Joe

by JMDARE

Chapter 13

Joe staggered outside with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and slumped down onto the cushions against the wall. He didn’t know what he’d been dreaming about but he did not feel like trying to go back to sleep. The sky was very grey still with only the merest hint of a coming dawn and he was tired but he was also scared. Whatever the dream had been it had dredged up memories and feelings, like gas bubbling up from a swamp or lake to suffocate or poison everything around it, and he did not want to relax and let those ambush him.

Suddenly this morning he was more homesick than he had been in a long time. Something had reminded him of how far away he was.

When he was alone he could pretend to himself that he was just on holiday somewhere, he was just ‘roughing it’ in a hut in a National Park and when he felt he had stayed long enough he just had to walk to a pick-up point and return home. Walking in the Everfree was surreal enough to feel like a game, even if he lacked the magic those often allowed, and dangerous enough that he needed to concentrate rather than being able to brood. At Sweet Apple Acres the chores were quite normal feeling even if they’d been given him by talking Ponies and those were who owned the farm.

Joe wondered if this was Discord’s fault. Giving unhappy rather than bizarre dreams was perhaps not his style, though some trickster gods did speak and advice in dreams, but it was only the day before yesterday that he’d admitted his involvement. That Joe had learned what had gone wrong with the spell and how impossible it would be to reverse it, and that his hopes of the latter had been dashed. So maybe it was…maybe it was… Joe’s head slumped.

“Joe?”

“Hrh?” Joe replied, feeling from the crick in his neck he must have dozed. He glanced at the far lighter looking sky and then at the small Purple Dragon who had awoken him. “Spike, hello.”

“You okay?”

“More dreams,” shrugged Joe, “I don’t remember them, but I didn’t feel like going back to sleep. Seems I did though.” Seeing Spike was still standing and looking worried Joe waved a hand. “Ah, sit down. What brings you here this early?”

“I came to say sorry,” Spike said, sitting on a different set of cushions.

“Could be worse,” said Joe reassuringly, gradually waking up but still not as able to choose his words, “we could be dead or enslaved, or I could have got my balls fried off by Twilight… zap, sizzle, ow.”

“You weren’t very honest with her,” Spike pointed out, not disputing the ball frying. Joe blinked at him a few times in sleepy puzzlement. “You told her that we were lucky and we weren’t attacked by Diamond Dogs.”

“Because we were lucky,” nodded Joe, “and we weren’t attacked.” He closed his eyes. “Right now I am too kna…” Joe paused as even in his state he wondered about the implications of saying you were knackered in a country of talking horses. “I am too tired to care, so tell her what you want.” He opened his eyes and looked into Spike’s face. “If she gets angry with me then that’s better than denting your relationship with her.”

Spike nodded and they sat in silence for a short time, the Dragon beginning to wonder if the human had managed to fall asleep with his eyes open. Eventually though Joe stretched and shifted position to sit more upright. He rubbed at one eye with the heel of a hand and gave Spike a smile.

“Did Rarity at least like the gems?” Joe asked.

“She was delighted,” smiled Spike, “gave me a kiss on the cheek.”

“Good going,” Joe nodded. “A fine and pretty Pony-lass.”

“Do… do you like her?” asked Spike, sounding rather hesitant.

“I like her,” Joe said, “but I don’t like-like her, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Good, I mean okay, I mean…”

“I know what you mean, but don’t worry. I’d not stick my spoon in your porridge even if I had like-liked her.” Joe gave Spike a wink. “Maybe if I like-like-liked her, or it might take like-like-like-like.”

“Are there any Ponies you like-like?”

“Difficult question,” Joe said, yawning and sleepy enough to be talkative. “You’re used to Ponies, but as attractive as I think they are, and as much as I like some of them as people, that is brain. Other parts of me aren’t responding, and I’m pretty sure it’s not just I am missing clues.” He paused and then chuckled. “Which in some conversations would have been your cue to elbow me and say ‘dude, she’s like… really into you, man’ and me to look gormless and say ‘no way’, or maybe dismiss it as being childish imagination.”

“Hey!”

“Hmm? Oh, sorry. No idea how old you actually are, or how old that would be for a Dragon, or Pony, but if I close my eyes or aren’t looking at you then you sound like a nice lad, about to have all your hormones go whacky and hair and other things sprout.”

“What?”

“Humans go through a surly phase,” smiled Joe, “born and grow for a while and get on fine, normally, with their parents. Then a lot of changes, including to the brain, as we have a growth spurt and sexually mature and think everyone older or younger than us are stupid. And then that finishes and we, normally, start getting on better with our parents again.”

“Not just humans,” Spike admitted, “I met some Dragons who were a bit older than me and larger, and they were… er…”

“Scornful of you? Inclined to stupid risks and dares?”

“You got it.”

“Sorry they were not nicer, though at least it shows I wasn’t being completely stupid. And I wasn’t meaning any insult.”

Spike nodded. “I know you weren’t, you just sounded like Shining Armour for a moment there.”

“Ah, the joy of a big brother and what he thinks is an annoying little squirt?”

“He and Twilight had always been very close and done things together, then she hatched me and became Princess Celestia’s student the same day…”

“Quite the upheaval,” Joe nodded, “tough for him, but good for you as you got a fine… big sister?”

“Big sister works,” agreed Spike.

“Got a fine one in Twilight,” Joe continued, “though if she loved you a little less then she’d not have been so pi… annoyed with me.”

“She was pretty angry.”

“At least it seems she might be the only one I have a problem with,” Joe said, adding with a chuckle, “only the student of a Sun Goddess and one of the most powerful Unicorns in Equestria, such a small thing to worry about.”

“You shouldn’t be that worried, she’s not a violent Pony.”

“Ah, but magic can have subtlety. Could do something less severe but more embarrassing,” smiled Joe, “though could just be I am not as used to magic as being worried about big brother Big Macintosh trampling me into a stain for endangering Apple Bloom. But he left it to Granny Smith to trample me with words and she seemed satisfied with the result. Not seen Applejack since the few days ago, but she seemed fine so hopefully no hoof in my squishy parts from her when I stop by Sweet Apple Acres today.”

“Rarity doesn’t seem upset with you either,” Spike reassured him.

“She was acting as peacemaker yesterday,” nodded Joe, “and seemed happy for Sweetie Belle and the other Cutie Mark Crusaders to spend time with me the day before. And I’ve never met Sweetie Belle’s parents or Scootaloo’s but if they are holding a grudge then at least they weren’t angry enough to come and say something or to have forbidden their daughters from seeing me. So it does seem only Twilight I have to appease.”

“She wrote a letter to the Princess last night.”

“Crap.”

“But I did speak to her before she wrote it, and I added a P.S. to it to say how much it was my fault.”

“Thanks for that,” Joe smiled, “though I still have to wonder if I should avoid your ‘big sister’ or not.”

“Avoid her?” asked Spike, sounding surprised.

“Pinkie warned me of machines that go ‘ping’ and the less I have to do with Twilight the less there is for her to put in a letter.”

“Her friends do also write to the Princess, you know.”

“Oh,” Joe said, then he shrugged. “But they might not be as inclined to… though… hmm.” Joe shook his head. “With how close they are with each other if I annoy any of them they’d mention it to Twilight and then she might mention it in a letter.”

“Why are you so worried about the letters?”

“Let’s just say that if I am told I have to leave Ponyville, which I have been warned of the chance of, then was a pleasure to have known you.”

“Oh.”

“But I do owe Twilight a lot,” Joe sighed, looking around. “She helped me with leasing this land and having this hut built, answered a lot of stupid questions I had, and she helped treat my wounds, so I should risk the machines that go ‘ping’ and answer her questions. Hope that if she does write to Princess Celestia about things then a happy letter would be better than no letter about me.”

“You don’t like attention much do you?”

“Not really, though was more cowardice. Things were quiet and I wasn’t having to think about things, which I’ll certainly have to do once your ‘big sister’ begins her questioning.” Joe chuckled again. “Or I can go back to saying ‘talking horsie, talking horsie’.”

“‘Talking horsie’?”

“Was a shock to wake up in a bed in Canterlot being spoken to by a Pony, and wasn’t the best first impression of my intellect I could have given.”

“I don’t think that will work on Twilight.”

“Actually I’d hope not, was accidental the first time and as inconvenient as it might be I’d hope she thinks I am at least a little smarter than that.”

“How smart are you?” Spike asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“Smart enough to know your ‘big sister’ and Fluttershy have fed me doggy-kibble, and that I owe them both gratitude for that. So I should go and talk to Fluttershy sometime as well. Discord arriving changed the subject to what he had done and why rather than what Fluttershy had wanted to say to me. So I should make sure she’s not still upset with me or scared of me after the Manticore business.”

Spike nodded, embarrassed that Joe knew about the kibble and agreeing that Joe should speak to Fluttershy. Though he had noticed that Joe had not answered the question and had changed the subject. “Good thing she didn’t see you threatening the Diamond Dogs.”

“True, and visiting her was something I could have done rather than visit them,” Joe replied with a smile. “Or something I could have done rather than go for a walk in the hills.” He closed his eyes for a moment. “Better make it today, but better make it this evening after I’ve had a nap. Or two, one before I go to Sweet Apple Acres and one between that and her.”

“I’ll let you sleep then,” said Spike, adding, “rather than actually answer how smart you are.”

Joe grinned to him. “Probably just smart enough compared with Twilight to be able to say ‘talking horsie’.”

With that Joe rose and wandered back into his hut. Spike heard the click of the latch and also stood, hopping down off the porch and beginning to scurry back to Ponyville on his rather short legs. As he reached a bush he heard a rustle and for a moment fear this was a Diamond Dog gripped him, this swiftly replaced by relief and a little less fear as Twilight Sparkle stepped out into view.

“So,” Twilight Sparkle said, giving Spike a slight frown as she looked down at him, “Joe had to threaten Diamond Dogs?”

“Oh, hi Twilight… I was just heading back for my morning chores.”

“And I’ll let you do them, as well as answer my question.”

“We, er, did see three.”

“Only three?”

“There were more in the bushes, heard a couple more…”

“Go on.”

“And, er, Joe threatened them. He told their leader would be a bad day for Joe if he had to kill him, but a worse day for the leader being dead.”

“I am surprised that worked, all the stories suggest they would take that as an invitation to fight.”

“Joe did agree they could have a fifth of the gems we mined…”

“Even so.”

“And, er, he… when we were leaving and they tried to demand more gems…”

“Go on.”

“Offered to move his spearhead,” Spike blushed, “when he’d already brought the edge of it to, er… almost rest against the leaders… er.”

Spike vaguely gestured and Twilight Sparkle blinked as she understood, and realised she’d not really noticed the spear Joe was carrying yesterday. She’d seen he was carrying it but had been so annoyed with him she’d not paid attention to it. “Well,” she said finally, “that does sound, ah, effective.”

“Joe did say that he’d have thrown up afterwards,” Spike added hurriedly, “and that he was trying to say what a soldier or hero in the sort of armour he had would be saying…”

“It’s alright Spike, I’m not going to get him in trouble with the Princess, not deliberately at least and not about this. Though sometime I will have to see what he looks like in armour and how he managed to impress a Diamond Dog.”

“He said he’d answer your questions.”

“I know, I heard. And if he says ‘talking horsie’ I shall have Pinkie Pie tickle him.” Twilight Sparkle paused, a sparkle matching her name and cutie mark coming to her eye. “Or I could threaten him with that and see if that makes him wear the armour.”

==

Joe groped about and then sighed to himself as he realised he’d woken so disorientated he was trying to reach for the clock he’d used to have on his bedroom table. That was something he had not done for a long time, and he wasn’t even sure he’d ever done it since arriving in Equestria. He wondered if that showed how bad the last few days had been and then wondered if he should just go back to sleep. With a groan he got out of bed and decided to just feel glad he’d not dreamed any during the nap.

He washed and dressed and took the short walk to Sweet Apple Acres. As many bits as Princess Celestia had granted him and as cheaply as he’d been living he didn’t need to work much. His only major expenses had been the hut and freehold and then the armour and weapons. Joe knew himself well enough though to know if he just sat at home he’d soon decline so even if the bits were not greatly needed the company and exercise were. Approaching the farm he saw a well muscled orange Mare waiting for him.

“Applejack, howdy,” Joe said, letting his greeting be influenced by the hat on top of the literal ponytail. Something he had mentioned and which Applejack had found funny.

“Joe, ah’m right glad to see you,” replied Applejack.

“I would have been pleased enough with just glad,” Joe smiled, “so ‘right glad’ is right good to hear.”

“Are you pulling one of mah four legs again? And ah mean the number not the front before you make that joke as well.”

“Sorry,” Joe said, leaning lightly against the fence, “as I’ve said…”

“Ah know, y’all heard mah accent in movies and suchlike and got used to putting it on among friends.”

“It does work both ways,” Joe winked, taking more trouble with his diction for a moment, “humans with your accent do think we all speak like this.”

“Ah’m sure they do.”

“So, what can I do for you today?” Joe asked.

“Not sure I should ask you to do anything today,” frowned Applejack, “as tired as you look.”

“And this is after a nap,” Joe smiled.

“Don’t get me wrong, you ain’t looking as bad as ah did when ah tried to buck an entire bumper crop…”

“But?”

“But though was mah own stubbornness not accepting help with that ah think ah was looking pretty bad when ah came to help people. Don’t want to let folks down and ah’d have said ah was fine if they’d asked…”

“But?” Joe asked again, smiling.

“But they didn’t ask, and ah made mistakes because ah was so tired. And being stubborn to help them and not accept help mahself.”

“Truth be told,” Joe admitted, “I’m feeling awake enough at the moment but I’m not sure how long it will last.”

“That’s settled then. And ah was going to ask you this anyway, but if you feel it will help make up fah no chores today then you can cut yourself that slack. Day after tomorrow ah have to go to the Crystal Empire, so could you look after Winona for me?”

“I could, we get on well, but why me? You’ve your sister and brother and granny.”

“Granny Smith and Big Macintosh have their own chores and Winona can get a little wild if she don’t get her exercise so ah’d rather not leave her to Apple Bloom. Ah’m not saying they’d not manage between them but as ah can ask you ah am.”

“And I’m certainly willing to look after Winona,” Joe smiled, “or do some chores so your family can spend more time on her.”

“Either would work, though ah’m not sure there’d be many chores you could do. Granny Smith would be doing some right tricky stuff while she was here and ah don’t think she’d need your company into and around Ponyville for her errands there. With Big Macintosh ah’m not sure you’re strong enough to do any of the things he was going to do.”

“Fair enough, though I might be able to help if not do instead. I was surprised how strong your brother was, if he wasn’t exaggerating about being able to just loosen a tree and pull it from the ground…”

“He weren’t exaggerating.”

Joe nodded. “But he had an easier time of it when I did some digging and cutting of roots, so I can be useful.”

“Ah’m not denying it, and though Granny won’t want you in her kitchen ah’m sure you and Big Macintosh will work out how to divide things up so you can do some work rather than just playing with mah Dog.”

“Why are you going to the Crystal Empire anyway? Opening up a new market for your fine apples?”

“Ever hear of the Equestria Games?”

“I’ve heard of Equestrian Events, but…”

“But not the same thing, if this is more of your people riding around on mah cousins. Ah’m taking about a big sporting occasion that rolls around every few years and which places compete to host.”

“I know what that sounds like,” Joe chuckled, “and there are Equestrian Events at our Olympic Games.”

“Olympic? Ah didn’t think that was the name of your country or world.”

“Though it’s only been going for a hundred and something years it was named after Games from more than a couple of thousand years ago, and those were named after the home of their Gods.”

“Sounds right complicated, ah think ah prefer our idea.”

Joe considered mentioning the Commonwealth Games as those had a similarly straightforward name. Then he imagined having to explain what the Commonwealth was and what it used to be called. He doubted the Crystal Empire had the second part of its name for the same reason as why the straightforward name used to be the Empire and Commonwealth Games.

“So, you’re going to supply the athletes with apples?” Joe guessed.

“Ah’m going there with the others to help their bid for hosting, though ah admit ah’m not right sure why. Willing to help out an’ all and ah like Twilight’s brother and her former babysitter, but ah’d think the games inspector would be a mite more impressed if the Crystal Ponies were doing the greeting and touring and welcoming of her themselves.”

“Sounds less corrupt than the Olympic hosting process, been rather a lot of bribery sometimes with how much prestige it brings.”

“Sometimes you sound right cynical, Joe.”

“Sometimes I feel it,” Joe admitted, then he added with a smile, “but even with the muckiness and people trying to use it there is still a lot to be proud of and the core of dreams and honest competition.”

“Your people ever hosted your version?”

“Three times, and it was only last year when we hosted it for the third time.”

“At least you didn’t miss that then. Being brought here I mean.”

“That’s some consolation,” Joe smiled, “had the Olympics last year as well as celebrations around our Queen having been Queen for sixty years. Then before that…”

Suddenly Joe wobbled and put a hand to his forehead. Applejack moved in quickly to brace him between her and the fence until Joe shook his head and gave her a look. Then he blinked a few times as he straightened up.

“Advantage of no fur,” Applejack said, “or not much,” she added, being fair and acknowledging Joe’s beard, “is I can see how pale you just went.”

“Not sure what happened,” replied Joe, giving another few blinks, “I was going to say there had been a Royal Wedding, and it was a big event as was the Queen’s grandson who is directly in line for the throne after his father, but then I felt so dizzy.” Joe paused and thought. “Feels like something almost came back to me, but it was just so confusing I…” He took a breath. “Thanks for keeping me upright.”

“Any time,” Applejack said, adding with a wink, “not like you look stable most of the time anyhow, but that was strange even for you.”

“It seems we found how long my feeling awake would last,” yawned Joe. “I’ll see you the day after tomorrow?”

“Nope. Y’all see me today, since y’all going to take a nap here. Ah want to see you looking better before ah let you walk back to your hut where you’ve none to keep an eye on you.”

“That is very kind of you, but…”

“No buts, lessen you want me ta start butting you along towards the barn.”

Joe looked at Applejack and the determined look she was giving him and realised that if he was feeling well enough to win the argument he’d also be feeling well enough that Applejack wouldn’t be telling him to rest. Joe gave her a smile and a nod and, with her keeping an attentive eye on him, they began the short walk. As they approached the barn another slight smile came to Joe’s face.

“Don’t say it,” Applejack warned him before he could speak.

“Say what?”

“Ah know you were going to say that on your world would be a human farmer bedding down his unwell Pony in the barn.”

“Sorry, that must get tedious.”

“A mite. Though ah appreciate that you don’t do it much, rather than it being a whole comedy routine like you mentioned some feller had.”

Joe nodded, though he thought he deserved some credit for having not said “In Equestria Horse rides You” when he was carrying Rainbow Dash or both her and Pinkie Pie. They entered the barn and Applejack gestured with one forehoof at a pile of straw.

“Get yerself comfy, ah’ll be back sometime to check.”

“Thanks Applejack,” Joe replied, moving across and crouching to give the straw a few quick prods with one hand. He trusted Applejack but if this was as comfortable for other things as it looked like it would be for him then he’d rather not find out by sitting on them. “Hmm, even got a sunbeam.”

“So don’t go saying ah don’t treat you right, even if ah might decide to not let you on the furniture in the house,” winked Applejack.

Joe smiled to her and settled down. There was another comment about role-reversal, that the Ponies might leave fur on the sofa so the concern was that it would stick to his clothes and be removed, but he was too tired to make it and too grateful to say what Applejack appreciated him not saying much. His eyes closed and he was asleep even before Applejack had retreated from the barn. The next Joe knew he had a comforting weight on his chest and the problem of gathering enough energy and willpower to open his eyes and see what that was.

When Joe managed this he had a surprise. If he was expecting anything he’d have been expecting Winona lying half on top of him. Instead it was a pale yellow Pegasus head and a worried look being given him through a pink mane.

“Oh,” said Fluttershy, raising her head, “I didn’t want to wake you, so I waited, and it was quite cosy, and…”

“That’s fine, that’s good,” Joe reassured her sleepily. “Was going to come and see you today, make sure if you thought I was a ravening beast…”

“I wouldn’t have thought that.”

“But you slept near me, on me a bit, so seems we good,” Joe continued. “You not scared, can sleep.”

“And you need to go back to sleep.”

“Is cosy, but let me know sometime how I can help you more. I do like animals, as in compassion not consumption…”

Fluttershy forced a smile as Joe’s voice tailed off and she realised that was a joke intended to reassure. She waited until his breathing returned to slow and regular and then rose and crept away even quieter than her normal habit. It had been a pretence, she’d barely settled her head down and she was not sure she could have actually slept, but it had felt better to reassure Joe by showing him trust than to try to use words. Fluttershy knew how some could confuse her quietness for a lack of conviction.

After talking to Applejack Fluttershy took gently to the air for her slow flight back to her cottage. Spike had been kind to come and mention that Joe was worried and was rather tired. Talking to Joe here had avoided having to talk to him at her home and avoided him having to walk there so she felt she owed Spike a little. There was something she could ask Spike to do, and even if Joe had offered to help she did trust Spike more and think he would appreciate the gem more than Joe would.

Comments

[FourthWallAfroBrony]

Another comment-less chapter.... boop!

[Kahmet]

Jesus, Twilight is an asshat in this story.

[Gambling_Sam]

In Equestria, pony ride you.

I love this!