Ch. 1 (Revised)
Dan woke up to the bright rays of the sun shining in his face, shining brighter than usual. In his groggy state of mind, still tired from getting revenge on a few unfortunate people who just happened to vandalize what they thought was a clearly abandoned vehicle, Dan tried lifting a hand to the side of the bed Mr.Mumbles usually curls up on only to find grass in the little kitties place.
Dan shot up now fully awake and confused as he looked around to find trees, lots of trees. He tried to recall what he could have done last night and confirmed he went straight to bed after getting revenge and feeding his dear cat Mr.Mumbles. Dan got up and wondered if he was even in California anymore.
Dan pulled out his cellphone and dialed his buddy Chris only to find no reception, growling, Dan threw his phone at the nearest tree in a fit of anger.
"What sort of place doesn't have cell phone service? Where am I in the middle of nowhere?!"
Dan started to walk in a random direction, a scowl etched on his face. He walked for what seemed like hours, occasionally hearing bushes rustling and other random forest sounds. He was starting to think he was lost, mumbling under his breath.
"...Stupid forests!.."
Dan walked through the forest until tripping on a rock and smashing his skull on a tree. He fell to the floor in pain, clutching his throbbing head. Having hit the tree pretty hard, a big bruise along with a headache was forming.
Dan rubbed his forehead with an even deeper scowl present on his face, Dan tried to open his eyes only to make the headache worse.
"Oww my head!" Dan exclaimed in pain.
Dan sat up and leaned against a tree moaning and rubbing his head. "Where's Chris when I need him! stupid tree.." Dan got up and kicked the tree that had caused the bruise on his head before yelling
"OWWww my foot!" and kicking the tree again.
"YOWW! grrrr..." Dan stopped himself before he could kick the tree a third time and sat down to rest his now sore toes. Dan thought he heard something in the distance and turned his head towards the sound.
"Come on, twilight I seen it over here, I was practicing my tricks for the wonderbolts when I seen this ugly um... thing... kicking a tree-"
Dan dives into a bush to avoid being seen by any of the strange voices he heard. They sounded female, one voice a little scratchier than the other.
A blue horse that looks like some little girl went and dyed the horse blue with a mane holding all the colors of the rainbow trotted into the small clearing with what appeared to be a unicorn. Some cruel person probably dyed the horse purple and superglued a horn to it, maybe to entertain his daughter or something. What kind of sick person does that?
It was then Dan noticed the wings on the prismatic horse, that and the fact their eyes were huge. Dan wasn't sure if the wings were fake as the horse stretched them in anxiousness. Its like the horses are looking for something.
'Who did I hear talking? The two voices I heard were from the direction the horses came from only a few seconds ago someone must be hiding around here somewhere waiting to trap someone or something' Dan thought, suspiciously. Then he noticed the purple horse was staring in his direction, her pupils were narrowed a little as she carefully stepped towards him as if trying not to scare him away. The rainbow one followed her gaze shortly after.
The unicorns horn started glowing, Dan gasped in surprise and fell backwards out of the bush. The horses appeared to be whispering to each other. Staring suspiciously at the equines Dan got up 'The owners of these mutated horses have to be around here somewhere, then I can get out of this stupid forest!' Dan thought while looking around for any sign of another human.
When Dan looked back at the ponies he saw the purple one was.. writing something with some invisible force holding the feather pen and paper. The rainbow one had a curious look on her face and the purple one had a gleam in her/his eyes. 'Wait. Where did that paper come from?!?' Dan stared at the unicorn, knowing this isn't just any horse. But Dan really didn't care. However, Dan was curious, watching the equines every move, as the equines did the same.
10 seconds passed and Dan just wanted out of this forest so he thought about ignoring the mythological creatures and walking away from the staring contest, after all they didn't do anything to him, and he seen weirder things than a unicorn and pegasus. The dinosaur and mummy for example, those were pretty weird. So Dan just started walking away in a random direction, ignoring the unicorn and pegasus.
'I should say something.. but what if I scared it away? No I can't do that, too risky. But it wears clothes it could be sentient! I'll try and say something maybe after I find out if its dangerous. I've never seen a creature like this before! I'll have to take notes...'
Twilight started writing and took notice how the creature is watching her write with a slightly curious expression before the creature just started walking away.
" Pssst, Twilight... Twilight! equestria to Twilight...." a certain neon pegasus whispered. "Huh? what is it?"
"Uhhh.. I think your new creature is escaping" Dash pointed a hoof in the direction the creature walked off to, talking a little louder now, " I'm gonna go pin it to the ground, that way we can capture this beast!"
"No! Rainbow, I got a glance at his teeth, two of them are canines which means he eats meat! what if he attacks you?!"
"Nah, don't worry Twi, I can take him!" the pegasus exclaimed before flying towards the direction the creature went at a rather fast rate.
"Rainbow dash! Wait! you might hurt it-" Twilight heard a rustling sound and a 'Ooof!' as she was trotting after Dash.
"Oww! hey! GET OFF ME you rainbow horse! that hurts!" Dan yelled, struggling furiously against the cyan pegasus as the purple unicorn watched. 'So it can talk! and it sounds like a male too it looks kinda like the creature lyra was talking about... a human was it?' The unicorn thought. 'Nah. can't be.'
Rainbow had Dan pinned by having a hoof on each of his wrists, which were at his side, and her back legs were both holding his legs down. "Hey! get off, get off! I WILL bite you!" Dan said as he tried to lean up and snap at her leg, only a few inches out of reach. "Why are you so close to ponyville, monster? Are you going to eat some innocent foal!?"
Dan managed to get a hand free and shoved the pegasus off, getting up he said "Ew! of course not! I wouldn't eat a horse! Why do you say anypony instead of anyone?! HOW can you even TALK!?"
"Stop fighting and don't hurt him Rainbow, I need to study him!" Twilight yelled from the spot she was standing in, stepping back after she got a glare from Rainbow. "As I was saying," Rainbow stepped towards Dan in a menacing pose.
"What are you doing so close to ponyville, monster?"
"I don't even know where I am I woke up in this forest a couple of hours ago! and then I was minding my own buisness, ignoring you, when you tackled me!" Dan stated while giving Rainbow his signature glare.
"Whatever, you're in equestria, if you don't harm anypony I'll show you the way to ponyville an-"
"I don't need your help I'll find it myself!"
Dan stormed off towards the trees before turning around
"And I'm a human being!" Dan said, giving another intense glare to rainbow.
"Wait! humans are mythological creatures Lyra always talks about, she came in my library asking for a book on those!"
Dan was about to say something when twilight trotted up to him and cut him off.
"You have to let me study you! I thought you might be a human, where do you come from? I cant believe you're a human! I'll be the first pony to meet a human! Oh! Wait! I have to write a letter to the princess! I-" Dan stopped her talking by closing her muzzle with a hand .
"Listen here, unicorn"
Dan took his hand off her muzzle " I am no-"
"My name is Twilight Sparkle and that's Rainbow Dash."
"Yeah yeah, whatever. as I was saying, I am NOT going to be studied like an animal! and I want to know what you mean when you said you thought humans are myths, aren't there any humans around here?"
"Not anywhere around here!" Rainbow joined in the conversation.
"Yes, there's a legend about a human being spotted in equestria but that legend is so old it goes back hundreds of years, nopony can prove it." Twilight said.
"Whatever, I'm not being studied! I'm sure this is just in some forest, when I get out I'll find a city. A HUMAN city."
Dan stomped away into the forest as the ponies followed him from a distance chatting about something he couldn't hear, Dan was about to tell them to stop following him when Twilights horn glowed and he felt incredibly sleepy. 'I'm so tired... I'll just take a quick -yawn- ... nap...' Dan thought before everything went dark.
...............
Dan woke up strapped to a chair with a grey helmet on his head and a slight headache. "Oww my head is killing me... where am I? Um.. Strapped to a chair?" Suddenly all his memories came back and hit him like a brick wall.
"Those ponies! THEY DRUGGED ME!" Dan struggled furiously trying to free his arms and legs, almost breaking the chair.
"I DEMAND TO KNOW WHERE I AM!" Dan heard the sound of hooves hitting the floor. "Oh! you're awake! Good, I can't record everything while you're asleep."
"LET ME GO YOU SAVAGE!" Dans face started to turn red as he realized she was doing tests on him and broke one arm free as the arm broke off the chair
"YOU DRUGGED ME YOU VILE HORSE I HOPE YOU ROT IN HE-"
"Calm down, or I'll have to cast another sleeping spell on you! "
Dan yelled at her for another 30 seconds saying things Twilight didn't pay attention to as he kept trying to free his other arm before just breaking the whole chair. Dan started to step towards the unicorn after throwing the blinking helmet off.
"I'LL THROW YOU OFF A BRIDGE YOU YOU STUPID EQUINE HOW DARE YOU I-.. I.." Dan started getting sleepy and fell to the ground as Twilight cast a sleeping spell on him for the second time that day.
"Sorry! but if your heart rate gets any higher you would have had a heart attack! you should have had one by now with that blood pressure, a normal pony would be dead at that rate!"
Dans eyes started fluttering closed as he muttered something unintelligible.
"Wow, that sleeping spell took longer than usual.. I better get a metal chair, or he'll just break the next one..." Twilight trotted upstairs out of her basement to find a chair and apply straps to it as Dan fell asleep on the floor, previous rage forgotten. 'Aww the little guys kinda cute when he's sleeping and doesn't have a scowl on his face' Twilight thought, looking back downstairs as she closed the basement door.
..........................
Twilight was assaulted by a pink blur that tackled her to the ground as soon as she got out of the basement
"Ohmygosh is the creature awake can I see it yet? Lemme see it! Is it awake, does it like parties?Doesit?Twilightweshouldthrowitapartycauseitsnewtoponyvilleand-"
"Pinkie!"
*gasp* "Iwonderifitlikescupcakes! Canittalk? I'msoexited!Canwekeepitasapet,canweCANWE?!?!!"
"PINKIE!"
Pinkie stopped and looked at twilight.
"No the human isn't awake yet, it can talk how but did you find out about him?"
"Ohhh, it's a him? Rainbow Dash told me about the creature she found just a half an hour ago! he's new in town, CAN I THROW HIM A PARTY??"
Twilight pushed Pinkie off of her and started walking off to the furniture and quill shop to find a sturdy chair with Pinkie following behind her.
"No, Pinkie I don't think you can throw him a party. It might take him a day or two to ... calm down.. anyway. he seems to get angry really easy, a party might give him a heart attack and I'm still not sure if he's going to be a threat to ponyville. I have to make sure he won't attack or hurt anypony."
"Oh well that's ok I guess... I can throw him a party later! Look, it's Rainbow Dash! I'm gonna go talk to her, bye Twilight!!"
Pinkie waved a hoof and bounced over to Rainbow Dash.
Twilight walked into the 'Quills and funiture' store and almost immediately found the perfect chair.
"Aha! this chair is perfect!" She quickly took it to the register along with some backup quills.
......................
As Twilight walked down the stairs she saw the foul mouthed human was still asleep and wondered if all humans were this angry. Twilight walked up to Dan and removed his straps from the other broken wood chair, Strapping him to the now stronger metal chair with metal hoofcuffs. They were meant for hooves but she found a pair of hoofcuffs that would be secured around his wrist perfectly. Twilight secured his leg straps and put the helmet back on his head. She was a little worried the chair didn't have chest straps to hold the humans chest in place, but surely the cuffs will do fine at keeping him relatively still.
After Twilight cleaned up the bits of wooden chair she looked at the human who still hasn't told her his name yet and thought better of the situation. Twilight didn't want a repeat of before or he could hurt himself, so she took the helmet off his head and took the human, still strapped to the chair, upstairs to her bedroom with her magic.
Twilight figured the human might feel more comfortable if she didn't do any tests for now and was in a equipment-free environment so he would be calmer.
........................
As Dan awoke he remembered where he was and had an urge to set this whole house on fire. if he was in a house, it looked more like a tree. Dan heard voices downstairs and anger started clouding his mind.
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Names should start with a Capital along with new sentences
Also this "hey twilight"
Should be "Hey Twilight,"
Might I advise looking through the chater before you post it
But other than those silly, silly mistakes, I think you got the characters personalities down pretty well and the story seems interesting. Until you sort out the caps problem, I shall postpone my favourate
not bad, i love dan vs becasue the show just put hem in things that make hem hate it anyway and not bad for a 1st fic look at my 1st.
my fav ep is the computers becasue how right it is about in real life. wean you buy a computer that they say is "new" and after a few mothe it broke on you than wean you go to bestbuy to geek whatever you laern that the computer was out of dates 2 yrs ago so you ask if you can fix it, they say no they don't do it for this modle. than your like hello you say you guys fix anything, and than they say ya but not for this modle, after that you ask can you upgread it and than the something happen.
sorry for the rant but it felt it needed to be said
2576982 thanks for pointing that out I really have next to no experience with writing and I'll fix it immediately.
if you find anything else wrong in future chapters just point it out and I'll fix it, thanks for the help! 
(I was sleep deprived when posting so I checked everything except capital letters, what an amature mistake 
)
2576984 your first fic looks like its pretty good I never read one about zomponies before I'll definitely read it later
and you're right about the computers, thats one of my favorite dan vs. episodes too, they say they'll fix anything but they're always coming out with new things and putting the older models as outdated, that rant was accurate. spot on. they sell you the older modules but won't fix them 
2577052 you have earned your favourate
2577225 thanks
I'm halfway through capitalizing it I should be done soon, I read a thing on writing to make sure I didn't capitalize the wrong places 
2577115 It's a good thing am a furry geek that love technklge, but ya i hate it wean they do that to you
My online name is Zsewq The Wolf and is nich meeting you online what's your online name?
2577262 my online names Rainbow fires just like my username, I'm somewhat of a computer geek, I'm good at fixing any flaw in my own computer but when other ask me to fix theirs most of the time I'm just like 'lol I dunno.'. it's nice to meet you too.
2577303 if you like to chat more PM me, any i can't wait for dan to kick twilight in the nuts or tell her off and make her cry of how rud she been to hem and now know how she didn't have any frs in her foalhood.
2577340 sure if you ever feel like chatting you're welcome to PM me too.
and yes, I think I might have the perfect idea for a revenge plan... but I'm not sure it can have much violence for twilight, celestia would mount his head on her wall 
well... maybe that's exaggerating a bit but I think I know what his revenge will be 
why was I not told about this? 
*Edit: twilight has nuts?!
2577526 oh i need help with my fic am kinda suck on something
2577537 what do you need help with? I'll help if I can
2577551 read the last ch
2577587 ok, then I'll read the whole thing after that. do you want me to point out any mistakes I find?
2577593 mmm maybe, am just make 2 story about this one is this one and the after math
Nice set up, I've seen a few Dan VS. clips and it seems pretty good. It's a show about a guy who hates everything right?
I shall leave you with these YouTube videos of Dan VS. FiM (Fan Made of Course):
2577657 I'm on chapter 5 I'll fix the spelling and grammar mistakes or just point them out in the comments and put the grammatically correct versions if you want
I've seen quite a few in there but its a great story! definitely faving it! 
2577698 t/y very mech and yes i would like you to help.
2577691 yep he's the guy who hates everything I have a link for the episodes online here> http://www.watchcartoononline.com/anime/dan-vs thats all the episodes so far if you feel like watching it
...you do realize that this is basically the exact same plot of FluffyMixer's Dan vs FiM videos, right?
2577758 nope this doesn't have flufflepuff in it or queen chrysalis and thats based off the tumblr where elise pushes him into a portal mine is going to be completely different. a different way of getting there, different ponies, he's not going to stay at twilights, etc. he is going to get revenge on ponies though. I don't think I've seen him get revenge in fluffymixers videos
Yes, keep the spirit alive! Since Dan Vs was canceled due to unknown reasons.
2578831 it was cancelled?
NOOOOOOOOOOO! 
dammit.. that sucks. for.. unknown reasons? 
oh well. I'm still doing this fic, screw the people who decided to cancel it 
you learn something new every day.
It shouls have the "other" character tag, and why does it have gore?
2585762 it will have gore later in the story, and thanks for telling me about the other tag
2580010 It wasn't canceled. It's on hiatus.