A Vivid Dreamer

by Kronoxis

Ch3: The calm before the storm

A Vivid Dreamer – Ch3
The calm before the storm

After reassuring her sister that she was fine and that there was no need for concern, both Luna and Celestia headed down to the dining hall for their respective supper slash breakfast. While they ate Luna retold her adventure she had in the strange dream. Celestia’s face bore a look of concern.

“Lulu what you did was nothing short of reckless.” Chided Celestia, but Luna was not phased.

“Tia you should have seen it, the land was both beautiful and saddening at the same time. And We are most certain that such a land does not exist in all of Equestria. For such a creature to dream of a place, perhaps it may not terrestrial.” Luna’s mind was once again giddy with excitement at where this train of thought had led her. If the creature she had seen was extra-terrestrial, where would it have come from? Did it come in peace? Did it find socks appealing? All these thought were brought to an abrupt stop as Celestia drew her attention back to the table.

“Luna! I do not know how you could have made such a reckless decision so easily? What you experienced could have easily been the trappings of a Dreamweaver. You could have just as easily fallen prey to its web as anypony.” The concern for Luna’s safety was radiating off her seated form.

“Oh hush Tia, where is your sense of adventure? We both know that Dreamweavers are near non-existent. We dealt with them in the very much the same way you had dealt with the Windigos.” Luna recalled her sisters hatred toward the spirits that had both caused and fed off hatred.

“Yes I understand, but you had been absent for a thousand years. Both you and I know that I cannot traverse the Dreamscape in the same manner as you. Anything could have happened within such a time frame” Luna nearly beamed at the indirect complement.

“But can you not admit that We have piqued your interest? We had traversed a dream of a creature We had never seen before, while it was dreaming of a location We do not believe to exist on this planet. And this very creature slumbers within our borders.” The jubilance in Luna’s voice could not be understated.

“Very well, this evening I shall accompany you within the Dreamscape. So that we may find its whereabouts within our borders and determine the threat it poses to our little ponies.” Celestia could not help but smile when she heard a faint squee drift over from the other end of the table.

“It has been too long since we last dream-walked together Tia. We cannot help but be reminded of the times we pranced together through the dreams of our ponies.” Luna had to place a hoof over her muzzle in a failed attempt to stifle her giggles.

“I remember many of them not being wholly appropriate.” Celestia remarked with a shudder and she recalled the many, many times both Luna and herself would walk into a stallion’s wet dream. There was a loud thump, as Celestia looked up from her plate all she could see were her sister’s hind legs flailing in the air. Luna had fallen over backwards laughing so hard it brought tears to her eyes.

The rest of the meal was eaten in relative silence. Celestia with a small smirk on her face as she recalled the fond memories she had with her sister before she had declared herself Nightmare Moon. At the other end of the table Luna occasionally let out a muffled giggle as she recalled the many times she led Celestia to a dream of a stallion that only had eyes on one mare, the Princess of the sun. She still found that many stallions preferred Celestia with a pink coat instead of her more regal white.

With their meals finished Celestia excused herself, as she had her duties to attend to. Luna on the other hoof could not contain her excitement. Her body was well rested from spending the entire evening dream walking, but her mind was racing with unanswered questions about her unknown dreamer. Then there was also the anticipation for that night, as hopefully both Luna and Celestia would be able to get some answers. But seeing as Luna was normally asleep during the day there were no duties for her to attend. Luna was restless as she fidgeted with her hooves, and then the cutlery.

Luna, Princess of the night needed something to do.

***

It was late afternoon, and Luna was laughing so hard her sides began to ache. She had decided that the best way to spend the day was to prank Celestia’s day guards. Luna would use her magic in order to disguise herself as either a strange mare or stallion, and then trot past a guard station. When they would call out for her to stop, she would turn a corner and "disappear".

Luna was currently disguised as an orange coated, red maned Pegasus mare perched on the roof of a castle tower. She couldn’t help but laugh as she watch whole squads of guards ran around the castle grounds, looking for the “Extremely Evasive Tourists”. Her laughs were silenced when her stomach began to growl. Perhaps there is still some cake in the kitchens that Tia has left un-demolished, Luna thought as she took off heading for the nearest servant’s entrance.

As Luna entered the servant’s break room that connected the kitchens to the outside gardens, she could not help but overhear a conversation between two of the castles staff.

“Wow that is just gorgeous.” Exclaimed the off-white coated, yellow maned Pegasus. “Where did you get that?”

With her interest piqued Luna couldn’t help but glance over to the corner the two servants were occupying. There floating in the magical aura of the light blue coated, brown maned unicorn stallion was a rose. Luna was about to continue on her way to the kitchen when she noticed something odd about it, the rose was not grown but crafted. The petals on the metal flower shone a brilliant gold, the stem was a sterling silver it even had blunted thorns. And there sitting in the middle of the bud was a shimmering ruby, the light reflecting off its many facets. It seems so delicate, was Luna’s thoughts on the artificial flower.

“On my way back from Manehatten, I went to go pickup my brother's guard armor. He was having it repaired by an old blacksmith that lives in that mining town along the train tracks. When I went in to pick up the armor I saw this on display and thought ‘this would make a great gift for my wife’. I just had to pick it up, apparently the blacksmith had taken in an apprentice a couple of days back and he started making things like this. I wished to thank the apprentice myself but he was out at the moment. I never thought a pony would be able to make something so delicate.” Explained the unicorn stallion.

Luna continued on into the kitchen with a smile on her face. She knew the blacksmith the unicorn was talking about. Many of Luna’s own guard would take their equipment to this blacksmith for repairs, his name being Iron Ingot. The reasoning was that the local blacksmith in Canterlot didn’t like to deal with ‘unique’ look the Lunar guard sported. That and Iron's worksponyship was by far the better, but he was still getting on in age. Also Iron being an earth pony was extremely stubborn and calling him a grouch would be a compliment, still it brought a smile to Luna’s face to think that the old goat was finally willing to pass the torch.

***

Luna had just raised her moon and was now sitting on her balcony, waiting for her sister to arrive. She was so giddy with excitement that she couldn’t keep still, her fore hooves constantly tapping out a rhythm on the tiled floor.

“Evening Lulu, perhaps you would know something about our elusive tourists that have been seen wondering the castle grounds today” Celestia glided down and seated herself beside her sister, with a knowing smile spread across her muzzle.

“We could not sleep, Our mind was plagued with many a question. And Our body was restless.”

“You were always the one between us that would ask the important questions. Shall we begin then?”

Luna nodded and then tilted her head over towards her sister. Celestia mirrored Luna’s posture until their horns crossed half way up the elegant shafts. Both sisters closed their eyes, as Luna focused her magic her horn began to glow. The cooling blue aura of Luna’s magic started at the base of her horn and began to climb along its regal shape till it reached the tip. Then Celestia’s horn began to glow a brilliant gold, starting at the tip and working its way down in a reverse fashion until both horns were alight. Both princesses were almost statuesque as they sat there, only the slow shallow rise and fall of their barrels were an indication that they still lived.

*DRIP*
…
*DRIP*

Both princesses open their eyes at the same time, to find themselves floating within the Dreamscape. While Luna’s dark coloured form and sparkling mane allowed her to blend in seamlessly within the Dreamscape, Celestia’s form was quite disruptive. Celestia’s white regal coat along with her rainbow hued mane stood out almost as bright as her sun in contrast. But that was not all; the radiance that Celestia’s body naturally produced was almost harsh compared to the comfort it provided in the waking world. It was this radiance that her body produced that swept away all of the dream motes within a large radius, and the reflective surface of the ocean beneath them constantly rippled outward with Celestia at the center. The expression on Celestia’s face was crestfallen.

“This is your domain Luna, I do not belong here” Celestia’s voice carried the same regal strength as it did in the waking world, and caused a few motes directly in front of her to float further away.

“Oh come now, We are sure that there is a stallion or two somewhere here that would take a liking to you.” Luna whispered in the ethereal voice that seemed to carry everywhere at once. Both sisters began to smile as they flew out over the Dreamscape in search of the one thing that interested them both.

When they found what they were looking for both sisters were surprised by what they found. The first thing Luna noted was the colour; it was now cycling between a bright angry red and a dark depressing blue. The second was that the dream was not anchored to the ocean’s surface as she had seen it do previously. The third was that it tendrils that flowed out around it in the mimic of a flame were now sporadic; they would whip about lashing and flexing but never settling.

The concern on Celestia’s face was as clear as her sun in the sky, “Are you sure that this is safe?”

“We are most certain, but it appears as if they are having a nightmare.”

Author's Note:

A/N: WOOH, first proper dialogue. and we are leading into our first nightmare, SPOOKY.

also, FORESHADOWING. in case you missed it.

Comments

[Atropony]

HAZAH! I SHALL FOLLOW!!!

[Kronoxis]

2574616
OH HAPPY DAYS, I shall waggle my finger in victory.

[mapu]

Nice.

[Shpoople96]

Yay, you posted again so soon!

[The_Last_Philosopher]

Just so you know you forgot the "r" in "brother" and it should be "then" not "than"

First error is in this paragraph: “On my way back from Manehatten, I went to go pickup my bothers guard armor. He was having it repaired by an old blacksmith that lives in that mining town along the train tracks. When I went in to pick up the armor I saw this on display and thought ‘this would make a great gift for my wife’. I just had to pick it up, apparently the blacksmith had taken in an apprentice a couple of days back and he started making things like this. I wished to thank the apprentice myself but he was out at the moment. I never thought a pony would be able to make something so delicate.” Explained the unicorn stallion.

And in this sentence: “You were always the one between us that would ask the important questions. Shall we begin than?”

P.S. Awesome story can't wait for next update!

[disgunbegood]

Before I start ranting, let me say that I don't want to discourage you from writing. I want to see you do better. I want this story to exceed my expactation because the concept behind it is very interesting. Buckle up.

Reading the prologue made me almost instantly close this story.
First our resident human goes on about what video games he likes, then whether or not he qualifies as a brony and finally how cool lucid dreaming is. I have no problem if you want to establish certain facts about your character for the reader, but they could have been presented in a better way than several paragraphs of "I like this, and this, oh, and I love that!" That line about holding a conversation with either a salt or clear water reptile on Mars? That was good.
Once that's over we get to met a oh so helpful god character that just happens to fancy the protagonist enough to whisk him away into one of his favorite fictional universes. If this were Discord or a proper trickster god, I could fancy it. As it is, it's a clown crossed with a deus ex machina. Very weak intro for any story. Worse yet, the two of them then start a game of "Build your own OC!" At least it seems that you knew how bad that could have turned out and went for something "tame". That comment about alicorns might even be tongue-in-cheek. Again, it's not so much what you have done here but how it is presented that rubs me the wrong way.
Can't help but wonder what exactly stood in the way of changing a human so his body can deal with magic. Ah well, it's your story.

At least the prologue is over and suddenly the entire story makes a turn for the better. We get to see things from an interesting point of view with Luna, although I never pictured her this jolly and prankish. Maybe that's only how she is feels unobserved by staff and guards? Extra points for the focus on how strange and unfamilar that dream was to her. This was nicely done, especially the end of said dream. A bit more variety in the observations made, how they are perceived by Luna and who she feels might be the dreamer wouldn't have hurt, but it's good as it is.
Finally how quickly Luna jumps to the conclussion that they are dealing with an alien being here strikes me as odd. I'd expect that to be the central mystery that would continue to baffle both princesses for quite a while and several dreams at least. Sure, they haven't figured out what exactly he is nor where he came from, yet even a overly strange dream should not have tipped them off right away.

So far I give you a 7/10 for effort, but there's lots of room for improvement, even more so considering the potential this premise has.

Keep writing.

[Kronoxis]

2575984
Thank you for the catches. I generally spew my words forth onto the keyboard then reread what I wrote so it makes sense. I've fixed those grievous error and thank thee.

[The_Last_Philosopher]

2576100 You're welcome I'm glad I could help.

[Kronoxis]

2576020

Firstly I would like to thank you for the criticism. This is the first story that I have written in 6 years that isn't being marked by an English teacher so ill take all the help I can get.

So yes I understand that my prologue can and will put some people off. And I can just as easily scrap it, while still keeping the story whole. As I am planning out this story it forms itself around me, the prologue was a starting point for me. It show's in the awkwardness. I'm tryin to be 'smart' while making jabs at other HiE stories I've read.

The prologue is my idea of trying to explain the reason the ponies don't go mad screaming "a hairless ape".

I have no doubt that I will at some point revise or completely rewrite the prologue. But for now I am still trying to sort out my end point, it's currently whipping about in the storm that is my consiousness. Negotiations have failed and I have resorted to duck tape.

I would also like to thank you for you insight. I am completely redoing my idea for the next chapter as I believe it would just bring disappoint me.

As for my characterizations, I always believed that Luna being the youngest was more inquisitive. While Celestia being older was more protective. Also Luna being the ruler of the night would know a thing or two about stars, and in he dream there were two suns. Again awkwardness due to inexperience, so it should only get better.

The other reason I had such an awkward prologue was to establish that the dreamer has brony knowledge. Which will come into play in later dreams. Spoilers.

Thank you again you have given me quite a bit to think about and to work with. I hope so see more critics from you.

[disgunbegood]

2576258
Kudos for reacting this positively to criticism. There is no need to thank me for anything, though, just don't go to hard on yourself and your ideas because of me. It is still your story and you should write it the way it feels right for you.

Ah, so some of the things in the prologue were tongue-in-cheek. I apologize if I came across a bit crass there. It is sometimes hard to tell what is parody and what just blatantly bad writing. If you do want to continue doing so I'd advise you to make sure your human character does not take things overly serious. In this context his behaviour during the prologue makes much more sense. Besides, I was and still kinda am suspicious that he figured for a long time all of that as a (lucid) dream.
Anyway, I approve of your willingness to re-write the prologue at some point. I suggest you make it either sillier to accent how it spoofs HiE or give it a more serious tone. I'd advise you to the former, considering the general mood of the story so far.

On the "hairless ape" issue: I wholeheartedly agree with your decision to make the human not look human here so he can easily fit in. That way the story can focus on its main theme without the standard HiE scenarios getting in the way. I don't mind that he as FiM knowledge, a love for videogames, gets transformed or his dreams are big crossovers with other fiction. That Journey dream was well done and got the atmosphere across greatly. And I have yet to play Journey myself.
Again, it is not what you established about your human character in the prologue, but the way you did so that irked me. There are too many bad fanfics that build up their main character in a similar way and it gets to me.

Hm, I nearly forgot about those two suns. Maybe if Luna stressed that point more when she conversed with her sister its true weight would have been more obvious.
On that note your characters' dialogues/monologues feel somewhat wooden, especially Luna at the start of the dream. Inexperience can be fixed with practice and imitating what works.

Finally, I love clash of cultures and the extremes can go pretty far with humans and ponies. Hence why I took a closer look at this story and continued reading even after the prologue. Did you per chance read Cultural Artefacts? It has several dream sequences and involves an "alien" human as well.

Do you think that a dream involving Dear Esther would work? If that is up your alley, that is.

[Raistlin]

2576258

Also, I believe even most relentless fan would consider to travel Equestria, leaving former life, family and friends behind without any garanty of returning.

[Kronoxis]

2576871
Yes I have indeed read Cultural artifacts, it is where my idea has spawned from.

I'm hoping to include quite a few varieties of dreams. This next chapter I'm working on will be grim, it will be a nightmare. But that is due to an idea I'm trying to work through, the dreamer does not yet believe he is being observed and as such the dreams are 'uncensored'.

Your pony mind is not ready.

[Kronoxis]

2576975
If I understand what you are saying? You are telling me that no matter how enthused someone is, leaving everything behind is a decision not made lightly. Yes I agree with that, and I can tell you it will be touched on later on. For now all that stuff is happening in the background. I chose to do this unique approach so that I can write a HiE without it being a copy pasta. And without following the similar story arcs that so many other HiE stories have beaten to death. I had an idea to write another story that would run parallel to this one but from the first person perspective of our dreamer. I scrapped the idea cause I'm writing this story so it wouldn't be a traditional HiE story.

[Raistlin]

2577395

Glad to hear that.

[disgunbegood]

2577323
Oh my.
Those poor princesses will have their precious little pony sanities positively pommeled to pebbles.

I'm looking forward to this.

[DAT GUY]

You said he was a brony so wouldnt he have brony dreams *cough ,Friendship is witchcraft*
Or perhaps *Cough, other generations of MLP*
Or maybe *cough AU fanfics*

But the best dream of all """MINECRAFT"""

[Kronoxis]

2579697
Don't you fret I have similar dreams down the line.
And it will be awkward.

[Kronoxis]

2583131
You noticed huh? The prologue is meant to be my little nod to all the other HiE stories I've read to date. But at the same time I would like to create my own world rather than squeeze into someone else's.

Lets just say, if this turns out well there will be more stories later on.

I have so much going on in my head right now I wish I could just think my stories into existence. Save me the trouble of fixing grammer.