EPractical Difficulties

• MLP: FiM
• Slice of Life

Smart phones are the coolest thing ever, but they don't work all that well with hooves or boops.

• Human
• OC

Admiral Biscuit · 4.3k words  ·  326  5 · 4.1k views

Practical Difficulties by Admiral Biscuit will be the next story I’ll review after a fairly long hiatus. It’s a much shorter piece, and I believe that it will be a nice change from the longer pieces I have been reviewing recently. Without further ado, let’s begin! (Warning – spoilers ahead!)

Summary

This piece focuses on how a pony named Birria acclimatizes to human culture and societal norms, particularly on the subject of using smartphones. From her perspective, it is unsurprising that she would be marveled by how the smartphone has been a huge enabler in both human productivity and procrastination. In many instances, Birria witnessed how the humble smartphone brought much convenience to her lifestyle and the people she was living with. So, she decided to get one for herself.

Of course, with hooves and not fingers, using this technological marvel may not be as convenient as one would hope. Still, perhaps everypony should get one, even if they are not the most hoof-friendly…

Content/Plot Analysis + Flow/Communication

For starters, I believe that this piece has done a great job in the exploration of how an alien would perceive of human culture and society. The author has done great justice into the development of how Birria would think of the community on Earth in a generalized manner. The character behind Birria was natural to me, thanks to the author’s insertion of her unfiltered thoughts that expressed the honest opinion of her experience. This ultimately made the overall viewpoint of the character relatable, as one can see the justification to why Birria would feel this way, especially with the reader’s prior knowledge pertaining to life in the Equestrian society.

The story capitalizes on the various experiences that Birria had when she saw how the smartphone would have been such a boon and also a bane to humans, in terms of both productivity and procrastination respectively. The author uses many snippets of experiences to show how the interaction between Birria and the people she was living with would expose her to the smartphone’s capabilities in a gradual and convincing manner. Of course, Birria had unique opinion over each aspect and functionality of the device, which certainly helped to build the character and her desire to presumably purchase one for herself to gain the modern convenience the device would bring.

Perhaps, however, I do believe that these snippets of these experiences could have been developed further. I posit that there is still significant potential available to showcase the thoughts and emotions behind Birria during each scene to bring out Birria’s character more explicitly. One instance would be how Birria was exposed to the classic meme of the coffin dance on her roommate’s smartphone, likely on social media. While I did have a good laugh at the cluelessness portrayed by Birria of the significance of the meme, the story could have built this up more meatily. The story did inform the reader of Birria’s view that this was a distraction and a diversion of her work, but I really feel that the story could have looked into her thoughts of this memes, even if she didn’t understand it. Additionally, the succinct nature of some of the developed scenes also meant that the pacing would be slightly hurried. Therefore, painting the scenes more vigorously would help to draw the reader into the story more fruitfully. This is particularly salient in a short piece such as this.

Of course, the main aspect of the story discusses on how Birria would interact with her own smartphone to order a simple delivery of breakfast to the campus she was living at. The author clearly shows how Birria was struggling to order and the anxiety she experienced throughout the delivery process, which is again, genuine and relatable to me. Typing random gibberish when fiddling around with the phone is something even I do at times.

However, this brings me to another point I would like to talk about before I end off this section. It appears that the story emphasizes more on the experiences Birria had prior to entering the human realm and watching how her roommates were exploiting the many benefits of the smartphone, rather than Birria’s own difficulties when using her own smartphone. I wished the author would have considered going into more depth into Birria’s experience into using her own smartphone. Granted, the development of the former is undeniably important to explain the world that Birria was in to the reader, but I posit that the further development of the latter would help to steer the story into the practical difficulties that I was expecting to read as the main meat of the piece.

The author could consider how Birria applies the smartphone to her daily routine and develop the many ways I would expect her to fumble around with the device throughout the day. That would really show how much of an inconvenience the smartphone would be to her, yet portray the convenience it would bring once she got past inserting her commands into the smartphone. I do also feel that the portrayal of her daily routine would provide many more opportunity to showcase her character and her traits as a pony interacting on Earth.

Language

Language errors are generally scarce throughout the piece. Let’s take a look at some of the recommendations I would like to make to the author.

Mackenzie had told her that Pices were romantically compatible with Virgos and Tauruses…

Mackenzie had told her that Pisces were romantically compatible with Virgos and Tauruses…

There were even special computers she could talk to and they’d do typing for her.

There were even special computers she could talk to and they’d do the typing for her.

…but it didn’t feel that much more weird than her biannual aura checkup.

…but it didn’t feel that much weirder than her biannual aura check-up.

Stance

This is an enjoyable read that explores the view of a pony stepping into and familiarizing herself with the advances in modern human technology. This short read is a nice piece that portrays that beautifully. To improve this, the author could consider the relative level of developments of each aspect and balance it to provide the necessary amount of emphasis necessitated by the story. And before I go, remember that I’m always here to talk about your story!

Content/Plot: 7.5/10
Flow/Communication: 6.5/10
Language/Readability: 7/10
Overall: 7/10

One comment, ‘Pices’ is an error but it should be Pisces not Pieces

7351462
Amended. Apologies for the error! It appears I took too long a hiatus!

One of the challenges I face as an author is walking the line of what I’ve done before and what’s new. I think that readers want new content and not rehashed old content, so I try and keep in mind what I’ve focused on before in other fics; with literally over a million words of pony on earth, there’s a lot of ‘been there, done that’ on my story wall. Granted, not everybody has read all of that. . . .

I also personally don’t mind tossing things out that aren’t fully realized--we’re here in fan fiction land, and while I (and all the other writers) are taking what the show gave us and expanding on it, why not let it go another iteration, why not let another reader take a look at this and say, ‘you know, this is pretty okay, but I bet I could do it better’--and I welcome that person; that’s how I got started.

Ponies and cell phones is ripe fodder for writers, and familiar territory for most readers. In fact, I read this review on a cell phone Hooves aren’t good on the screens (probably; never tested it out with an actual horse) but it’s actual fact that nose-boops work--part of the Discord thread that inspired this involved sending a message with nose-boops and predictive text, and it does work (for humans, I’m not actually a horse).

Also, welcome back from hiatus! Looking forward to more reviews

7354177
You know, the challenges you face as an author are also what I face too! It is often difficult to come up with new ideas that are reinvigorating to the reader on this site, and I can’t deny that!

Indeed, it’s always interesting to consider how the development of the piece involves the dynamics between the usage of a smartphone and ponies. And you did a great job at it!