Princess Luna does not only raise the moon, but she is also the defender of dreams for all those within her domain. One night Luna discovers a dream that does not belong, when curiosity get the better of her she enters. What she sees are landscape never seen before and objects of impossibilities. Luna sets out to find the dreamer in order to question how it seen so many things nopony has ever dreamed of.
A/N: Gore will be present in nightmares. Also crossovers like there is no tomorrow.
Chapters (22)
loved it can't wait for more
Could you post an image of the protagonist´s current appearance?
2571536
I haven't said anything cause that's the point. You'll find out in a later chapter, when Luna sets out to find the creature that is dreaming. It's gonna become part of the story, "how do find something that looks like one thing in a dream, but another in the waking world."
This story. I'm tracking it.
2572504
Track away. I'm not gonna stop you. Just to get your hopes up I'm working on the next chapter tonight.
Intresting story, I'll follow. Also got any tips for a aspiring lucid dreamer?
Cool, went to Tatooine.
2573490
As far as i can tell the easiest way to have lucid dreams is to train you mind to give you signals in the dream. Say, a bouncing red ball. while dreaming you see the ball bouncing, this tells you, you are dreaming. once you know your dreaming you can take control. ill be going over some of these aspects later in the story.
2573568
Eeenope. actually the crossover is from the game called Journey from the Playstation Network. I've also got some crossover crossovers, and maybe some crossover crossover crossovers coming down the pipes. These are dreams I can do what I want. I am a god... when I'm asleep :(
HAZAH! I SHALL FOLLOW!!!
2574616
OH HAPPY DAYS, I shall waggle my finger in victory.
Nice.
Yay, you posted again so soon!
Just so you know you forgot the "r" in "brother" and it should be "then" not "than"
First error is in this paragraph: “On my way back from Manehatten, I went to go pickup my bothers guard armor. He was having it repaired by an old blacksmith that lives in that mining town along the train tracks. When I went in to pick up the armor I saw this on display and thought ‘this would make a great gift for my wife’. I just had to pick it up, apparently the blacksmith had taken in an apprentice a couple of days back and he started making things like this. I wished to thank the apprentice myself but he was out at the moment. I never thought a pony would be able to make something so delicate.” Explained the unicorn stallion.
And in this sentence: “You were always the one between us that would ask the important questions. Shall we begin than?”
P.S. Awesome story can't wait for next update!
Before I start ranting, let me say that I don't want to discourage you from writing. I want to see you do better. I want this story to exceed my expactation because the concept behind it is very interesting. Buckle up.
Reading the prologue made me almost instantly close this story.
First our resident human goes on about what video games he likes, then whether or not he qualifies as a brony and finally how cool lucid dreaming is. I have no problem if you want to establish certain facts about your character for the reader, but they could have been presented in a better way than several paragraphs of "I like this, and this, oh, and I love that!" That line about holding a conversation with either a salt or clear water reptile on Mars? That was good.
Once that's over we get to met a oh so helpful god character that just happens to fancy the protagonist enough to whisk him away into one of his favorite fictional universes. If this were Discord or a proper trickster god, I could fancy it. As it is, it's a clown crossed with a deus ex machina. Very weak intro for any story. Worse yet, the two of them then start a game of "Build your own OC!" At least it seems that you knew how bad that could have turned out and went for something "tame". That comment about alicorns might even be tongue-in-cheek. Again, it's not so much what you have done here but how it is presented that rubs me the wrong way.
Can't help but wonder what exactly stood in the way of changing a human so his body can deal with magic. Ah well, it's your story.
At least the prologue is over and suddenly the entire story makes a turn for the better. We get to see things from an interesting point of view with Luna, although I never pictured her this jolly and prankish. Maybe that's only how she is feels unobserved by staff and guards? Extra points for the focus on how strange and unfamilar that dream was to her. This was nicely done, especially the end of said dream. A bit more variety in the observations made, how they are perceived by Luna and who she feels might be the dreamer wouldn't have hurt, but it's good as it is.
Finally how quickly Luna jumps to the conclussion that they are dealing with an alien being here strikes me as odd. I'd expect that to be the central mystery that would continue to baffle both princesses for quite a while and several dreams at least. Sure, they haven't figured out what exactly he is nor where he came from, yet even a overly strange dream should not have tipped them off right away.
So far I give you a 7/10 for effort, but there's lots of room for improvement, even more so considering the potential this premise has.
Keep writing.
2575984
Thank you for the catches. I generally spew my words forth onto the keyboard then reread what I wrote so it makes sense. I've fixed those grievous error and thank thee.
2576100 You're welcome I'm glad I could help.
2576020
Firstly I would like to thank you for the criticism. This is the first story that I have written in 6 years that isn't being marked by an English teacher so ill take all the help I can get.
So yes I understand that my prologue can and will put some people off. And I can just as easily scrap it, while still keeping the story whole. As I am planning out this story it forms itself around me, the prologue was a starting point for me. It show's in the awkwardness. I'm tryin to be 'smart' while making jabs at other HiE stories I've read.
The prologue is my idea of trying to explain the reason the ponies don't go mad screaming "a hairless ape".
I have no doubt that I will at some point revise or completely rewrite the prologue. But for now I am still trying to sort out my end point, it's currently whipping about in the storm that is my consiousness. Negotiations have failed and I have resorted to duck tape.
I would also like to thank you for you insight. I am completely redoing my idea for the next chapter as I believe it would just bring disappoint me.
As for my characterizations, I always believed that Luna being the youngest was more inquisitive. While Celestia being older was more protective. Also Luna being the ruler of the night would know a thing or two about stars, and in he dream there were two suns. Again awkwardness due to inexperience, so it should only get better.
The other reason I had such an awkward prologue was to establish that the dreamer has brony knowledge. Which will come into play in later dreams. Spoilers.
Thank you again you have given me quite a bit to think about and to work with. I hope so see more critics from you.
2576258
Kudos for reacting this positively to criticism. There is no need to thank me for anything, though, just don't go to hard on yourself and your ideas because of me. It is still your story and you should write it the way it feels right for you.
Ah, so some of the things in the prologue were tongue-in-cheek. I apologize if I came across a bit crass there. It is sometimes hard to tell what is parody and what just blatantly bad writing. If you do want to continue doing so I'd advise you to make sure your human character does not take things overly serious. In this context his behaviour during the prologue makes much more sense. Besides, I was and still kinda am suspicious that he figured for a long time all of that as a (lucid) dream.
Anyway, I approve of your willingness to re-write the prologue at some point. I suggest you make it either sillier to accent how it spoofs HiE or give it a more serious tone. I'd advise you to the former, considering the general mood of the story so far.
On the "hairless ape" issue: I wholeheartedly agree with your decision to make the human not look human here so he can easily fit in. That way the story can focus on its main theme without the standard HiE scenarios getting in the way. I don't mind that he as FiM knowledge, a love for videogames, gets transformed or his dreams are big crossovers with other fiction. That Journey dream was well done and got the atmosphere across greatly. And I have yet to play Journey myself.
Again, it is not what you established about your human character in the prologue, but the way you did so that irked me. There are too many bad fanfics that build up their main character in a similar way and it gets to me.
Hm, I nearly forgot about those two suns. Maybe if Luna stressed that point more when she conversed with her sister its true weight would have been more obvious.
On that note your characters' dialogues/monologues feel somewhat wooden, especially Luna at the start of the dream. Inexperience can be fixed with practice and imitating what works.
Finally, I love clash of cultures and the extremes can go pretty far with humans and ponies. Hence why I took a closer look at this story and continued reading even after the prologue. Did you per chance read Cultural Artefacts? It has several dream sequences and involves an "alien" human as well.
Do you think that a dream involving Dear Esther would work? If that is up your alley, that is.
2576258
Also, I believe even most relentless fan would consider to travel Equestria, leaving former life, family and friends behind without any garanty of returning.
INTRESTING
goood gooood
2576871
Yes I have indeed read Cultural artifacts, it is where my idea has spawned from.
I'm hoping to include quite a few varieties of dreams. This next chapter I'm working on will be grim, it will be a nightmare. But that is due to an idea I'm trying to work through, the dreamer does not yet believe he is being observed and as such the dreams are 'uncensored'.
Your pony mind is not ready.
2576975
If I understand what you are saying? You are telling me that no matter how enthused someone is, leaving everything behind is a decision not made lightly. Yes I agree with that, and I can tell you it will be touched on later on. For now all that stuff is happening in the background. I chose to do this unique approach so that I can write a HiE without it being a copy pasta. And without following the similar story arcs that so many other HiE stories have beaten to death. I had an idea to write another story that would run parallel to this one but from the first person perspective of our dreamer. I scrapped the idea cause I'm writing this story so it wouldn't be a traditional HiE story.
2577395
Glad to hear that.
2577323
Oh my.
Those poor princesses will have their precious little pony sanities positively pommeled to pebbles.
I'm looking forward to this.
You said he was a brony so wouldnt he have brony dreams *cough ,Friendship is witchcraft*
Or perhaps *Cough, other generations of MLP*
Or maybe *cough AU fanfics*
But the best dream of all """MINECRAFT"""
2579697
Don't you fret I have similar dreams down the line.
And it will be awkward.
I like this. Good good on your imagination of getting him into Equestria in a new way.
The standard ways were getting dull.
1.Twilight Spell Gone Wrong (Any spells in general)
2. Space Ships
and 3. LOLfuck if we know. No Explanation.
And thus we begin the delvings into a madman who doesn't belong.
This fic is fucking spectacular, no jokes, I love it and I love the way you write. This part I especially loved
Luna carefully opened her eyes to find herself floating, wings displayed in their full glory as she glided over a liquid ocean so still it acted as a polished mirror. Floating just above this ocean there where hundreds perhaps even thousands of tiny white motes of light, each drifting slowly on unseen currents. Occasionally one would dip low and touch the surface of the ocean, a light tinkling sound would accompany the ripple that would be created. After surveying her horizons Luna looked to the sky. There directly above her stood her moon, but there were no stars. Turning her gaze down to directly below herself Luna saw herself reflected, with her moon directly behind her reflection creating a silver halo. But there was a difference in this reflection, in the oceans reflection the sky that held her moon also held the stars one would find in the real world. Princess Luna had entered the Dreamscape.
I adore that description and I'm addicted to the fic so far, I can't wait for more BUT! You way wana have a lil check through your fic because I noticed a few syntax errors and whatnot, BTW, you get a like, fave, follow and a moustache.
Whoops, posted that last comment on the wrong chapter
My bad, never mind. 
Almost a chessverse entrance. Looking forward to heading down this rabbit hole.
2583131
You noticed huh? The prologue is meant to be my little nod to all the other HiE stories I've read to date. But at the same time I would like to create my own world rather than squeeze into someone else's.
Lets just say, if this turns out well there will be more stories later on.
I have so much going on in my head right now I wish I could just think my stories into existence. Save me the trouble of fixing grammer.
ROFL that has me in stitches
2588670
thank you for the catch, could cause problems.
you know I reread what I've written and I'll still miss things like that.
2588684 probably one of the best typos i have ever found. keep up the good work.
She?
Looking forward to the next installment.
2588743
GAH! You know what I'm tired, I shall sleep now and deal with it tomorrow. I've got at least four chapters I'm going to have to piece together.
Do I spy a Halo reference?
Wouldn't the title be "The Descent"? Decent = kinda good, descent = travelling downward.
2588849
Don't you go using your fancy mathematics to muddle the issue.
Thanks regardless I was working on 4 hours of sleep.
I should be asleep right now. But I'm not, so... Excuses?
The thing is I'm having too much fun writing this next chapter that I'm missing out on needed sleep. I had to force myself to stop cause I writing was along the par of "cow says 'milk'" and that does not make for good story telling. Also typos.
It would be wise, dear alicorn sisters, to raise protective barriers for yourselves, with the consequence of failure to do so that what should be feared in this dream, shall tear you apart with overwhelming numbers. Be very afraid, cause I sure as hell was.
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Aww, don't be afraid to make 6000+ word chapters! We the readers can take more than that! It's when you start pushing 10000 that we begin to be detered.
Loving the fic and cant wait for more
2588691
Darn, I missed it.
Keep it up, can't wait for the next chapter.
2589635
While I know many would like longer chapters I myself can be put off by them. But that was not why I'm breaking the chapter down, I doing it so that I can sort out the pacing. My original drafts pacing was wacked; slow in some parts the. Rushed in others, I'd rather have 4 good chapters then 1 long, okay, chapter.
Make it so Luna never actually awoke from the first dream so "she woke up" in a dream, got her dream sister ti cone with her, and "dream" luna woukd get a reaction from a dream in a dream.
2591717
Really you wanna be 'that guy'? I already know what I'm going to do for my story. I may be taking suggestions later on for dream crossovers, but only when I ask for them. For now I'm still setting up my story.
One of the few that I do remember, I was trapped in a sinking car and slowly drowning as it filled with water.
oh my god the flood as a kid *shivers*