Misconception
By Drizzle Quill
Part I
But –
She was reading the letter wrong. She had to be reading the letter wrong!
The elegant white unicorn Rarity skimmed the letter clutched in her light blue aura again, azure eyes going wide as she realized she most certainly had not read the letter wrong. Her violet mane was disheveled and dusty, but at the moment, Rarity didn’t care. She was currently in possession of the time bomb ending her life. Tick…tick…tick…
It would go off on Father’s Day, as stated in the letter.
Rarity the unicorn, bearer of the Element of Generosity, would unceremoniously die of embarrassment.
“Dearest Rare,
I hope you’re looking forward to tomorrow’s meal, because I sure know I am! A special Father’s Day, just you, my shining diamond, me, your bumbling father, and your…friend. Now, Rare, about this friend: in your last letter, she seemed to be of great importance to you. You seemed quite eager for me to allow her to tag along on our visit – one, I must remind you, that was intended to be shared between you and me, father and daughter. After contemplating your letter, I have realized what must be going on.
Oh, my little Rarity. You have a crush on another mare?
It’s fine, of course; perfectly normal for a fine young filly your age. But this Applejack! You were raving on and on about how she simply had to come with us. You really wish me to meet your young lover, don’t you, Rare?
Yup, this got a chuckle out of your old dad. Rarity, once just a little filly entranced with jewels, all grown up and bringing her marefriend to her Father’s Day brunch! Well, don’t you worry your pretty little head – I’m fine with it. More than fine, in fact. Can’t wait to meet this “Applejack” character!
Excited to be seeing you – and your ‘friend’ – tomorrow,
Your loving daddy,
Magnum.”
Just reading the letter caused Rarity’s face to flush with a bright pink burn that just couldn’t seem to go away. How did this even happen? She had made it perfectly clear Applejack was coming for an entirely different reason, right?
…right?
Now that she thought about it, what had Rarity written on that letter she had sent concerning bringing Applejack along?
“Dear Father…I am excited for the luncheon we shall be partaking in on Sunday’s evening…hmm…I will be bringing along a very good friend of mine…” Rarity’s voice dropped quieter and quieter as she realized just what she had indeed said. “…it is incredibly important to me that she comes along…”
Slowly her words died out. “…and that she meets you,” the unicorn breathed, a little less than a whisper.
No, no, no, no, no! That wasn’t what she had meant to imply! Face burning like it was on fire, Rarity quickly rolled up the letter using her magic and summoned a saddlebag to carry it in. Strapping the bag on, she quickly glanced around, making sure no one was watching, and cantered out of the door as fast as she could. Rarity wasn’t sure how she would stop the upcoming disaster, but she had to stop it, soon.
The only thought running through her head as she raced to Applejack’s farm was: This wasn’t supposed to happen.
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No, it wasn’t supposed to happen.
It had started on Friday, the day Rarity had sent the letter to her father. The bearers of the Elements of Harmony were helping Applejack harvest the newest crop of Red Delicious apples. Pinkie Pie bounced about the top of the trees, light blue eyes shining as she knocked down apples with each spring. From there, the juicy fruit landed in a bucket carried tentatively by Fluttershy and her animal friends, though perhaps she wasn’t the right pony to do the job – she squeaked and leapt backward each time a new target landed in the container. Rainbow Dash zoomed throughout the trees, allowing the wind caused by her speed to knock the apples down, where Rarity and Twilight would levitate them into various buckets. Applejack used no fancy technique – she just simply applebucked like she had been trained to do almost her whole life.
The topic of Father’s Day was brought up by Twilight. “Are any of you going to visit your fathers on Sunday?”
“You bet!” Pinkie squealed, jumping out of the tree and landing in front of the shocked princess; Twilight yelped and stumbled backwards into a tree as Pinkie continued to chatter aimlessly. “My dad is gonna come, and so are my sisters, and my mom, so really it’s more of a Father-Sister-Mother-Day or maybe it could be called Family-Reunion-Day and we’re going to eat at Sugarcube Corner so the Cakes and I can throw them the biggest Father-Sister-Mother-Family-Reunion-Day-Party EVER!”
“Pinks, I think we get it,” Rainbow groaned and rolled her eyes, alighting on the ground with surprising ease, considering just a minute ago she had been practicing daredevil moves.
“Well, I intend to spend the day with my father as well,” Twilight smiled nervously, clearly still worried that Pinkie would get back up in her face again. She had nothing to worry about, really – the pink earth pony was busy indulging a Red Delicious apple, grinning.
“Are you going to Canterlot to meet him, Twilight?” Fluttershy asked nervously, slowly getting into a sitting position on the cool grass.
The lavender alicorn nodded. “We’re going to my favorite restaurant, and we might even get to talk with the Princess!” Her violet eyes sparkled at the prospect of talking with her mentor again.
Rainbow nudged her in the side with one elbow. “But you’re a princess now too, Twi!”
Twilight blushed and said nothing more, so Rainbow, Pinkie, and Fluttershy began to converse about how they would be spending that Sunday. Eventually Twilight couldn’t seem to keep out of the conversation any more, and burst in.
Rarity, waiting for a spot in the talking where she could speak, sat there, watching and listening with a drab smile on her face when she noticed their farmer friend off to one side.
Applejack looked downhearted; she was slowly taking bites of one of the apples, but with no enthusiasm, and her posture was slumped, like she didn’t care about what she was doing. Rarity, who had always been the kind of unicorn who couldn’t bear to see a friend in need of good posture, scooted over by her side. “Applejack, darling,” she asked in a quiet voice. “Whatever is the matter?”
“Aw, it’s nothin’, Rare,” the orange earth pony said, managing a small smile. “Ah’m okay.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, Ah am!”
“You’re the Element of Honesty, Applejack,” Rarity said, lifting an eyebrow. “You’re an absolutely terrible liar.”
Staring into the unicorn’s eyes pleadingly for a few seconds more, AJ finally lowered her head. “Okay, okay. Yah got me. Ah’ll tell you.”
The comforting look returned to Rarity’s face. “Good. Now, dearie – what’s on your mind?”
Applejack sighed. “…Ah won’t have anypony to visit with on Father’s Day,” she mumbled, eyes looking straight down at the ground and nowhere else.
Rarity gasped; Applejack looked as if she was going to cry, which meant this had to be a very notable occasion to her. The white unicorn had hardly known her farmer friend to show any displays of hurt, let alone start crying. “Darling…are your parents…?” She couldn’t get the last word out, but the earth pony clearly knew what she meant, as she gave one firm nod and let a single tear fall.
“…and my dad and I are gonna go flying,” Rainbow Dash boasted next to them, oblivious to her friend’s obvious hurt.
Applejack visibly winced and Rarity placed one hoof over her shoulders. “AJ,” the elegant unicorn whispered in the other pony’s ear. “I…I wish there was a way to help you.”
“Shucks, Rare…I don’t need any help.”
“Yes, you do…ah-ha-ha!” The last note was high-pitched and sudden, causing Applejack to stare in shock at Rarity, whose eyes had lit up like lights on a Hearth’s Warming Eve tree. “Idea!”
“What?” Applejack asked, obviously confused.
The unicorn turned to look at her, eyes glowing. “You can come with my father and I to the Daisy Days Café - you know, the restaurant near the middle of Ponyville? - with us! You’ll be welcome – I’ll make sure he lets you come.” Rarity was practically glowing.
Applejack blushed. “Aw, shucks, Rare. You don’t have to do that!”
“No, no, no! Not another word!” Rarity got to her hooves and smiled. “I’d be happy to write a letter explaining!”
But apparently it didn’t explain enough…
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Whipping around the corner, Rarity flew towards Sweet Apple Acres, eyes wild as she tore up dirt with her hooves. Panting slightly, the unicorn slid in front of the barn –
– only to run right into Applejack, who was pulling a cart of apples past, humming a tune as she trotted along. “Well, howdy, Rares. What’s going o—”
“READ THIS!”
The earth pony started as a light blue letter was shoved in her muzzle. Green eyes skimmed the parchment – the parchment containing Rarity’s life, in her mind. The unicorn closed her eyes, waiting for the bomb to go off. Applejack would yell at her. She wouldn’t take her act of generosity and come to brunch – and frankly, Rarity didn’t want her to anymore.
Rarity waited for the screams. The anger. The explosion. The “I’m not going with you anymore” speech.
What she got instead entirely surprised her.
Applejack did not scream, or yell, or explode.
Applejack burst out laughing.
...oh sweet celestia, i can already tell that this will be a glorious story. i truthfully cannot wait until the next chapter.
Oh, this is off to a brilliant start; I can't wait to see how things go!
AJ is gonna milk this for as much as its worth
Yay....
This is original, no being sarcastic, I never seen this before. Props to you, kind sir or ma'am.
Oh, Magnum. You magnificient idiot! Never change, ya big sweet lug.
Celestia's mane.. This is brilliant! AJ is gonna milk this for all it's worth...and stars help them both if/when Rainbow Dash gets wind of this!
This is a ridiculously good idea for (hopefully) a Rarijack fic. Cannot wait for more.
And by the end of the third chapter: Lesbians.
Oh the possibilities! Oh the *unfolds chair* this is going to be good!
YOU FOOL! Why didn't you release the whole thing at once? You'd have killed the featurebox for a WEEK, and I wouldn't have to wait to see the ending!
This is really funny so far, but I wouldn't want it to turn into a real relationship, just keep it cool and creative and make it your own.
The idea was really planned out well, I would never have thought of this, I even had a similar concept!
Man, I love how everyone on here is trying to tell you how to write your story, or how they want it to go or what they think would be better when you've just started it. If you want to keep the shipping situational here then cool, but if you want to write something that turns into a real romance story then I hope you go for it and not listen to what people have to say. If they don't like it they can write their own fics.
Anyway I really like the way this is shaping up so far, very funny and I like the way you write Magnum (his nickname for Rarity is cute and perfect). It's a great idea for a story premise and I look forward to reading more!
This is brilliant. I'm looking forward to seeing how it goes.
2680742 It's called opinions dude, people express them. Yeah, it's rude when they're telling him how to write the thing, but openly discussing how they think it will go? How is that a problem?
An interesting premise, and I may have to track this. It looks like its getting a good amount of attention, so it'll probably hang out in the popular stories box for a while. That said, I did have a few problems with it.
Leading off with a huge chunk of LUS in what should properly be the hook for your story is rarely a good idea, and if this were longer than 2000 words I probably would have abandoned ship right there. Nothing in that block of text is necessary except "Rarity skimmed the letter again."
The voice of the piece was a little inconsistent. It seemed to stick to 3rd Limited Rarity most of the time, but occasionally wandered off into omniscient when the Mane Six were around. Voicing for the characters is generally good, though I've never been a fan of approximating Applejack's accent with an Ah-for-I substitution. I think it reads far more naturally to use standard structure and instead choose appropriate vocabulary and colloquialisms, at which point the accent comes immediately to mind without trying to force it onomatopoeically. I'm also very surprised that Rarity wouldn't know that Applejack had lost her parents, as she seems to have done in this story.
Judging from this first chapter, I remain pretty conflicted about this story. On the one hand, it does a decent job with most of the character voices and uses a lot of nice, active language. On the other, it seems to waste a fair amount of words for something that's only 1500 words long. Anyway, good luck with this!
2678753
Exactly what I was thinking.
2680742
I'm not saying, I'm just hoping. Author's already got it fully planned out from what I can tell.
A good start! I'm anxious to see where this goes.
This phrasing seemed a bit awkward to me. If I may suggest, why not name the restaurant instead?
2689424
Oh! Thank you, fixed. It's now the "Daisy Days Café."
2689264
Thank you for your tips. I'll take them into mind. I tend to use an excessive amount of detail, but I've had others tell me it's the perfect amount. When I post part two, we'll see what happens.
(oh my gosh, I think the Twilight emojicons are my favorite. They're so great! )
2689313
Yup, suppose I do. I can promise you guys it won't be full shipping, like "OH MY GOSH KISS KISS LET'S GET MARRIED OH MY GOSH I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH" (although I've never written much of that ) but it might actually have a tiny bit of Rarijack in it, because, and people might downvote me for this, but
Awesome premise
Yeah, only real thing I noticed was the amount of detail in the opening. Wouldn't mention it, but I had a little to add to his comment. Using plenty of detail is okay when it adds to the story. If you're describing a new location for example, or something in which details help to paint a mental image. In this case, most of the detail was just fluff because we already know how Rarity looks.
Anyways, moving on to the next chapter because I like how this has started off x) I really do love this premise.
When I read the description for this I thought "that's a really cool idea". So far the first chapter seems well written and the characters are spot on. moving on to part 2 now.
I've decided to get the ball rolling with the smaller of the two stories you sent to the group before I tackle the larger one, and I must say that, along with the one-shot, I am very much impressed with your writing skills in this chapter.
Thinks I liked:
1. It was smart for the reader to get the father's letter first before they get to Rarity's because then they get to see the mistake she makes first-hand of how she portrayed Applejack.
2. Each of the elements have a personality that the watchers of the show are familiar with here, and you could almost tell who is talking without being told through narration.
3. I'm glad you didn't immediately go into the initial conflict explained in the story, but you allowed for another to hook the reader in beforehand.
There was nothing I really didn't like:
I really have no extra comments to say:
All-In-All:
While not much goes on here in this chapter, it's enough to get the reader hooked and to show off the conflict but not giving any hints as to what might happen. You played it smart with writing in ways that I've never seen before in a fanfiction, and I hope you continue with it.
Score:
I absolutely have no qualms with giving you a 10/10.
This is a fantastic start. I'm so glad I get to read it all at once:)
I find it rather improbable that Rarity didn't already know of Applejack's family situation, but other than that, this is great!
That's exactly what I would do if that happened to me, burst out laughing!!! Great chapter!!!