2 of the most skilled pilots are sucked into Equestria. Upon landing they are greeted with mixed emotions. It's obvious that they aren't suppose to be here, but something, or someone has brought them here. It's certain that what brought them to Equestria was no accident. Now they must find out who brought them, and "Kindly" ask that pony to send them back.
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intriguing. but they have jets so a pony putting them under arrest is invalid.
Well, I was interested in the beginning. You did your research or at least made it sound believable. You lost me near the end where Rainbow matched the F-22's top speed. Yes, we all know she can break the sound barrier, but a F-22 can do about mach 2 (debatable, but the # is still pretty high). Sure, Rainbow can break the sound barrier, but this is TWICE the amount she originally went and that was under pressure of friends dying. To me this is a no, but hey, we're talking about colorful ponies here.
2756546
My cousin fly's an F-22 with the air force at Hickam Airbase and he has said it is capable of at least Mach 2.10. At least that's his personal best.
2756574
Yeah, I just tried researching it. I came up with many different numbers, though most of them seemed pretty close to mach 2 so that's what I put.
All my what the...
I'm not even sure where to start or what to say.
It could certainly use a bit of improvement, I can give you a detailed critique if you want me to
HOLY SHIT, another story about MOTHERFUCKING PILOTS IN EQUESTRIA, this time they fly F-22 CRAPTORS.
Now, if you actually knew shit, you'd at least show some competence and wrote about them flying F-15's or F-16s.
Let's go over my reasons to downvote this:
> Pilot in Equestria story, which is an automatic downvote for most people I know.
> United fucking States military in Equestria, which is my personal reason to downvote.
And my personal favorite:
> You've actually implied that someone has balls to use an F-22 in combat situation.
F-22's are:
Not combat-capable.
Pilots choke inside 'em.
Dominate the shit out of those hangars.
Suffer a critical failure every 2 hours.
No longer in production.
Can be disabled by rain.
Program cancelled due to high cost.
Here's your downvote.
I could have sworn I've seen this story before. Not even joking, this looks similar.
you need to try batter i seen batter pilots story than this.
Seems interesting to me you abviously got me hooked by the title and ill love to see more. Honestly to the haters. THEY. ARE. PONIES. Colored ponies at that and your rambling on about the how the plane is defying physics. How about you right a story.
*familes
And that's just what I saw in two seconds on the FIMFiction main page.
OK... You write detailed but the whole wolf fightning where WAAAAAYY to long. The storyline is confusing, and im preatty sure that RD (ik the light-blue one is RD) wouldn't know what blood is. AAANND. Isn't Rainbow Dash's coat cyan? -.-
F-22s don't have afterburner.
2757117 Um why would you take the time to click on the story, see the picture, read the description, read the story and then comment? If you saw the picture and read the description then it should have been enough to say "Yup fuck this story I'm not even going to bother" just saying
2758022 My bad I wasn't to sure on that part.
2757728 That's the fucking color
Damn it. Okay about the fight part I debated about using that as another chapter but I guess I felt like I needed to set up the fact that they weren't welcome. So my bad on that
2757630 Going to get right on that
2757604 Thanks for the support. That really helps
2757572 ? batter?
Not sure what that is
2757230 Well according to the guy under you there are plenty
But I'm not sure if I'm copying any one.
2756998 Well if you feel the need, go right ahead. Not like I'm going to hate on someone for advice
2756994 We will never know
2756603>>2756574 My bad. I have a book about any and all military aircraft that I should find....
Any way sorry for the confusion
2756489 When a jet isn't on a launcher it takes it a while to get going so they would've been stopped before they got the chance.
Well I wasn't expecting this much feedback (Regardless of bad or good), but this is my HiE and I will not stop until it's complete.
I'm not even sure what compelled me to write this but here I am. So I will give it my best shot and hope it can change your opinion
2758220 i mean better
2758254 Ahhh okay. Thank you
2758220 I think 2757117's comment was referring to the problems with your story and was telling you what you did wrong. While I don't agree with all of his remarks, including the pilot in Equestria fics and his interpretation of the F-22. I have seen the F-22 in action and think it is a good aircraft.
2758322 I see where you are coming from. I'm just saying he didn't have to read it. Nobody forced him. But if that is the case then my bad
2758276 still you need to work on it.
1 get your facts right, if your using anything in the story get it right the 1st time.
2 Pilot fics need more detail like there that person in that airplane
Okay, I'm going to make my best effort to be balanced in my criticism of this story and to be fair this isn't the worst execution of the idea by a long shot, honestly, I'm not a fan of this kind of story so I'm going to be biased like a motherfucker.
First off, you might want to look into the cockpit of a jet sometime, there is no space for a rifle, let alone something as long and unwieldy as an M16. pilots would have M4s or MP5Ks since those are much smaller and easier to fit into a cabin. Lets not forget that you're far more likely to need food, shelter and water when you crash than a firearm. Also you may want someone to proofread your work in future since I'm seeing quite a few basic errors, like the wrong kind of to, and attack angels where I'm assuming you mean angles. Also ponies wouldn't show up on a radar since the radar isn't calibrated to find organic life forms. Whilst I'm on the subject, you won't find any radar in afghan operated by the AQA since someone would just slap it with an ALARM.
This is me being nitpicky because this is how you improve writing, by fixing most of the little shit first since the little stuff contributes to breaking my suspension of disbelief.
What I like: the plot shows signs of promise and the characters are somewhat interesting although they could stand to be developed. In short, it's like a firing squad loaded with blanks.
Interesting idea, botched execution.
2758347 Well I think I kind of left reality with the M-16 part of the story
I really didn't plan anything to this story. I just sat down and asked myself a simple question.
"How about pilots in equestria?" Just started typing after that. With my other stories I tried to plan it out and be ready for the next chapter before the one I was working on was done. This one was just random
2757572 Yes I'm sure you can make good pancakes, or waffles, or whatever batter your speaking of...
2764419
please have them teach celestia a lesson
terrible xenophobic much? what with so many other sentient species just show how stupid and closed mind and spiteful most ponies are in this what to stop the guards and other from murdering them before there task?
2969647 agreed, they pretty much think that they're in the right of everything they do.
NO
NI CLIFFHANGERS!!!
Ok, maybe one. But that's it!
(Whatever you want to do, it's your story)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! fuck you cliff hangers FUCK YOU! ahhh! damn know you have to write another chapter right...right!?
A story with airplanes? I'm interested. *cracks knuckles* LET'S DO THIS
Be careful with your dialogue formatting. I'll give you an example:
That should be a comma between circumstances and Jason, not a period. That's because Jason said while putting on the standard grey flight suit isn't a sentence by itself. You do this a lot.
Oh, and flight suits are typically green or tan, depending on the terrain you're flying over.
Walking through the hallways and getting saluted...why are they saluting indoors? What are soldiers doing on a ship; did you mean Marines? Are these pilots Navy or Air Force? In the Navy, the rank of Captain means something. In the Air Force, that's still a pretty junior guy.
Okay, a little later I see that they're Air Force. What are they doing operating from a carrier?
They wouldn't get callsigns and targets over the radio as they're sitting in the jet getting ready to take off. That would take place in a brief beforehand.
The target is in northern Afghanistan? Assuming the carrier is in the Persian Gulf, that's 700 miles at minimum. While the F-22 is theoretically able to go there and come back, that leaves you almost no reserve.
Near the end of the chapter, the writing quality takes a significant dip with more misspelled words. You would have been better off writing this with a word processer to help catch errors.
2758022 Actually, Raptors do have afterburners. Not only can you find that information on Air Force fact sheets, but how many fighters don't have afterburners?
That's the only problem I have with that's our world.
Also the Gates of Tartarus is in the underworld BTW
3390051 Hey sorry about my lack of detail.
u get hurt Y U NO BWEED?!?!?!
3399696 when will you be continuing the story? Also will you add it to my group? Link to group
3433506 I added it.
Well then....
The m16 fires a 5.56mm round
More
3441705 shit my bad. I'll change that as soon as possible
no no NO NO NON ONONONONOKNONONONONONON NOOOOOOOO DON'T YOU DIE ON ME SOLIDURE!
Not to be a dick... Or THAT guy but.. Don't we have jets capable f breaking the sound barrier I think... It was 10 times over? I don't know, I just read that but I don't know if it's true. Can anyone prove me right or wrong? I truly wat to know if I am right...
Woah... Thats creeper creepy...
F-22s don't launch off of carriers and the air force doesn't do carrier ops, those were the only things bugging me.
Only a threat when attacked eh? You have no idea.
Fucking changelings, I'm getting real tired of your shit chrysalis.
The story is marked incomplete is it finished? there has not been an update inawhile i was kinda hoping that Jason and James would find somepony to be with of course it can get lonely in Equestria i hope 1 of them get with Luna
Fix the issue with Rainbow going as fast as an F22. Makes NO sense in case you haven't noriced the previous complaints.
This story so far in chapter 1 is just an abuse of the Rule Of Cool one after another:
Callsings, TAC Names and targets would be done in the Briefing room, not before take-off (unless it's an emergency launch)
An F-22 Raptor is not a carrier operations capable plane: it doesn't have foldable wings (for more hangar space), nor hooks (for carrier take-off and landing), its autonomy as mentioned in posts before would make it reach the operation area and return but they wouldn't have any resserves, at least you would have written that
Also, an M-16 assault rifle in the pilot's cockpit? WHAT THE HELL! the cockpit doesn't have the space to place it, is too big and without a proper holding place it will be bouncing and flying all across the cockpit turing it into a flight-risk (if it doesn't shoot itself and/or kill you instantly, it will knock you down and kill you in a plane crash.) and even if you "attach" it to the ejection seat, it will be lost when the back support separates from the seat's frame, the chute will open and the rifle will be forever lost anyway, meaning it was just a waste of space.
BlueBalls....... I mean BlueBlood is acting the same as always
when is the next chapter?
celestia is in world of hurt when usa learn they were taking as hostage. plus taking high militarily weapons. and to 2 F-22 in total=US$300 million jets.
you got start use f22 more.