Chapter 1 "Into the Gala"
Equestria Noir 2
Case 1
“Murder at the Gala”
By Jacoboby1
Chapter 1
“Into the Gala”
This is Equestria World News Tonight with Jean de’ Fancy.
“Good Evening, I’m Jean de’ Fancy here with today’s top Equestrian news. It’s been almost a month since the much publicized attack on Ponyville. The battle was devastating, involving both powerful magic, and our old foe, Queen Chrysalis. While repairs to both the town and this reporter’s home of Canterlot have been completed, the scars still show from that terrible event. The perpetrator of the attack, a mysterious alicorn dubbing himself “King Lunard” has disappeared after the fighting, although royal officials say he is of little threat now. Many in Ponyville are holding memorial services for those who fought in the battle. More details as to how you can aid the families that suffered will be shown after the show.”
“Another story is the much publicized wedding of Private Eye and now Princess Twilight Sparkle. The couple is returning from their honeymoon in the tropics. We go to Kitty Perric for the latest, Kitty.”
“Thank you Jean, the wedding was held here in small town Ponyville not long after the attack. It was a much-anticipated event, involving both the good ponies of Ponyville, and the crem de la crem of the Canterlot elite. The festivities lasted pretty much all the day, and well into the night. The reception offered food, drink, an open mic at one point, dancing, and even a brief concert by the Equestria-acclaimed singer, Moongale. This being much to the delight of one of Moongale’s young fans. Even the famous -or infamous- rock star, Raiden Bolt, put in an appearance. All in all a good time was had by all attendees. And our best wishes go out to the happy couple, as they settle back in their home of Ponyville.”
“Thank you Kitty, there has been some controversy surrounding this wedding, correct?”
“Yes, Jean, reports from our royal council correspondents say that several nobles have been protesting the marriage. They cite that Private Eye had married her too soon after her coronation; and say this did not allow our newly-crowned princess a chance to choose among their number for a more, in their eyes, fitting husband. Some are even so far as to suggest the marriage be considered invalid, and declared null and void, or it should even be annulled. It has also been suggested that Private Eye married the Princess Twilight Sparkle under false pretences, and should be arrested for fraud. Princess Celestia has yet to comment to these statements.”
“Thank you Kitty, hopefully this’ll all get sorted out.”
“In other news today Irenius Eye officially takes over as head of Eye Industries following the disappearance of his millionaire father Adamus Eye. The former CEO is under suspicion for being involved with the attempted sabotage of Twilight Sparkle’s coronation. Irenius Eye refuses to comment on the situation and says he simply wishes that his father come to his senses.”
“The Grand Galloping Gala has changed locations this year following the discovery of a gas leak in the Canterlot Castle Ballroom. The place suffered damage from the attack last month and will not be fixed in time for the much anticipated event. This year’s Gala will be hosted at Tabletop Mansion. The noble himself volunteered his home after hearing the Gala needed a home. The Gala itself will be held there next week.”
“More stories and news coming up after the break.”
____________________________________________________________________
Perspective: Private Eye
I blinked open my grey eyes as the train rolled it’s way towards Ponyville. I yawned loudly, feeling tired from the trip and eager to return home. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the honeymoon and would gladly go on it again, it’s just the trip back had drained me to the point where I slept most of the trip.
I looked over and saw Twilight was sleeping on my shoulder. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was soft as we rode the train. I smiled and licked my wife on the ear. Wife, it feels so great to think that.
Her amethyst eyes slowly opened and she yawned widely. Looking up at me she said, “I had a dream about you.”
“Oh really?” I asked with a smile.
“Yep, you were very,” she murmured, then blushed, probably realizing what kind of dream that was. She smiled lightly, adding, “You were amazing, just like that first night.”
I smiled and kissed her lovingly. Memories of that wedding night came flooding back into my brain the longer I held her. She held onto me as she returned the kiss. After about a minute we broke away and she snuggled into my embrace, she nuzzling my chest fur tenderly. With my trench coat out of commission I had to spend the majority of the honey moon prancing around naked. Twilight didn’t mind, of course.
I laid a kiss on her head and said, “Twi, I can’t wait to start our life together.”
“I can’t wait either,” She replied, kissing me lightly on the nose. “We have a lot to think about: Where we’re going to live, what’re we going to do about Spike and Tailspin, and about...” She got quiet for a moment and then whispered in my ear, “Additions.”
My ears rose as I realized exactly what she meant.
She then spoke frantically, “Oh, I’m sorry, I got a little ahead of myself. I didn’t think if you would want...” She blushed again, “Foals.”
I smiled, “Maybe not now, but someday I’d love to have a foal with you Twilight.”
Her eyes glowed and she kissed me again. “Really Private? You would?”
“In truth,” I said as I blushed myself and rubbed the back of my head with a free hoof, “I always did want a filly.”
“A filly?” She tilted her head.
“I figure, I got the colt with Tailspin, a filly just seems the right way to go,” I explained.
Slowly, my wife got this big smile on her face and started laughing.
“What’s so funny?” I asked.
“Just, you and a filly.” She gave a sly look. “I know for a fact you’d spoil her rotten.”
“I would not!” I retorted.
“Oh, she would be daddy’s little princess.” Twilight giggled at my expression and then made her eyes big. “Daddy, can I have some dresses from auntie Rarity?”
Must...resist...cuteness...
Twilight got closer, her eyes getting even bigger. “Pweeese?” she said in the most adorable whine ever.
I sighed, “Alright.”
“I knew it!” she declared, laughing loudly.
“Alright that’s it!” I cried, pinning her down and running my hoof along her soft belly fur. She giggled loudly, both from the joke and the fact she’s very ticklish down there. After my relentless assault passed she looked up at me and smirked; “Now I know how to get my husband to do what I want.”
“Looks like I’m whipped already,” I replied, kissing her on the horn and touching mine to hers affectionately.
“You know I love you,” Twilight said, leaning her horn against mine.
“I figured that, wedding night passionate cries and all,” I teased.
“You!” She gave me a playful shove. We both laughed and then felt the train rolling into a stop. We were, finally home.
________________________________________________________________
“Ooooooooooh! They’re coming back from their honeymoon, hooray, hooray! They’re coming back from their honeymoon, today, today. They’re coming back from their honeymoon, where Private did make Twilight swoon! They’re coming back from their honeymoon, today! YAY!” Pinkie finished her song, and the poppers on her back went off, showering us with confetti.
Twilight and I both laughed at Pinkie’s display as we stepped off the train. Our fellow Elements were there to greet us. Along with Spike and Tailspin, who ran/rolled over to us. I took my brother in my forelegs and Twilight took her son/brother figure into hers.
“It’s so great to have you both back!” Tailspin smiled widely.
“It’s good to see you too, buddy,” I said, ruffling his mane, eliciting a laugh from my little brother.
“We got Private’s house cleaned and everything,” Spike said. “Figured that would be where you guys’ll stay for a while.”
“Thanks Spike,” Twilight smiled.
“So Private,” Rainbow grinned, hovering over and nudging me in the ribs. “How was that first night?”
Twilight and I both blushed at the same time, earning a loud laugh from Rainbow.
“Now Rainbow Dash, that is a personal thing to ask!” Rarity scolded.
Rainbow was lying on her back, still laughing her flank off. “I can just imagine it, them doing it on books, it’s totally egghead worthy!”
“RAINBOW!!” Twilight and I both shouted.
Before Rainbow could laugh anymore, AJ’s lasso was thrown around her and she was yanked away by the farm pony. AJ trotted up to us. “It’s still good tah have you back, Ah need somepony tah try out some new treats after all.”
“Trying new recipes?” Twilight asked, letting go of Spike.
“That, and there’s ‘nother reason fer it.” She slowly turned to Fluttershy.
The butter yellow pegasus blushed brightly. Sweet Luna tell me it’s what I think it is!
“Well um, after the wedding Mackey and I, we...” She flapped her wings nervously. “He and I, we talked and well...” She held up one of her wings. My jaw dropped as she moved some feathers aside, revealing a blue feather.
“That’s a rainbow feather!” I cried.
“Well, yeah we can see color.” Twilight commented. “But it’s blue, not rainbow.”
“Only because it transformed itself to show up on Fluttershy’s wings. Mom told me about this once. The rainbow feather belongs to a bird that lives on some mountains. It’s feathers transform depending on the situation. It’s custom for a pegasus stallion to find one,” I explained, smiling wide, “To give to the one he intends to marry!”
“Oh my gosh!” Twilight hugged her friend tightly. “You and Big Mac are engaged! I’m so happy for both of you!”
Fluttershy just hugged her friend back, giving a cute smile herself. “Mackey asked Stormfront for some help with it,” she said in her usual quiet way. “He said he was wanting to do everything in a ‘right proper manner’, so nopony would doubt how he felt about me.” Fluttershy giggled, adding, “Mackey said that Stormfront brought down a feather for himself.”
Sounds like Grapes is going to get a surprise herself. Rarity then levitated over a box to me. “Consider it a welcome home present.”
“This isn’t from Victory Secrecy is it?” I asked.
“No, it seems Twilight found my present didn’t she?” she asked with a sly smile that caused my wife to blush.
“Yeah,” I chuckled and opened the package. Inside was my trench coat, grey with a bunch of pockets and a gun holster on the inside. Perfectly restored though with a few tweaks on it.
“Try to keep this one in stable condition darling,” Rarity added.
“I’ll do my best,” I said with a smile and slipped the trench coat on. Comfortable as always but practical as well.
“Sooo,” Pinkie said, leaning against me. “When can me and Swarmy throw you and Twilight a welcome home party?”
“After everything gets settled Pinkie,” Twilight said, lifting her wing and pulling me to her side. “Private and I got some things to do.”
“I’ll see you at the library later bro!” Tailspin said, leaving with Spike. Those two seem to have gotten closer since we left. I’m happy for that.
“We’d better get going,” Twilight said, levitating some of our luggage. “See you all later!”
We all bid our friends goodbye and levitated our luggage down the path towards my place. We soon arrived home to find it surrounded by ponies carrying cameras, recorders, and assorted other reporter paraphernalia. As if they smelled us, they all turned, and started to descend on Twilight and I, like locusts on a ripe wheat field.
Before they could bombard us with questions Twilight’s horn glowed brightly and a loud crack was heard. Suddenly all of the reporters were gone. I looked at Twilight. “Did you just mass teleport them?”
Twilight’s eyes glowed. “Alicorn magic is amazing!”
Oh great, she’s going to go power mad sooner or later. I asked, “Where’d you send them to?”
“I panicked and teleported them to the Clopdashian mansion. That’ll keep them busy for a while,” she said with a big smile.
“Yeah... Didn’t one of them have a baby or get divorced, or... something... I don’t keep up with that load of manure, and generally hear about it third hoof,” I said, looking kind of disgusted.
“This means we have the place to ourselves,” Twilight said, taking the time to run her tail along my nose before opening the door. I smiled and entered our home.
Twilight and I set the luggage on the floor and plopped ourselves down on the couch. Twilight sighed as she put her head on my shoulder. “I’m just glad to be home, much as I love the ocean it is good to just be back.”
I smiled and nuzzled her gently, “I’m just glad you’re here to be home with.”
“You too.” She kissed me gently, and then her eyes fell to the coffee table. “Hey, looks like our mail was plopped here. Well, still your mail but at least.”
I levitated up the envelopes. I sifted through them, bill, bill, invitation to welcome back party, another bill, gala ticket, more bill- wait what!?
I went back a few bills and found that a golden gala ticket was there. Attached to it was a small note. I read it aloud.
Dear Private and Twilight
I’m happy to hear you both enjoyed your honeymoon. I wished originally to let you have some time off to enjoy each other. Sadly, I’m afraid I can no longer hold this back. I’ve received several requests that both of you join for this year’s Grand Galloping Gala. I know it’s hard to ask, but I do wish for you both to be there. It would be a fine opportunity to have you both get used to public appearances. The ticket shall explain the rest.
Celestia
Twilight and I looked at each other. “Well, looks like we better go shopping for suits and a dress,” I sighed.
Twilight suddenly looked very nervous. “This’ll be the first time I’m at such a public event as a princess.” She started pacing in front of me. “What if I screw something up! What if Celestia hears about it an-”
“Twi...” She looked at me and I continued, “Breathe.”
She put a hoof to her chest, let in a huge breath, then let it out while extending her hoof. “You’re right, I can’t panic now.”
I then look at the ticket. Twilight sat beside me and said, “Private, you’ve been to the gala four times right?”
I nodded, “Once when I was a baby, another when I was two, another one when I was eight, and the last when I was twelve. Hopefully they livened things up a little.”
Twilight laughed, “I don’t think you wanna wish that Private, I know from experience just how crazy a gala can get.”
____________________________________________________________________
One Week Later...
I sat in the carriage as we rolled into Tabletop Mansion’s driveway. I wore the suit I wore at most formal occasions, with it getting a quick dry clean from Rarity. I still had on my trademark fedora. I had to leave behind Blackbird simply because they don’t allow firearms at the gala. Magical scanners will look for cheaters. Twilight looked radiant in her princess dress of pink and gold. Her gold shoes glinting in the lights...and the flashes of the cameras taking her picture.
I’ll admit, it felt kind of cool to be in a carriage with Twilight. Occasionally I stuck my head out and nearly lost vision in my eyes as the ponies on the walkway tried desperately to get a picture of us. Twilight would wave occasionally and smile at the cameras.
Finally our carriage rolled to a stop and one of the solar guard opened the door for us. I wonder what Twilight’s guards will look like. I ignored some ideas I got about crazy violet and silver armors and simply stepped out of the carriage. The paparazzi only shouted for my attention more as I turned to offer my hoof for Twilight.
She took it and stepped down out of the carriage. We walked down the red carpet together, not stopping to answer questions but smiling occasionally to satisfy them. I whispered in Twilight’s ear, “Now I know how Raiden feels when he comes to parties.”
“Hey, we both saved Equestria about five times now.” Twilight said, waving. “We deserve a little publicity.”
I smiled and kissed my wife on the cheek. That really got them going as the camera’s flashed to get a picture of us kissing. Twilight smiled and we both walked down towards the mansion.
Tabletop mansion was pretty large, about four stories high with a Roamanesque front, and columns, and statuary, mathematically trimmed hedges, and even gargoyles festooning the corners. The place was huge, rivalling the Diamond mansion in size, and in much better taste. Twilight and I walked up the steps and were led by some ushers into a massive ballroom. The place was jam packed with ponies. Ladies dressed in colorful gowns, Lords dressed in fine suits and servants attending to their every needs.
Twilight and I were greeted by a grand sight. Princess Celestia herself was walking towards us. Twilight and I nearly bowed, but remembering we were both royalty now, stopped and simply smiled.
Celestia and Twilight hugged for a moment and then the sun princess said, “I’m glad you both could make it. It’s good to see you two, how was the honeymoon?”
Twilight let go of her mentor and said, “It was wonderful Prin-I mean, Celestia. Gosh that’s going to be weird for a long time.”
Celestia and I both laughed, she turned to look at me. “I trust you took care of my student, Private?”
I held Twilight’s hoof. “With every fiber of my being, like always.”
Twilight nuzzled into my neck as Celestia smiled warmly, “I’m happy to have seen it turn out so well.” Celestia then returned to greeting other guests. Twilight and I stepped up and another pony came up to us.
This pony was an average sized, sea green coated unicorn stallion. His greying brown mane was well kept as well as his suit. He smiled politefully at us and bowed. “Your royal highness, it is wonderful for you to attend. I am Lord Tabletop, I volunteered my home for this very occasion.”
Twilight smiled and nodded, “We know how important this event is for ponies, so you generosity was welcome.”
Twilight didn’t mention that the only ponies who really benefitted from the gala were the nobility. But I’m thinking she’s keeping that quiet for the sake of being polite.
Tabletop then looked to me, “Ah, you must be the royal consort.”
I nodded, “Detective Private Phelps Eye, a pleasure.” I held out my hoof.
Tabletop reluctantly shook it and said, “You’ve been a very interesting subject here among the noble caste.”
I raised an eyebrow at the odd emphasis before Twilight pulled on my hoof. “We’d love to stay and chat, but we really should get to mingling with the guests.”
Twilight and I stepped down onto the ballroom floor. Several ponies who were chatting before stopped as we passed by. I couldn’t help but feel a little self-conscious at the stares. Twilight looked over at me. “You okay?”
“Sorry,” I said, putting a hoof to my temple after we stopped. “I guess I’m just not used to it yet.”
“I doubt anypony would be used to it, my dear boy,” a familiar voice spoke up. Twilight and I looked up to see Fancy Pants walking towards us.
“Fancy Pants, it’s good to see you!” Twilight greeted as we both walked over.
“It is good to see you both as well, my friends,” Fancy said with a smile.
“How’s Fleur?” I asked, smiling in turn.
“Positively glowing, old boy. You’d be surprised how well she’s taking to pregnancy,” Fancy Pants replied. “I’d have expected more mourning of her figure, but she’s positively chipper about having our first.”
“So tell us,” I asked, “Do you know what it is yet?”
Fancy smiled with pride. “Fleur and I are about to be the proud parents of a colt.”
“That’s wonderful!” Twilight said, “Maybe I’ll bring my niece over sometime and it’ll be a play date.”
“Somehow I don’t think Cadence would appreciate you kidnapping her daughter.” I said, nudging Twilight and laughing a little.
Twilight pouted, “It’s not my fault she’s the most adorable thing on the planet.”
Fancy laughed, “Speaking of borrowing, I really must speak to you, Twilight. Celestia herself wished for me to enlighten you on some Princess related topics.”
“Fancy, I’m curious, you never said what exactly your job is,” I pointed out.
Fancy smiled, “Why my boy, I’m a philanthropist, but my official job is a business advisor to Princess Celestia.”
“You’re an advisor to Celestia?!” Twilight exclaimed in shock.
“Mostly when she requires one more skilled in finance,” He replied with a smile. “Her majesty was hoping I could impart some knowledge to you Twilight.”
“I’d appreciate it,” Twilight replied, smiling. “Shall we?”
“What about me?” I asked.
“Well, take my advice and go mingle with the guests,” Fancy replied, “I’m sure they are quite anxious to meet you.”
Like one would a leper, no doubt.
Twilight looked to me, “It’s only for a few hours. I’m planning on us leaving as soon as we can.”
“I’ll survive till then, Twi.” I laid a kiss on her cheek. She giggled and joined Fancypants at a nearby table to chat.
I turned around and was suddenly the object of attention for a bunch of nobles. I stood stiff as a board, feeling like a uniform under inspection. I cleared my throat after a minute and said, “Um, do you all want to hear a story?”
________________________________________________________________
“So than the lady starts wailing at me,” I explained, taking a sip of the wine glass as I recounted my tale. I barely drank from it so as to remain sober, but I also wanted to look like I appreciated the wine. Even if it did taste like crap compared to Grapes’ stuff. Tabletop donated the stuff from his own cellar according to a lady who stopped by to quell the complaints about the sub-par wine. That turned the complaints into a low grumble, since they didn’t want to offend the host, but even they knew the good stuff from the bad.
Grapes, I’ll even take your pineapple wine over this stuff.
I went on, “She starts going on and on about describing her filly in the utmost detail. She kept wailing about what a terrible tragedy it would be if she were lost on the cold streets of Manehatten.” The nobles at my table were engrossed in my tale. I wasn’t as good a storyteller as Tailspin, to be honest, but I could weave a narrative or two. Funny... it feels like I constantly narrate my thoughts like a story.
That’s just the wine, Privy, don’t think about it
Okay, Pinkie.
I went on, “She finally got so angry that she demanded to know why the hell I was smiling. I finally say, ma’am, you just described in perfect detail that filly that’s gorging on cupcakes like there’s no tomorrow’”
The nobles laughed at the story. One smartly dressed older stallion asked, “What was her response?”
I smiled and set down the wineglass “She just kind of mumbled something, went inside to get her kid and kept muttering the whole way home. In all honesty I think I broke her.”
They chuckled at that, one lady said, “Had we known you were such a storyteller we would’ve invited you sooner.”
“Is it true you took on Nightmare Moon, my boy?” An older looking stallion asked.
“She more or less defeated herself to be honest,” I answered humbly.
An elderly lady stated, “I heard you took down several villains in your career.”
“Somepony has to,” I said casually, trying not to get too proud. “I just do my duty to my home and my friends.”
“So humble,” a lady complemented. “Why I wish my husband had a tenth of your humility.”
“Darling!” Her husband cried and all laughed.
Note to self, semi voluntary relationship counseling later.
“But I do believe your greatest accomplishment,” another lady said, “Was winning the heart of fair Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
I kind of got this grin on my face I couldn’t help. I rubbed the back of my head. “Well, she wasn’t a princess when we started dating. She was a good friend and it turned into far more.”
“Sounds like it was true love,” a stallion said, leaning against his wife.
“It wasn’t easy, but we got through it,” I smiled. “We’re just trying to work out our housing situation.”
“Isn’t the Princess going to be staying at Canterlot?” one noble asked.
“Twi and I talked about it,” I explained, I could see the looks I got for not using a formal title for my wife. “She and I agreed that Ponyville is our home. It’s where we met, it’s where we fell in love, so we should stick with it. Besides, it gets attacked every other week, who do you think’s gonna clean up the next monster mess?”
They laughed a little at the levity. Hmm, it seems they started to like who I am. Now, if I can just get through the rest of th-
“WHAT IS THIS PEASANT DOING HERE?!?!”
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The butler did it! Of course this wont work in this case because the butler is the one who is dead...
Who the hell interrupts Private when he's in thought? Blueblood is that you yah douchebag
2994679 Probably.
I can't believe season 2 is already out.
Back to business, yo.
Damn you, Blueblood
I already have you pinned as a pretty cool, yet mildly oblivious stallion that isn't the bane of all existence, don't let me have to resort to bloody cliche and stereotype again!!!!
Off topic: All right! Season 2 has started, and once again congratulations to Fancy and Fleur for their pregnancy, hope their colt is as interesting as his dad and positively brilliant like his godfather.
2994785Don't worry, Blueblood is the least of our problems
Huzzah! Season two had arrived and already it'd to an awesome start!
If you know what I mean...
Ah, the asshat of the chapter has arrived.
I'm guessing that's Blueblood at the end, or at least somebody quite like him- a big, stuck-up jerk!
I think Blueblood killed the butler.
2995147The butler hasn't even been killed yet!
2995191
I think he will kill the butler. Havent honestly read it yet because I am procrastinating reading everything that has updated and I don't know why
I don't think that's Blueblood... but it sure sounds close to it. This is one of the reasons that I somewhat dislike the nobles
. But this is, strange... it's good to see this story going on again though, but that means I need to actually get the conspiracy board working for this one. I'm glad I got mine back that was given to me, because I have a feeling that I'm going to be using it a lot more in this season...
2995257Oh yeeah...
2995259
This is one of the good reasons why I do not have a psycho me, but the first conspiracy is between private,Twilight, and the nobles... I know for a fact that some nobles have a dislike for Private since marrying Twilight, so I wouldn't be surprised if there was a noble involved in a case that he ends out busting.
Son of a...
2994648 Unless said butler kills himself and somehow frames his master
.....Unlikely, but possible.
Well, Twilight certainly knows how to deal with the paparazzi. And the Gala is going better than I thought it wou- ok, who invited this flankhole?!?!
Great to see Season 2 is starting, and Twilight's means of dealing with the paparazzi is definitely one of the better ones I've seen in stories.
Oh crap! I forgot all about noir. I really need to hit your follow button. I'm gonna read what i can already guess is brilliance.
Ummm I have a question.... Why weren't the rest of the mane six invited to the gala considering they SAVED ALL OF EQUESTRIA not that long ago?
2995872 Exactly what I though. The flank hole called blueblood!
2995481 BLEEP!
I noticed this in previous stories so I'm gonna mention it now.
Celestia is totally like that one guy that gives Jim Phelps his IMF missions via recordings!
6164365
I think you mean, blueballs.