TProject Rita

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Drama
• Sci-Fi

Depressed that she never got her chance to tell Octavia how she felt, Vinyl Scratch joins an experimental program called Project Rita, which supposedly allows anypony to see an alternate future of their relationships.

• DJ P0N-3
• OC
• Octavia

Muggonny · 13k words  ·  55  4 · 869 views

Summary

Vinyl Scratch has just lost her best friend to her career, and a part of her needs to know what could have been. Good thing there’s some experimental tech that will give her a little glimpse.

Overview

This low-key sci-fi is subtle and beautiful, with a conflict that sneaks up on you and a well-placed payoff in the end.

First Impressions

Full disclosure: I don’t really like current sci-fi trends. I miss the days when sci-fi was less about the grimdark future or horror monsters in space, and more about boldly going into a brighter, smarter, kinder, better tomorrow. So I’m always leery of sci-fi stories. I’m happy to say that this story filled my need for hopeful sci-fi stories. Let’s talk about the chapters.

Chapter 1: The story itself opens with one of the rare instances of Vinyl speaking out loud. Other characters speak, but Vinyl nearly never does. It’s a nice piece of characterization that suggests Vinyl’s primary flaw.

The exposition in this chapter never feels oppressive; even though the dialogue is all narrated rather than spoken, the fact that we keep darting between the past and the present keeps us interested and engaged. There’s also a growing sense of dread; we know that what Vinyl is doing is unhealthy, and it hurts to watch her hurt herself more.

I’m unsure about one thing. Vinyl’s passivity is her primary character trait, and her flaw. And it is shown to us beautifully as the cause of her primary issue. But on the other hand, her inability to react strongly to things means the stakes for her loss aren’t really as strong as they could be. We are told she is depressed as a result of Octavia leaving, but because of Vinyl’s even-keeled, stoic, almost Zen-like demeanor, it maybe doesn’t have the impact it could. But I’m not sure if there’s any way to fix that. Or if it even is an issue at all.

Chapter 2: We’re treated here to a much more active depiction of Dr. Gonzo. I like him. He’s excitable, cheerful, and engaging. And he’s clearly hiding something, but it just doesn’t feel sinister.

The chapter’s pretty short, so there’s not much to say here. Only Vinyl speaks out loud again. It’s only one sentence, but I’m noticing a really cool trend. Vinyl’s spoken lines are always significant. In this case, Vinyl’s shock that she even spoke out loud telegraphs that the alternate reality scenarios are not in her control, something that I feel foreshadows some frightening truths about the Rita machine and what it really is.

Chapter 3: The time skips are a little concerning, and I find myself a little weirded out that Vinyl takes everything so calmly. On the one hand, it makes sense that she’d be calm, but no reaction at all? Feels a bit odd.

Vinyl’s passivity in the rest of the chapter really works, though. It especially highlights the increasing sense of conflict. This is where the author is truly masterful; by creating a dissonance between the reader’s impressions of Vinyl and Octavia’s relationship, and Vinyl’s experience of that relationship, the author creates a lovely irony that ramps up the tension even while Vinyl seems to just be calmly sailing along.

The first hint that something is wrong with the Rita machine is delivered with such subtle skill that it gave me chills. Once again, there’s a delightful dissonance between the reader knowledge and Vinyl’s, and this time it comes with some really intriguing mystery. We knew the griffon doctor wasn’t telling us everything, and now we have proof.

Chapter 4: It is becoming more and more evident that Vinyl is not even remotely in control of these simulations. The time skips, the lack of control, and the oddly out of place references to Doctor Gonzo (as well as his unwillingness to discuss them) are creating such a wonderful feeling of oncoming doom.

In some ways, it’s clear that Vinyl is nothing more than a spectator at this point. It’s a little odd to be reading a story where the hero is basically being railroaded towards the climax, with no choice or agency, but I can’t say it’s a bad thing. In fact, it works, and I don’t even know why it works.

Towards again, we get a bit more of being told about Vinyl’s emotions, rather than shown, but it’s minor.

The climax is beautiful. The only criticism I might have here is that some of the symbolism of the story itself is explained explicitly to the reader. That may not have been necessary; the author did so much good work sneaking it into the rest of the story that it’s a little unneeded to explain it now. But as problems go, it’s pretty unimportant.

Epilogue: The epilogue is cut into two parts. The first part feels truncated early; with Vinyl’s epiphany at the end of the climax fresh in her mind, I feel like she should have pushed Gonzo more for a bit more of his story, a bit more thorough explanation. Maybe a bit more complete conversation where she was able to help him see what she has just seen more fully.

Again, though, like any of the things I might say critically about this otherwise nearly perfect story, it’s a minor thing.

The second half of the epilogue is the real payoff. Vinyl is changed, she has grown, but she’s still not perfect. She still has anxiety, she still wants to hide behind her headphones and her glasses. But she’s not passive any longer. At least, not completely. And she reaches out and takes a risk to make a real connection with somepony.

Breakdown by Category

Characters: There’s only really three characters here to talk about.

Vinyl, obviously, is wonderful. The author has done an incredible job doing something pretty impossible; making a near-completely passive hero engaging, relatable, and interesting. Sometimes her passivity becomes an issue, and the author has to inform us of what she’s feeling. But those times are thankfully rare.

The best part about Vinyl’s characterization is that the author manages to let us know about all her issues long before she discovers them herself. This sort of dissonance is hard to achieve, but the author pulls it off really well. There’s no surprise when the relationship with Octavia ends; we saw it coming long before it happened.

Next, there’s Octavia. There’s not much to talk about here; Octavia is basically in the story as a tool to show off Vinyl’s weaknesses, and her struggles to first discover and then overcome them. Her characterization is solid, and she fits nicely into the antagonist role.

Doctor Gonzo is engaging and mysterious. Just like Vinyl, we know he has issues long before they’re actually shown to us, which is great. I love that the author didn’t make him evil, manipulative, or sinister; he easily could have been a much more cynical character. That he is not fits nicely into the more hopeful ending of the story.

Setting: I love all the delightful descriptions of Doctor Gonzo’s house. I love that Vinyl and Octavia’s various homes become symbolic of their relationship and their growing distance. The setting itself is used masterfully to telegraph the growing conflict between them. I especially loved that the author was able to deliver a super subtle gut punch via an offhand comment about Octavia buying a brown wool couch.

Dialogue: Like the setting, the dialogue is used wonderfully to reinforce the symbolism of the story. Vinyl nearly never speaks until the climax, and when she does it serves to build a sense that she has no control. After the climax, the dialogue becomes a symbol of her change and growth as a character. Very impressive and skillful writing.

Plot Structure: I was taking notes about the pacing. The author here really does something special with the pacing, in that the conflict comes on so subtly that you don’t even realize things are heating up at first. Once you realize, you can see the details and the hints, carefully inserted and quietly laid out. The growing tension is created by the dissonance between what Vinyl realizes and what the readers know to be happening. It’s wonderful.

Only minor criticism here is that I would have liked to see a bit more come of Doctor Gonzo and Vinyl’s conversation at the end.

Grammar: Nothing to see here, folks. Slickly edited and meticulously polished.

Verdict: Highly Recommended

Final Thoughts/Feedback

How do you give feedback to an author who’s clearly better than you? Keep writing, please.

Best Part: The griffon in the fountain. Ephonia’s puzzle. Vinyl meets Lyra.

<For Archive Purposes: H>

7560668
Muggony has quite the talent, doesn't he.

7560668
Good review! I wrote this story when I was going through a difficult time amid the pandemic, and I can assure you that Vinyl's inability to provide a full reaction is pretty accurate. It's different with some people, but my experience has been that depression can seriously numb your ability to feel anything at all. You're not completely immune to the emotions, but in concept they can feel distant.

I'm glad you were able to recognize all the little things I did with the houses. To be honest, I didn't expect anybody to catch on to it. All of the details were so little that I wouldn't blame you if you had overlooked them. I remember spending a solid five minutes trying to get the floorboards just right on the Canterlot house so that they matched the floorboards on Octavia's side of the house back in Ponyville. There is one detail I should have elaborated on, and that is Dr. Gonzo's daughter. She is alluded to several times and is even briefly mentioned by Vinyl. Euphonia's puzzle was also one of my favorite parts to write.

One thing I was sure that absolutely everybody would overlook is the origin of Euphonia's name, which is honestly coincidental. I was looking up instruments that sounded like a name perfectly fit for a pony when I found the euphonium. After replacing the suffix with -ia, I looked it up on Google and ended up finding a Victorian-era text-to-speech machine. Make of that what you will.

As for the rest of the review, you managed to get me to think about some things that I didn't think about before. I'm not sure. It's weird having written the story and then proceeding to read an analysis about how it was written. That's not a critique. It got me to think back to how I wrote the story and what must have been going on subconsciously for the scenes to be written in that way.

Lastly, the criticism on the ending to chapter 4 getting a little explainy. I think I know what part you're talking about, and I have to say that I'm with you. That part was a little difficult to write because I didn't know how to end the sequence, and by that time I was getting ready to publish the story. So, I did what I could and went with it. I'll have to look into those parts where Vinyl's emotions are explained, too.

All-in-all, good work. :)