This chapter was MUCH better then the last. I agree that sentence structure is a must on this one. For example
"I mean they loved me supported me but never actually got me like I'd like one thing but they did everything in their power to support but it ended up being a huge waste of time."
I think it needs a period or two in there. And
"Tons to simple things like wearing glasses to the extreme where they'd call me wet back."
Needs a coma or something to break up the sentence.
These are two examples where I sat there for ten seconds going "... What?" Also (sense I just used one) question marks man, use'em.
Now on a lighter note it was well thought and had fantastic development as well as doing a spot on job of setting the mood. Keep up the good work and keep improving. :)
3310693 thank you I just want micheal to talk to his house guest and not forget about them. Also I want sweetie to know micheal a lot more then just fall for him instantly.
I HATE racism 😤😤😤 All for something he can't control I don't judge by race but by action of self If you're black I won't mind talking to you But if you do something stupid then I'll ignore you simple enough
they're fine as they are
Pirfict
hey just go with to flow
3300141 how are they rushed each chapter takes about two hours in story time. So by the time the day ends its about four chapters I make.
3301841 I'll try to slow it down but no promises.
Please try to use more punctuation. It's kinda hard to understand with the way it is now.
3302576 I'm trying to find one.
This chapter was MUCH better then the last. I agree that sentence structure is a must on this one. For example
"I mean they loved me supported me but never actually got me like I'd like one thing but they did everything in their power to support but it ended up being a huge waste of time."
I think it needs a period or two in there. And
"Tons to simple things like wearing glasses to the extreme where they'd call me wet back."
Needs a coma or something to break up the sentence.
These are two examples where I sat there for ten seconds going "... What?" Also (sense I just used one) question marks man, use'em.
Now on a lighter note it was well thought and had fantastic development as well as doing a spot on job of setting the mood. Keep up the good work and keep improving. :)
3310693 thank you I just want micheal to talk to his house guest and not forget about them. Also I want sweetie to know micheal a lot more then just fall for him instantly.
I HATE racism 😤😤😤
All for something he can't control
I don't judge by race but by action of self
If you're black I won't mind talking to you
But if you do something stupid then I'll ignore you simple enough