I was asked in a PM recently for some thoughts/advice on writing story descriptions. Aside from of course being flattered that someone would want my take on it, I think this could help more than just one person, so I thought I'd write (okay, fine, more like copy/paste) a thread for everyone interested in what I've learned about describing a story.

The biggest thing to remember about story descriptions on FimFiction is that they need a short and a long description. Sort of. Sometimes a good short description can also double as your long description, so focus on getting the short description figured out first, and focus on making it really good if you can. You might be able to just reuse it. Even if you can't, though, once you have a good short description, it's easier to expand it out a little with more flesh to make a long description out of it. The other way around is harder; taking a long description and trying to chop it down to a short description is tough because you're probably already at the bare bones and the feeling of losing something vital no matter what you cut is going to make you endlessly second-guess.

A good description should be an offer, not an explanation. It shouldn't be the goal of a description to explain what your story is about. It can do that, of course, because explaining certain things is one possible way of presenting an offer. I can explain in my story description that Daring Do is going on an exciting adventure, and that'll work okay because it offers the reader the exciting experience of following Daring Do on that adventure. Sure, some readers will probably want to read it. But it can also be done in a much less explanatory style: "The snapping jaws of bloodthirsty alligators! Death-defying acrobatic stunts! Quick-witted escapes from devious traps! Will Daring Do get through it all, and will she make it home with the Golden Puffin MacGuffin?" This makes makes the same offer, and probably makes it better, because it's not just the offer of adventure, but also goes further and evokes the central tension of the story. That uncertainty is actually the more important part of the story's reading experience to offer. Will Daring Do make it through it all? Readers already know the answer is (probably) yes, but even so, in spite of what they already know, this story is set up as a nail-biter, and that's how people go into it. I didn't explain the story. In fact, that description wasn't very narratively 'descriptive' at all - it was more of a jumbled montage of rapid-fire action clips than any kind of explanation of plot. But what matters is, I evoked what readers would find engaging and exciting about it. That's what makes them want to read it.

Notice what I'm doing with a description like this. I'm evoking the core engagement feature(s) of the story. I'm conveying the feel of the story. That's what story descriptions should do. They make the pitch to potential readers: "This description made you feel a certain way, so read the story to engage with that feeling further and more deeply!"

And of course, story descriptions should do this by showing, not telling. Show readers what's in your story that makes it evoke the feel that it has. Don't make the mistake of trying to just tell them that it will make them feel a certain way or cover certain narrative points. Telling lacks credibility.

I think the best in-the-wild example I can give you off the top of my head would be the descriptions for my story The Candy Maker:

TThe Candy Maker

• MLP: FiM
• Dark
• Sad
• Slice of Life

My name is Candy Cane. I live in Fillydelphia, and I make candy. That's it. I'm nopony. Really.

• OC

Winston · 4.5k words  ·  422  11 · 4k views

I really think the descriptions for this story were a key part of getting it into the feature box. They don't strictly 'describe' the story, in the sense of narrative summary. But they feel like the story does. Try to make your story descriptions feel like the story. That's what keys in readers to what to expect, and that's what makes them want to read.

TL;DR

Just tell it straight with as many details as possible. Don’t fuck about.
Thanks.

7393344
Agreed.

7393336

Guess I'll add a bit to this and say that, in my opinion anyway, a good story description should work like a "Stop!" sign, especially if you don't have catchy cover art. If it doesn't, possible readers might not "stop" and go on to the next story.

My story descriptions tend to be more tell-y then show-y, even the ones with stories that have gotten featured, but I think they did its job by helping to act like a "Stop!" sign. I also try to have them work with the title and cover art.

7393344
"Tell it straight with as many details as possible" is gonna feel like a sixth-grade book report.
When I'm looking for a story to read, I don't really want to know the sixth-grade book report version of your story.
I want to know why I should read the whole thing.

7393357
Yes. This. Descriptions need to get attention.

7393360
That too

Descriptions are your story pitch. You are intending to get across the premise as clearly and concise as possible, in a manner that intrigues and ropes people in. I feel a good description is one that understands that it is the story's purpose to fill in the details, and works to portray everything it needs to in a format that raises burning questions in the reader's mind. A description that begs simple and straightforward questions with one or two common answers will be less of a hook than a story with many potential answers to the intrigue presented, on top of being questions people WANT to find out -- like "What happened to Equestria to turn it into a dangerous wasteland?"

Being vague, using far too metaphorical or fancy wording definitely hurts, I feel, because you are trying to use your space to pack in the key pieces of information about your plot and its core conflict through direct statement or implication. Most stories can be described in a few simple sentences, but it's not a hard and fast rule. The Motion of the Stars, and Fallout: Equestria i'd say have pretty strong descriptions that tell you EXACTLY what you need to know, and let the stories do the rest.

But yeah, aim to describe your story's point in as interesting of a manner as possible, while not revealing too much, being overtly wordy or vague, and hitting the tone or theme of the story itself. Hooks or questions help, but aren't 100% necessary and in my opinion make your story sound like a cheesy summer blockbuster: "ONE MAN... WILL SAVE THE WORLD..."

I had some more notes on the matter but i've forgotten them. Hah.