A Vivid Dreamer – Ch12
Say ‘What’ Again
Luna was presently making her way to the dungeons; Celestia had arrested the odd diamond dog which was now housed in a special cell within the castle. Celestia had intended to interrogate the dog herself but had been called off to deal with an unknown emergence in Ponyville. Luna planned to use this time to subject the dog to her own questioning. Turning a corner and pushing through a doorway Luna found herself within the guard’s area before the cells.
As she entered the room she gave the two guards on duty a nod, they saluted back, before she made her way to the table stationed in the corner. Spread across it were all the belongings that had been on the prisoner’s body before being admitted. Using her magic Luna sifted through all the articles laid out before her, first were his clothing; the leggings, the heavy apron and the vest. They were all worn and of substandard crafting, next Luna moved over to the heavy items; there was a hammer, pair of pliers and his goggles. The tools appeared to be in pristine condition, well taken care of. Moving onto the smaller items she noticed the jeweler’s tools, again they were in pristine condition as they shone with a polished finish. The next item was an unfinished necklace; the chain was incomplete, but the golden ring held a small amethyst, which it allowed it to spin, captivating her attention. Placing the unfinished necklace back on the table she spotted the last item on the table, a small bit with a clear diamond seated in its center.
Levitating the bit before her Luna observed every millimeter of the modified currency. It was both the same item she had seen in his dreams but not, the gem was different. Luna only grew more curious, it was too similar to the one she had seen in his dreams but the dog they had was clearly not the same she had seen him as. She tried to imitate what she saw in the dreams, but without the appropriate appendages she could not flick it properly. It was maddening, everything she had learned pointed to that dog as the dreamer she found only a few days ago, she needed to question him. As Luna was about to exit the room into the cell block she remembered that both Lodestone and Ryan had not reacted positively to her initial appearance. She would need to be subtle.
Using her magic, Luna once again took on the appearance of another pony. Now disguised as a grey unicorn guard she made for the cell block. Looking back at the guards on duty, they both gave her a knowing nod before she opened the door. She made her way down the stone corridor towards the only cell currently being guarded. Luna went to relieve one of the guards on duty then took his station; looking over to the other guard she allowed her eyes to flash their original turquoise. The guard gave a small smirk and a nod before returning to attention.
Luna looked over the cell; it was clearly designed to house diamond dogs. The walls, ceiling, floor and bars were steel and warded against physical harm. A dog may eventually be able to dig its way out, but it would make a lot of noise and take a while to accomplish, plenty of time to pacify the occupant. Looking over the room she spotted the dog, huddled in the corner behind the cot, shivering. His fur, snow white, was matted and damp from the rinse off he got before being incarcerated. He sat huddled in the corner head in his lap, ears folded back, while hugging his knees, his tail firmly wedged between his legs. The way the fur hung off his body made him appear lanky, almost sickly, when compared to fluffiness she noted when she first set eyes on him. Luna began to worry, how her sister could treat this creature as such based on one dream; that one horrible nightmare she probably relived every night since. Luna cringed at her failings to protect her sister from her own nightmares, while she herself went off seeking Ryan to sate her own curiosity.
“so…” one of the dogs ears flicked up to face the source of her voice, “what you in for?”
There was a pregnant silence before Luna got a muffled response, “…bad dreams.”
Luna was mentally cheering to herself; this had to be the same person she had visited several times within his dreams. She just had to push a little more for confirmation. “I’m pretty sure we cannot make arrests for bad dreams.”
Stone lifted his head to look the guard over with his round red eyes, irises of crimson but plenty bloodshot; he was scared and had been crying. “… it was a nightmare actually, bad enough to make one of the princess cry.”
While the other guard gave an almost silent gasp, Luna struggled to keep her expression stoic as she mentally whooped to herself. She had found Ryan or Lodestone as he called himself while awake, now she just had to find out why he was a diamond dog.
“I’m not sure what the nightmare was about, I cannot remember all of it. I spent most of the day as a quivering mess; speaking gibberish. I couldn’t even walk till the next evening.”
While the other guard’s face was stern, Luna outwardly cringed. As she recalled that evenings trek through his nightmare she realised that she hadn’t pulled herself and her sister out. The dream hadn’t ended or washed out, her sister, Princess Celestria, diarch of Equistria, and raiser of the sun itself had SHATTERED it. And possible his mind with it, Luna had to admire his resilience if he was able to piece himself back together again. She began to ponder the implications this may have had on his mental state when the doors leading to the guard’s room opened, allowing Celestia and four guards flanking her to enter the cell block.
Luna remained stoic at her post but her mind was frantic, she had believed herself to have more time. She could only watch as her sister approached, Luna had wanted to learn more from Stone in order to dissuade her sister from such actions but she proved too slow.
As Celestia stood before the bar of the cell, a discernible yelp could be heard from within. Luna thought, without a doubt, that Stone recognised the presence of the being that had literally left his mind in pieces. Celestia hesitated for a moment.
“Stand,” Celestia’s tone, while commanding remained calm and balanced. Stone quickly rose and made his way to the center of the cell with a whimper, he stood there shivering and silent. While her face was the stoic mask it always seemed to be, Luna could make out the conflict within her visible purple eye. She was most likely expecting to see one of the monsters she encountered in her dream, or perhaps a different monster entirely. But here she was, towering over a pathetic and scared excuse of a diamond dog. She was most likely warring within herself between questioning him and hugging him just to stop his shivering. “I have questions for you, answer truthfully and your stay will be plenty comfortable. Do you understand?”
“Y-yes.” Stone was still shivering, he had his eyes locked onto Celestia’s hoofs not daring to raise them above her chest.
“Very well. My sister has seen your dreams and has claimed you to be a human; a creature of myth. But I ask you, why do you appear before me as a creature known to be extinct?” everybody else gasped.
“W-what?” Stone’s eyes went wide, looking up at Celestia for the first time.
“Turn around.” With another whimper Stone lowered his head and began to turn. That was when Luna noticed them; Stone had crystals growing out of his back. There running along his spine, starting underneath his collar of fur, were scales made of a clear blue crystal that ended half way down his back. Then there were the crystal spines, four in total with two on each side, sitting folded against his back underneath each shoulder blade. The upper pair were primary, being just smaller than an unicorns horn, while the second pair below the first were half the size. “Those mark you as a Shard Fox, and they have been extinct for over a millennia. So I ask you again, how is it that a human can stand before me as creature whose race long ago died out?”
“… I… I don’t know. M-my human body c-could not survive being in Equestria. S-so I needed a new body before I arrived.” Stone still had his back to the princess, tail tucked between his legs while the spines on his back were pressed flat.
Celestia raised her visible eye brow before questioning again, “And where is it you come from? And please face me.”
Stone let out another whimper; he was now shaking. Turning to face the bars not daring to raise his eyes he said, “…Earth.”
Everybody present began staring at Stone, for which Celestia had now identified as a fox. Luna could see the unease as Stone began to take a step back under everyponies gaze. Until Celestia had decided to break the tension. “but we are on earth.”
“…a-a-a different earth, f-f-from another u-u-universe.” Stone was now shaking uncontrollably and was hugging himself in an attempt to stop it. Celestia looked down on him with concern.
“If that is so then how did you get here?” Celestia’s voice conveyed a lot more gentle tone, she did not like how Stone was reacting to her presence.
“I-I-I… t-t-there… ah... i-it—“
“Please calm yourself,” Celestia let out a small sigh, “It is getting rather late, and I shall allow you to rest. We will meet again in the morning, I wish to learn more about you.” With that Celestia made for the exit with her four guards. Luna could only watch as Stone continued to stand in the center of the cell, still shaking barely able to keep it under control. She turned to leave, to catch up to her sister in order to discuss today’s events.
She was half way down the hallway when she heard crying.
indeed what is prune juice
Damn that's sad enough to make me cry but I know there's good to come.
the question is who is crying the princess or the fox....
2636196
Thank you for the input, I'll keep it in mind for future chapters. As for now I have no plans to change anything.
2636309
Don't worry something will be happening next chapter. The only reason they chapters seem so short is because of how I write. I try to keep each chapter below 3000 words because other wise I just start writing garbage. Doing it short bursts allows me to stay focused and update as often as I have been. So I'll say this now, but not guarantee it, the next chapter should be up by tomorrow midnight.
Now he needs to go rambo "What your doing is illegal in 50 states and some x amout of other countries, you can't arrest someone for a dream of his which you INTRUDED.a pawn to see" because, that was pretty illegal, and there tge ones supposed to up hold the law
2636278
I vaguely agree with Timetravelling Pony. This chapter doesn't need to be changed, but it'd be nice if you showed his perspective of events soon. WE know what he is, so having his story be a "mystery" to us is unnecessary, although at the same time we already know his story, so it doesn't need to be told in excessive detail.
In other words, a chapter talking about his perspective of his arrival and employment, and a chapter of his perspective of his capture would be nice. Perhaps you could, say... have him dream about those events as a response to his harsh treatment? It'd be a nice way for Luna to get to know him better while also using the gimmick of the story.
Dehydrated non-alcoholic wine
Why is Lodestar so scared? while he has been imprisoned under unfair accusations (are "bad dreams" in Equestria´s penal code?) is still canon Celestia of who are we talking, not a tyrant or evil overlord.
2636742
Remember, she's just seen obscene horrors beyond the ken or experience of Equestria. Horrors, which specifically involved extremely detailed recreations of her most loved and trusted ponies. She has been tormented by nightmares of the experience ever since.
Neither she or Luna understand the nature of Lodestone's dreams, he "is" human and part of an extinct specie, and they were already distressed once by him when he arrived.
In the mean time, Lodestone knew the risks of being discovered from the beginning. How could he not? He's essentially a peaceful alien invader; that's why he took his non-threatening form. He'd be scared anyway, but then his mind was damaged by Celestia's violent reaction to his nightmare.
Objectively I think everything fits together pretty well, but the problem is the story has been from Luna's perspective, which is limited. This damages the pacing of the story by not letting us soak in the emotions and thoughts of Celestia or Lodestone, so their interaction seems hollow, even though it makes sense. It needs a chapter of Lodestone's perspective of things and a chapter of Celestia's perspective of things to flesh out the meat of the story.
Personally, I'm cool with Luna staying the main character. She can see Lodestone's perspective from his dreams and she can have a heart to heart with Celestia.
2636668
Don't worry, I have such a chapter planned. It should be forth coming in about 2 chapters from now.
2636668
The thing is, while a new perspective would be helpful as to explaining things. I don't feel comfortable with suddenly changing the POV, we have been following Luna from the beginning why would we suddenly see things from Celestia? But regardless I'm hoping to alleviate some questions in the next chapter, since they now have Lodestone. Also I'm going to **** shit up.
2637033
That's why I said this:
It'd be an easy way to maintain Luna's POV while exploring the others' perspectives.
No 2636668
Sorry I just had to do that.
Also I like the story being from the equestrian pov it gives it some character. Article 2 used to be an amazing fic and it was done entirely from the pov of the ponies.
So basically what I've seen so far from the comments is this. Premise is good, writing is okay but my character development is shit. I shall endeavour to correct it.
For this being my first story, I have received a lot of positive feedback and I thank you for it.
Here's hoping I don't blow it.
And now I don't like this story because he doesn't have a backbone.
Great...
2637489
Can't please everyone. Sorry.
2637152
I agree, the pony perspective is interesting, especially because it can still shift to the human perspective through the dream segments without breaking Luna's POV.
2637560
There's a difference between not pleasing everyone and making a poor choice.
2637489
I don't think we can say that yet. Enough has happened off screen, especially the true meaning of Celestia's shattering of his dream, that his fear may very well be justified. We'll see how well it comes off.
2637574
Real men can work through their fear.
He's a coward.
2637168
I think it's premature to say your character development is shit. Right now the setting is being established; I wouldn't expect your characters to be more than templates of their future selves before they've had a chance to learn and grow by the conflict of the story.
The problem is your use of Luna as the straightman of the story defies expectation. We're naturally gravitating to Lodestone because he's the most concrete and familiar aspect of the story, so knowing less about his situation and mindset than Luna's is discomforting. We feel like we should be following his story because that's how every other Fish-out-of-Water story works.
This isn't a bad thing, and I don't want you to change from Luna's POV. You'll just need to be careful to show Luna enough so we can feel connected to Lodestone, who is the driving protagonist force of the story.
2637621
I'm not saying I like wimps, but I do grow tired of every main character being a Kamina expy.
2637647
I understand that, I'm having trouble piecing Luna's motive. So far I know what I'm doing with Celestia, I have dreams thought out to expand on Ryan/Stone but so far I'm having trouble putting together Luna. I feel like all I've been using her for is a camera, and that isn't right. Like I said before I can put together scenes and stories just fine but its the characters I'm having trouble portraying. My next chapter was meant to be a resolution of sorts between Luna and Celestia but I keep coming back to why does Luna do what she is doing and why does she keep doing it.
I am in an awkward position, I started writing cause I couldn't sleep. I never expected to become so well received. Now I'm afraid I'm going to ruin everything. Anyway I have the next chapter planned I'm just lost on Luna's motive should be. I'm open to suggestions.
2638124
I'd say currently Luna's mainly driven by curiosity. As the darker of the Royal Sisters, she's much less affected by the disturbing images of some of Lodestone's dreams, or at least she thinks that. Instead of feeling horrified she feels morbid curiosity. Perhaps she even has a hidden feeling of nostalgia for her days as Nightmare Moon?
At least at first curiosity definitely needs to be her prime motivator. It makes her the perfect "camera", which is necessary for her to act as an alien straightman.
Perhaps later she could mistakenly believe Lodestone is a being, who has gone through the darkness, like she has. She could be driven by the desire to be near a "kindred spirit". Not necessarily a romantic relationship, but certainly one where both parties have very different ideas about its nature and what they expect from each other.
I'm not sure what could be done with her after that, though. I definitely think the story should focus on a relatively small character arc for Luna and Lodestone, like, say, Luna coming to terms with how much of herself is still like Nightmare Moon.
After that I'd write a sequel about the consequences of introducing lucid dreaming to Equestria. That one could be from Lodestone's POV or another pony's POV.
Regardless of anything else, though, do not turn this into Luna and Lodestone just fucking around in random dreams for fun. Some chapters should be like that for filler and pacing, but there needs to be a larger story than Lodestone simply bragging to Luna about humanity and its active imagination.
2638328
Thank you for this, I am busy writing the later half of the next chapter and the feeling of curiosity is defiantly what felt natural. As for why I was asking, it is because I am planing to have a discussion between the sisters to start the chapter.
As for Luna's interests in Ryan's dreams, I am planning to use the chapter after this coming one to portray Celestia in a different light.
And as for sequels, yes there will be more, but far less Luna-centric. that is if I can wrap this one up neatly.
And THAT is why I love my strategy of waiting for afew chapters to be uploaded before reading through all of them.
Evil endings, making want to know what happens next NOW.