“The day started out hectic with me trying to figure out what my new roles and duties were,” Twilight spoke, her eyes slightly moving upwards as if she was living the moment all over again. “I was frantically running around my house, trying to find a book about becoming a new princess, but I couldn’t even find one closely relating to the subject. I started tearing through my bookshelves quickly to find something, anything that would guide me to the right path. I mean how does one react to just being told, ‘Congratulations, Twilight Sparkle, you are now a princess,’ I mean it is ABSURD! How can I-“
“TWILIGHT!” Spike jumped up immediately, his jade green eyes staring intensely at Twilight. A brief pause of silence passed throughout the library like a plague, silencing everything in its wake. However, Spike soon realized where he was, quickly apologized, and sat back down.
“Sorry, everyone, I was just swept away with my thoughts,” giggled an embarrassed Twilight.
“Anyway, I exited my house to consult Applejack to see if she could help me with my problem...”
Twilight galloped intensely out of her house, leaving hoof prints in the soft earth. As she ran, she continued to pull up soil and grass, spraying her hindquarters with Mother Nature. She passed by the center of town square, waved a friendly “hello” to Mayor Mare, and continued to head towards Sweet Apple Acres. As soon as she arrived, she slid to a halt and began scanning the area. With sweat trickling down the bridge of her horn, she heard a familiar voice.
“Hey, Twilight, over here!” shouted Applejack.
“Where are you, I don’t see you!” responded Twilight, her shortness of breath becoming apparent.
“Well golly, Twilight, I’d say you’ve been bucking apple trees for hours on end!” Applejack responded, trotting out of the barn. “Now then, Twi, what seems to be the matter?”
“Applejack, do you know of any other ponies becoming princesses!?!? And how does one fulfill her role with dignity and poise? Is there something I need to study? Do I need to find a lost book or…or…or seek a hidden checklist that contains info about royal duties? Is there –“
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down there sugar cube!” AJ interrupted. “Now then, this time, calmly explain why you are bugging out so much."
Twilight drew a long winded breath of air, firmly held it in her chest, and slowly released the air through her nostrils. This seemed to do the trick as Twilight calmed down instantly as she began to speak slower.
“I woke up this morning in a cold sweat. As I removed myself from the thin sheets, I realized I had wings and became a princess overnight. It seems in all of the excitement from yesterday, I fell asleep in the early evening from pure exhaustion. I think I just freaked out a bit when I realized I was now a princess and an alicorn as well. I tried to find a book on princesses of the past, but the only one I know talks about Princess Celestia and Luna. I know that book by heart and it does not mention anywhere in it about how to be a princess, how to act like one, or anything related to the topic! Sorry Applejack, I think I was just flustered and came to you for help,” Twilight said, lowering her head in embarrassment.
“Awww, sugar cube, don’t be embarrassed. These things tend to happen from time to time. Hey, how about we go visit Rainbow Dash and see if she knows anything. Who knows, there might be a princess in Cloudsdale that we never heard anything about,” Applejack said.
“You’re right, Applejack, let’s go!” Twilight said.
“Yee-haw! Alright, what say we get a little move on?” AJ asked.
“Do you mind if we walk there, I sort of exhausted myself running here. Oh, by the way, do you know where she is?”
“Well, if I know Dash, she should be either sleeping in a cloud or playing pranks on people. If I was her, I’d probably be taking a little doozy of a cat nap,” AJ responded.
Twilight nodded her head, turned around, and began walking back to Ponyville. As Twilight walked side-by-side with Applejack, she started to notice the finer details in the changing of seasons from summer to fall. The path they walked upon was scattered with leaves of all varieties and colors. The whispers of the wind would blow softly against the trees, shaking loose leaves from their fragile branches. It felt like Twilight and Applejack were the main stars in Mother Nature’s parade of the ever approaching fall season. The pair could hear the audible crunch sound of the leaves beneath them as they continued to trot down the road. After some time had passed, they had reached their destination and were now walking in Ponyville.
Upon entering the city, Twilight stopped in the middle of the city and began scanning the clouds trying to catch a glimpse of Rainbow Dash. Applejack quickly followed suit, looking everywhere in the sky for a sleeping Pegasus. The duo scanned the clouds, searching for their Pegasus friend. After an hour had passed, Twilight stopped searching and let out a hearty sigh. She closed her eyes and held them shut for a brief moment.
After Twilight opened her eyes, she saw a black stallion walking around the city, his head searching from left to right in a rapid fashion. Twilight didn't know what to think of this as she had never seen this pony before. She saw the horn on top of his head and deemed him to be a lost unicorn.
Upon further investigation, however, she discovered small, black wings held tightly to his sides. The creature’s straight, jet-black mane covered his neck down to his sturdy shoulders. His coat was a metallic black as well, but appeared dull under the bright sunlight. His eyes were crystal blue as they frantically searched through the city. His legs were of average build and his tail was split and ragged, small hairs extending in every direction. His marking was a filled in circle encompassed by a white outlining. The color of the inner circle matched this creature’s coat, an aspect that intrigued Twilight. This creature seemed to have no colorful aspects to him at all, just a dull, worn animal.
Who is he?!?! Twilight thought to herself. He is a unicorn, right? Or is he a Pegasus? He has both features though…Just what is he?!?!
After finishing her thought, Twilight sprinted towards this mysterious creature. Her quick movements caught the attention of her friend, Applejack. Applejack sprinted to cut Twilight off, but her intentions were all for naught.
“Just who and what are you?!” Twilight demanded, her horn glowing with a purple radiance.
“Aaahhh! Who are you?!” the stallion answered, fear in his voice.
“I am Twilight Sparkle. I have never seen a creature like you before in Ponyville. Are you a changeling or something worse? Just what are your intentions, here, huh?” Twilight asked suspiciously.
“Please forgive her, sir, she’s just a little stressed out, that’s all,” Applejack quickly interjected.
“No harm, no foul, after all. My name is Yin-Yang, but you may call me Yang for short. I used to live here, but some time has passed. I appear to be lost in this town and am a little overwhelmed by my return home. Do you think you could show me around? The town here never used to be this big back then. My, times have changed,” answered Yang.
Yang gave a slight smile towards Applejack, but noticed Twilight still glaring at his body. Yang followed Twilight’s eyes to his wings and immediately hung his head, letting out a sigh. He picked his head back up and let out a slight chuckle.
“I see you noticed my wings, huh?” Yang asked. “Well...Miss Twilight Sparkle, was it?”
“Just call me Twilight for short,” she retorted, her gaze fixated on Yang’s face.
“Haha, very well, Twilight. Well these wings are very useless, my dear. While they are real, they are just the result of a spell gone wrong,” Yang said with an embarrassing look upon his face.
“A..A failed spell?” Twilight answered meekly, her horn’s purple glow of magic dissipating.
“Yes,” Yang replied. “You see, I was performing a spell that could reverse one’s attributes. This spell would remove a horn from a unicorn and instead produce wings. This aspect would be the same on a Pegasus. As far as earth ponies go, giving them a horn or wing should be relatively simple; that type of spell is easy to perform.
The spell I was working with was supposed to be temporary and resolve itself after a couple of hours. I planned on using this to brighten ponies’ moods, but in the end, it was a failure. The spell consumed too much magic; I couldn't stop the process as the wings were rapidly appearing on my body. I collapsed on the ground in exhaustion and defeat. The process was simple, but I made a careless mistake... Performing the spell on oneself usually ends in a bad result. Since I was a unicorn, I can’t remove my own horn during the procedure; I can only add to the existing horn, thus giving myself wings.”
“Why did you tell me all of this? We just met after all,” asked Twilight.
"I don't have a filter when things come flying out of my mouth. I have a tendency to say things on my mind without mulling it over first. That does seem to be a problem," Yang mumbled as he held his chin with his hoof.
"Please don't be another Pinkie Pie," said Twilight.
"Who's that?" asked Yang.
"She is a very overly-enthusiastic earth pony; You'll meet her soon enough, though. She's been a great friend of mine for as long as I can remember," said Twilight.
"So is it safe to say that you know your way around this town well?" asked Yang.
"Well, I know almost everypony here and showing you the town would be really simple," said Twilight.
"It seems that you are well received here, yes?" said Yang.
Twilight’s cheeks flared red with embarrassment. “Well, I do try to embody myself as Celestia’s most loyal student,” she answered.
Yang’s expression shifted from one a smile to a smirk of disgust. He quickly shook his head and put on a false smile, pretending that his sour look was just a mirage. Applejack saw this happen, but ignored it, pretending as if nothing had happened.
“Well, Yang, we’d be humble as pie to give you a tour of our town,” Applejack said.
“I would be much obliged, Applejack.”
“Oh, right, I almost forgot! We’re looking for our friend, Rainbow Dash. She’s a blue Pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail, probably sleeping on a cloud somewhere. Her cutie mark is one of a multi-colored lightning bolt protruding from a cloud. Have you seen her?” Twilight asked.
“I think I may have,” Yang replied, putting one hoof up to his chin.
“Where did you see her at?” she replied.
“I believe over by the lake. I just came from that direction. I saw your friend piercing clouds and skimming the water’s edge with her outstretched wings,” Yang responded.
“Perfect! Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s get a move on, Twi!” Applejack shouted, sprinting ahead of Twilight and Yang.
Yang and Twilight both looked at each other and shrugged, dismissing the quick action. They gave chase after Applejack, their beating of hooves on the ground creating a constant beat. As the three of them continued to sprint towards the lake, they heard a loud and screeching voice.
“Gooooooo Rainbow Daaassssshhhhh!!” shouted the pink pony.
“Ow! My ears! Who is that…ughhhh…pony?” Yang asked, clutching his ears with both hooves.
“Pinkie!!! You’re being too loud again!” Twilight shouted.
“Twilight!! Applejack!! Ummm…random person I haven’t met before, Hii!” Pinkie yelled, flailing both arms in the form of hello waves.
“Pinkie, please, just be a little quitter. You’re hurting our guest’s ears,” Applejack stated politely.
“I just can’t help it! I mean have you seen Dash’s performance? It’s an amazing, spectacular, jaw-dropping, super-duper routine!” Pinkie yelled while hopping up and down.
“Yes, well, it is amazing and all, but still, Pinkie, please lower your voice,” Twilight stated sternly.
This impossible request seemed to work because Pinkie stopped her incessant yelling and sat on the ground, staring at Yang. Pinkie walked over to Yang and began observing him. Yang unclasped his hooves from his ears and rested his body on the ground. Rainbow Dash flew to Pinkie’s position, hovering above the ground as Applejack and Twilight observed the situation around Yang. Pinkie continued to observe Yang as he slowly stood on all four legs.
“Is there something I can help you with?” Yang asked, annoyed by the ever observing Pinkie.
“Well, I just don’t get it,” she replied.
“Get what?” he replied.
“You have a horn and wings? Hmmm, I don’t know, that’s awfully fishy. And I have never seen you before in my life. Are you new here?”
“Well, I’m new to this town. I haven’t been back in a while and I was a little overwhelmed at everything. Oh, I didn’t introduce myself. My name is Yin-Yang. What’s yours?” asked Yang, extending his right hoof.
Pinkie started to chuckle and tears developed in her eyes. She clenched her jaw with all of her might to try to stifle this fit of laughter. She even closed her eyes so tight it seemed as if she was trying to suffocate an insect. She couldn’t hold out for long as huge roars of laughter and waterfalls of tears ran down her face.
“Bwahahahahahaha! Yin-Yang? That’s your name? That’s hilarious!! Wait, wait, and is your middle name Yo-Yo?” Pinkie chortled producing a toy yo-yo. “Am I right, huh? Am I right?”
“No,” Yang declined firmly.
“All right, pinkie, you had your laugh,” said Twilight.
“I know Twilight, sorry, sorry, I just couldn’t”- was all Pinkie said before another cannonball of laughter filled the air. “Sorry about that, my name is Pinkamena Diane Pie, but everyone here just calls me Pinkie. Nice to meet ya!” she said, extending her hoof. She shook Yang’s hoof as he had held it there during her rant, completely forgetting to set it down.
“Likewise,” Yang said. “Oh, as far as my wings go, it was the result of a failed spell I was performing on myself.”
“Just like Twilight!” Pinkie blurted out.
Twilight grew red in the face as Applejack and Rainbow Dash stifled their giggling.
“Out of curiosity, where is Rarity and Fluttershy?” asked Applejack.
“Well Rarity is out shopping for fabric right now and Fluttershy is having a picnic with Discord,” Pinkie replied.
“Where is Fluttershy?!” Yang ecstatically shouted.
“Well, if my memory is correct, she should be in a straight line from here,” Pinkie replied pointing her hoof to the left side of him.
“There’s no time to waste!! Discord must be stopped here and now!” Yang yelled, sprinting as if he was on fire.
“Wait!” shouted Twilight, but to no avail.
Yang was running as fast as a speeding bullet towards Discord as the trio of ponies chased after him. The solo Pegasus quickly flapped her wings in a flurry of colored light as she continued to observe him from a distance in the sky. It didn’t take long to reach Fluttershy’s picnic spot as Yang slid himself to a halt. Rainbow Dash gently flapped her wings towards the ground, slowing her momentum with perfect grace and poise. The other three finally caught up to Rainbow Dash and Yang, all of them sweating and gasping for air.
“Wait,” said Twilight. “How do you know Discord? Also, Discord has changed; he only uses his magic for good now.”
“I see what’s going on here. Discord has tricked all of you into believing he has changed his dark ways. He is the god of chaos and nothing can change that fact!” Yang shouted, sprinting towards Discord and Fluttershy once again.
Rainbow Dash attempted to cut him off, but Yang cast a teleportation spell, instantly delivering him within arm’s reach of Discord.
“Oh my!” said Fluttershy, startled by the sudden appearance.
“Oh, what have we here, more guests? Come, come, sit down and enjoy yourself. There’s still plenty of food left. Relax and take it easy,” Discord said calmly, putting his paw around Yang.
“I know you, Discord; how you went against Celestia and Luna. I know how you challenged them to be the ruler of Equestria. My only question is how you were set free,” Yang said, removing Discord’s paw from his shoulder.
“We released Discord...All of us,” responded Twilight.
Yang stood there wide-eyed and dumbfounded. His jaw stretched all the way to the ground with Discord firmly pushing it back into place.
“Discord!” Yang yelled.
“Sorry, sorry, it’s just a joke. I couldn’t resist with the way you stood there all wide eyed and speechless. This was just the most perfect time to make your jaw LITERALLY drop! I mean, it’s an instant classic!” Discord said, chuckling and snickering while speaking.
“Why did you free him?” Yang asked Twilight.
“It was a request from Celestia. Fluttershy here transformed Discord from an out of control draconequus into a normal person! Well…almost normal,” Twilight responded.
“Well, if your friend here really did such a thing,” Yang replied.
“Oh, yes, it took some time, but I was finally able to convince him,” Fluttershy responded.
“Since she’s the first friend I ever had; I simply can’t go against her,” replied Discord.
Yang’s expression changed from one of admiration to one of sadness.
“You really don’t remember me?” asked Yang.
“Hmmm, you do look somewhat familiar on second glance,” replied Discord, removing his eyes from their sockets. “Let’s get a better look, shall we?”
Discord took his eyes and rolled them at Yang’s feet. They eyes stared up at Yang as they slowly dissolved into the ground. Discord reappeared with a monocle and a corn cob pipe sitting in a fancy red chair. The armrests were long, curled chunks of chocolate. He easily ripped a piece of the armrest and popped it into his mouth. As he crunched the chocolate, the chair spun around Yang slowly. As it picked up speed, Yang became dizzy trying to follow it.
Yang fell over onto something soft, yet painful. As Yang’s eyes stopped spinning, he slowly realized what was supporting him. Discord had transformed himself into a mattress with restraining straps for his arms. As Yang struggled to be free, Discord changed himself from a mattress back into his original form. Yang fell to the ground with a thump as Discord had his claw resting underneath his chin.
“Nope,” was the reply from the god of chaos.
“Discord, you really don’t remember me?!” Yang answered. Yang’s sigh was filled with disappointment before he continued, “Well, maybe this will jolt your memory,” he said, closing his eyes. “I will be the king of this here place; I will rule and conquer each and every race”-
“Chaos will spread throughout this entire land; And with it, destruction shall be close at hand,” continued Discord, his eyes literally becoming big saucer plates.
“It can’t be. No, it really cannot be you. Yin-Yang!?!” Discord shouted before disappearing into a cloud of smoke.
3036835
Yeah....Fluttershy showed Discord her freindship...so I think when Chrysalis or Nightmare Moon are faced to face with Fluttershy about to hurt her...
BAM BACKSTAB DISSY
Then Discord and FlutterShy ride into the sunset
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Thanks for reading it! I know it's not popular now, but this will be a long story. Also, I do hope you and the others that read this will be pleasantly surprised when it starts to get dark and sad.
~That week is gonna suck lol
306492
No prob I read anything with Discord in....
Just don't kill Fluttershy unless she dies in the most badass way you can think of
3064967
No worries, I actually like Fluttershy . That image made me cry so hard the first time I saw her change.
Discord does not go against Fluttershy. But, what if his memories were cleansed?
3064975
..... I like you're thinking....
But....what happens if Discord was about to hurt her but he manages to remember...
3065112
Guess we'll have to wait and see, won't we?
3065114
.....Damn...I have a IPad so that's why my stories upload VVVVVEEERRRRYYY quickly
3065123
Oh, it's not that, my dear. It's just I am a suspense writer. I like to take people on a roller-coaster in my stories, since that is how I was taught. Plot-Rising Action-Action-Falling Action, Repeat.
I know how to leave cliffhangers and suspense, the only problem is I like to describe things in detail so there's no plot holes. Also, I proofread my work like 50 times lol
3065144
Damn.......awesome
3065151
Yea, sorry if it takes me a couple of days to produce quality, but hey, Quality > Quantity, right?
Also, thanks again for the read. I do appreciate it.
3065152
You're welcome
3065156
No problem, and a favorite for you yay!
3065163
.....
3065172
At first I didn't see the face. I just saw ... and was concerned. I felt like, I just don't know what went wrong?
3065182
Easy....King Sombra is trying to keep me from contacting you...I am a pony from the future...we are fighting against changelings....
Don't worry we're winning
3065198
Oh my, you're fighting AGAINST the changelings? I don't believe my queen will like this news.
Oh, Chrisssyyy!!!!
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Oh Chryssie is loooooonnnnggggg dead my friend....this time it is a king...know as King Millecok he shows no mercy....he killed my entire family....you may call me AmberForge....element of Honesty
3065210
I see. My name is Inigo Montoya, prepare to die!
Anyways, interesting element; I like it! Mine is the element of madness; able to provide good and negative qualities to all those around it.
3065231
Damn....WE MUST WORK TOGETHER ONCE YOU'RE IN THE FUTURE
3065239
Technically I am.....it's 10:44 PM here
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......YUUS
3065253
You thinking what I'm thinking, pinky?
3065260
........YUS
3065285
Time to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship!
3065300
YYYYYAAAAAYYYYYYY
We must have werewolves in our world
3065307
Without a doubt! And vampires (NOT THE SPARKLE ONES) for sexy times and their style.
3065311
Yup...and Dragons chimeras....Hellhounds LOADS of CREATURES
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My response:
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3065343
Well, it would be a perfect day! LOL I love our comments soooo much!
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3065377
Hooray, more views! Anyway, I'll ttyl as I have to be up in 5 hours for work.
I really don't want to go.
3065388
Damn....oh well....besides....I'm a...kid...
Hey, you may have noticed that you got another downvote, and I just wanted you to know that was an accident on my part. I was clicking rapidly to get rid of these little notification windows and when the last one closed the downvote button was right where my cursor was, and I couldn't stop clicking in time.
I wish there was a way to undo those (if there is, I don't know it), but I just thought I'd let you know in case you get discouraged by getting a downvote with no explination. I personally don't vote up or down until I've read the whole story, or at least a good portion of it, but I don't just vote based on the description alone. In all honesty, your story sounds kind of neat, but not something I'm interested in looking at currently, so I can't, in all fairness, just click the upvote button to make up for it.
Not sure if it was worth me pointing this out, but I thought I'd let you know so you don't get discouraged, especially considering you seem to be new to writing (at least on this site), and I wouldn't want to go to bed tonight feeling like I bullied an aspiring writer. So feel free to disregard one of those downvotes!
Once again, sorry about that! Good luck with your writing!
3081052
Yea the only way to get rid of it is to upvote unfortunately. I know it was by accident, however, people tend to pay attention to the upvotes so this may hurt my story's chance at being noticed. The only way this can be improved is by ppl upvoting it and telling others. I appreciate the comment and letting me know about it, but it still affects my story.
FYI I've had a really shitty day. MY CO literally told me to get the fuck out, my friends are harassing me, and I don't even know if I can go home to see my family. I know this doesn't pertain to this site, but it just seems when it rains, it pours. Y'know?
It's difficult serving overseas.
3081052
You accidentally downvoted, but can't upvote to make up for it? Honestly, that sounds a bit dick-ish to me, especially since the up-down ratio directly affects how many views the story gets. But, of course, it's your choice.
3081915
Thank you for the feedback!
I am realllyyy anal retentive when it comes to punctuation and spelling. I may miss a few every now and then, but hey, I'm only human.
Other than that, I really do appreciate you taking your time to read the story and give me a review on pros and cons of it. Even though it is not popular, I just want people to be drawn into this world while escaping the harsh reality of our own. That's what I strive for as an author when I write; a means of escape for the readers.
Thank you again for the feedback!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some errors to correct.
I do not feel the need to do a review. You are doing an outstanding job in here! I absolutely found nothing wrong with this tale. Writing style is comfortable to read; plot is interesting; characters are believable in your universe, so it makes them perfectly fine for me. Seriously, your are doing a pretty nice work here...
I did find something, which is just absolutely preposterous! Here:
Likes: 11 + 1 (Mine is the 12th...))
Dislikes: 3
Favorites: 12 + 1 (Mine is the 13th...)
.
.
.
You. Deserve. MUCH. More views and appreciation!
That is all I have to say and with that, you earned a follower...
Have a fantastic day!
~Adam
Ps.: For your information, I decided to check YOU out, after you left a spirit-lifting comment on my user page. I got the chance to repay you, so I lived with the opportunity. So here you are! You deserved it!
3081934 No worries. I know how hard it is for an author to find errors in his/her work.
Just gave it a quick read. Grammar's good enough and the story's definitely interesting, so it's good enough for an upvote from me. Not sure if I'll be checking the rest out right away since I'm kinda too caught up in a couple other stories right now, and I can only handle so much, but I could see myself coming back to it before long.
Hope that helped, and thanks for your service. Hang in there.
3083597
No problem at all. Thank you for taking the time to read it and then evaluate it. Any feedback is much appreciated and I am grateful that you liked it. I hope to continue to the story with more intrigue and twists. Who knows, if it becomes liked by many, maybe there'll be a sequel.
I'm getting too far ahead of myself.
Warning: Criticism Incoming.
Don't use words like "interjected" unless absolutely necessary. They stand out like a sore thumb and slow down the reading. Keep dialogue tags or whatever they're called to "said" as much as possible. One way to improve would be to just have it like: "Twilight!" Spike jumped up, his jade green eyes staring intensely at Twilight.
See how it flows now?
Why would Twilight even think this? They are merely going to find RD, not enter a crypt full of undead to find some lost artifact.
Use "said". Save "announced" for when someone is doing something like addressing a crowd.
As she scanned the clouds she stopped searching? She can't do both at the same time. You either need an ongoing action in the second part of the sentence, or change the first part to something else. Something like As the duo scanned the clouds Twilight's thoughts raced. or The duo scanned the clouds. After a few minutes Twilight stopped searching and let out a hearty sigh.
This is all a bit, uh, unrealistic? There's no way he got all that just by meeting Twilight for 5 seconds, and if he was trying to deceive her she should easily be able to see through a response like this.
Other than the few things I pointed out, your grammar isn't bad at all. However, on the whole your characters are very naive and don't act the way they should. They don't feel like actual people. Err, ponies.