The title and my description of my fan fiction is here:

TDiamonds of Stardust

• MLP: FiM
• Adventure

This endeavour begins when a mysterious cloaked being pays Trixie a visit. Leaving behind a lot of unexpected responsibility.

• Death
• Trixie
• OC

Lulamoon-Crystal · 86k words  ·  27  1 · 735 views

I feel like the title could be a lot better than what it is

7581904
Not gonna lie, the title isn't really grabbing me. The description tells us there's some quest that needs to happen, but the title could very well be about a shopping trip.

Presentation for your story is one of the most important parts of success here, for better or for worse.

For a title, you could use the name of these diamond artifacts that Trixie is going to be searching for. Are they the Dark Matter Diamonds? The Diamonds of Doom? The Gemstones of Joy? You should come up with a catchy name for them. Plenty of stories put some pivotal object in the title: "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone," The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe," etc.

For the short description, how about this: "When a cloaked figure leaves a swaddled youth on Trixie's door step, it leads to an adventure that will test just how great and powerful she really is." It gives people the first story beat that also includes an element of intrigue - Who is the cloaked figure? Who is the youth? - and firmly establishes that Trixie is the main character both by mentioning her and including her "Great and Powerful" title.

Obviously, I don't know how your story will progress. I feel like you should give some sort of teaser in the long description. At least let us know the general direction of the story. What's the first big thing that's going to happen? Or you could just give a quick summary of the first chapter with a light hint of what's to come.

In addition to the title and description, the cover art isn't that eye catching either. I think it'd be better if Trixie was on it, showing some sort of emotion, and the colors were more vibrant. How about something like this?

Feel free to use that image and my descriptions if you'd like, or you can obviously come up with some of your own.

7581979
That cover is really amazing!
Thanks, hehe

7581904 What do diamonds have to do with an abandoned foal?

7582136
Actually, Dragon, not foal, and not abandoned, she was transformed into a foal and transported to Equestria to warn them about Dark Matter and send the chosen one (Trixie) on her way to collect the diamonds that are needed to stop Dark Matter?

7582137 Diamonds are just a MacGuffin then. The thing about MacGuffin is, readers don't care about it.

Here are some titles that sound better to me:
Enter the dragon
Dragon foal
Dragon insertion
Trixie's dragon foal

For description, maybe something like:

Trixie is too self-absorbed to even think about becoming a parent. Enter the foal on her doorstep.

7582172
Not a bad idea but

The foal actually leaves, she basically dies before they are close to the first diamond, meaning that Trixie is alone on the journey, until she meets my other OC at least