"Why is everything different now? What's happened to me? What do I do now?" If you were in my situation what would you do if you turned into a pastel coloured pony?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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As a sagely friend of mine would say: "Yum."
So there entire lives changed as well with the memories. That is troublesome xD , hooray for the chapter though <3
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha I cant contain my laughter hahahahaahahahahaha
Jesus Christ, Doctor Who fanboy-ism ruins another story.
On the whole, it hasn't been too bad to thiss point. However, the whole Doctor Who bit was 100% unneccessary, and it seems like you slipped it in because you could. We obviously see Celestia and Luna are being referred to here, with Luna being on the planet apparently, however you should have simply further elaborated without bringing in the Doctor Who crap. On top of that, you're coming across as this being an Equestria version 2.0 coming about, the death knell of the human race. Kinda left field, but okay then. What happens when Luna gets to return home after all of this?
You went from some small scale stuff to suddenly large scale, and felt the need to use crossover material to justify your conflict. It's killed the story, in my eyes.
I have to admit, this story initially had a interesting idea but the work gone into it appears rough and unfinished to a strong degree, the one character that seems to know whats going on appears to have been tacked on with little to no lead-up to indicate such, and even still at this point there's a bit of inconsistency with its presence/existence. The main characters parts are for the most part fine, but so much more could've been done in each chapter, and in a few cases, it appears that common sense took the next train just to be gone. From the few I have seen hospitals have security, and I don't mean simple rent-a-cops, I mean ARMED, (supposedly) intelligent people who are NOT seemingly absent when there's more or less a full-on riot on the property they're supposed to be guarding.
I would suggest you go back over your notes for this story, rework a few parts to work out better overall, add some detail so it has some added depth to fit and you should come out much better than you are now.
wait wait wait, ooooooh I'm an idiot, I thought for some reason that this was a fivescore fic. I guess it was just in the "also liked" box next to a fivescore story, and the premise sounded familiar. anyways, I'll continue reading since this is bizarre and interesting.
Yep I fookin love this story.