Chapter 4
There had been a certain saying in Cloudsdale around the time Rainbow Dash was growing up there: flying out of the snowstorm and into the thunderhead. It had never made much sense to her until today.
Rainbow Dash stared in blank incomprehension as the Crystal Princess stepped daintily out on to the public library floor, her long legs and mane granting her a lovely, graceful countenance that was totally at odds with the danger she represented.
While the Princess exchanged greetings with the other girls, Rainbow desperately racked her brains for any information she could recall about the royal personage. What ended up rattling out was a depressingly short list of items, all of them dusty. Princess Cadance was an alicorn princess who had grown up as a pegasus, married the Captain of the Royal Guard in a wedding beset by a Changeling attack, and then apparently inherited a kingdom full of crystal ponies that had appeared suddenly in the far-off north. That she was the “alicorn of love” on top of that was the part that probably concerned her the most.
Her eyes shifted back and forth between the other mares surrounding her. This could have been part of Their plan. After all, They wanted her to conform to Their version pretty strongly. It horrified her to think that Fluttershy and even Pinkie Pie might be working along with Them, no matter how unwitting they were as pawns.
Cadance was the most dangerous thing in the room, however. It would be trivial to shove her into the slot They wanted if the Princess greased her up with some sort of super powerful love spell first. Leaping to her hooves, she prepared to launch herself back out through the library door when she found herself face-to-face with a mare’s face, one framed by flowing pink and yellow locks. Princess Cadance’s eyes were so filled with heartfelt concern that she found herself hesitating, her legs tensed and wing muscles bunched together in the act of preparing to flee.
Wincing, she braced for impact, expecting to be scoured clean.
Rather than cook her brain, however, Princess Cadance threw her forelegs about Rainbow’s shoulders, tugging her close. “I’m so sorry to hear about what had happened, Rainbow. I wish somepony had told me earlier—your friends should be there to support you, and I’d like to think I count as your friend by now.” Evidently interpreting her tension as distress, she squeezed tighter still. “I know you must be upset. It’s all right, we’ll work things out. I promise. Us girls need to stick together.”
It was worse than Rainbow Dash could have ever imagined—the Princess wanted to talk over her feelings. I might have preferred the brainwashing. Why did I agree to this again?
Rainbow grimaced. Oh, right. Because refusing help too obviously would conflict with their—uh, the girls’, stupid pronouns—vision of how I’m supposed to act. Come on, Dash, or whoever you are, think! How would somepony like Rainbow Dash get out of this situation?
The others were watching the two of them expectantly—all of them except Twilight Sparkle, anyway, who was flopped onto her belly in what appeared to be a near-comatose daze after pumping out all of that magic. Worse, though, it seemed to Rainbow that something felt just the faintest bit wrong about the scene. It was as if the shadows cast by the autumn sunlight streaming in through the windows were just a little too long, set at just the wrong angle. The shadows the girls cast seemed pensive, expectant.
The hair prickled along Rainbow’s crest. It was now or never. If she guessed wrong, she’d soon find out.
“Thanks a lot, Princess.” Rainbow Dash returned the hug, if a little awkwardly. “The girls did kinda just spring this on me, though. I’m not sure how up to big deep feelings talk I am right now, with all this stuff I’ve got on my mind.” She rolled her eyes skyward and gave the others a mock glare.
Fluttershy buried her face behind her mane, while Applejack muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “Thank Celestia.” Rarity tossed her mane, harumphing noisily. “Honestly, Rainbow Dash, it would not kill you to remember that you are a mare, sometimes.”
“Hah! Nailed it.” Rainbow pumped a hoof, then realized she’d spoken aloud. “Uh, I mean—yeah, right! I’m all mare, Rarity, but we can’t all go around gushing like a waterworks.” Reddening slightly, she didn’t let her slip get in the way of her elation.
Firefly said They couldn’t change my personality and they sure couldn’t. Rainbow Dash has about as much interest in gushing about her feelings as I, Cl-cl...uh... I, Rainbow Dash, do. Celestia’s rump, that is really annoying. Glancing around, it seemed as though the shadows had shifted back to a more natural posture—then again, perhaps it had merely her imagination, or even a perfectly mundane change in cloud cover outside.
It could have been something innocuous, but somehow, she didn’t really think so.
Cadance scrunched her face, but then laughed. “That sounds to me like a promise to talk about it eventually, though.”
“It is?” Rainbow blinked, thinking back. “Oh, crud, I did.”
“Quite so.” Cadance slid back, going over to nudge Twilight with a hoof, eliciting a gurgle from the prostrate pony. “Maybe we could all hit the spa later?”
“No! No spa!” Rainbow leapt in before anypony else could agree. Rarity’s and Fluttershy’s hooves lowered—she hadn’t been a moment too soon. “How about, uh... Berry Punch’s place!”
“A bar?” Rarity gave Rainbow a steady look. “Oh, dear. Please tell me you don’t intend to drink your problems away.”
Rainbow snorted. “Believe me, I need my wits about me these days...”
They all paused to look at her.
“Uh... because I’m totally going to join the Wonderbolts! Gotta practice every day.” Sweat broke out along her forehead.
“Yeah!” Pinkie Pie agreed. “After the whole Wonderbolts Academy thing, you’ll be a shoe-in, Dashie! You gotta be excited, because I’m totally excited to be excited when you get accepted as a Wonderbolt, and if I’m that excited about it you gotta be about to explode. Hopefully with candy.”
Rainbow walked past her towards the door. “Yeah, yeah, Pinkie, I’m glad you’re excited that I’m going to be a Wonderbolt, I—wait, what did you just say?” She turned, staring back at her.
“Silly, you just said it!” Pinkie Pie giggled and hopped towards the door.
“I’m... I’m going to be a Wonderbolt?” Rainbow Dash’s voice was numb as she stared into space, her eyes filled with the poster that hung on her wall back home.
“No wonder you’re all messed up, lately.” Applejack came up and thwacked the stars out of Rainbow’s eyes with a hoof to the back of the head. “You’re all tangled up with a million things on that featherbrain of yers, aincha?”
Rainbow rattled her head a few times to try and shake some sense loose. “Uhm, yeah, basically. I guess I got all freaked out and kind of panicked with your brother. Also, ow.” She rubbed the back of her head, glowering.
“If you think you’re getting out of our talk later, Rainbow, you’re sadly mistaken,” Cadance called from where she was ministering to Twilight.
Ugh, mares.
The librarian’s little purple dragon assistant—Sprocket, Rainbow believed he was called—had come out from the back and was fanning his friend. “You knew casting that spell was a dumb idea, Twilight. Future Twilight pays for the past mistakes of Present Twilight.”
Twilight’s head came up, groggy. “Ah’m okay... ah’m okay... Spike, take a letter. Dear Princess Celestia, please stop spinning the planet. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.”
“Yeah, I’ll get right on that.” Spike smacked his forehead with a claw.
Spike, Sprocket. Great, go ahead and reveal how little you know about anything. Rainbow Dash leapt through the door while she thought she had a chance, only to be confronted by Rarity’s hoof just outside.
“Hold on, dear.” Rarity put a hoof to her chest. It was a very familiar gesture, indicative of a long time associated with her, and Rainbow Dash did her best not to look off-put. If Rarity noticed, it was only to increase her concern, visible by the way her eyes softened. “I understand how you must be feeling about Scootaloo’s predicament right now. I had it from Applejack that you promised to adopt her. I hope you know you can expect support from any of us when you break the dreadful news to her.”
Rainbow Dash’s face fell as the details of the adoption fiasco came back to her. As if it weren’t bad enough that she had to deal with the humiliation and agonizing conflicted feeling of having her best friend dating her, the issue with Scootaloo drove into her gut like a hot knife. Worst of all was the promise she had made to the filly which could only be resolved by taking said conflicted feelings and realizing them by marrying Big Macintosh to provide Scootaloo with a family.
It was all a ploy, of course. Rainbow knew that They were behind this every step of the way. They had managed to catch her in a vice, After running from Big Macintosh’s embrace she had fallen headlong into the needy eyes of her one-time sister. Here They were, rigging the contest. If I turn down both Scootaloo and Big Macintosh, it jives with everypony’s idea of who I am. On the other hoof, if I give Scoots a family, that means ma-marrying Big Mac. Not a chance.
Her mind shied away from even considering the possibility. It refused to linger on visions of herself gliding down the aisle in Canterlot Palace, of kissing him in full view of the kingdom, of nuzzling up to him in the carriage—
“Rainbow?” Rarity slid a hoof on to her friend’s shoulder.
“Gneh!” Rainbow shook herself, staring around wildly. She wiped at her mouth. “Huh? What?”
Sighing, Rarity patted her back. “Goodness, you must be beside yourself with grief. You went catatonic for what seemed like the longest time.”
“I, uh... yeah. I’m really worried about Scoots.” That wasn’t a lie at least. Lying was becoming habitual with these ponies, and that was already proving hard to keep up. Lowering her head, Rainbow glanced down at her hooves. “Maybe... I dunno, maybe I’m not trying hard enough? I bet I could just grab somepony and get a marriage license real quick, enough. That way Scootaloo wouldn’t have to be alone.”
Before Rarity could respond, Rainbow lifted a wing to stop her. “I know! I know. I realized it the moment I said it—it would kill Big Mac. He’d never be able to stop wondering if it really was just about him. I-I...I can’t leave him hanging like that.”
Nodding, Rarity stepped back. “You’re going to have to tell the poor dear it didn’t work out, then. Would you like a little company?”
“No, I... no, thank you, Rarity,” Rainbow Dash murmured. She lifted her eyes to meet Rarity’s own, smiling wryly. It wasn’t difficult at all to see how somepony might become friends with the unicorn. This was a far cry from the priss Rainbow had always imagined before. “I should be the one to tell Scoots. It’s my responsibility.”
“You’ve been sounding very mature lately, Rainbow. I’m very proud of you.” Rarity smiled and trotted off. “We’ll see you at Berry Punch’s tonight!”
“Yes, please, one torture session at a time, thank you,” Rainbow muttered under her breath, kicking at a loose stone. Slender legs and small hooves, all attached to a dynamite little body that still felt faintly used, as if it were a suit that had belonged to another pony.
Closing her eyes, Rainbow Dash braced herself for the meeting with her former sister. Briefly, she flirted with the possibility of simply marrying Big Macintosh and welcoming Scootaloo into their home. They could be a real family again. Scootaloo would even have a father—or at least a proper big brother—to look up to. It would be a bold sacrifice, one that would speak of Rainbow’s unquenched love.
No, she thought, and shook her head, even if it did give her a better life again, it would mean giving into Their designs. It’s not just about me, either. It’s about Firefly, Scootaloo, Surprise, Bass Blaster, and everypony else whose lives have been screwed with.
Rainbow kicked off into the air, soaring upwards with effortless grace. She set her sights on Sweet Apple Acres, its orchards coating the hills near town.
Somepony’s gotta take responsibility. I guess there’s some irony there—they created me to be the new Element of Loyalty. I suppose that means I’ve gotta earn it and be a hero like Firefly. The thought sent shivers down her spine. It was borderline arrogant, but at the same time she realized that it had to be said. If it isn’t me, it sure isn’t going to be anypony else. I won’t fade into Their slave or get shot off into oblivion.
I won’t!
* * *
“Ahhh!” Rainbow squealed, flailing her wings.
Spiraling down out of the sky, Rainbow Dash discovered that incredible speed had a terrible flaw when you weren’t accustomed to using it. She was so slim and quick she slid through the air like it wasn’t even there. By the time she tried to arrest her motion, an old, gnarled tree near the Crusader treehouse was already rising up to meet her.
Stars burst in her vision.
Small hooves shook her. “Rainbow! Rainbow Dash!” Scootaloo cried. “Don’t die on me, not now!”
“Stand back!” Apple Bloom said. “Cutie Mark Crusaders emergency responders, go!”
“Wai-it,” croaked Rainbow. Her blurry vision revealed three small shapes above her. All three were rubbing wool between their hooves.
“Clear!” Sweetie Belle shouted.
A powerful static shock jolted Rainbow ten feet into the air. She came down on her belly, air forced from her in a rush. Gasping and coughing, she came back to reality to find herself among the shattered remnants of the tree, its roots shorn clean out of the earth and cast several yards away. Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle were clustered around, frowning down at her.
“Are you okay, Dash?” Scootaloo peered down to meet her eyes.
“I’m fine, squirt.” Rainbow groaned. She put her hooves under her, and nearly fell again, but found her footing after a moment. She was smarting all over, yet remained remarkably intact. Her rear left hoof ached, and she favored her left one as she hopped over to put a wing about Scootaloo. “Just a little sprain.”
Scootaloo snuggled close, beaming. “You’re the best, Rainbow Dash! Nothing stops you!”
“Heh, yeah!” Rainbow tossed her long mane, grinning as she soaked up the glowing adoration. “I wouldn’t disappoint... you... for anything...”
Oh crap.
Perhaps getting knocked unconscious would have been preferable. Maybe somepony else could have told Scootaloo the bad news. Looking down into her eyes made Rainbow’s insides twist themselves into tight knots, threatening to squeeze her rapidly beating heart.
“So we’re going to be sisters for real, right? I bet you came right away to tell me!” Scootaloo’s tail was actually wagging, making a magenta blur behind her. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle bounced to either side, grinning with unrepressed excitement.
Sitting down, Rainbow Dash put her hooves on the smaller girl’s shoulders, taking a deep breath. “Scoot... I’ve... there’s been a slight snag.”
Scootaloo’s ear twitched. Her face remained locked into its grin.
“The orphanage said I couldn’t adopt you. I mean, they said I could, if I got married, but—”
Scootaloo’s eyes opened wider. “Oh my gosh, you’re getting married to Big Macintosh? Then we can live at Sweet Apple Acres together!”
Apple Bloom chewed over that, squinting. “You’re marryin’ my big brother? I dunno how I feel about that, but... hey, that means we’ll be sisters, too!” she said and sprang at Scootaloo, tackling her in a hug. “That’s totally worth it!”
Sweetie Belle beat her hooves in an ecstatic dance. “Oh, oh! Then Rarity can marry Applejack and we can all be sisters!”
All three of the other ponies present looked at Sweetie questioningly.
“What? It could happen.” Sweetie pouted.
“Anyway! When’s the wedding? Can I be your best mare? I guess Twilight would be your best mare, actually, but I can be the flower filly!” Scootaloo sprang up to Rainbow’s side.
Apple Bloom pressed up next to her, beaming at Rainbow Dash. “We can both be flower fillies!”
“What am I, chopped asparagus?” Sweetie Belle muttered, only for Scootaloo and Apple Bloom to pull her in.
“Oh, hush, we can all be flower fillies. So are you asking him today, Dash?” Scootaloo asked.
Rainbow Dash shut her eyes, unable to bear the sight of them. Her breath came ragged. “I... I... Scoot, I-I l-love you, but... but... I can’t. I can’t marry Big Macintosh.”
When she opened her eyes, Scootaloo’s grin was fixed on her face. This time, however, it was frozen, as if somepony had gone and pinned it there. A shadow passed across them as a cloud moved between them and the sun.
“It’s not about you,” Rainbow said, quickly.
“But...” Scootaloo’s ear twitched, twice. “You... you said you’d adopt me.”
“I did! I meant it, too! I still do!” She reached for Scootaloo’s shoulders.
An orange hoof knocked them aside. “You just said you had to marry somepony to adopt me, but you’re not going to marry anypony. That means you’re not going to adopt me! Rainbow, you promised!”
Tears stung at Rainbow’s eyes as she watched Scootaloo crumble. Anger and disappointment sank deep into the filly’s eyes. What hurt even worse was seeing her own tears—a fiercely proud tomboy, Scootaloo had stubbornly refused to cry all but once before, when their parents had left them. At that time, she’d had an older brother to look up to.
Scootaloo could have reached in to tear out Rainbow’s heart; it would only have improved things.
“Please. I... sis... we don’t have to do it officially. You can come live with me!” Rainbow tried to pull Scootaloo towards her.
“Don’t touch me! Don’t talk to me!” Scootaloo squirmed free and ran, her little wings beating hard and speeding her across the ground. “You promised!”
Rainbow started to gallop after her, only for her sore leg to trip her up. Scootaloo reached her scooter and shot off across the fields towards town. Rising, Rainbow set her wings to launch off, but then let them droop, watching her go.
Bile boiled in the back of her throat as hot tears poured down her cheeks. She didn’t dare to turn and look at the other Crusaders—she was sure she would have only seen her own shame reflected in their eyes. Rising into the air, she went, not towards Scootaloo, but to alight upon the cloud. Her hooves beat the surface of the soft white cloud, churning part of it into misty froth that floated up and away. Her face buried deep inside and she sniffed, crying helplessly.
The world drifted below her. Nopony could hear her up here. Nopony knew how the world was being jerked around by inscrutable, unseen forces.
Maybe I’m the crazy one. Maybe it’s just me being delusional. Rainbow stared down at her hooves. They were attached to her, sure enough. They were hers. Pretty little hooves attached to a pretty little mare.
Breathing deeply, she rubbed her nose on a tuft of cloud. No. I know too much. It’s all too real, too strange. If it was just me I’d know more about my own life. But... what am I going to do?
Staring down, she scanned the hills as if hoping to see the door to the Otherworld. How am I going to find it? Where do I even start?
Merely being able to look for it presumed she could somehow escape notice. Firefly had spilled the beans and been caught. Vinyl Scratch was becoming tangled in their web. Now Rainbow Dash herself was being ground to meal between impossible burdens.
Down one path lay a long and difficult journey that she sincerely did not know if she could complete, that might swallow her whole entirely. It meant letting Scootaloo suffer, hurting Big Macintosh, and worrying her friends as she became increasingly paranoid and desperate.
Down the other path... Rainbow’s eyes shut again as she dreamed of herself, clad in Wonderbolts blue and yellow. Scootaloo flew beside her, free and happy. Her head lay down, pressing into the soft substance of the cloud as she allowed her body to relax.
It was a beautiful dream.
* * *
Rainbow’s hooves set down on a cloud with ghostly smoothness. The cloud’s belly was dark and heavy with rain, but the top was touched with the reds and golds of twilight. There should have been a deep scent of water on the air, but there was neither a sense of smell nor of weight. It could have been sunrise or sunset, either one—somehow, she knew it was always somewhere between day or night here, trapped immobile between two states.
“Nice outfit,” Firefly said. Her scratchy voice was a mirror for Rainbow’s own, just a little softer and more steady. “Is that what the Wonderbolts are wearing now? Really shows off that shapely backside.”
Stung, Rainbow spun around. Framed against the sunlight with its rays coursing about her shadowed form, Firefly stood on a spur of cloud watching her. The sign reading “THIS IS A DREAM” lay half-buried in the cloud, its wood decaying and neon lights flickering fitfully.
“This place got different.” Rainbow looked down at her jumpsuit-clad self, frowning. “I was just... yes. The uniform was always like this, as far as I remember.”
“When I was a member, it was more of a white base and gold trim deal, with some barding. We were more closely associated with the military back then.” Firefly flapped down from the spur, revealing her slender pink features. The oranges and golds of twilight clung to her as Their shadows had to the library of Ponyville, giving her an ethereal air. “Evidently, They felt we needed something a little more along the lines of an entertainment team.”
Rainbow Dash’s heart sank. “Even that? Why? I don’t understand. How much do They change? Why haven’t They gotten it right yet, if They’ve been at this for so long?”
“Not a clue.” Firefly shrugged. “What do I know? I’ve told you almost everything I learned already. I’ve been trying to find out more, but it’s hard enough finding others, let alone ones who haven’t gone starkers. The only reason I can talk to you is because we’re already connected.” Her head tilted, and she narrowed her eyes at Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow shrank back, having a pretty good idea what had Firefly irritated. “You don’t understand.”
“Don’t I?” Firefly trotted around her. “Do you think it was easy for me when I started? I saw my life changing around me, and yet I was powerless to do anything to stop Them. I went from having an older sister to finding her half my age and with a twin to boot. My coltfriend ended up with a coltfriend of her very own. Friends, places. Only the Princesses never changed, and yet they never noticed anything amiss.” She stopped in front of Rainbow Dash and faced her squarely. “None of that made me stop fighting.”
Scraping at the cloud, Rainbow stared down at Firefly’s hooves. “Look where it got you, too.”
“That’s beneath you, Cloud Buster, and if you meant it you could look me in the eye.”
“It’s not just me!” Rainbow Dash—even here, she could not think of herself as that other name—stamped her hooves, looking up at Firefly. “I can’t abandon Scootaloo!”
“What was that you were thinking earlier?” Firefly fixed her with a glare. “Something about how even if it did give Scootaloo a better life, this whole thing was bigger than her and you. It was about all of us.”
“That was before I saw her! She’s hurting!” Rainbow shook her head. “I can’t abandon her. I’m her big bro--sister! I’m supposed to protect her, not hurt her.”
“What part of protecting means submitting to Their plan, allowing Them to decide if They want to screw with her again?” Firefly was up in her face now.
“The part where I take care of her, no matter what! They can’t change my loving her! I’ll always love her, I’ll always be there for her, no matter what happens!” Rainbow flared her wings aggressively.
Firefly lifted her eyebrow. “Yeah? You think they can’t take that away from you? They took Fluttershy away from you.”
That really stung. Rainbow Dash lowered her head.
“For all you know, this is just a ploy—They’ll dangle Scootaloo in front of you until you’re where They want you, when you’re weak and already forgetting that anything was different. One day you’ll turn around and find They’ve taken her away,” She clapped her hooves, “Just like that. Maybe you’ll have a few new foals to take care of by then, huh? Won’t even notice.”
“That’s—” Rainbow shivered. “No. I have to be there for her. You don’t know that. You don’t know anything. It can’t end like that.”
“I know enough!” Firefly shouted. “I know you don’t love Big Macintosh! Are you going to marry him under false pretenses and burden him with a loveless marriage, dragging him, Scootaloo, Applejack, and everypony else into Tartarus with you? They can’t force you to love him.”
“Yeah?” Rainbow snarled. “Maybe They can’t.”
Firefly took a step back. “Wait. You... Rainbow—I mean, Cloud Buster, hold on. You don’t want to do that.”
“Watch me. Goodbye, Firefly.”
* * *
“Are you sure you’re okay, Dash?” Fluttershy asked as they trotted down the way to Berry Punch’s bar. The sun was low in the sky and the streets were shadowed. A pale red pegasus was going around, lighting lamps hanging overhead.
“I’m fine,” Rainbow snapped, then ran a hoof through her mane to settle it. “Sorry. Yes. I want to... to talk about this. You’re all worried about me and I’ve been blowing you guys off.”
It was hard to look at her. Firefly’s words rang in Rainbow’s ears whenever she did. They took Fluttershy away from you.
But that wasn’t entirely true. They were still friends, they were still close. So what if they couldn’t be together as boyfriend and girlfriend? Glancing out of the corner of her eye, she found that she could admire the lovely face framed by all of that beautiful pink hair, but that there was nothing beyond that for her to sink into besides the close familiarity of two good friends. They were just two mares who could trust one another deeply.
Is there anything wrong with that? Can’t we be close, share our lives together, just in a different way?
Fluttershy rubbed her face up against Rainbow’s side, offering her a smile. “It’s okay. We understand. Twilight is just trying to help, even if that was a little, uhm... invasive.”
“Heh. No, it’s perfect. It’s just what I need.” Rainbow stopped in front of the door, frowning. Something seemed a little off—had there always been curtains behind the windows? There was a very pleasant floral scent wafting out of the door when Fluttershy nosed it open, and Rainbow Dash followed through. She passed into a very different place indeed.
It no longer suited the word “bar.” If Rainbow Dash had bothered to check the sign before walking in she might have seen that. Stylish mares weaved between little tables that were lain with lacy cloth. Curtains were hung in all of the windows and along each of the booths, softening what had once been a solidly practical room. It was a place from which all stallions were banished, not in rule but in simple fact. The meaning of that herbal scent became instantly clear.
“A tea shop?” Rainbow’s face scrunched up. She leaned back, as if to fall back out of this nightmare. Her relief at finding the place unchanged the first day had been rather effectively disintegrated.
“Well, yeah. Berry makes the best teas, doesn’t she?” Fluttershy giggled. “Everything is so new to you, Rainbow. You didn’t hit your head, did you?”
“Not that hard.” Rainbow swallowed, then followed her to a booth where Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, and Princess Cadance waited. Shaded candles cast flickering shadows across the party. Rainbow slid into a seat beside Fluttershy and planted her hooves in front of her, staring awkwardly around at the others. The soft sounds of mares conversing filtered in around them.
It was alienating, yet, at the same time, it felt strangely appropriate. Rainbow Dash could get used to this if she just allowed herself to relax a little. Maybe there was something to this mare business. There was something in the way her lithe body felt on the chair, in the way her mane fell across her back and side, and the way her long tail swished behind her. It was even in the way her breath eased in and out of her body, bringing with it the gentle scent of the close room. Mares had a very different scent than stallions, particularly the sort of stallion that frequented bars.
Perhaps more importantly, though, this was the path that would take Rainbow Dash down the road to being at Scootaloo's side forever. If that meant becoming a mare in mind as well as in body, well, that was the price she had to pay.
“I know you probably don't want to hang out at a place like this.” Twilight Sparkle leaned forward. A teacup hovered in front of her. “But I really wanted to show Cadance. She has to ship in her favorite tea from Canterlot, so I know she was missing it.”
“And it is most excellently prepared,” Cadance beamed. She sipped at a steaming cup with obvious relish.
Rainbow Dash blinked. “What's so hard about boiling leaf juice?” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, and she grimaced.
Rather than take her to task, however, the others giggled in a fashion that said louder than words that they expected as much. Okay, so maybe my version of being a mare is just a little different than what I had before. Maybe Rainbow Dash is as much a tomboy as Scootaloo? I kinda never did think on why Scoots followed me so... obsessively. The fact that I thought I was her brother was kind of overwhelming. Then again, it probably has a fair bit to do with how I nearly managed to break the sound barrier reaching her.
As she contemplated, the others’ faces froze. Their eyes tracked past her shoulder. A hoof tapped on her shoulder, and she turned to find herself muzzle-to-muzzle with Berry Punch. For all that the other mare was wearing, a floral bandanna and carrying a porcelain tea set on her back, her eyes were as hard and glittering as gems. “So. You have a problem with my tea?”
Rainbow jolted back. “Ah! Don't hit me! I'm sorry!”
“Oh, I'm not going to hit you, Dash.” Berry slid the tray onto the table and tapped an upturned cup with her hoof, making it go spinning around the rim until it rolled to a stop, upright, in front of Rainbow. Taking the kettle in her mouth, she poured a stream of dark tea, wasting not a drop as she tilted it back. The tiny bits of leaf swirled hypnotically while a waft of bitter steam tickled her nostrils. “Drink.”
“Uh...” Rainbow set her hooves on either side of the cup. “It's hot.”
“Don't knock it till you try it—particularly don't mock it in my store until you know what you're talking about. Drink.” Berry's gaze bored into Rainbow's skull. Evidently, the change in professions had done nothing to blunt Berry's treatment of rude customers. Rainbow had never been on the receiving end of that before, and it was rather more effective than she would care to admit.
Swallowing, Rainbow gently lifted the cup in her hooves. She blew on the cup a few times, stirring the surface with her breath. Her eyes flicked to see if Berry was still watching—she was, and her eyes narrowed further as she saw Rainbow hesitate. Carefully, Rainbow took a good sip.
It was nothing like a burst of flavor that blew Rainbow across the room or any such thing. Indeed, if anything, the first touch of it to her lips wasn't very good—it was too hot, for one, and almost tongue-curlingly bitter. Just as she thought she might spit it out, however, the taste changed. If the first taste didn't encourage her, the lingering aftertaste that filled her mouth left her strangely empty. The flavor was powerful, but not overwhelming, and it was layered in complicated ways. Somepony with a greater vocabulary for tastes may have been able to put the sensation into words, but she struggled just to come up with adjectives. Perhaps one layer was faintly woody and another reminded her of vanilla, the others just left her behind entirely.
Soon, too soon, the sensations began to fade, and she found herself tilting the cup towards her again. This time, her tongue was already inured against the first burst of bitterness by the presence of the aftertaste, and a little blowing cooled the tea, particularly as she drained it. Soon enough, there was nothing but the dregs, and she stared at the cup for a good while.
Berry smiled wickedly. “Well?”
Pushing the cup towards her, Rainbow coughed and lowered her eyes. “Could I have some more, please?”
“Sure thing, honey,” Berry said sweetly. Tilting the kettle, she poured her another cup. “Here's a tip—sipping makes the taste last longer and gives you more time to contemplate.”
"Thanks." Rainbow turned to look back at the others. Fluttershy was hiding a smile behind the curtain of her hair and Rarity behind her hoof, while Cadance and Twilight wore identical grins. What drew her attention, however, was the way the candlelight flickered. It seemed to her that their shadows all loomed far too high in the curtained booth. If she looked at them out of the corner of her eyes, she could see the shadows had empty eyes, holes cut in the shadow-fabric.
Do They know that I'm on to Them? Do They know, and They're waiting to see if I give up? Do They think I've already started conforming and They're waiting to see if I screw up? Either way, she tried not to focus on them, putting her attention instead on Princess Cadance and the other mares.
“So, go on, dear. We're all friends here,” Rarity said, delicately sipping at her own hovering cup. Getting turned into a unicorn might have been an interesting experience—it certainly would have made handling a hot tea cup a lot simpler.
“Well...” Taking another bracing sip of tea, Rainbow Dash sighed and glanced down. Her concentration was as much on trying to find her stride with Rainbow and her voice as it was on the words. It required her to try and analyze somepony she hadn't even met beyond wearing her skin, reflecting on the way others treated her.
It seemed to her that the others expected her to not be very girly at all, actually, for such a pretty mare. She had never been remotely feminine in her proper body, and it seemed that carried over here. There were a lot of fiddly things she would have to find out about—she had no idea whether or not she flat-out refused to wear dresses or if she was one of those mares who "cleaned up nice." Her best source of inspiration, ultimately, was Scootaloo. A complete tomboy who rejected mushiness, she still never quite let anypony forget that she was actually a girl now and then. Scootaloo was driven by one part hero worship, one part confidence, and five parts sheer bravado.
The other point might be: how would I have been if I was a mare?
It all boiled down to the question of her relationship with Big Macintosh. As much as she hated to admit it, the parallels were obvious. Fluttershy and Big Mac were both gentle and caring ponies. Many of the same qualities that had attracted her to Fluttershy were present in different form in Big Macintosh. Even the differences were startling in how well they mirrored one another. Glancing at Fluttershy, those softly pretty features and that small, curvy body had been a dynamite combination for a powerful stallion.
It was even more sobering to admit that reflecting on Big Macintosh's solidly handsome form towering over her own slender self put a warm little tingle in her. Forcing herself to confront the idea, it took very little imagination to picture herself enveloped by those forelegs, pressing in against his chest. He would be as hard as iron and as gentle as velvet in the same embrace. The warmth in her belly was coming from more than just the tea.
“Rainbow?” Twilight asked.
Rainbow's eyes flicked towards the shadows waiting above the others, then back down. “It's the whole Wonderbolts thing, you know. I haven't even practiced since Big Mac asked me out. I'd be way behind in my weather work if I hadn't of done some cloudbusting before going to meet Fluttershy.” Taking another sip of her tea, she leaned back. It took a real effort, but she managed to look as though she was relaxing. Rather than worry about how the real Rainbow Dash might look in lounging, she did what had been natural for her as a stallion—an open posture, her wings slightly spread and her legs splayed.
It seemed to be doing the trick—none of the others so much as blinked an eyelash.
“You were kicking those clouds so hard.” Fluttershy murmured. “I didn't want to interrupt you. You looked like you had a lot of stuff to work out.”
That wasn't entirely inaccurate. Part of it had been Rainbow trying—and failing, for the moment—to get used to doing the weather patrol gig in her new body. Rainbow's speed, precision, and comparative lack of raw strength still had her off-balance. It was a far cry from simply taking aim and blowing a cloud bank to smithereens with a single buck. The other part was most definitely working out aggression, however.
“Yeah, I've been out of my mind. I haven't dated anypony in forever, and here I am on a date with Big Mac. I, uh... may have kinda sorta burst a seam. And then freaked out for, like, a whole day.” Not watching her words seemed to be improving things as well—the scratchiness of her voice had been making her more than a little self-conscious. In her mind, Rainbow Dash didn't weigh everything she said—she was a mare of action who spoke first and worried about it later.
It was having an effect, too—the shadows seemed to be withdrawing somewhat, though there was still something faintly unnatural about it.
“I had no idea.” Twilight glanced down at her cup. “You seemed so excited when you said he'd asked you out, I thought this was what you wanted.”
Rainbow nodded. “It is! I mean... well, yeah, I want to go out with him. I said so, didn't I? So, Princess, could you—”
“Wait a moment.” Cadance lifted her hoof. “Why don't you talk about that a little? I haven't really heard all that much about Big Macintosh, particularly not from you, Rainbow Dash.” She lowered her teacup, looking at Rainbow. “Perhaps you could talk a little bit about how how you feel and what your plans are?”
Rainbow's cup rattled. She lifted it a little higher and took a sip to cover her sudden nervousness. Crap. “I've talked about that before, haven't I?” She looked around at Fluttershy, Rarity, and Twilight.
“Well, yes.” Fluttershy nodded, smiling. “A little.”
“I certainly never heard anything about it. Barely a peep from anypony until the very day it happened! You all cost me some very valuable time gossiping,” Rarity teased.
Rainbow looked to Twilight, who coughed. “You did barge into the library once and cornered me about whether or not I liked Big Macintosh. It was the middle of the night so I may have been a little groggy,” she said.
“A lot of ponies knew Big Mac was interested in Rainbow,” Fluttershy supplied. “Just, you know, he'd never worked up the courage to ask until then. He was honestly worried you hadn't noticed him.”
“I, well... I mean, I guess I'm just... really into Big Macintosh, you know?” Rainbow asked, though it seemed as if no pony did know.
Worst of all, however, she felt something, like a tingling at the edge of her hooves, as she saw out of the corner of her eyes the eyes of the shadows gazing towards her. Mouths gaped open silently.
Oblivious to any such menace, the other mares frowned at her, their concerns entirely worldly.
“So,” Rainbow continued hurriedly, “if you could use some sort of spell to help us smooth things over, that would really be appreciated, Princess.”
If it sounded that lame to Rainbow’s ears, she could only imagine how it must have sounded to everyone else. Her hooves were clammy and shaking. Darn it, I’m trying to go along with your stupid rules! Stop staring at me!
Princess Cadance leaned back slightly, as if floored, her eyes searching Rainbow’s. “You definitely sound off. Rainbow, is there something else you’re not telling us?”
“Just... just help us out, please? I want this to go smoothly.” Rainbow kept her eyes firmly on the princess’s own.
“It sounds like you’re taking this a little fast.” Twilight blinked.
Rarity gasped. “I know what’s the matter!”
Rainbow stared at her. This is it. She’ll peg me as an imposter and I’ll join Firefly in pony limbo.
“Oh, you sweet, sweet mare.” Rarity reached over and squeezed Rainbow’s hooves. “You’re trying to push through your uncertainty for Scootaloo’s sake, aren’t you? Of course you like Big Macintosh, and you can certainly imagine loving him, but you’re putting yourself on the line for her sake!”
“I’m not sure I follow,” Fluttershy murmured, cocking her head.
“It’s obvious, darlings!” Rarity looked among the others. “The orphanage will not permit Rainbow Dash to adopt Scootaloo and become her guardian unless she can meet certain requirements.”
“The only one of those she could meet in the next few years without some extreme measures is...” Twilight frowned. Rainbow could practically see her mentally flipping through books. Her eyes popped open. “Getting married!”
Rainbow waved her forelegs. “W-wait, I—”
“That’s the Rainbow Dash I know. You’re willing to go through anything to protect the ponies that you care about, aren’t you?” Princess Cadance smiled. “Though I might suggest making your gestures a little less dramatic. You know I can’t actually force love? Nor would I force somepony to feel affection they don’t already feel.”
“There isn’t anypony anywhere she won’t protect, no matter how much it costs,” Fluttershy said. “She wouldn’t leave anyone hanging.”
Rainbow’s heart pounded. That’s not true. I left Firefly behind. I’m leaving you all to Their tender mercies, aren’t I? I couldn’t live up to the Element if my life depended on it. She felt herself shrinking down, her ears laying back.
“You know, you could have just asked Princess Celestia.” Twilight pointed her teacup at Rainbow. “You’re her student, too, after all. I’m sure she’d order an exception to a pony who saved Equestria some four times now.”
“Wait, what? I am?” Rainbow jolted upright, staring at Twilight.
“Of course. You don’t think she’s having you send her friendship reports for her own entertainment, do you?” Twilight giggled. “Really, Rainbow, what kind of overcomplicated plot was this? Get Princess Cadance to make you fall in love with Big Mac so you could feel better about marrying him immediately?”
Rainbow grumbled, covering her face. “It worked in a Daring Danger novel.”
Twilight tilted her head. “You mean Daring Do and the Belle of Andalusia?”
“Oh, come on! That too?” Rainbow threw her hooves up. “Is nothing sacred?”
“Huh?”
Rainbow winced. “I mean, uh. You're the one who brought Princess Cadance here!”
“That's not what I—”
“I was asked over to help provide relationship advice,” Cadance said, waving to calm the two of them. “Not for anything untoward. I think we can clear this up, actually—Rainbow, just from what I've heard, I know you're close to Big Macintosh, but you don't want to rush into anything hasty. You're both young still, after all, and it's better to be sure before you do anything you might regret later. It would do neither of you any favors, and, worse, it would hurt everypony around you at the same time.”
“I...” Rainbow slumped in her seat. “...yeah, I suppose you're right.”
“As for this adoption,” Cadance went on, “I would love to see Scootaloo get the family she deserves.” She smiled. “I can remember when she was a flower girl at my wedding. She had a certain longing about her that I would like to see healed.”
“Thank you, Princess,” Rainbow murmured, her tone defeated. For all that this was a victory, one won without the price she had come to pay, it felt hollow. She wasn't sure what it said about her. I came in here intending to betray everyone I swore to protect.
“Maybe you and Big Mac should try to get to know one another a little better?” Fluttershy perked up. “I think you two have good... you know, chemistry together.”
Rainbow looked up towards the others, who were looking at her expectantly. And why? Because I was scared? Because I panicked when things got hard? I’m not the hero they deserve. Heck, I’m not the friend they deserve. They don’t really know me—the mare they love is just a figment.
Her eyes hardened. Her hooves gripped the table solidly. It was just one thing after another—her life and the lives of everypony she knew were being stolen away. Everything from Berry Punch’s profession to their individual identities were fiddled with and molded like clay.
They’re just going to keep on doing this. Our lives are just playthings for Them. I don’t even know what the world is supposed to look like—it was all changed before I even entered the picture. And here I am, screwing it all up and playing right into Their hooves.
Rainbow took a deep breath, swallowing. “I think I will, yeah.” She took up the teacup and drained it down to the dregs. “This is great tea, by the way. So do you think you could get those adoption papers through soon...? I really want to tell Scootaloo we can be together.”
The first step to fighting back is to let them think they’ve won.
Sure enough, as Rainbow Dash continued to talk to the other girls, the shadows had receded, as if They had never been.
I have to hold on. I have to stay strong. I have to fight back.
She stared down at the remnants of her tea. She had heard of a superstition where old mares could read a pony’s future in the patterns made therein, but it was all just mushy clumps of drying leaf to her. If there was any future in her quest, she would have to find it herself.
I have to, because if I don’t, no matter how unready I am for it, there’s no one else who can.
* * * * * * *
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4123325571!
Nice to see the story continued and excellent chapter overall. Can't wait to see more.
2994628
Strange random numbers!
Yeah, I didn't want to see this just die. And now I get to put my own spin on it
Woot Woot! back to this epic story to catch my attention yet again and to re-read it twice.
this is good cant w8 for more
2995401
2995426
Great to see you guys are excited.
I'll probably pound out another chapter by the end of the week, if I can.
Another chapter? Awesome! I'd almost given up on this story!
The scene where RD--er, Cloud--had to break it to Scootaloo was very harsh! I almost couldn't take it! I also have to grudgingly admire how crafty They are. Actually making Cloud a Wonderbolt? They're dangling Cloud's dreams in front of him to keep him "in line," so to speak. Plus how They're willing to give him back Scootaloo if he'll only just marry Big Mac for Them...
I do have to wonder what sort of insidious scheme changing Berry Punch's bar to a tea shop is, though. Ah well.
(And one final note, it's been a bit since I read the early chapters...was Their presence announced via shadows back then as well?)
2997698
Nope! She could hear Them before, but now They are suspicious of her - but still cannot totally hide.
Good to see this story continuing. The idea of a character rebelling against canon and having "Them" try to force the change is just too good of a plot to let die (or at least, that's how I see the plot). It's a little more comedic then the previous version, but that's kind of a good thing. A little comedy helps the [Dark] pill go down a little easier.
3005141
There's always something inherently hilarious about Rainbow Dash, even when creepy shadows are threatening her.
3006727
Nice to see some approval of the change
I noticed some people downvoted today! I can only assume they are vile demons, for they did not post why they didn't like it.
It lives! Huzzah!
Part of me wants to see Dash try to hold a conversation with Them, try to understand Their motivations and goals as seen from Their perspective.
The rest of me knows that, stallion or mare, it would be grossly out of character.
In any case, looking forward to more.
3007892
Not while she's in this world, certainly.
2995527 2 weeks later, still no update.
Though I'll take quality over quantity any day.
3067053
I did say if I can. Real life intervenes.
I think I know who They are, they are story editors. After reading your A/N, in part where you said that your plot direction won't always be identical to Chaotic Dreams's. It felt to like you just did something, They are doing.
Story was exciting. Having a new writer made me nervous, and then this happened:
“Hah! Nailed it.” Rainbow pumped a hoof, then realized she’d spoken aloud. “Uh, I mean—yeah, right! I’m all mare,"
This is the best line I have read in quite some time.
A small victory in a long wears, ultimately means nothing if its the only one.