Already talked to her."

Oh lord.

Lemon had left Zegram behind at the door to the party, as he was chasing the sound of drinks. He was fairly confident that cider, or alcohol of some kind would be present, and once he'd managed to amble his way through the crowd, he was rewarded with his instincts being right. Immediately, he grabbed a bottle, managed to get the top off by holding the bottle's neck against the table and knocking down on the top. As the cap flew off, whilst taking just a tiny chunk out of the table with it, Lemon instantly shoved the bottle in his mouth, tipped his head back and began to chug, hands-or-hooves-free.

It didn't even occur to him as to why ponies would be using capped bottles. The bottle alone was a human design, certainly. Thinking no more of it, as the delicious fizz ran it's way through his system and loosened him up, he took a breath, dropping the bottle with a slight clatter. He didn't expect to see the purple pony who lived in the place standing right beside him, having obviously been notified of his attendance at the party aimed half at him.

Zegram was nowhere to be found, and nor were any other familiar faces. It was him and her, surrounded by a sea of strangers. Strangers and books.

"Hi. My name is Twilight-"

"Sprakle. Wait. Sparkle."

"Are you okay?"

"I did just neck an entire cider in about fifteen seconds. Surprised I don't have hiccups."

"So what was your name? Are you Zegram or Lemon."

"Lemon."

"Oh. Yes, it makes sense, looking at you."

"shcrew you I'm fabulous.."

"What?"

"Nevermind."

"So, I'm told you know about us element-bearers."

"Oh ya."

At this point, Lemon went for another cider. His opening method caused Twilight to cringe, but she seemed to pay it no heed right now. She simply watched as he necked yet another cider, just as fast as he claimed. This time however, he released the bottle with a belch. It wasn't terribly loud, but it did cause a short pause in the conversations behind him, followed by some giggling. That, and Twilight seemed unappreciative of it. Her loss.

"So uh...could I ask what you're doing here in Ponyville? Applejack said you guys are just looking around. Looking for anything specific? I'm the Librarian here, and I can probably find whatever it is you're looking for..." she ventured.

"Jus' sightseeing. You know. Tourism an' the like."

"So where're you from?"

"Dunno. Some place created by a dragon or something, I dunno. Myths an' shit."

"A dragon? Applejack said it was some place difficult to pronounce. Maybe you could write it down? I'd love to be able to translate it. What language do they talk where you're form anyway?"

"English."

"English? Never heard of it. What's it sound like?"

"Like meeeeeeuuuhhh like uhhh...like meowing?"

"Meowing?"

"Mixed with...uhm...bird chirps. It sounds like meowing and bird chipring."

"That's...odd. Maybe Fluttershy can translate it then? She can talk to animals."
"Maybe."

"However, what's a dragon doing creating a town for ponies where they speak this...English..."

"Fuck if I know."

"Well, where is it?"

"Far away."

"Well how did you get here to Ponyville?"

"Train."

"From Canterlot?"

"-at's the one."

"How did you get to Canterlot?"

This time, Lemon didn't offer a verbal response. He simply ruffled his wings a little, in a slightly theatric display.

"Oh right, ofcourse, ofcourse."

Twilight then took notice of Lemon's wings. The books she'd read on Pegasus wings in the past had left her feeling a little confident about her ability to gague wing signals in Pegasi, but his were confusing. He didn't operate on the standard pattern of wing behaviour like most Pegasi, because if he did, Twilight could have sworn that Lemon was feeling consistently irritated and sad. But he didn't seem to be. He seemed quite content, chipping away at her table with his drinks. Festidiously, she bagin to clean up the bottle caps left on the floor at his hooves, and place them on the table. From said table she then reached for a note-pad and a quill, and began making miscellaneous notes.

"So, where did you say the place was, that you came from?"

"Really far."

"But where?"

"...north? Yeah, north."

"You're probably the first Pegasus I've met who's unsure of his orientation."

"Oh I'm certain of it."

"Well which way are you facing?"

"This way. Where the wall is."

The conversation was getting her nowhere, and it frustrated Twilight. He wasn't telling anything. It was suspicious behaviour alright, he was definitely hiding something. She would have to write to the princess about this.

She was about to accost him with one last-ditch effort at a decent question, when his ears twitched, and Lemon took to the air and flew backwards over the crowd. She managed to push through the crowd just in time to see him lick the face of the other Pegasus who was at the door with him, only to witness their short-lived chase and crash into her wall. Immediately, she braced the adjacent bookshelves for damage, and saved the books from falling down.

It seemed to be about time for the party to wind down, and the question of where these two stallions would be sleeping now entered Twilight's mind. There was no way the two of them could sleep at one of their homes. Twilight had many reservations about two stallions sleeping in the home of a mare, especially two newcomers about whom she knew very little. She simply couldn't afford to trust them that much.

"Applejack!"

"Here ah am sugarcube!" came the reply, and shortly after, the pony, to Twilight's side. They both stared curiously, but amusedly at the two Pegasi on the floor, dazed and clearly worn out.

"Where are these two going to sleep?"

"They're feather-brains ain't they? They could sleep at Dashie's place ah'm sure. She's got room ah think."

"Two of them though? What if they like...try something?"

"Yer talkin' 'bout Dash here sugarcube. She'd smack 'em upside the head if'n they tried somethin'."

"True enough. Hey Rainbow! Get down here!"

"WHAT?" called the blue Pegasus.

"Think you can give these two a place to sleep? They look pretty beat!"

"If they're so beat, how d'ya expect me to get them to my place?"

"WE CAN FLY!" shouted Lemon, still on the floor. Zegram had atleast tried to get himself up, but it was true. They were worn out. He still managed enough effort to bop Lemon on the rump and grumble "Shut up you butt!"

"Alright. Get up fellas, it's a bit of a ways up."

Before he rose, Zegram let out an anguished whine.

"AAAAUUUGH"

Author's Note:

NOT META ENOUGH. I KNOW. I DID THIS CHAPTER ON MY OWN AND I WASN'T THINKING VERY META. I WAS THINKING MORE "LOL PONU JOKES"

Comments

[RustyServbot]

media.tumblr.com/5d8a5720043a7dc1a3941178acc5ae71/tumblr_inline_mp9lk3Dl181qz4rgp.gif

[batran]

oooookay

[Captain Princess]

3074166 Ok

[Captain Princess]

3087434 Today infact. I'm going to force myself to sit down and finish Chapter 5 today, so today.

If I can cick my own ass well enough, you should have chapter 5 in just a few hours infact.
c:

[Captain Princess]

3087434 Well it wasn't the few hours I wanted it to be. But it's done All the same P:

[Captain Princess]

3088633 That's ok. My time's not being taken up by difficulties with the story itself, and I have proof readers and the like already.

Appreciate the offer though.