• Published 10th Feb 2012
  • 3,337 Views, 97 Comments

Halo Derpy Grunts of Equestria - Grazy Polomare

What happens when three stranded grunts find themselves on Equestria?

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Chapter 7: The More Problems You Solve...The More You Make

“What do you mean we don’t have air!” Yapflip was saying as he and Yapyap followed the nurse ponies taking Flipyap to the hospital.

“What do you mean we don’t have air?!” Yapflip exclaimed as he and Yapyap followed the nurse ponies taking Flipyap to the hospital.

“We have no gas! No gas means no breathing! No breathing means dying!” Yapflip was hysterical as they waited for their comrade in the waiting room. Several ponies were looking at the strange creatures as if they were some sort of rabid animals.

Yapyap couldn’t blame them, though. He felt like a wounded dog surrounded by predators. Yapflip wasn’t doing any better. The grunt was banging his arms against the wall and moaning to himself.
Twilight and the other ponies had followed the grunts to the hospital. They didn’t know what they meant by gas, but it sounded serious.

Sitting in a chair, Yapflip’s breaths turned ragged. He couldn’t think straight. He felt as though the world was falling down around him.

The double doors flung open and Flipyap trotted out, his face weary. As he did so, Pinkie Pie locked the grunt in a bear hug that nearly squeezed his tank into a two-dimensional sheet of paper.

“Flipyap are you okay?” Yapflip needed to know.

His brother’s eyes widened and he screamed at the top of his lungs. “We have no AIR!” Once again the grunts went into a series of spasm attacks, jumping up and down, and rolling on the floor, crying.

Diamond Dog Caves

The caves were quiet. On the ground, a few pickaxes were lying idly.

His breath came in rasps.

His body felt heavy

He didn't know how much he could take. He needed to get to the source soon.

His life depended on it.

Canterlot...later that day.

The dining hall of the Canterlot Castle was a magnificent room, with large stained-glass windows facing towards the setting sun. The ceiling was adorned with a large glass chandelier, and a beautiful mural, depicting the story of the princesses.

A long mahogany table was littered with decadent treats, though all were foreign to the Unggoy. They found it laborious, as they were forced to remove their masks periodically.

Princess Celestia sat at the head of the table, sipping at a floating cup of tea. Flanking her was Twilight and her friends.
“Why is it you cannot breathe our air?” She questioned the aliens at the other end of the table.
"This air is foul,” Flipyap stated. “On our home world, the air is breathable to us. The tanks on our backs carry the air with us, but it’s almost all gone.”

Suddenly, Fluttershy spoke. “I think I understand.”

The group’s attention was aimed at the yellow pegasus. “How?” Twilight asked her.

“Well,” she began, “it’s kind of like how fish need water. The way fish work is different from ponies, and they can’t breathe air.”

“Are you calling us fish?” Yayap asked, slightly offended.

Yapflip spit the morsel he was eating on to the table.

“Oh, not at all,” she reassured them. “I’m only saying that, maybe you work differently from ponies.”

There was an eerie silence as the princess began to think about what to do next. "Would you mind if I had a sample of this ‘gas?’"

"Not sure," Yapyap said cautiously. “There’s not much left to give.”

“I assure you that you will get it back, and if we’re lucky, plenty more.”

Before he could say anything, a valve along the side of his pack twisted violently, a loud hiss being the only assurance of a broken air seal. The valve quickly closed, and a small, almost miniscule pellet of opal began to materialize in front of the princess’s face.

“This,” she explained, “is the gas in a solid state.” Then to the guard standing at the door, “Call BossomBerry and tell him that I request his assistance." The guard bowed and left the sight of the Princess. In a matter of minutes, a tan unicorn in a white coat stumbled out of the purple double doors of the dining hall.

"Your highness,” he bowed.

"Good evening, Bossom. I'm sorry for rushing you in here, but I need an expert’s opinion." An aura surrounded the pellet, and it was given to the unicorn, who picked it up with his blue aura.

He looked at the pellet, confused. “What exactly am I looking at?”

“A solidified gas of which, I am not familiar with.”

He inspected the pellet, and looked back up at the congregation. “Though it is rather hard to read in this state, it’s clearly recognizable as Methane, though an incredibly concentrated amount here. Though I suppose that’s what happens when you solidify a gas. It must’ve taken hundreds of thousands of pounds of pressure to compress-“

“Do you know where we might find more?” Celestia interjected in the doctor’s ramblings.

“Of course,” he said, flustered. “It’s nothing rare, I assure you. It is commonly found among the swamp regions of Equestria, and even more common in excrement.”

“Excrement?” Pinkie Pie said. “What’s that?” Twilight whispered something in her ear, and she went into an extreme laughing fit.

“What? What is it?” Rainbow Dash asked next. She then whispered the same definition to her, and she shot up twenty feet in the air. "Ewe, gross!"

Only then had the doctor noticed the bipedal creatures sitting amongst them. He quickly rushed to the side of the nearest, Yapflip, and gasped. “Egad! I’ve never seen a specimen quite like this before! Princess, have you adopted more pets? Normally I might disagree, but the abstract natural design of these creatures is so flabbergasting and foreign that it might even-“

“They are not my pets,” Celestia interrupted the doctor once more. “They are our guests.”

He backed away from Yapflip. “Oh, I’m incredibly sorry, sirs. I’ve just never seen creatures quite like yourselves. Do you hail from the land of the Zebras?”

“We are great space warriors!” Yapflip exclaimed, deciding to toy with the irritating unicorn. “We are here to collect all of your brains to use in our awesome machine!” He feigned a leap, and the doctor went scrambling towards the far wall, his heart racing at both its ability to speak, and the not-so-idle threats it delivered. Though he calmed at the sight of the group laughing, and saw that it was merely a joke.

"Why is it you needed the gas examined, Princess?"

"Our guests require it to breath. They aren’t from Equestria."

His heart began to race again. They were from space after all. “I see,” he stated, trying not to let the fear back into his voice. “Well, one could easily gather more at the Everfree Forest. Though it may need some refining.”

"Then establish a team and retrieve more. I’m afraid our guests are running out of time.”

“I see,” he stared blankly at the wall for a moment. “Then I’ll be off as soon as I can. You need not fret, princess.” And with that, he raced out the double doors, which echoed throughout the dining hall with a loud clang.

Flipyap sighed as he sat back down in his chair, munching on an apple fritter. Princess Celestia had decided that until there was news of what could be done, the grunts would have to suffice on what they had. As they left Canterlot, the Princess did leave these last words.

"Remember, in order to stay here, each of you must stay with a different pony. I will leave the decision up to you."
As they walked down from the castle, it was decided that none of the grunts would stay with Fluttershy, as she had animals to take care of, or Applejack, who had enough on her plate already.

The grunts all agreed that if any grunt should stay with the white unicorn, it should be Yapflip. Yapflip was opposed to his idea however.

“She doesn’t like us much,” he had said.

That meant that the grunts had to stay with Twilight, Rainbow Dash, or Pinkie Pie.

"Are you sure you can handle one, Pinkie?” Twilight asked. “You are pretty busy with-"

"I can handle it Twilight,” she interjected. “It will be like a super-uber-long slumber party! Besides, it’s not like they’re babies. At least, I don’t think they’re babies. And if they are, then they’re really, really smart talking babies!”
"Well then...I guess it’s up to them who wants to stay with who."

The grunts huddled and discussed how they were going to split up.

"I want to stay with Rainbow Dash," Yapflip said.

"Okay, um...I think I want to stay with the purple one. She seems less crazy than the others." Flipyap stated matter-of-factly.

“Then that leaves me with..." Yapyap contemplated the remaining options.Suddenly his eyes widened.

“Oh no, you’re not putting me with-“

“Then it’s settled!” The huddle was broken, and a reluctant Yapyap walked over to the energetic Pinkie Pie.


Cave System

He wasn't sure where he was anymore.
He needed sustenance.

He was going to die if he didn't get it.

He thought back to what had happened to his fellow kin when they had been in this situation.
Worse than corpses.

He needed to push on.



Yapflip followed the cyan pegasus as she floated above him, talking about all that they would do.
"Now you have to mind Tank, he’s a tortoise. He’s also my pet, not food. Got that?”
As she spoke, Yapflip saw the grand home the pegasus was boasting about. It was a white cloud, with a large tower erected among the center. Alongside it a rainbow waterfall. It seemed to defy everything he knew.


Spike didn't take kindly to his new guest. He laid in his basket, pretending to sleep as Twilight took the grunt through her vast collection of books.

First an owl, now an alien. Jeez Twilight, are you trying to make a pony zoo or something?

Flipyap was amazed at the vast array of knowledge being presented before him. He picked it up quite quickly, which surprised him, though it wasn't like he had ever had this chance before.

"So tell me more about the unicorns!" the grunt squealed like a little foal.

Twilight was delighted that her new guest was so interested in her books. Nopony had ever paid attention to it and the most guests she had ever had were the school fillies and colts who came to do a book report. Then there was the occasional unicorn who would come in, glance at the shelves upon shelves of books, and walk off.


Pinkie Pie was jumping up and down in glee. She was going to throw a party as soon as she could for the aliens on their arrival. However, she would be content with a new roommate. Just wait until he meets Gummy.

Yapyap was dragging his arms along the ground as he marched to the gingerbread house of Sugarcube Corner.

Yapflip, When I get my stinking hands on you, you’re gonna pay.

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