"I'll see you when I get back honey. Kiss the baby for me."
"Jason! Hurry up! Mission starts at O-700."
I watched as Jason shut off the T.V. and started praying. Some where in the back of my head I could hear the old war phrase repeating over and over again.
Go to war expecting to live, and you will die. Go to war expecting to die, and you live.
I couldn't help but feel bad for my partner. A week away from our rotation back home and we get called on a top secret mission. His baby girl was just born 3 months ago and he has yet to hold her in real life. He is a man that I consider my only family. His wife is so kind and no matter what happens she always finds a reason to smile at the end of their calls. He is a down-to-earth man and I respect him for that.
"Hey James. My wife said hello. And she can't wait to see us when we get back. She also said you can stay as long as you want under the circumstances." Jason said while putting on the standard grey flight suit.
"Well at least I have something to look forward to when I get back." I said with a fake smile.
At the beginning of our 15 week rotation, my girl friend.... Well ex girl friend, had told me she couldn't handle the long distance relationship. I knew it was a lie. A week before I went on duty she was never around. She always had something to do and never could fit in anytime for me. I never asked questions because I trusted her with all my heart. That is, until I saw her with a "best friend" making out in front of her house. I was glad I went back to this hell. I'm not sure I could've held in all the anger I had.
"Hey James. You going to be okay?" Jason asked.
I closed my locker and looked at Jason. "You know..... I'm not sure." I said with a smile on my face. "Come on. We got work to do."
He nodded and we made our way through the small metal hallways. Soliders and crew members saluted as we walked by. Being part of the elite Sky Scorpions was no laughing matter. Our rank and our kill count added to our fame. I was a captain. We passed the final door and we could see the vast ocean we sailed on. The cool air and ocean mist brushed past me as we climbed on deck. Crew members were rushing to get the 2 F-22 Raptors ready. Jason walked past me and got into his jet simply named Angel of Death. My jet was named ghost because no matter how many dog fights I got in, I would sneak up behind an enemy's tail and blast it off. It was recently people just started calling me Ghost. I would never walk around the ship, but when I did I wore a blank expression on my face. Only few have seen me on the ship and only a hand full of them have talked to me.
"Here you go sir." One of the crew members said while handing me a helmet.
I didn't reply. I just took the helmet and climbed into the cockpit. I began a pre-flight check and closed the canopy.
"Check 1. 2. James can you hear me?" Jason said over the radio.
"Full copy. Radios are hot. Flight deck are we clear?" I asked
"Stand by." A couple seconds passed by. "Okay you have the all clear. Your target is a base located in the northern hills of Afgan. Don't be to surprised when you see trees. Be warned, there has been a lot of activity at that base. Soldiers have spotted mobile SAM's and radar dishes." The tower bellowed.
"Full copy. What's our call sign and designation for this mission?" I asked.
"Call sign is Hunter Killer and designation is X-RAY. How copy?"
"Full copy. Clear to fire engines." I said while checking wings and rudders.
"Stand by we are lifting the blast shield now."
Just as he finished speaking, 2 huge slabs of steel came up from the deck. I flipped a switch and a low humming came from my jet. I flipped a second switch and the jet jumped forward.
"Hydro launch has you locked in. Go full throttle and stand by." A crew member said over the mic.
I eased the stick forward and the jet responded with loud hissing.
"5...4....3....2....1...."
The jet sprang forward and my head was nailed to the seat. A single second passed by and I felt the jet start to dip. Pulling back on the stick cleared the dropping and soon I was heading toward the sky.
"Jason when you are up go half throttle and get on my wing." I said.
"Roger."
"Okay. Hunter Killer 1. you have the sky. Make sure to fly in the cloud layer to not be detected."
"Isn't that dangerous?" Jason asked.
"Only way not to be spotted. Sorry Hunter Killer 2."
Jason formed up on my wing and we climbed into the cloud layer. The clouds were white and scattered which made flying through them was as easy as cutting butter with a hot knife. I strapped my oxygen mask on and looked over to Jason. He gave me a thumbs up and looked straight forward. We were in business and we were about to leave the US Airforce's calling card in a Afgan forest.
"Hunter Killer this is the last transmission. Let it be known that if you do not take down your target, Bulldog Squad will be there to level the place."
"Thanks for the words of encouragement. Hunter Killers out"
---------------
"Dam these clouds got dark real quick." James said in a nervous tone.
"Relax. Clouds never brought down a jet before." I replied calmly.
We were an hour away from out target and it looked like we were about to hit a storm. Suddenly heavy turbulence started shaking the jet violently. The instruments started going wild.
"James we got to pull up!" Jason yelled.
After seeing some electrical bolts form in the clouds I gave the all clear to head up above the cloud layer. One last violent shake and everything started working. We broke the cloud layer and saw the open sky. There was nothing but sky, sun, and clouds as far as the eye could see. Some pilots say you could go crazy flying up there. You lose all sense of time and direction. I slid the HUD visor off my helmet visor to see the vast emptiness. I saw why pilots would go crazy up here. There is nothing for miles.
"Jason you okay?" I asked while looking at his jet.
"Yeah. Sorry I got a little scared back there. I just want to make it home to see my daughter." He said.
"Everyone makes mistakes. You are fine now. Trust me we are all human."
---------------
"Hey James do you have a target on you HUD?" Jason asked while looking around.
"No. I'm sure we should've been over the target by now." I said looking down at the floor waiting for the target to appear.
"Do you think the electrical storm blew out our computers?" Jason asked frantically.
"No. My HUD is still giving an attack angel and height readings. Lets go down and see if we can identify and land marks." I said while preparing my counter flares and weapons. "Weapons hot."
"James are you sure that is a good idea?" Jason asked nervously.
"It doesn't have to be a good idea. It our orders to take down a base and go home." I said as I looked across to see Jason checking our surroundings.
He nodded his head. "Your right. We are Sky Scorpions! We don't back down."
"Damn right! On my command we dive........... Go."
I pushed the stick down and the jet quickly responded by dropping its nose down. I looked over and saw Jason close to my wing as we entered the could layer. The clouds were pure white and it made my eyes hurt when we passed through them.
"Go quarter throttle." I called out on the radio.
I pulled the throttle stick back and waited for the clouds to pass. When we finally broke could cover, we were met with a huge surprise.
"What the hell!? It's so green. Did we fly into Germany or France?" Jason yelled.
The ground was dark green and covered in trees. We passed a few small lakes and saw wild life scatter to the sound of our engines. I pulled up and then pushed the stick slightly to the right. The jet rotated slightly and I got a clear view of the ground. It was so beautiful and green. It was like a garden made be the angles. As I scanned for life, my scanner for air contacts came alive. It read an object was closing in fast from 5 O'clock.
"War speed on! Get ready to go weapons hot!" I called out.
I went balls to the wall full throttle. The jets pure power forced me head back into the seat. When the jet hit full power I pulled straight up back to the clouds. I wanted to shake off the bogey so I could get a clear shot.
"Clouds now!" I yelled.
I yanked back on the stick and soon passed back into the cloud layer. We broke the top of the cloud layer and were alone. I looked back and the contact hadn't followed us. I was breathing heavily and I could feel sweat under my helmet. For a second I thought I was going to die.
"James! Break left now!" Jason screamed into the radio.
I looked back and the contact was coming at me faster than before. I slammed the stick to the left and forward. The jet quickly began to spin over and dive. When I regained control I kicked in the afterburners and dived into the cloud layer. I looked back to see Jason and the contact following me.
Nothing is faster than a Raptor in a dive with afterburners on I thought as we passed the bottom of the cloud layer.
The jets were moving so fast that we both broke the sound barrier. The contact was now just a blimp far away.
"Go full speed until we lose that bogey." I said to Jason.
Just as he was going to respond there was a massive explosion behind us. When I turned around I almost couldn't believe what I was seeing.
"James are you seeing this!? Am I going crazy?" Jason yelled.
There was a huge blast in the sky that made a rainbow explosion. A rainbow was flying directly towards us. We were both at full power, but the rainbow made us look like we were standing still. It passed between us and continued to fly straight. I pulled up and so did Jason. When we could see each others jets we leveled out. Suddenly the rainbow turned a 90 degree turn. It made a perfect right angle and I wasn't sure if we should be worried about something that could make a rainbow by just flying. The rainbow creator turned back towards us, but this time I didn't feel threatened. Jason on the other hand was freaking out.
"Shit! What do I do?" He yelled.
"Cut throttle to half and kill afterburners. No need to get violent." I said calmly.
"What the fuck?! Are you fucking crazy?" He screamed.
"Do you really think something that makes a rainbow just by flying fast could be a threat to and F-22 Raptor? Cool your jets and just fly straight. I promise nothing will happen." I said while dialing back the throttle.
The rainbow disappeared and the contact was flying towards us. I really hoped I was right about the contact. If not..... I might have gotten us killed. The contact screamed past us. It must have been flying close to the speed of sound. I pulled the throttle back more and opened the air brakes. The jet slowly flew across the sky and I waited for the contact to pass again. When I looked back to see if my HUD still picked up the contact, It registered about 20 to 30 more contact flying towards our jets. Once again, Jason felt the need to be afraid.
"Oh hell no! It brought a lot of friends! I'm heading back to the clouds." He yelled.
"Fine. I will wait down here. I will call you when I need you." I said with a hint of annoyance in my voice.
His jet pulled up as I prepared for my death. I couldn't hurt to be ready. I took a deep breath and turned around. The contact were about 100 yards behind me. It wouldn't be long before they would be right on top of me. I shook my head and tried to believe in my own choice. I looked back and they were 50 yards away. I couldn't really tell what the hell I was looking at. They were to far away to make out the model of jet we were fighting. I relaxed and slowed my breathing down. They would be here any second. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I waited for my own death, but nothing happened. When I opened my eyes I was still flying straight with nothing coming towards me. I looked over to my left and.....
I don't believe it. I thought.
My jet was surrounded by small flying horses of many colors. I looked at them as they looked at me and my jet. I could tell, we were both confused.
"Jason..... You wouldn't believe what was chasing us. Come out of the clouds. It's clear." I said over the radio, never breaking eye contact with a blue flying horse thing. It had rainbow colored hair and I wanted to believe it was the thing chasing us. It started looking for something else and I wanted to know what. I saw Jason's tag show up in my HUD. He would be seeing the little horses soon and I really wanted to hear his reaction. The flying horses opened up a space for him to fly right next to me.
"Are we dead or going crazy?" Jason asked while looking around. "What are you seeing? I just want to make sure you are seeing what I'm seeing."
"I'm seeing a lot of colorful flying horses. You?" I said looking around.
"Well we must be dead." He said in a confident tone.
Just as I was going to respond, the light blue horse got right next canopy and tapped it. It was pointing down and I was sure it wanted me to land. I nodded and tilted my jet looking for a place to land. Some of the flying horses were flying toward a long stretch of grass fields. It looked like it was 300 or 400 yards long and about 60 yards across. More than enough space for the F-22 to land.
"Jason see that patch of land?" I asked while dropping my gear.
"The one on your 9 o'clock?" He asked
"Yup. I'm setting my bird down there." I said while coming around.
I put the throttle to idle and started my descent. Slowly my jet passed the tree line. I cut the engines and prepared for the landing. There was a loud thud and the whole jet shook. I had put the wheels on the ground. It was actually very smooth for a grass field. The jet rolled to a stop and I looked around. There were a number of colorful horses running to my jet. I reached for my emergency survival pack and a little oxygen tank. In the survival kit I never packed food or water. My "Kit" was actually a M-16 gun case I kept behind my flight chair. My M-16 had a standard rifle scope with a bidpod mount. I kept this because I accepted death, but I wanted to take as many enemy's as I could.
"Jason you are clear for landing." I said while unlatching the locks that kept the case closed.
I looked back and saw his jet making a descent. Looking back at the small horses I realized they looked more like ponies. It made me feel stupid calling them small horses this whole time. I puled off my breathing mask and I took off my helmet. Jason had landed a couple yards behind me and began preparing for his exit. Like me, he carried a gun instead of food or water. The one thing the Aircore taught us was to never be caught. We were special flyers and if they caught us it would be a death sentence. So each member of the 383th carried a rifle to fight their way out, or take the easy way out.
"Are you sure about this?" Jason asked.
"To late now."
I put the O2 mask on and opened the canopy. I stepped on the seat and jumped onto the back of the jet. With my M16 in hand I jumped on the wing and then on the floor below. The ponies were looking at me with confused gazes and some with fearful glances. I walked over to Jason's jet and tapped the side 3 times. He handed me his gun and got off the jet the same way I did. The flying ponies had landed and joined the group in wonder, and fear. I scanned the ground for the light blue one that was brave enough to tap the glass and trust me enough to land in a crowded zone. All the ponies were about 3 1/2 feet tall, but it seemed like none of them had the same color pallet as the one next to it. At the end of their bodies it looked like each pony had a picture of something. I'm not sure if it was a tattoo or dyed in, but they all looked different as well.
I took a deep breath and just spoke in a confident strong tone. "Hello. I'm James and this is my friend Jason. Does anybody understand me?" I said in a way that made me look like a person in movies trying to speak to a person from another country.
"Is that how your people really talk?" The light blue pony stepped forward. It had a female voice, but it sounded very confident.
"They fucking talk!?" Jason yelled.
This is going to take some getting used to.
"Wait you know what we are saying? You speak English?" I asked.
"Well for us it's Equestrian but I guess it is the same." The light blue pony said.
"Okay okay..... I really like how you can just dive right into a conversation with a talking, flying horse thing." Jason said while trying to piece together how calm I was.
"Your friend is right. You seem to be just fine with us." The light blue pony said getting closer.
I tightened the grip on my M16 and waited for something to happen. I really hoped that I didn't have to use it.
"I just accept things as they are so I could be able to adapt to this easy." I said while trying to keep everyone calm. "Now exactly what are you and why are we here?"
"Well that's something our princ......" It was cut off by a loud howl coming from the edge of the forest.
Jason raised his gun and looked me dead in the eye. "What the fuck was that?" He asked returning his eyes to his ACOG on the top mount rail.
"I don't know. Lets ask our new hosts. Care to explain what is making that howling sound?" I asked.
When I looked back to the group of ponies I was shocked to see them huddling together with their ears straight up and their eyes searching the edge of the forest for any signs of the creature that made this noise. Suddenly I heard a twig snap in the forest. I could hear the steps of a large creature walking just along the edge of the light. The ponies cowered in a corner and watched for the creature.
"Contact at the tree line." I whispered.
Jason tapped my back and we advanced on the creature. I heard a growl and I dropped to a knee. Whatever it was, it didn't like me getting close to it.
"Uh James. That thing decided to br-bring fri-friends." Jason stammered.
The sound of steps were coming from behind me. That's when the first creature howled louder than before. More and more of the creatures howled around us.
"Fall back and cover the civi..... Ponies!" I yelled.
Jason pulled away and started for the group of ponies huddled by our jets. I stood up and started after him.
"Look out!" The light blue pony yelled.
A huge figure hit my right side, just above my hip. I hit the floor and the creature was on top of me. My face was practically inside it's mouth. I put both of my hands on the mid section and pushed it off. The creature flew a couple feet before hitting the ground with a loud thud. When I stood up I finally saw what was attacking us. They were like wolves, but they were made of wood. More of them showed up to help their wounded comrade. Once it shook it's head it set a death gaze on me. I slung my M-16 into my hands and took aim. The wolf thing charged.
Big mistake.
I pulled the trigger and a single shot left my gun. I hit the wolf right between the eyes. It fell to the ground and I set my sights on the next attacker. Just as I was about to pull the trigger, something clamped on my leg with a painful amount of force. It kept squeezing and I knew it broke skin. I looked down and saw the wolf I just shot trying to bite my leg off. I flipped the M-16 to full auto and shot the wooden wolf until it stopped moving. I felt helpless as nothing worked. My mag was empty and it was still trying to kill me. To make matters worse, the other wooden wolves saw I was trapped and began advancing toward me. I began to panic.
"Let go of me you piece of shit!" I yelled while bashing its head in with the stalk of my M-16.
Every time I hit it, the pain would intensify. I could see the blood running down its wooden fangs. Finally I lost control.
"Fuck you! I'm not going to die here!" I yelled.
I reached for my holstered SnW 500. It was a 5 shot hand cannon that use .50 pistol rounds. I put it directly on the neck of the wolf and pulled the trigger. Bits of wood flew every where as I fell to the floor. I forced my self up and started hobbling to the jets about 20 yards away. One of the wolves jumped away from the pack and charged toward me. I took aim and pulled the trigger. I'm not sure where I hit, but there was a huge piece of its upper right shoulder missing. It dropped back and I continued. Finally I could see Jason and the group of ponies. He ran out to get me, but a wolf had a different idea. It jumped at me and knocked me to the ground. This time I was ready. I unloaded 3 shots to its gut, each of which made a huge hole through and through. The body went limp and broke into twigs and branches. I stood up and Jason got under me and helped me walk to the group of ponies. He set me down and I took a knee while reloading. The wolves started an all out attack and Jason was putting shells into them. I reloaded My M-16 and looked down the scope. One by one the wolves fell to the 5.52 mm M-16 round. At the end there was nothing but sticks, logs, branches, and twigs laying around the jets. Jason dropped 3 of his 10 mags. i dropped 2 of my 10 and 5 .50 cal rounds for my pistol. Jason helped me up and we turned to see the ponies faces. They were in complete horror.
"Demons! They can only kill! The timber wolves were only a warm up! They are going to kill us next." One pony shouted. They all started screaming and started for a little dirt path way.
The only one left was the light blue one. It winced when it looked at the wound on my leg. It frantically searched around the area flew off quickly.
"Jason. Get the med pack from the jet." I said before falling back down.
Jason ran for my jet. "Guess this is what we get for saving them. We are the monsters." He said while pulling the canopy open.
"Let me get patched up and we are taking off." I said trying to keep my mind off the pain.
He rummaged through the jet and I tried to keep pressure off the leg where I was bit. I closed my eyes and tried to think of happy memories. Needless to say all that came to mind was the pictures of my girl friend making out with that guy. When I was about to lose my mind I felt a gust of wind roll past me and something came down next to me. When I opened my eyes, the light blue pony was there with a little kit being held by her teeth. She had a little pale of water behind the kit and she set it all down gently.
"I'm here to help you. It might hurt a little. Are you going to be okay with that?" She asked in a clam tone.
"Yeah. I'll be fine." I replied.
She pulled my pant leg up past my knee and looked at the gashes that still had blood coming out. It looked like she was having a hard time trying to look at the blood. She picked up the bucket with her teeth and carefully pored it on my leg. The blood and water trickled down my leg and on to the ground to form a small pink puddle. The gashes were fully visible now and it didn't help her condition. She burred her face into her hooves and was trying to take deep breaths. I extended my hand and rested it on her head. She took her hooves away and looked at me with tears starting to stream down her fur.
"My friend will take care of me. You don't need to force yourself to do this." I smiled and tussled her hair a little.
She looked shocked. "How can you smile? Aren't you in pain?" She asked.
"Yeah but I have felt a pain that is worse than physical." I looked to my jet and Jason hopped off of it and ran toward me. "Now run along before your family or friends think we killed you."
---------------
"Okay begin pre-flight check."
"Clear and re..... What's that?"
I looked out to see a group of armored ponies coming towards us with spears. One of the ponies landed on the canopy of my jet.
"You are under arrest and will be taken to Canterlot to decide your punishment."
intriguing. but they have jets so a pony putting them under arrest is invalid.
Well, I was interested in the beginning. You did your research or at least made it sound believable. You lost me near the end where Rainbow matched the F-22's top speed. Yes, we all know she can break the sound barrier, but a F-22 can do about mach 2 (debatable, but the # is still pretty high). Sure, Rainbow can break the sound barrier, but this is TWICE the amount she originally went and that was under pressure of friends dying. To me this is a no, but hey, we're talking about colorful ponies here.
2756546
My cousin fly's an F-22 with the air force at Hickam Airbase and he has said it is capable of at least Mach 2.10. At least that's his personal best.
2756574
Yeah, I just tried researching it. I came up with many different numbers, though most of them seemed pretty close to mach 2 so that's what I put.
All my what the...
I'm not even sure where to start or what to say.
It could certainly use a bit of improvement, I can give you a detailed critique if you want me to
HOLY SHIT, another story about MOTHERFUCKING PILOTS IN EQUESTRIA, this time they fly F-22 CRAPTORS.
Now, if you actually knew shit, you'd at least show some competence and wrote about them flying F-15's or F-16s.
Let's go over my reasons to downvote this:
> Pilot in Equestria story, which is an automatic downvote for most people I know.
> United fucking States military in Equestria, which is my personal reason to downvote.
And my personal favorite:
> You've actually implied that someone has balls to use an F-22 in combat situation.
F-22's are:
Not combat-capable.
Pilots choke inside 'em.
Dominate the shit out of those hangars.
Suffer a critical failure every 2 hours.
No longer in production.
Can be disabled by rain.
Program cancelled due to high cost.
Here's your downvote.
I could have sworn I've seen this story before. Not even joking, this looks similar.
you need to try batter i seen batter pilots story than this.
Seems interesting to me you abviously got me hooked by the title and ill love to see more. Honestly to the haters. THEY. ARE. PONIES. Colored ponies at that and your rambling on about the how the plane is defying physics. How about you right a story.
*familes
And that's just what I saw in two seconds on the FIMFiction main page.
OK... You write detailed but the whole wolf fightning where WAAAAAYY to long. The storyline is confusing, and im preatty sure that RD (ik the light-blue one is RD) wouldn't know what blood is. AAANND. Isn't Rainbow Dash's coat cyan? -.-
F-22s don't have afterburner.
2757117 Um why would you take the time to click on the story, see the picture, read the description, read the story and then comment? If you saw the picture and read the description then it should have been enough to say "Yup fuck this story I'm not even going to bother" just saying
2758022 My bad I wasn't to sure on that part.
2757728 That's the fucking color Damn it. Okay about the fight part I debated about using that as another chapter but I guess I felt like I needed to set up the fact that they weren't welcome. So my bad on that
2757630 Going to get right on that
2757604 Thanks for the support. That really helps
2757572 ? batter? Not sure what that is
2757230 Well according to the guy under you there are plenty But I'm not sure if I'm copying any one.
2756998 Well if you feel the need, go right ahead. Not like I'm going to hate on someone for advice
2756994 We will never know
2756603>>2756574 My bad. I have a book about any and all military aircraft that I should find.... Any way sorry for the confusion
2756489 When a jet isn't on a launcher it takes it a while to get going so they would've been stopped before they got the chance.
Well I wasn't expecting this much feedback (Regardless of bad or good), but this is my HiE and I will not stop until it's complete. I'm not even sure what compelled me to write this but here I am. So I will give it my best shot and hope it can change your opinion
2758220 i mean better
2758254 Ahhh okay. Thank you
2758220 I think 2757117's comment was referring to the problems with your story and was telling you what you did wrong. While I don't agree with all of his remarks, including the pilot in Equestria fics and his interpretation of the F-22. I have seen the F-22 in action and think it is a good aircraft.
2758322 I see where you are coming from. I'm just saying he didn't have to read it. Nobody forced him. But if that is the case then my bad
2758276 still you need to work on it.
1 get your facts right, if your using anything in the story get it right the 1st time.
2 Pilot fics need more detail like there that person in that airplane
Okay, I'm going to make my best effort to be balanced in my criticism of this story and to be fair this isn't the worst execution of the idea by a long shot, honestly, I'm not a fan of this kind of story so I'm going to be biased like a motherfucker.
First off, you might want to look into the cockpit of a jet sometime, there is no space for a rifle, let alone something as long and unwieldy as an M16. pilots would have M4s or MP5Ks since those are much smaller and easier to fit into a cabin. Lets not forget that you're far more likely to need food, shelter and water when you crash than a firearm. Also you may want someone to proofread your work in future since I'm seeing quite a few basic errors, like the wrong kind of to, and attack angels where I'm assuming you mean angles. Also ponies wouldn't show up on a radar since the radar isn't calibrated to find organic life forms. Whilst I'm on the subject, you won't find any radar in afghan operated by the AQA since someone would just slap it with an ALARM.
This is me being nitpicky because this is how you improve writing, by fixing most of the little shit first since the little stuff contributes to breaking my suspension of disbelief.
What I like: the plot shows signs of promise and the characters are somewhat interesting although they could stand to be developed. In short, it's like a firing squad loaded with blanks.
Interesting idea, botched execution.
2758347 Well I think I kind of left reality with the M-16 part of the story I really didn't plan anything to this story. I just sat down and asked myself a simple question.
"How about pilots in equestria?" Just started typing after that. With my other stories I tried to plan it out and be ready for the next chapter before the one I was working on was done. This one was just random
2757572 Yes I'm sure you can make good pancakes, or waffles, or whatever batter your speaking of...
2764419
A story with airplanes? I'm interested. *cracks knuckles* LET'S DO THIS
Be careful with your dialogue formatting. I'll give you an example:
That should be a comma between circumstances and Jason, not a period. That's because Jason said while putting on the standard grey flight suit isn't a sentence by itself. You do this a lot.
Oh, and flight suits are typically green or tan, depending on the terrain you're flying over.
Walking through the hallways and getting saluted...why are they saluting indoors? What are soldiers doing on a ship; did you mean Marines? Are these pilots Navy or Air Force? In the Navy, the rank of Captain means something. In the Air Force, that's still a pretty junior guy.
Okay, a little later I see that they're Air Force. What are they doing operating from a carrier?
They wouldn't get callsigns and targets over the radio as they're sitting in the jet getting ready to take off. That would take place in a brief beforehand.
The target is in northern Afghanistan? Assuming the carrier is in the Persian Gulf, that's 700 miles at minimum. While the F-22 is theoretically able to go there and come back, that leaves you almost no reserve.
Near the end of the chapter, the writing quality takes a significant dip with more misspelled words. You would have been better off writing this with a word processer to help catch errors.
2758022 Actually, Raptors do have afterburners. Not only can you find that information on Air Force fact sheets, but how many fighters don't have afterburners?
Not to be a dick... Or THAT guy but.. Don't we have jets capable f breaking the sound barrier I think... It was 10 times over? I don't know, I just read that but I don't know if it's true. Can anyone prove me right or wrong? I truly wat to know if I am right...
F-22s don't launch off of carriers and the air force doesn't do carrier ops, those were the only things bugging me.
This story so far in chapter 1 is just an abuse of the Rule Of Cool one after another:
Callsings, TAC Names and targets would be done in the Briefing room, not before take-off (unless it's an emergency launch)
An F-22 Raptor is not a carrier operations capable plane: it doesn't have foldable wings (for more hangar space), nor hooks (for carrier take-off and landing), its autonomy as mentioned in posts before would make it reach the operation area and return but they wouldn't have any resserves, at least you would have written that
Also, an M-16 assault rifle in the pilot's cockpit? WHAT THE HELL! the cockpit doesn't have the space to place it, is too big and without a proper holding place it will be bouncing and flying all across the cockpit turing it into a flight-risk (if it doesn't shoot itself and/or kill you instantly, it will knock you down and kill you in a plane crash.) and even if you "attach" it to the ejection seat, it will be lost when the back support separates from the seat's frame, the chute will open and the rifle will be forever lost anyway, meaning it was just a waste of space.