Normally I see someones writing progress, but yours seems to be rushing a whole lot. For instance, where the heck was the transition from meeting the others to suddenly having them be roommates? As far as I can see, he just assumed that they were going to stay with him. There's very little content and that makes it uninteresting. What you should have done was have them explain how the others went about finding the CMC and then after that explain that they need a place to stay. Right now you're giving the skeleton of the story instead of the whole body. I don't mean for this to sound harsh at all, I'm just trying to explain how you might improve it.
Like I said, the big thing is the lack of content is making it seem beyond rushed. Take your time and come up with more details. You don't need to rush and put a chapter out every other day. One of my favorite fanfictions takes a little over a month to write and look over each chapter. Given the chapter are anywhere from 10,000 to 25,000 words, he still takes his time and makes sure that everything feels fulfilled and justified. I promise, if you add more content to explain why certain things happen, how they got there, and what's going on then you will have a much better story.
3294438 I will answer the questions next chapter as right now they are trying to adjust with their life on earth. The rush is just me getting back to the story as I want on an extended hiatus with this story.
3294438 also I have little inspiration for this fic as ponies on earth stories are kind if the hardest things to write I'm trying not to rip off someone else's work. The little things I put are what I can do. If you want longer chapters then it would take up more time then needed.
Right now I'm just focusing on them adjusting to life later I'll probably make things better.
I just find it strange that he comes home after shopping to find that 8 huminoid beings broke into his house and his initial reaction is "oh pull up a seat lets have some dinner."
I personally would flip my lid and at least ask how they broke in. Just take your time man. I would rather wait a long time to read an Engaging story rather then a rushed unbeleaveable one.
That being said I think you still did a good job with Character development and plot building.
Is that some... Plot development?
Well this is....sudden. On the good side, I love this! On the odd side, you rushed two new chapters pretty fast.
3293660 I know but you love chapters don't you.
3293642 yes it is.
3293786 I dunno I wrote what I can
development in plot .... impossible!!!
Normally I see someones writing progress, but yours seems to be rushing a whole lot. For instance, where the heck was the transition from meeting the others to suddenly having them be roommates? As far as I can see, he just assumed that they were going to stay with him. There's very little content and that makes it uninteresting. What you should have done was have them explain how the others went about finding the CMC and then after that explain that they need a place to stay. Right now you're giving the skeleton of the story instead of the whole body. I don't mean for this to sound harsh at all, I'm just trying to explain how you might improve it.
Like I said, the big thing is the lack of content is making it seem beyond rushed. Take your time and come up with more details. You don't need to rush and put a chapter out every other day. One of my favorite fanfictions takes a little over a month to write and look over each chapter. Given the chapter are anywhere from 10,000 to 25,000 words, he still takes his time and makes sure that everything feels fulfilled and justified. I promise, if you add more content to explain why certain things happen, how they got there, and what's going on then you will have a much better story.
3294438 I will answer the questions next chapter as right now they are trying to adjust with their life on earth. The rush is just me getting back to the story as I want on an extended hiatus with this story.
3294438 also I have little inspiration for this fic as ponies on earth stories are kind if the hardest things to write I'm trying not to rip off someone else's work. The little things I put are what I can do. If you want longer chapters then it would take up more time then needed.
Right now I'm just focusing on them adjusting to life later I'll probably make things better.
A bit rushed but its still great
I just find it strange that he comes home after shopping to find that 8 huminoid beings broke into his house and his initial reaction is "oh pull up a seat lets have some dinner."
I personally would flip my lid and at least ask how they broke in. Just take your time man. I would rather wait a long time to read an Engaging story rather then a rushed unbeleaveable one.
That being said I think you still did a good job with Character development and plot building.
3310629 They all looked like ponies and he already met 3 of them, how dangerous could it have gotten
Question: Are the new visitors wearing clothes? If so, how come the crusaders didn't have any? If not, how come he hasn't noticed?
It's like you have never heard of commas before
4275963 what is this comma you speak of?
I'm re-reading this and I just caught this. The main character, he is Mr Anderson.
those are some old panic songs, why choose those ones?
wait I just noticed, this was made 2015, most of the well known panic songs were made after then... (if only this was made a year later.)