Little cleanser having the main six and Lily and cellular show up its over used...... I would have has twilight send trixie to fetch the goals been funnier.
The premise is interesting, but the pace is way too fast, there's pretty much no detail given to anything, things that do get detail have no reason to have said detail (yeah, thanks for constantly updating us as to the song they are listening to. That truly is the most important part of the story and deserves to be shown more than anything else), and there are almost constant spelling and grammar errors. Also, you tend to bring in conflicts just to toss them away seconds later:
"I forgot honestly look I'm sorry. So you still want to watch the movies?" I asked They sighed and nodded we all entered the car and drove back to my house.
Uh, good thing that extreme breakdown ended within a couple of lines?
Little cleanser having the main six and Lily and cellular show up its over used...... I would have has twilight send trixie to fetch the goals been funnier.
3279910 hey that's all I could write any way stuff happened
So many ponies... Poor bastard has to deal with them all now.
3279945 I get it but still.... try to stand out. I do..... try at that is.
Well he be FUCKED......wonder what Rarity would think of sweeties crush ?
Dude you need to work on the grammar a bit. You missed a lot of places where commas or periods would be in the beginning.
PLOT TWIST
House party whos with me wooo
3296286
I'm sorry. You need one as well.
3302500 HAHAHA oh in the honor of That 70's Show BURN
The premise is interesting, but the pace is way too fast, there's pretty much no detail given to anything, things that do get detail have no reason to have said detail (yeah, thanks for constantly updating us as to the song they are listening to. That truly is the most important part of the story and deserves to be shown more than anything else), and there are almost constant spelling and grammar errors. Also, you tend to bring in conflicts just to toss them away seconds later:
Uh, good thing that extreme breakdown ended within a couple of lines?