Have Fun Before Ah'm Dead
Have Fun Before Ah’m Dead
Apples. It was the only thing on the farm mare’s mind for the past few days, if not weeks. All around the proud farm of Sweet Apple Acres, apple trees glimmered with their red, yellow, and green beauties, right and ready for bucking.
Applejack stood by her latest bucked tree with baskets of apples at its trunk. Applebuck season was in full swing, and the late afternoon fall sun was still shining through the reddening leaves of the endless sea of trees. Her siblings left a few minutes ago to take a little break, but she was determined to keep going. Nothing was going to get in her way of finishing off this rest of the orchard. Nothing, nothing except an old, yet energized voice calling out to her.
“Applejack! Can you come in here and help your Granny with somethin’?”
How Granny Smith managed to holler out as loud as she did at her very elderly age was a mystery to the rest of the Apple family. Then again, so was how she’s still among the living remained a mystery. Applejack wasted no time in dropping what she was doing and hightailing it back to the farmhouse to see what her Granny needed.
She reached the farmhouse rather quickly, but upon entering, she was met with an empty living room.
“Ah’m in here, AJ!” Granny Smith’s voice called out from the kitchen.
Applejack stepped through the living room and into the kitchen where she welcomed the sweet and warm scent that drew her to the table. Sitting in an old chair by her walker, Granny Smith was beaming a denture-aided smile with several fresh apple pies that just begged to be eaten. Sticking out of each pie were 3 and 0 number candles, already threatening to drop their wax onto the pies.
"Happy birthday, Sugarcube!"
Applejack walked towards her granny and gave her a careful hug, as not to break the old mare. "Thanks, Granny”
"Awww, wasn't nothin'. Besides, it ain't everyday one of my granddaughters turn thirty!" A little flint of light seemed to reflect off Granny Smith’s eyes as she lost herself in memories. “You’ve grown up so much, AJ. Seems like just yesterday you were askin’ for more fritters.”
Applejack went in for another light hug with a wide smile on her face. “Granny, no matter how old Ah get, Ah’ll always be your sugarcube.”
“I know, AJ. I know.” After a few more seconds, Granny Smith broke the embrace and shakingly got up to grab her walker. “Now c’mon, AJ. There’s a nice little surprise for you in the livin’ room.”
“Aw shucks, you know you didn’t have to,” Applejack said before she tried to lead Granny Smith out of the kitchen, only to be swatted away.
“Ah may be old, but Ah can still use this thing without somepony leadin’ me,” the old mare ranted as she took painstakingly slow steps. Applejack followed right behind her granny, matching the snail-like pace she was setting. After what seemed like forever, the two made it to the living room. Nothing seemed to change. Same brown wooden walls and floors, same rug on the floor, and the same assortment of pictures around the house.
“What exactly am Ah supposed to be lookin’—”
“SURPRISE!!!”
Confetti and streamers flew all over the farmhouse as multiple forms popped up from behind various furnitures. Big Mac and Apple Bloom stood in front of the couch that Applejack’s six best friends hid behind. The smile after the initial shock on Applejack's face could almost be matched by her pink friend behind the couch.
“Aw shucks, you guys,” Applejack giggled. Before she knew it, she found herself encompasses stretched out pink forelimbs that brought her into a huge group hug orchestrated by Pinkie.
“Third one in the thirty club, Applejack!” Pinkie cheered through the seven other ponies and one dragon in her grasp.
“Ah know, Pink, but can you let us down now? Gettin’ kinda hard to breathe!” Applejack asked between forced breaths.
Pinkie’s grasp only tightened at Applejack plea, but only for a few seconds before she released her friends and made a bounce directed at the kitchen. “Okay I’m done.”
“Ah guess Ah shoulda seen that one comin’” Applejack breathed heavily.
“Yeah, well, she is Pinkie Pie,” Apple Bloom reminded everyone. “But hey! Happy birthday, sis!”
“Thanks, Apple Bloom,” Applejack said with a little nudge.
Before she knew it, Applejack was wrapped in a headlock by a strong red forelimb and cringed a bit as she felt her scalp get assaulted by a rough hoof.
“Happy birthday, lil sis!” Big Mac’s deep voice piped as he continued the noogie that his sister felt even through her Stetson.
“Mac! C’mon now! I ain’t a filly anymore!” Applejack protested as she struggled against his grasp.
“You’re still mah lil sis,” Mac countered as he kept up his assault. Thankfully, he knew when to stop. With his grip on the orange mare gone, Mac quickly back away from his irritated sister. She was about to say something, but was stopped by a pink blur popping out of the kitchen frame.
“Whooooooo wants birthday pie!!!” Pinkie called out at the top of her lungs.
The living room emptied out in seconds and piled into the kitchen, leaving Applejack in a dead silent living room. With a roll of her eyes, she trotted towards the kitchen where she met a festive sight.
The simple farmhouse kitchen was transformed into a full on party room decked out with streamers, balloons, and other various party decorations and favors that could only have been put up so quickly by one certain pony. All her friends and family crowded the table and pushed all the candled pies to Applejack’s end of the table.
“One! Two! Three!” Pinkie counted before taking a deep breath and the others joining in.
“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear, Applejack. Happy birthday to you!”
Applejack stood at one end of the table with a wide smile, happy to see all her friends and family together just for her. She looked down at all the pies with candles and closed her eyes. A few seconds later, she inhaled and blew all the flames out as the others clapped hooves and claws.
“Thanks, guys.”
“It’s your birthday, AJ! What did you expect we’d do?” Dash counted with a smirk.
“Whatever. C’mon, let’s get these pies served.”
“I got it, Applejack,” Twilight offered. Her horn glowed it’s lavender aura and the candles on the pies vanished in a flash and the pies were split into equal pieces, enough for everyone in the kitchen. With the pie slices now on plates, it was only seconds before everyone dug in.
With a ravenous appetite and a set of killer jaws like his, Spike finished his slice easily with a dreamy look on his face. “Mmm. Another thing I’ve missed about Ponyville, Apple family pies.”
Twilight and Rarity had a similar blissful expression that agreed with the dragon’s words.
“We do make the best,” Apple Bloom added before taking another bite of her slice. “So, what do you guys got planned for AJ’s birthday?”
Rainbow Dash was the first to speak up. “Thought we’d take the newest member of the thirty club for some dancing and drinks at her favorite bar.”
Applejack beamed with delight at the thought of drinks with her friends. “Sounds like a plan, but first, Ah gotta finish off part of the orchard Ah was workin’ on.”
The kitchen filled with loud moans and groans of immense irritation.
“Really, AJ?” Dash whined. “You’ve had to ‘Finish off part of the orchard’ for your past five birthdays!”
“The farm grew,” Applejack defended. “Applebuck season doesn’t stop for somepony’s birthday.”
“Still, darling, it’s your birthday. Surely you can take just a few hours off to have some fun. Twilight, Spike, and I came from Canterlot just to celebrate with you,” Rarity tried to argue.
“Ah know, and I’m over the moon that you three did that for me, but Ah still got a responsibility to the farm.”
“Oh, to hay with that!”
Applejack’s eyes grew wide when she heard her Granny shout out those words. “Granny?!?”
“AJ, Ah love that you’re a hard worker, and Ah love that you’d do anything for the farm, but you really need to learn when to just take a day. Not everything’s about apples you know.”
“But—”
“No buts.”
“Besides,” Apple Bloom joined in, “Big Mac and Ah are here. Ah may not have a cutie mark with apple farming, but Ah still remember everything Ah learned,” she said with a hoof pointed to the toolbox image adorning her flank. “We can get it done, right Mac?”
“Eeyup.”
Applejack had a hesitant look on her face that the her friends and family easily noticed as they awaited her next argument.
“But there’s a lot of trees left to buck. It’ll take more than just two ponies.”
“We already thought of that,” Apple Bloom answered smugly. Before Applejack could even question her younger sister, a few knocks sounded off from the front door. “Mac asked Lucky Clover and Caramel to help out.”
“See, AJ? Everything’s all taken care of. So go on a get outta here. Go crazy,” Granny practically begged. Mac, Spike and the girls all turned their heads to see Applejack thinking it over, debating whether or not the stallions outside had the Apple work ethic.
“C’mon, AJ. For once, can’t you just not think about work and go out and have some fun,” Granny Smith continued on, preparing for her sinker, “before Ah’m dead.”
If Applejack’s pupils shrunk any more than they already had at that moment, they’d be invisible. Apple Bloom and Big Mac had the closest look of surprise that could match their sister’s. Their surprise quickly changed to smugness. They knew Granny got her.
Applejack remained in a dead silence. Granny Smith was pleading with her through her old orange eyes. She cringed at her words and was ready to break. “Okay! Okay,” she exclaimed, throwing a forelimb in the air. “Ah won’t worry about applebuckin’. Just, please don’t use that one me again.”
Granny’s pleading expression faded away in an instant to be replaced by a simple smile. “Deal. Now go wash up. You’re still all sweaty.”
***
Applejack stood in front of the bathroom mirror, adjusting her dried off straw-blond mane. She still couldn’t get over the dirty trick her Granny used, but she figured there was no point in arguing. After all, maybe a little time off was something she needed, and a few hours at her favorite bar with her best friends sounded really nice. With her mane now in place, she slapped on her signature stetson hat and made a break towards the stairs. As she headed down, she could hear Big Mac explaining what needed to be done in the orchard to Lucky Clover and Caramel.
She reached the bottom step and exchanged a few quick hellos to the two new stallions in the house before turning her attention to her friends. Five of them were present, but she couldn’t spot Twilight.
“Ugh, guys? Where’s Twi?”
“She’s over here, sis!” Apple Bloom called from another room. She stepped out, followed by a red-coated unicorn mare wearing a simple light purple jacket. Her mane resembled the front of Twilight’s mane, but the back was put up in a ponytail, and instead of dark purple with a streak of pink, solid blue colored the red mare’s mane and tail.
Applejack took in the unicorn before her and stared at her familiar looking violet eyes. “Twi?”
The red mare nodded her head with a smile. “Yeah, can’t really show up to bar and expect everypony to act like a princess didn’t just walk through the doors.”
Applejack just nodded at her friend’s explanation as her eyes darted to the jacket Twilight was wearing. “Apple Bloom lent you a jacket to cover them wings Ah see.”
“Sure did, sis. A unicorn with wings would kinda blow her cover,” Apple Bloom replied. “Now remember, AJ, we got everything under control here. You just go out and have some fun for once in your life.”
Applejack’s eyes narrowed slightly as she let out a small snort. She was about to say something back, but a few sets of hooves began to push the farm mare out the now open door as her friends followed out.
“Stay out late,” Granny Smith called from the house before Mac quickly shut the door.
Applejack stood outside the farmhouse with a confused look aimed at her friends. “Ah thought it was ‘Don’t stay out too late’.”
“That’s how much you need this,” Dash deadpanned with a smirk, earning a small death glare from her orange friend. “Now c’mon, this rainbow head needs her dancing juice.” With that, Rainbow Dash flew off in a rainbow trail towards the group’s destination.
Pinkie broke away as well to chase after the rainbow pegasus. “Wait up, Dashie!” Seconds later, the others ran off in Pinkie and Rainbow Dash’s direction.
Applejack gave one more look at the farmhouse and rolled her eyes when she recalled her family’s antics, her Granny’s specifically. “Dirty trick,” she muttered under her breath before taking off as well. Had she stayed just a few seconds more, she would’ve seen the door open and the tan stallion with a combed back brown mane stand in the doorway try to call out to her.
“Happy birthday, Applejack!” Caramel’s words didn’t reach the farm mare. She was already well on her way out of the farm and into town. “Aaaaand she didn’t hear me.”
***
“Oh, get down, turn around, go to town, boot scootin’ boogie.”
All around the country bar, ponies were dancing to the music in a trying sync. Even Twilight was starting to get the rhythm and seem less like a spasmodic rag doll that suddenly began to move. Those that didn’t know the dance managed to catch on quickly to the movements everypony motioned. Applejack on the other hoof didn’t need catching on. She controlled the floor like the song and its moves were embedded in her DNA.
“Go, Applejack!” Spike cheered. Even on two legs he couldn’t match Applejack’s skill. How the hay a pony could even dance on four legs was something of a mystery to him.
The song continued and the seven of them kept dancing, Applejack serving as their lead through the rest of the song. When it ended, they all walked off the dance floor when a slow song started.
“What? You two aren’t gonna stay and dance?” Rainbow couldn’t help but ask Spike and Rarity in a teasing manner.
Rarity waved a dismissive hoof at her pegasus friend. “Next one. I need a drink right now,” she said through a few pants.
“Ah didn’t think you’d like this kind of thing, Rares,” Applejack commented. The others all turned an inquisitive look to their fashionista friend.
“I’ll admit, it isn’t my ‘go-to’ dance preference, but somewhere inside, we all have a country bone I guess. And I must say, Applejack, you were quite the expert out there with that last song.”
“Hey, if you don’t know how to dance to that song, you ain’t a real Apple.” There was a sense of seriousness in Applejack’s voice that made the others question whether or not she was exaggerating or not. “Now c’mon, you guys took me out here for some dancin’ and drinks. So far we’ve only done one of those things.”
No arguments presented in the group to that suggestion. The gang crowded the bar and placed their drinks. Behind the bartender sat multiple pictures of valued customers, ones including Applejack, Big Mac, Apple Bloom, even Granny Smith, both current and older pictures. A simple smile graced the farm mare’s lips as she took in the familiarity of the bar; the pictures, the neon signs of various alcohol brands, the wooden floors, the happy groups of ponies, the random Hearth’s Warming lights strung up, even the one drunk that seemed to liven things up all brought happy memories flashing before her eyes. Now, sitting here with her six best friends for her birthday, she could honestly say she was glad her family forced her to take the night off.
The loud clang of mugs on the bar brought Applejack out of her trance and her attention on the seven large megs of hard apple cider. “Seven ciders, on the house for the birthday mare and her friends.”
Applejack gave a shocked smile at the bartender who smiled back at her. “Thanks, Tap. How’d you know it was mah birthday?”
“AJ, you’ve been comin’ here since you were 21. I know my loyal customer’s birthdays.” A grateful look shined through the middle-aged stallion’s eyes. “Can I count on you to stay a loyal customer?” he asked, already knowing the answer.
“Count on it.”
Tap smiled back and broke away from the group to tend to a few other thirsty ponies as Applejack and the others all took hold of their mugs. Before any of them could take a drink, they heard Spike clear his voice and hold his mug in the air.
“Applejack,” he addressed, “you are one of the toughest, strongest, and most trusting ponies I’ve ever been glad to call my friend, and I think I speak for all of us when I say that.” The rest of the girls all lifted their drinks up in agreement. “You’re a hard worker, an honest mare, and even though you can be the most stubborn pony in all of existence, it’s something I’d never want to change about you. You’re a true friend, and happy birthday.”
“Happy birthday, Applejack!” Several clangs of the mugs rang out in the bar before the birthday mare and her friends took a swing of their cider.
Once the others came up for breath from their smooth drink, they could still hear the fast and deep gulps coming from Applejack as she emptied the mug of its contents. A few seconds passed before she slammed her mug on the counter, sighing out a quenched and satisfied sigh.
“Wow, Applejack!” Pinkie exclaimed at her fellow earth pony’s little chugging show. “Sometimes I forget that you can drink like that.”
“What can Ah say? Mah picture ain’t on there just because Ah’m a regular here you know.” Applejack said with a hoof pointed at the wall to a picture of her sitting next to numerous emptied mugs, holding a half full one and smiling with Rainbow Dash passed out on the counter. She too was surrounded by numerous emptied mugs.
Rainbow’s snorted a bit as her eyes narrowed slightly. “I hate losing.”
“If it’s anything, Dash,” Applejack started, “you’re the only pony Ah know that came close.”
“Close only counts in horseshoes, hoof grenades, and atomic weapons,” Dash argued back before facing the farm pony with a serious gaze. “I want a rematch. Now!”
“Woah there, girl. Know what you’re gettin’ yourself into first,” Applejack teased with a smirk.
Rainbow kept her gaze on Applejack. She wasn’t going to let up on a chance to redeem herself. Still staring at Applejack, Dash hit the counter with her hoof a few times, and Tap arrived in a matter of seconds.
“What can I do you for?” he asked jovially.
“Six mugs of hard cider. Me and AJ are gonna have a little contest.” Rainbow’s eyes burned with a determination that did little to intimidate the farm mare.
“Ooh! Ooh! Can you make it nine? I wanna play!”
Dash and Applejack turned their heads in confusion to Pinkie’s direction, seeing her bounce in place in her chair.
“Ugh… okay, I guess nine,” Dash corrected.
“Make it twelve.”
The attention switched to Spike as he seated himself to the other three contenders.
Rainbow Dash’s expression switched from surprise to her well known cocky grin. “Okay, twelve then. Not everyday I get to take down an Apple and a dragon in a little drinking game.” Rainbow turned her head to face her other three friends seated at the bar. “You guys wanna join in?”
Fluttershy, Twilight, and Rarity all gave quick nods of rejection, clearly not wanting anything to do with this.
“Suit yourself,” Rainbow shrugged off.
Tap filled the mugs and gave the three mares and dragon three mugs each. “Consider these on the house too. I get the feeling after this, there’s gonna be more of these little contests.” He couldn’t have been more right, but for now, the focus was on the four friends. The tension between Dash and Applejack was fierce. Pinkie obliviously stared off at the foam coming from her mugs while Spike held his own cocky grin, sure that he’d win this.
Silence hung around them for a few seconds more until Tap announced the starting word. “GO!”
Foam flew as mugs were lifted and downed. Twilight, Rarity, and Fluttershy watched as their friends throats move up and down as the cider fell down it’s path. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were neck and neck in their little race, slamming down their first mug and moving onto their second in a matter of seconds. Pinkie gulped her first mug down in a good time, but with a mind like Pinkie’s, it wasn’t unbelievable that she distracted herself by playing with the ring of foam covering her mouth. Next to the distracted pony, Spike downed his mug just as fast as Dash and Applejack, moving onto his second as well.
Even though two more of their friends were racing against them, Applejack and Rainbow Dash focused more on one another. Chugs were heard and in a matter of seconds, they slammed their second mug on the table and reached over for the third one. Rainbow chugged and chugged, thinking she’d gained the upper hoof.
“Drink! Drink! Drink! Dri- ACK!”
Cider spewed from Rainbow Dash’s mouth from a sudden force, covering the bar counter. Dash coughed sporadically as she beat on her chest with her hoof. When she recovered, she heard the distinct and hope-crushing sound of a mug clanging on the bar.
“Done!”
Loss settled in and Rainbow Dash shot Applejack a blank glare, meeting the farm mare’s smirk and the sound of Spike’s mug crashing down on the bar.
“Done!”
Rainbow just sat there, bringing her mug back to her lips and mindlessly sipped away until her mug was empty. “Done,” she said flatly.
An orange hoof met Rainbow Dash’s back in a series of pats. “C’mon, Dash. Ah know you hate losin’, but at least you did better than Pinkie.”
The pink mare in question was muzzle deep in her second mug of cider, moving her head all around as if she was scraping the edges of the mug. Her head came up with cider and foam dripping down her face. “I got all the foam!”
Eyes rolled before a few laughs were shared among the group and a full mug was shoved in front of Applejack’s face.
“Want it, Applejack?” Pinkie asked.
“Sure. Thanks, Pink.” Just like the last four mugs, Applejack downed this one in a short amount of time as her friends watched in amazement.
“You know, I like a mare that can handle her drinks.”
Applejack’s eyes widened as she recognized the piercing voice she had hoped she wouldn’t see tonight. ‘Dammit.’ Slowly, she spun her head around to see a hulking grey earth pony stallion with two more stallions of equal height and build standing beside him. One, a red pegasus, and the other, a pale blue earth pony. “What do you want, Hard Trot?” she asked with an edginess embedded in her voice.
“Woah there, cowpony. Me, Razor Wing, and Patch Work were just hanging around when we heard your name and something about a birthday, and thought we’d swing by.” His half-lidded eyes and smug eyebrows oozed an overconfidence that could make anypony sick. “Aaaand maybe see if you’d like to swing on by my place and celebrate in another way.”
Images of the grey stallion on his back with several hoof indentions in his face and grabbing at his nether regions flashed in Applejack’s mind that kept her from going ballistic right then and there. She hated running into Hard Trot and his friends, and it was always the same cycle for the last few months. He’d come over to her, try to work something slightly relevant to her life right before trying to hit on her in ways that should’ve landed him in the morgue by her hoof long ago, but she wasn’t that far over the edge… yet.
Spike and the girls all had a disgusted looks on their faces and only wished the trio of stallions would disappear when they saw the irritation Applejack was showing.
With a small breath, and a false smile, Applejack gave a hard glare at Hard Trot. “Hard Trot, how long have you been tryin’ with me?”
“A while now,” he answered, the confidence in his voice not wavering.
“And how many times have Ah left you in the dust?”
A gripping silence hung around the two groups for a few seconds. Razor Wing and Patch Work even seemed surprised at Applejack’s words. They stood there, wondering if Hard Trot would keep up his smug demeanour.
“I lost count, but I don’t give up.”
“No you don’t,” came the ugly truth Applejack wished she could actually lie about. “But get this, me and you… not for a million bits and all the stensons in Equestria.”
Applejack hoped that she finally shattered the stallion’s wall of overconfidence and cockiness, hoped she finally got it through his iron-wall thick head. She could at least say she did one of those things.
Hard Trot gave a simple shrug, but kept his grin. “Alrighty then. I’ll leave you alone.”
‘Oh thank, Celestia and Luna.’
“Because there’s five fine looking mares all around you.”
‘Dammit!’
Before Applejack could even begin to speak against the stallion’s implied idea, Hard Trot, and his two friends, found themselves a place next one of the girls; Hard Trot taking a seat right between Rarity and a disguised Twilight, Razor Wing standing beside Rainbow Dash, and Patch Work besides Pinkie. All three of them let their eyebrows dance on their heads as they tried to woo the mares they sat beside.
“You know, I’ve been known to give unicorn mares a real nice time,” Hard Trot grinned devilishly. Twilight and Rarity easily felt sick at the stallion’s effort, but it only enraged the dragon sitting a few seats away.
“Hey! That’s my sister and fiance!” Spike snarled through gritted fangs. Hard Trot, for the first time that night, kept quiet and slowly backed away from the two unicorns while his two friends continued their own efforts trying to score, but ultimately, and expectantly, falling flat.
“Screw off, scum bag, I’m engaged.” A flare of her cyan wings revealed the band around a few of Rainbow Dash’s feathers, instantly stopping Razor Wing in his attempt.
“Sorry, colt. I’m taken as well,” Pinkie smiled before turning away from Patch Work.
Three were taken, one wasn’t going to give him the light of day, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to try and go for the dragon with razor sharp teeth’s sister, which left one mare Hard Trot still had a shot with. With a regained overconfidence, the grey stallion made his way to the edge of the bar where Fluttershy sat. She instantly shrunk down in her seat and averted his eyes when he stood in front of her.
“You’re lookin’ good, girl. How’s about you and me head on over to my place for a few drinks?”
Fluttershy shrunk down even more in her seat, trying her best to become invisible. “Um, no thanks. I’ve already had a drink” she squeaked.
“Then we could just go straight over to my place,” Hard Trot pressed on, showing no sign of letting up.
“Um, no, that’s fine. Thanks anyway.” Fluttershy’s weak answer was barely audible over the sounds around the bar.
“Dude! Back off! She said no,” Dash hollered at the stallion mere centimeters from her friend.
Completely ignoring the irritated Wonderbolt, Hard Trot pressed on with his offer. “C’mon, I’ve got a nice place, a soft bed, and the two of us would look pretty good in there.”
If Fluttershy could shrink any further into her seat, she might as well have been the chair. “No, thanks,” she barely whispered.
“Trot! Leave Fluttershy alone!” Applejack roared, getting out of her seat and stomping on the floor.
“C’mon. A pretty mare like you, a strong stallion like me, we could have a real nice time.” His hoof started to rise and ended on one of Flutterhsy’s forelimbs, eliciting a fearful *Eep! from the shy pegasus.
That did it. Spike and the girls all boiled with rage at the stubborn stallion’s inability to screw off. They each stood up, ready to rid their friend of her problem, until something unexpected happened.
Fluttershy shot right up in her seat and hollered at the top of her voice. “NO MEANS NO! YOU CAN’T HAVE MY BODY!” From under her light yellow wings, concealed and held by some of her thicker feathers, Fluttershy grabbed a little container. A long hissing sound was heard and the next thing everypony knew, Hard Trot was lying on the ground, hollering in pain as he held his hooves to his burning red eyes.
“Trot!” Razor Wing and Patch Work yelped as they saw their friend on the ground, writhing in in pain.
“What’s wrong with you you little—” Steel Wing’s rage filled outburst was cut short when a white hoof met the side of his face with a loud smacking sound.
“What’s wrong with her?!?” Rarity asked in total anger. “What’s wrong with your friend?!? And what’s wrong with you for trying to call Fluttershy out you brute!”
Razor Wing’s held his slapped cheek as he looked down on the unicorn who didn’t back down from the large pegasus stallion. “You better watch it, priss! Or I’m gonna—” Before he could finish, Razor Wing felt a small series of taps on his back. He turned around to see a very pissed off purple and green dragon standing above him. Before he even had a chance to react, Spike’s fist collided into his face, sending him back a good distance away.
“No one threatens my little Gemstone.”
“Ooh, my Spikey-Wikey!” Rarity gushed as she leapt into her dragon’s arms.
Patch Work took notice of Spike’s distraction and decided to go in. He made a close to silent break behind the dragon and was ready to pounce... at least until he felt a strong tug on his black and grey tail that spun him around to face the fiery-eyed birthday mare.
Like the earth pony was one of the trees on the orchard, Applejack quickly reared on her front hooves, and let her back legs collide into Patch Work’s jaw, sending him to the side of the bar like a cannon ball. He fell with a loud *THUD, still breathing, but definitely unconscious. Razor Wing too was passed out from Spike’s blow while Hard Trot was still grabbing at his eyes, moaning in agony for any kind of relief for the fire in his eyes.
Calmly, and oh so satisfied, Applejack trotted back to the gang and stood next to a shaking Fluttershy. “You okay, sugarcube?”
It took a few seconds, but Fluttershy nodded shakily that she was fine. “Ye-Ye-Yeah. I’m alright.” Her nerves easily started to fade when the others started to come to her side. She put away her pepper spray container back in her feathers and hopped off her seat.
“C’mon, guys, let’s get outta here.”
Easily agreeing with Applejack’s plan, the gang made their way to the exit. Applejack just had to be sure with one thing. “You sure you’re alright, Fluttershy?”
“Yeah,” Fluttershy answered, but a quick look back at the bar made her rethink that. “Actually, give me second.”
On his back, Hard Trot was rubbing his hooves over his eyes, desperate for a way to alleviate his pain, and it was working a little. When he removed his hooves over his eyes, the last thing he expected to see was the yellow-coated pegasus standing in front of him… on her back legs… like she was ready to pound down on something.
“OOOOOHHHHH!!!” came his holler of pain as he curled himself into a ball, his front legs grabbing down, and his back legs crossed like it would help.
Quick as she came, Fluttershy left the injured stallion and returned to her friends. “Now I’m alright.”
The nighttime breeze blew through Luna’s starry sky when the group of seven walked out of the bar, all laughing loudly after Fluttershy’s blow to Hard Trot’s stallionhood.
“Woo boy, he’s gonna need ice for about a month,” laughed Applejack as she held her stomach.
“Did you see his face when Fluttershy came came down!?” Rainbow asked loudly before imitating Hard Trot’s pain-stricken face. “Nice aim back there, Fluttershy.”
“Thanks, Rainbow Dash,” she quietly said before turning her head to Applejack. “Sorry that those three ruined your birthday, Applejack.”
“Are you kiddin’? Ah finally got to see Hard Trot get what was comin’ to him. Ah wanted to kick his sorry flank for so long, but you stompin’ on his junk is just as good. Hay, it’s better. Best gift in Equestria by the way.”
“Oh, well, um, happy to help.”
“And, Spike. Nice punch by the way,” Applejack said to the dragon.
“Nice buck to the face. You think they’ll be alright though?”
“Ahhh, they’ll bounce back, they always do,” she sighed dryly. “At least they know not to mess with me or you guys.”
“I simply cannot believe they way they tried to come onto us!” Rarity gasped with a hoof to her chest. “‘I’ve been known to give unicorn mare’s a real nice time.’ What sort of mare falls for that?”
“One without a brain,” Twilight answered dryly before turning to Applejack. “So, do you want to call it a night, Applejack?”
“You kiddin’? This is the most fun Ah’ve had in weeks! Let’s keep it rollin’.”
Pinkie bounced in the air screaming with joy. “Woooo-Hoooo! Party still on! So, what do you wanna do, Applejack?”
Nothing came to the farm mare’s mind and she drew a blank. “Huh. Ah don’t know. What should we do?”
Spike and the girls pondered options in their minds until a Rainbow Dash flew into the air above her friend’s heads. “How about Twilight ditch the disguise, fire up the cloud walking spell and we all head over to my place and get drunk.”
The cheers on the ground solidified Rainbow Dash’s plan, and with a spark of her horn, Twilight’s disguise and Apple Bloom’s jacket disappeared in a flash. Her lavender aura surrounded all the non-fliers as the spell took effect. Minutes later, all seven were in the air, flying or carried by somepony towards Rainbow’s mansion for a night of drinks.
***
She wasn’t drunk. That was for sure. Even with five mugs of cider and a multitude of other assorted drinks from Rainbow Dash’s place in her system, Applejack still managed to walk on all fours with very little trouble and only a little bit of dizziness. Call it the old Apple tolerance, or just plain luck. Whichever it was, it didn’t stop her from reaching home.
“Granny? Mac? Apple Bloom? Any ya’ll still awake?” Her whispers went unanswered for a few moments as she quietly stepped into the farmhouse. “Anypony?”
“AJ? That you?” Applejack instantly recognized the voice of her Granny. A second later, a light flipped on in the kitchen, and Applejack followed it.
By the fridge, stood the tired old mare, supported by her walker. “How was your night?”
“It was… it was great,” Applejack answered with a small laugh and a content sigh. Granny Smith took notice of her granddaughter’s half-lidded eyes, and the slight movement of her body from side to side.
“Ah can tell, but you’re still standin’, so Ah’m guessin’ you didn’t hit the bottles too hard.”
“Apple Family tolerance. Honest to betsy, Ah can’t even remember the last time Ah was full on drunk.”
Granny slipped a quiet laugh as she leaned into her walker. “Neither can Ah, AJ, but it’s nice to see you had a good time.”
“Yeah. Thanks for gettin’ me out there tonight, Granny.”
“Ahhh, you needed it anyway. Now c’mon, help me back upstairs. Only reason Ah’m down here so late is because Ah forgot the dang denture paste.”
After the painfully slow process of getting Granny Smith upstairs was over, the two mares were in the hallway that contained all of their rooms, Granny’s being the closest to the stairs. Why she refused to move downstairs was an ongoing mystery that just got chalked up to stubborness.
“Thanks, AJ. Now go on and get to bed. Oh! And happy birthday, sugarcube.”
“Thanks, Granny. And uh, just wodnerin’... how’d Lucky Clover and Caramel do?”
“Oh they were just fine. Mac and Apple Bloom had to help them out a bit, but they got the hang of it. Just don’t worry about it, everything got done.”
Even after all those drinks, Applejack was still worried about the farm, but Granny’s news quickly dashed those worries. “Alright then. Night, Granny.”
“Night, AJ. Oh! Before Ah forget, one of them left you a little somethin’ in your room before they left.”
Pecking at her interest, Applejack couldn’t help but ask. “Who? And left what?”
Granny Smith answered with turn towards her open bedroom and a simple, “Go and find out,” before closing the door.
Now really intrigued, Applejack opened the door to her own room to find a letter on her bed. She closed the door to her room and walked to the bed to see what it said.
“Applejack. I called out to you before you left with your friends, but I don’t think you heard me, so I just wanted to say Happy birthday before I left. Well, I guess I kinda did leave without telling you, but, you know. So… yeah, happy birthday and everything. Sorry if I sound a little nervous, but I kinda wanted to ask you something, but you left before… ugh… you know. Let me start over. I see you in town a lot, and I think you’re really pretty and nice whenever I bump into you in town, so I was wondering if maybe you’d like to go out sometime. I run the horse shoe store in town, and I’m there a lot, so, I don’t know. Maybe come by if you say yes? Sweet Celestia and Luna I must sound really weird in this letter. Well, you know, if yes, you know where I am. Ugh, happy birthday again, Applejack!
- Caramel.”
Applejack just had to reread the letter again from the tan stallion. She couldn’t help but chuckle a little at the nervousness in Caramel’s writing. It was cute in a way. “Hmmm, should Ah?” she thought aloud. She hadn’t really thought about romance for quite some time. Her run in with Hard Trot and his friends in the past dulled out a lot of the good thoughts she had about dating, but seeing this letter from Caramel gave her another perspective. That, or it could be the slightly impaired judgement from tonight’s round of drinks.
Applejack set the letter on the nightstand next to her bed before slipping under the covers. “Eh, Ah’ll deal with it later.”
***
Present Day
***
“And that ‘Ah’ll deal with it later’, turned into a week before Caramel came back to the farm and asked me out. Ah seriously couldn’t find the letter the next morning, and Ah couldn’t remember half of what was on it.”
“And, four years later, little Miss Independent here became Mrs. Caramel,” Rainbow chimed in.
Sweetie Belle and the rest of the former CMC could see the light redness spreading across Applejack’s face.
“Yeah. Ah did, but what Ah was tryin’ to say to you, Sweetie Belle is that Ah wasn’t even worried about findin’ a stallion when Ah turned thirty, yet somehow, Ah ended up with one in the end. So don’t get so worked up if you're still single.”
Sweetie Belle absorbed the advice the farmer was giving her, and everypony could tell she was lifting up. A few understanding nods and a smile later, Sweetie Belle was back to enjoying birthdays. “Thanks, Applejack.”
“Any time, Sweetie Belle.”
“So to sum it all up,” Scootaloo spoke up, “you got a forced night off, danced, drank, got in a bar fight, drank some more, and got a love letter?”
“Pretty much,” Applejack simply answered.
“Great birthday,” the orange pegasus laughed.
“So, just to recap,” Apple Bloom began as she pointed around the room, “we’ve got a meltdown and a marriage proposal, a Wonderbolt show and a crash, a night at a bar, and…” her hoof pointed and stopped when she got to the pony standing behind Applejack. “What’s your story, Fluttershy?”
“Oh, well, um, I—”
“Oh! Lemme guess,” Scootaloo piped up, “the others threw you this huge surprise party and—”
“NO!!!” All but Fluttershy, Rarity’s parents and the former CMC screamed out.
“Are you crazy?!?” Rainbow Dash asked intensely before pointing a hoof at her fellow pegasus. “You cannot scare this mare!”
***
Twelve Years Ago
***
Winter’s cold grip nipped at the creme-coated pegasus’s ears as she trotted up the path to her house. Fluttershy grabbed for the knob and gave it a turn. She couldn’t wait to greet her animal friends and get into her soft and warm bed. The door opened, and…
“SURPRISE!!!”
“AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!”
Hissing sounds and screams of immense pain rang through the cottage. Fluttershy opened her eyes to see her cottage decorated floor to ceiling in party decorations, a cake on the floor with number 2 and 5 candles sticking out, and all six of her best friends gripping their eyes and screaming in pain on the floor.
“Oh, sweet mother of Celestia and Luna! It burns!” Rarity hollered from the floor.
“Is this what burning feels like?!?” Spike asked loudly as he rubbed his face on the carpet.
“It doesn’t taste like pepper at all!!!” Pinkie screamed.
“Why do you carry pepper spray everywhere you go?!?” Applejack asked with her hooves over her eyes.
Grabbing for the cake, Rainbow Dash smothered the chunks on her eyes, thinking it would help the fire in her eyes. “We were just trying to throw you a surprise party!!!”
Twilight grabbed a balloon and vigorously rubbed it over her eyes. “Did you think we were trying to attack you with a birthday cake?!?”
***
Present Day
***
Spike shuttered a bit when the memory of the pain in his eyes reared its ugly head in his mind. “Hell of a party. Hell of a party.”
Fluttershy blushed heavily and gave a weak smile as she remembered pepper spraying all of her friends that day.
“So yeah, no surprises,” Rainbow deadpanned as she shook off the memory of that particular birthday.
“So what did she do for her thirtieth?” Apple Bloom asked again.
“Actually, you three were there for half of it. Even Rarity’s parents were there,” Fluttershy finally answered, but only confusing the trio of friends as they looked at one another and then towards Pearl and Magnum.
“We were?” Sweetie asked back.
“Yeah. It was the night…”
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another chapter that i enjoyed
also pinkie pie already taken hmmm i wonder who the lucky stallion is maybe braeburn
Pure excellence. Kick to the balls, ouch.
3288371
I was wondering the same thing. Could be either Apple or anybody else really...
Oh poor Fluttershy, she must have so guilty for spraying all of her friends. She probably spent the rest of the night apologising and helping them while they recovered.
Fluttershy has literally made Hard Trot live up to his name. He'll certainly have a hard time trotting now.
How old is Granny Smith?
In Equestria what is the average lifespan seeing as athletes retire at/after 30.
3290123
What was wrong with it?
A shy pegasus with superhuman pepper-spraying reflex and accuracy is somehow unexpected, but do you really want to flirt with a group of mares in a bar who has a FRICKIN' DRAGON in their company?
They're either drunk, stupid, or both.
While Fluttershy commenced friendly fire...
3289978
To be honest, antagonist or not I felt Flutter's stomp through the screen.
And Granny Smith is secretly a pony shaolin monk.
Poor AJ, Fluttershy totally stole her chapter.
3291364
EVERYone always steals the show from Applejack.
Pleasepleaseplease
You know, for the longest time when people talked about women carrying around mace to defend themselves I thought they meant the medieval kind. Now I can't help but image shy adorable little Flutters bashing some guy down there with a freaking spiked club.
Thanks a lot.
Is it wrong that during the incident at the bar, all I could think of was how that's a fine way to get a night in a police station and an £80 fine? Especially when the pepper spray came out (it's illegal where I live) and when Hard Trot got stomped on.
Drunk and disorderly, indeed.
Keep writting this please!!!!!! i can totally see them like this when a bit older and im loving this story to death!!!!!
I want to see a story where one of the main characters were actually arrested for disorderly conduct on his/her 30th birthday (please be Spike, though Twilight would be immensely hilarious and somewhat impossible at the same time, with her becoming a Princess.)
So far, here's their 30th birthday bash:
)
, also shows that having a dragon as her backup is just awesome. About time she had some fun. 
And also happy to see that even though she took her time, she got her stallion in Caramel.
Rarity----Spike proposed to her; engagement sex, all of her friends helping her discover that being 30 is just a number, probably still the elite fashionista she began back in Ponyville before relocating to Canterlot.
Rainbow Dash---same as she was in her 20s, a prank god, still AWESOME, still pushing herself to be the best, and now has Soarin' to boot as her fiance back then (happily married now
Applejack---a bar fight, finally stood up to the idiot squad, WTG Fluttershy, nice ball-breaker!!!
Can't wait to see Fluttershy's story, but I'm looking forward hilariously to Twilight and Spike equally, because of how neurotic Twilight is, and basically how does Spike turn 30 himself, roughly three years after all the mares??
How about this for a surprise---since the story are all about their emotions of turning 30, I would like for the twist in that Fluttershy reveals that she's about to turn 40. Sweetie Belle's so worried about being 30 that there's someone in our group that has been there done that, and is now pushing 40.
3294564
Not with a princess there that could have easily had Hard Trot arrested for sexual harassment.