• Published 2nd Jul 2013
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Joe - JMDARE



When the Cutie Mark Crusaders need a ‘responsible adult’ Applebloom thinks of the strange creature that has been doing chores on Sweet Apple Acres. And who seems to have finally got over his shock at ‘talking horsies'

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Chapter 34

Not knowing what else to do other than check and knowing there was no better place or Pony to check with Joe walked towards Ponyville and the Golden Oaks Library. He’d hoped to escape once he’d worked through his notes and was worried that even before he’d stopped himself he’d said too much. Talking about human flight without mentioning how the development of aviation had been sped by two World Wars or that the very fastest piston engined aeroplanes were the last generation of fighters before Jets replaced them had been difficult. He thought he had managed though and although he now wondered if he should have mentioned flying boats he was glad to have not mentioned fighters and bombers and all the other panoply of military types.

Entering the library he was greeted by a rather tired looking Twilight Sparkle. “Hello, did things go well?”

“Very well at first,” Joe replied. “You have a beautiful home city, Spike managed to impress us all with his knowledge of art, and I could see why people like Fancy Pants. Unfortunately things ended with five idiots playing a dangerous prank at the event.”

“Spike mentioned that before I sent him to nap after his morning chores,” nodded Twilight Sparkle, wondering whether to emulate that herself even if she’d not had so late a night.

Joe nodded back. “Things also went fairly well this morning,” he added, both in case that was what Twilight Sparkle had meant and as a prelude to his next words, “though the talk to Miss Cheerilee’s class has given me some questions. I need some basic primers on your cosmology.”

“Sure,” Twilight Sparkle replied, frowning in consideration for an instant before some books floated off a shelf and to them. “Why?”

“Because I nearly touched on cosmology and mythology and…” started Joe, stopping and sighing as he took those books. “Let me explain.”

“Please.”

“At the end of what I was saying Scootaloo asked me how high humans could fly and I digressed onto what flight meant…”

Twilight Sparkle patiently listened as Joe explained orbits and the question of if those were flying. “That makes sense, I suppose,” she admitted, “but I don’t see the connection with what you asked for.”

“As far as I am concerned, with my world, the Moon just orbits the Earth… well, technically they both orbit a common centre of gravity but that is inside the Earth…”

“It just orbits?” Twilight Sparkle interrupted.

“So I nearly said things high enough would keep going around like the Moon…” Joe continued, making Twilight Sparkle blink. “And worse, as far as I am concerned, with my world, it just rotates so the side in sunlight and the side in shadow changes, one rotation being one day, and I nearly mentioned this when I was going to say a satellite high enough would orbit at the same pace as that rotation. So it would remain above the same point on the planet.”

Twilight Sparkle looked at Joe in disbelief, then asked, in the tone of one wanting to be sure, “No Goddesses to raise or lower the Sun and the Moon?”

“No Goddesses,” Joe confirmed.

“How would that even work?”

With some disclaimers about his memory Joe began to explain what he knew about the formation and structure of the Solar System. For a moment he had trouble remembering whether Saturn or Jupiter came first and after he’d named a few planets he began digressing onto why they were called that and very briefly onto that pantheon of Gods. Twilight Sparkle was looking more and more incredulous the longer he spoke, especially when he mentioned humans had walked on their Moon so that could be considered as how high humans had flown.

“So,” Twilight Sparkle eventually said, “you think your Sun is just an incredibly vast ball of Gas burning with Nuclear Fusion?”

“Small compared with some stars,” nodded Joe, “but more than 99% of the mass of the Solar System. A little surprised that you know what Nuclear Fusion is.”

“Of course I know what it is,” Twilight Sparkle replied, waving a forehoof in annoyance, “and I know what Comets are even if we don’t call where they come from the Oort cloud.”

“Fair enough.”

“And you think your Moon was created when another planet forming in the same orbit as yours smashed into it?”

“That is the current hypothesis and I think it explains a few things…”

If she had looked incredulous before then Twilight Sparkle managed to surpass this as Joe began talking about his planet’s core and the unusually strong magnetic field this gave his world. He said he didn’t know but he wondered if two cores had combined when the two protoplanets collided. She listened to him talk about how the magnetic field prevented the atmosphere being stripped away by the solar wind, as happened on Mars, and also prevented too much radiation. Then she accepted him saying that the collision theory also explained why their Moon was not as dense as their world since it had been formed by material that had been light enough to be ejected far enough away by the impact to fall together rather than back.

“Wait…” Twilight Sparkle said as Joe droned on.

“Hmm?”

“You say your moon prevents ‘axial wobble’?”

“Keeps things more stable,” nodded Joe.

“And you say your seasons are due to how your planet is tilted on its axis?”

“Pointing towards the sun and get more sunlight, pointing away and get less, and at the Poles you get half a year of day and half a year of night.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Twilight Sparkle protested.

“Sure it does,” replied Joe. “If the axis was vertical then there’d always the same amount of light and heat. But if the axis was horizontal then a yearly ‘day’ as rotation wouldn’t affect that.”

“Yes, I understand that! And if only a little off vertical then the two combine, effects of rotation and of orbit.”

Joe looked at her in puzzlement. “Then…?”

“It… doesn’t… change like that here. The efforts of the Ponies change Winter into Spring in a single day…”

“What?” Joe interrupted.

There was a silence during which all Joe could think was of a television series that ran twice a year at Spring and Autumn and how much they would have to cram into things if it was a single day rather than several programmes over a few weeks. Then he remembered something else.

“No wonder Fluttershy looked so baffled,” Joe said slowly, “when we were talking about Nature.” He shook his head. “I was talking about the climate and how creatures reacted to the shifting seasons and she was thinking ‘but, they all do it in one day’?”

“Probably.”

Joe shifted his grip on the books he was holding as he got an irresistible urge to pinch his nose and rub at his forehead. “I thought I was getting used to this place. Can I have a book on climatology as well please?”

“Here,” Twilight Sparkle said, giving Joe a sympathetic look as one floated across.

“Thanks,” nodded Joe, shifting his grip back to holding the books two handed and flat to allow the extra book to settle on top of them. “I just hope I can remember this is true here. Suppress the reaction to think it is mistaken.”

“Why would you have that reaction?” Twilight Sparkle asked, feeling immune to further bafflement after all that had been said.

“Been plenty of creation myths,” said Joe, managing a smile, “and ideas of how things work in human history. Used to think the Sun was pulled across the sky in a chariot, or that the Earth was the centre of the universe and everything orbited it, or… did Dash mention some Eagles I told her about?”

“No, why?”

“A common myth in human cultures are gigantic birds, some ascribed the sound of thunder to the beating of a Thunderbird’s wings, so when people from my country reached some large islands in the southern hemisphere they thought it was just that. Just another similar myth amongst the people who were already living there.”

“I take it that it wasn’t?”

“After a while people from my part of the world found some skeletons and that it was true, not legend or allegory or myth.”

“Why did they only find skeletons?” Twilight Sparkle frowned. “Why not the actual birds?”

“The subject came up when Dash wondered if she could carry me and I mentioned these Eagles and that although they were as tall as me and had twice her wingspan they weren’t strong enough to carry off full grown men, I think.”

“Right?”

“But they could carry off human children,” Joe continued. “From tribes of people that were tough and determined enough they’d crossed vast stretches of ocean in open canoes to reach those islands. Rather than the far larger sailing ships my countrymen used centuries later.”

“And…” asked Twilight Sparkle, before realising Joe had answered the question through strong implication. “Oh.”

“There also games and stories where the setting involves older ideas of cosmology,” Joe added. “So there is the question of whether those ideas are actually true in that world. Would someone applying ‘modern’ knowledge to that setting find themselves in trouble as that knowledge would be as inaccurate there as the older cosmology had been judged in the ‘real’ world where it had been discounted?”

“I understand, I think,” said Twilight Sparkle slowly. “You know how things work for your world…”

“Roughly speaking.”

“And things had seemed the same here with day and night and seasons…”

“And seven days to a week,” Joe nodded, “as that is the length of the phases of the Moon.”

“But you’d not thought about if it worked differently here, despite having met Princess Celestia when you arrived here?”

Joe paused and considered his next words, shifting the books in his hands and from one foot to the other. “Firstly, I was not doubting that Princess Celestia, and her sister Princess Luna, were Goddesses.”

“Granted,” said Twilight Sparkle, deciding to not press Joe about her sister-in-law Princess Cadance.

“However as Princess Celestia was defeated by the Changeling Queen it did not seem…” Joe sighed. “There have been plenty of rulers in human history who have claimed to be Gods, or that on their death they would become Gods, and one of the more immodest claims such made was that they caused the sun to rise and set.”

“Princess Celestia does cause that!” Twilight Sparkle snapped, eyes flashing and a brief glitter of purple magic around her horn at this implied insult to her beloved mentor. “It is not a claim, it is the truth!”

“Grant me that with how powerful, or the opposite, her defeat by the Changeling Queen made her appear that it could feel more likely it was metaphorical.”

“What do you mean?” Twilight Sparkle asked, granting only a glare.

“That she truly is a Goddess of the Sun and embodies it in this world, but that it rose and fell due to the world’s rotation. And that Luna is truly a Goddess of the Moon to embody it and all its aspects, but it orbited.”

“You thought they were more limited?” Twilight Sparkle asked, eyes narrowing in sudden understanding. “That things worked the same here, but with the aid of the Princesses?”

“I mentioned a weather God called Thor to Rainbow Dash and that he was revived as the basis of a hero for stories set in modern times,” nodded Joe. “One difference between mythology and those stories I didn’t mention was that they had not dismissed all of metrology. Those that worshipped him though the weather worked more at his whim, but in the modern stories it is more like he is linked to, and part of, those vast and complex systems. He can influence and shape them, and their strength is his, but they can also be running their course without him needing to direct them.”

“Read the books, Joe,” Twilight Sparkle nodded back, sounding distracted.

As Joe sat and began to obey she considered what she should write to Princess Celestia about this. Or if she should write anything, as Joe had explained why he needed the books rather than just saying he thought he needed to learn more it seemed unfair to repay that by risking her mentor’s wrath on him. But it also seemed unfair to her mentor to not share this new information and insight.

“Thanks for the books, Twilight,” said Joe, glancing up from one as he remembered his manners.

“No trouble.”

==

Spike yawned, and then he yawned again, and then considered and rejected a third as an encore. He’d managed to get up for his morning chores and had done a little more work around the Golden Oaks Library before Twilight Sparkle had smiled and told him to get some more rest, even if he wasn’t such a baby Dragon as a couple of years ago. Spike had given a sleepy smile and obeyed, even if, thanks to the early end to the event, he’d had a couple of hours more sleep than Twilight Sparkle might be assuming. Stretching and giving one itchy patch between some scales a good scratch Spike wandered his way into the main section of the library.

“Going to have to start charging you rent,” Spike commented as he saw Joe sitting and studying at what was becoming his usual table. Then he frowned. “But shouldn’t you be talking at the school?”

“Look again at the time, my friend,” smiled Joe.

Spike looked and nodded. “Ah, napped longer than I thought,” he replied. “How long do humans sleep anyway?”

“Depends on the person and their age, but averages seven or eight hours a night I think.”

Spike nodded again. “Dragons sleep more, explains why you are looking more awake than I feel.”

With that Spike wandered off to get himself a drink and finish waking up. As he was in the kitchen anyway he made and brought Joe a cup of tea.

“Thanks,” Joe said as Spike returned, taking the cuppa and setting it down on the table.

“No trouble” smiled Spike, sitting down and peering at the book open in front of Joe. “What are you reading today?”

“Cosmology and Climatology,” Joe said, returning the smile, but in a more rueful manner. “My talk on flight nearly touched on differences between my world and this, and in talking to Twilight about that I found more.” Then he turned the book around and slid it across so Spike could see it better. “And in reading I just found why the girls gave me, and each other, that look when I talked about Rainbows and why you were arguing…”

Spike looks and nodded as he saw a picture of the ‘fabulous and famous Rainbow Works of Cloudsdale’. “It was still a nice present though,” he admitted, “and it was making a pattern like a rainbow.”

Joe nodded back and sipped some tea, if sip could be defined as a third of the cup. “In some ways this bothers me more than some of the differences that would seem more dramatic. I mean prisms work, and water seems as able to bend light, so raindrops should refract light to the same result…” His voice trailed off as he shook his head. “But instead somewhere along the line that simple physics breaks down and rainbows need to be made.”

“You’re pretty frustrated aren’t you?” asked Spike after a pause and looking at Joe’s expression.

“Pretty much,” Joe admitted. “I’ve met creatures of mythology, one of which just gave me a cup of tea…”

“And one of which kissed you last night.”

“That is some consolation,” Joe smiled, “though also one more thing where I am surprised.” He drank some more tea to pause for thought. “I’d thought things strange, but also thought that was more superficial. That beneath everything lay more similar underlying principles, but seems that is not true and now I worry what else I have taken for granted is wrong.” He chuckled. “Of course I have to be worried about that after I have given a lecture at the school.”

“Twilight did agree with what you remembered about the principles of flight,” argued Spike, “and the model did fly…”

Joe sighed and nodded. “True, seems some of my knowledge can be relied on.”

They continued to drink their drinks and Joe to read. Seeing the occasional twitch of disbelief and wondering if his friend was driving himself into the sort of state as Twilight Sparkle sometimes managed Spike came to a decision. He’d joked about needing to charge Joe rent but over the last few days, more like several, Joe had done a lot of talking and studying with the relaxation of the trip to Canterlot spoilt by the pranksters.

“I should go and get some things,” Spike said, “is Twilight around?”

“She’s doing some writing in the basement,” nodded Joe, looking up from the book, “and finishing analysing the potions she and Zecora made yesterday.”

“Okay, and Owlowiscious is here as well.”

“So number two assistant and temporary number three to cover for you,” smiled Joe. “Though before you go, we made the newspaper, or rather Rarity and Dash did as they only mentioned the ‘Holders of the Elements of Harmony’ rather than the mere bipeds who assisted.”

“Aw.”

“Only ‘aw’ if you want the attention, and I don’t think either of us would have wanted it from stabbing things or if your claws had struck something vital in that idiot-Pony’s neck.”

“I wanted to distract rather than hurt too much,” Spike nodded, as he stood, “but I am glad I didn’t hurt too much by accident, and I think I would still be glad even if they had been Changelings.”

“Hmm… yeah,” mused Joe before nodding back. “I’d not thought about that, been feeling too glad I hadn’t killed any Ponies. I think I’d have still slept well if I’d had to kill that Giant Crocodile or that Manticore but, even if they were invaders and, we’d assume, trying to kill or enslave, I think killing Changelings would have troubled me.”

“I’ll see you later Joe.”

“Happy shopping.”

==

Pluffs of dust sprang up from the Ponyville street with each impact of four hooves together as Pinkie Pie indulged in her unique form of locomotion. She’d made her deliveries and made some Ponies smile… had almost made Cranky Doodle Donkey not frown… so today was a good one. And might be about to get better, she decided, as she saw a small purple shiny thing trotting in the opposite direction towards her.

“Spikey-wikey!” Pinkie Pie grinned, somehow crossing the remaining distance in an eyeblink and rubbing the top of his head.

“Gah!” said Spike.

“What are you doing here?” Pinkie Pie asked, bouncing back a little and tilting her head to give Spike an enquiring look.

“Looking for you, Mr Cake said you were making deliveries so I guessed what route you’d be taking back…”

“And you guessed right!” Pinkie Pie interrupted, sounding delighted.

“Not at first,” admitted Spike, “had hoped to catch up.”

“Ketchup? Why were you hoping for Ketchup…”

“Catch. Up.”

“Oh!” Pinkie Pie giggled.

“Joe has found some more differences between this world and his,” continued Spike, “and seems frustrated by it all, but as you’re all going to the lake today...”

“Say no more!” Pinkie Pie nodded.

When it had seemed that Rarity was not going to attend the event in Canterlot as she didn’t want to go alone, and had been silly in not inviting Spike, they had decided to meet there the day after that. Show that although they didn’t want to go to Canterlot they still wanted to spend time with her doing something they could all enjoy. And when she had stopped being silly and had asked Spike and been able to go to Canterlot with him and Rainbow Dash and Joe they had seen no reason to not go to the lake as well.

“We can invite him,” Pinkie Pie continued, “and make it a ‘Joe-has-a-Marefriend’ party!”

“Or just invite him,” suggested Spike.

“Hmm, Twilight did say a celebration might be premature…”

“I don’t think it’s premature now,” Spike admitted, thinking of the Spa and the kiss, “but if you want him to go then maybe just invite him…”

“Oooooh! I love giving surprises!” bounced Pinkie Pie.

Spike decided to give up on dissuading Pinkie Pie, especially since he still owed Joe, despite the apology, for all the ‘short arse’ comments. “It would have to be a surprise.”

“But can humans swim?” frowned Pinkie Pie, managing to look fractionally less cheerfully ebullient. “Joe mentioned he might try to find that lake and I asked if they did, but you arrived before he answered.”

“Rarity did say Joe had mentioned he’d want to keep his shorts on even if he went swimming, so sounds like they can swim.”

“Okay!”

==

Twilight Sparkle came out of the door from her basement laboratory, glad that nopony had come to find her and discover that she’d actually been napping. As much as she had told Joe off for taking too much joy in keeping secrets there was some fun in maintaining the image, which was almost entirely true, of being so hard working she needed at least two assistants to keep up with her. Thinking of them she looked around and only saw a dozing Owlowiscious rather than Spike at work or chatting to Joe where he was still studying.

“Spike?” Twilight Sparkle asked, approaching the table.

“He said he should go and get some things,” supplied Joe, looking up from the book and around.

“Oh, I wonder what we needed,” Twilight Sparkle mused, before deciding that she’d had enough sleep for a new subject. “Joe, Spike told me about how the event went wrong.”

“You said he’d mentioned it,” nodded Joe, “before I got us onto cosmology and climatology to our mutual bafflement. But was a silly prank by them, silly reaction by me, and both combined could have had worse consequences.”

“He said how you told the leader of that group you could have stabbed them,” Twilight Sparkle agreed.

“Which I have been brooding on a little, when not reading these primers.” Joe paused and clarified. “The stabbing rather than the telling I mean.”

“Would it have been that bad?”

“I don’t want to be a murderer, and I realised I’d have killed at least one of them if I’d had my knife with me and been using that rather than the tent pole. Or using the points of the tent pole rather than the side of it.”

“Oh,” replied Twilight Sparkle, realising it would have been that bad.

Joe gave her a slight smile. “And now I’ve realised that I hope to stop realising that, and not have bad dreams.”

“Maybe Princess Luna could help?”

“She is very intimidating and impressive…” Joe began.

“She can be scary,” agreed Twilight Sparkle.

“All right, scary,” Joe conceded, “but…”

The door opened in a blur of pink before Joe could finish his question about how Princess Luna could help. Realising he had been impolite in not rising when Twilight Sparkle returned from her basement Joe began to gather himself but before he could stand Pinkie Pie had her forehooves propped on the table and was staring him in the face. It seemed ruder to not remain seated so Joe just tried to not flinch or lean back too far despite how sudden this was.

“Joe!” Pinkie Pie demanded. “You know that lake you said you were going to find?”

Joe thought for a moment before he nodded. “Feels like a long time ago I said that, been too busy since then though to explore and find it on the ground rather than the map.”

“We are all going there today, and if you come then we can show you where it is!”

“Thanks,” Joe replied with a slight smile, “but I think I’ll be more useful here helping Owlowiscious keep an eye on the library.”

“Oh, we’re taking the pets,” said Twilight Sparkle.

“Hwhooo?” Owlowiscious asked.

“Sorry,” smiled Twilight Sparkle, “pets and assistant.”

“Then as you are taking your assistants,” Joe said, deliberately pluralising the word. “I’d definitely be more useful here while you and Owlowiscious and Spike are at the lake.”

“Errrr,” murmured Twilight Sparkle, unsure if Joe had misheard or was making an unsubtle hint.

“Oh! Sorry Spikey!” Pinkie Pie said, grabbing and hugging. “We should have invited you.”

“Don’t worry,” Spike assured her, and the others. “I know it was just going to be a Pony Pet Play Date and some girl-talk, and Twilight needs someone to look after the library for the few hours.”

Joe nodded and decided to not comment. If Spike didn’t mind then he shouldn’t but it seemed unfair. They’d not taken him to the Crystal Empire to help with the Equestria Games business and not invited him to Canterlot or even to the Lake until they were prompted. As glad as Joe was that he had been invited to the latter two it did feel the wrong way round that he was being invited before Spike and Spike only after those prompts were made.

“But as it is going to be the lake rather than just the park,” said Twilight Sparkle, suspecting what Joe had not said, “would you like to come Spike?”

“It would be nice,” Spike admitted, “but I’d not be too disappointed to stay here.”

“If it would be nice then you go and have fun,” nodded Joe. “I’ve got this to do so no hardship to keep an eye on the library while I do.”

“I know when someone is studying too hard and needs a break,” Twilight Sparkle said firmly, “and if Spike wants to go then the Golden Oaks Library can be shut for the few hours instead.”

“And when somepony is feeling down,” added Pinkie Pie, making Spike wince as the root of the problem was that Joe was not a somepony, “having their friends around them can help...” She stopped and shoved her face closer to Joe’s to add in a sing song. “And Dashie’s going to be there…”

“Of course everypony knows why that would be an argument,” Joe said, unable to not smile at the Pinkie Pie antics.

“Not everypony,” corrected Pinkie Pie with an exaggeratedly thoughtful expression, “might be two or three who don’t.”

Joe sighed and shook his head. “I don’t have any swimming shorts or trunks…”

“I don’t mind!”

“I do.”

“Aw, Spikey said you would,” pouted Pinkie Pie, “but still boring.”

“I do have the shorts you wore for the testing, they’ve been laundered,” Twilight Sparkle said, agreeing silently with Pinkie Pie as proportionate testicle size was a useful clue to the degree of sexual activity of a species, and a clue she’d been denied. “I can also lend you a towel.”

“Testing?” gasped Pinkie Pie. “Not… the machines that go ‘ping’?”

“Despite your valiant attempt to warn me I was unable to evade that,” Joe winked to her. Then he sighed and nodded. “I suppose I could do with relaxing from too much thinking, had to talk to an entire class of fillies and colts…”

“Ooooh?” asked Pinkie Pie.

“Cheerilee came and…” Twilight Sparkle began.

As his ‘big sister’ continued to explain and Pinkie Pie to marvel and keep Joe distracted Spike slipped back out the door. Once he’d given up on dissuading Pinkie Pie it was only a short step to aiding her and this would give him an excuse to visit Rarity. She greeted him with a smile as he arrived at the Carousel Boutique and then began to giggle and consider colour choices for the fabric and embroidery as he explained.