• Published 10th Feb 2012
  • 3,336 Views, 97 Comments

Halo Derpy Grunts of Equestria - Grazy Polomare

What happens when three stranded grunts find themselves on Equestria?

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Chapter 4: Nipple Academy

Planet Balaho

(5 months before slip-space disaster)
The Instructor was not a position favored by the Sangheili. While their brothers fought valiantly, instructors were assigned to train Unggoy . This only fueled the fires of rage towards the inferior beings.

Yapflip and Flipyap exited the dropship along with several others. Though there was no need for the Unggoy to wear their methane tanks here, the Sangheili here required to wear air filters. The Unggoy were forced into a straight line, others more willing than most. The only garments they bore were loincloths, and it was cold.

The brothers were shivering. They looked around and could see other grunts and brothers around each other. The elite spoke sternly.

“You scum shall refer to me as master!” said the Sangheili, “Failure to do so will mean immediate expulsion from the cause.” He motioned to two other Sangheili bearing plasma rifles. One of them snickered in an alien tongue.

“Yes master!” The Unggoy were in no position to deny.

On the instructor’s command, the Unggoy were herded into a barred-off section. The brothers were herded in first, then the others. They were led to what looked like a mess of wires and poles.

The Sangheili then locked the gate.

“Run the course as fast as you can. The first five to finish get to eat.”

There was a large uproar as the Unggoy pushed, shoved, and crashed into one another to get through. The pathway was so narrow; it was a challenge all on its own. That didn’t stop the Unggoy from trampling each other, desperately trying to be the first across the wall. Yapflip watched in horror as the ones he came to know clawed at each other, fighting for what seemed like survival.

Sucking in a deep breath of methane, Yapflip grabbed his brother and rushed into the frenzy. He glided up the pile of Unggoy to a wire where he tossed his brother on.

“Hold on!” Yapflip yelled as he grappled his arm on the wire, using it to hold him against the multiple arms trying to pull him down. He slid with his brother past the crowd to where a few lucky Unggoy were trying to make it through the next obstacle. Large, blue beams of plasma moved side to side. Yapflip saw one grunt tentatively make his way to the field, where he tried to jump the moving beam of light. Sadly, he wasn’t able to jump in time as the beam cut clean through his mid-waist. Fluorescent blue blood squirted like some sort of glowing fount over the ground, illuminating the cracked surface below.

Yapflip came up to the ridge where it began, he glided down with his brother, but instead of trying to jump, he laid on his back, using his arm to hold his frightened brother down.

“Stay down, those beams are bad.” His brother hissed as they crawled over the multiple corpses of trainees.

“Why…why are they dead Yapflip?”

Yapflip gave a sigh, for his brother was born a few days late.

When they arrived at the opposite ridge, they found themselves on the side of a chasm. Running the width of the chasm were several bars.

There’s no other way, thought Yapflip. If I go now, I might be able to get ahead. Already several gray blobs were at the beginning of the last obstacle course, wondering how to get through. Using his legs and one arm, Yapflip heaved himself and his brother to the nearest bar, to where he set his brother on an opposite bar.

“Get your arms under this thingy,” Yapflip sternly ordered, “I won’t leave you.”

The grunt held on with all his might as his brother came to pick him up. The instance was continually repeating. Yapflip tossed his brother to an opposite poll to where he himself would then leap towards. They were near the end of the obstacle course when he heard a distance murmur of voices and grunts. The maniacs were now toying with the bars, pushing others off and into the gully below, where the surface glowed of blue blood, like some sort of polka-dotted stain.
He grabbed his brother, and using his other hand, swept from bar to bar, stress and pain clawing at his tired arm.

The other grunts looked ahead and gave shout as they led chase. Suddenly, Yapflip saw gray blurs leap ahead of him and onto the ridge. With one final roar of frustration, the grunt flew onto the rocky surface of the ridge. His vision began to blur as grunts walked past him, some laughing and taunting him.

Flipyap stayed behind to tend to his brother’s weakened body.


“Yep”, Yapflip said, though his voice was abnormally soft. It seemed like an eternity when suddenly there was a thunderous BANG and screams echoed in the still, frosty air.

Yapflip’s body surged with adrenaline as he rushed his brother across.

A black plume of smoke rose in the air, like some ghostly monster of myth and legend. Scattered around it, were various clumps of grey stained with glowing blue blood.

Yapflip didn’t want to think of what might have happened, but he decided going slowly was the best. As they walked past the smoke, he saw a small purple object lying on the ground. He moved towards it when a grunt pushed past him.

“Watch out dummy!” the gray Unggoy barked as he ran forward, oblivious to the purple object. There was a flash of blue and a scream as the grunt and surrounding field erupted into a roar. Debris landed among the surface, setting off other objects in bright, blue explosions.

Yapflip carefully got up and led his brother down a winding path, careful to avoid the purple objects. Finally their bare feet met the Covenant end point.

Standing still at the front of the entrance, a stern elite looked at both grunts and gave a snort.

“Go and collect your reward!” he barked.

At the end of the end point, was a long purple corridor that led to several large machines filled with delicious and succulent food. Both grunts hobbled over to the machines where they gorged themselves until their stomachs felt like they were going to blow up. They looked back to see if any other grunts made it, but the corridor was empty and lifeless, save for an elite in red armor.

The stern figure strode towards the pair and said stiffly. “It appears that our training course was a little…well… too hard for your species.” Both grunts looked at the elite with puzzled faces.

“I mean,” the elite said between gritted teeth, “that you have overqualified the course as all the others are well…beyond help.”

The elite then motioned to another room in the complex. The grunts crept closer to the purple door he mentioned. It opened with a soft hum.

Orange, chest-plated armor stood on a rack. At the back of it, was a triangular backpack. It looked to bulky and uncomfortable for any Unggoy to wear.
“What’s this?” Flipyap said as he stared wide-eyed at the armor.


“This is Unggoy class armor. It comes with a methane tank built to supply you with enough air for a good few days or so. You will be transported to a new planet for training with this armor.” The elite seemed to grind his teeth when saying this. He then walked away towards another officer, who began to talk in a language they didn’t understand.


Flipyap tried the armor on, however he found the tip of the backpack towards the ground and the plate backwards.
“Here, let me take a look at it.” Yapflip said as he slipped his brother into his orange clad armor. The little grunt looked around and gave a smile, the first smile he had had in a long time.
“You look like a shade crab in that,” his brother chuckled.

And then they found themselves laughing, until they could laugh no more. It was a laugh that you might hear from a child.

(2 months before slip-space disaster)

The rest of Unggoy training was fairly simplified and more grunts were surviving the exercises. At the end of every course, there was a large amount of food dispensers, dubbed “Food Nipples” by a few of the older Unggoy, who called themselves veterans. Yapflip loved to hang out with the veterans, who told stories of the old Covenant and the war that involved grunts.
Flipyap, on the other hand, stuck with learning how to be a better combatant, training every night. Eventually it won him the rank of major.

“There was a day,” a grunt veteran said, ” when we didn’t have any guns and were literally getting blown up in front of the demons!”
“But that isn’t right.” Yalpflip said.
“What isn’t?” the veteran asked.
“I mean, why should we be bullied? We ought to have all the things everyone else has?”
“Well,” the veteran sighed, “we joined them cause we were scared. We joined and got food and shelter.”
“That doesn’t make it right.” Yapflip said with a tone of finality as he strode off.

As the nights went by, there were rumors that the demons, also known as humanity, would be cleansed soon. As soon as news spread of ships being loaded with warriors, Yapflip and Flipyap were put into a squad of five that was led by an elite in blue clad armor.

Redemptive Penance

(1 day before slip-space disaster)

The ship itself was enormous and filled with so many items and gadgets that Flipyap wanted to touch and play with all of them. However, he was forbidden by his elite commander to even think about touching anything,
“How do I do anything?” he angrily replied.

The elite laughed and said, “Maybe you should prove your worth as a warrior.”

“How do I do that?” Flipyap asked.
“You weaklings will never be able to follow the warrior’s path,” the elite growled,” you are all cowards and will die cowards!”

Flipyap was silent when the elite strode off, and when he was sleeping in his corridor on the night before the slip-space disaster.

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