Story here:

TRomantic Meetings

• MLP: FiM
• Romance

Local human returns to Ponyville to find Twilight has a new student

• Alt. Universe
• Human
• Twilight
• Spike
• OC
• Main 6
• Starlight Glimmer

TheHardie-Boy · 25k words  ·  348  38 · 10k views

Summary of Story here: After spending a few years away from Ponyville, Jake returns to visit the first seven friends he had made in Equestria. When he arrives, he finds much has changed, including that Twilight now has a castle and a personal student. After bonding with said student, he also learns of a deep secret of Twilight’s he had never expected

Initial thoughts: A romance? O-o. As you all know I'm quite the fan. And while I'm not crazy about "HiE" I can see why others like it so much. And I really do like Starlight as a character despite all her flaws. Makes her feel more real and more unique over our main protagonist Twilight. Now let's get down to business shall we? 7/10

What I liked: I liked the idea of this, it's a solid idea, and a fairly common one with the whole "humanxpony" and a rather popular one from the research I did in my spare time while reading this piece. However, I do like how this piece doesn't start off in the way most would. It doesn't waste time with how Jake got to this point, but puts the focus on the relationship right out of the gate. That's a solid start, However it moves much too fast to be believable. I'll get into that.

What I didn't like: The romance. Usually this is the part I'd squee happily at and go "awwh" at the cuteness or the emotional impact, but Jake and Starlight go from "crush" to "I love you" in such a short amount of time that it's not believable, and comes across as very rushed. Where we could've taken the time to deepen their feelings, the whole scene in the Everfree, wasn't even needed. It was so plot device just to get Starlight to admit her feelings. Also I feel the option at the end, I won't reveal what happens due to spoilers. but there was a better way out of this without going for the "obvious" solution.
Sometimes it's good to show both the good and the bad of love. It's not all happiness and rainbows. Sometimes love stings like a bitch, and if all you read is the good feel fluff romance, you will never understand the other side of things. And this story could have addressed both.

Grammar: There are multiple missspelling and grammar issues throughout the piece. They're little things that are easy to miss. I feel another round of editing would clear it up. 7/10

Characterzation: Starlight feels very much in character here. Twilight feels herself for the most part, and for what I see of Jake, sometimes he makes stupid decisions, but we're only human, so I'll let it slide a bit here. 9/10

Story/Concept: The concept is a very well known one, and been done many times before, and really the only unique thing about this story versus others of the same concept is this has Starlight in it, and from what I've searched, her and human is not a common thing amongest fimfiction. It's usually one of the main six. and lots of those stories are incomplete. So I give Donn credit for finishing his story and using a character not many would. Starlight is usually either liked or disliked, and I can see both sides. So if you like Starlight, you will probably enjoy this. 7/10

Overall thoughts: This story isn't bad at all. It's actually fairly decent. It has issues, mainly with the romance being rushed, and Jake can be a bit bland at times, to the point you could replace him with any character and you wouldn't notice much of a difference. I feel like maybe the prequel might help address this issue, since by the start of this story Jake has already been a part of Equestria for some time. 6.5/10

To the author: Romance isn't easy. It looks easy. and you can easily fall into the pitfalls, tropes, or cliches. This story avoids most of them, which I liked about it, but it simply doesn't give the romance enough time to build, and then once they are together, it just "solves" the issue of a certain subject too fast, and much too quickly. Sometimes it's okay to have a little bit of augish between characters.

NEW SECTION:
Headpat worthy: No. There's too many issues with the romance for a headpat, but a good solid try!
Boop worthy: Yes. The story is predictable, but you still wanna see it through to the end.
Meh!: No. The story is better than average for the subject. Even if Jake is a bit bland.
What the hell did I just read: No. This story is good.
Cringe Level: Hopefully no story will have to go here.

To Donn: Keep staying awesome my friend, and if you have any questions, or concerns, feel free to reply to the thread. I'm usually always lurking around somewhere. Keep writing.
-Naliah.

Final score: 7+7+6.5+7=27/50
or 7/10
Not bad, not great. Just mediocre.

Looking back, this story was very rushed, so I can see where you’re coming from, and I’m trying to improve on that. The prequel is complete, so if you wanna check it out as well, go right ahead