TMy Little Pony: The Pyres of Friendship

• MLP: FiM
• Adventure
• Comedy
• Drama

A crossover fic between MLP and Pyre, by Supergiant Games

• Crossover
• Twilight
• Spike
• Main 6
• Starlight Glimmer

Scribe of the Nightwings · 159k words  ·  32  3 · 1.7k views

Summary: When Twilight awakes in a land that is completely unfamiliar to her, she meets three strangers that will help her if she help them to their freedom. Along the way, Twilight will come across new friends and enemies and eventually find that her other friends made it to this strange land as well. Will Twilight and her friends be able to find their way back to Equestria, or will they be forever doom to the Downside.
Let the Rites begin!

(Basically this is crossover fic of how Twi and the gang would react to the events of the game, Pyre.)
All rights to the MLP characters used for this fic go to Hasbro.
All rights to the Pyre characters, environments, and music used for this fic go to SuperGiant Games.

Overall thoughts: I must admit, I know nothing about the game this is based off, so I feel I might have enjoyed this more had I understood the game. However, despite that it's not at all bad. There are certain things about it that bother me, like misuse of time, and how in certain spots it feels rushed, but overall it's not bad. Just meh.

Creativity: The idea to have Twilight go into a world where reading is forbidden, is something I can't say I've seen done. However, that doesn't mean the execution is perfect. Not a whole lot to comment on here. 8/10

Grammar: Now I will say this right now, grammar is a weakness of mine. So often it's hard for me to see where all the flaws are, however, there are many cases of misspellings throughout the piece. And it's just little ones that could be easily resolved, but I'm guessing if this was proofread by someone, they glanced over it. An example is one part where they say mame instead of mare. Little things like that, they break the flow. Also the ( ) to break up things, is really annoying. Next time just use a break in line. Like this.
Twilight Sparkle went to see Celestia for a report
***
Twilight Sparkle was having a inward nervous breakdown about what Celestia might ask.
Grammar score: 6/10

Additional thoughts: This story feels very average. There is really nothing about it that makes it unique, or make me want to go back and read it again. However, the story and characters itself were not terrible. However, the misuse of time really irked me. I watch the discovery channel and I'm sorry but when Twilight was basically on death's door, you don't recover in an hour! And that's in the first chapter, and even now it just boogles my mind. You really need to address that next time you go over this. I'd say it would take at LEAST a week for her to be up on her feet after something like that, even with aid from others. 5/10

Overall Score: 6/10
I can't with good coincidence pass this, not because it's bad, it's just average at best, and even with the concept it has, it doesn't allow non-fans of the game to truly be able to enjoy it. All the mlp characters feel very in character here, but often times it feels they are rushed through the trials without even a second thought.

Firstly, I'd like to thank you very much for taking time to review my story. These constructive criticisms are extremely helpful in the path to have me improve as a writer.

I honestly think that some of the earlier chapters are some of my weakest, as I was still fleshing out the writing style I was going with. So this advice will be very helpful when I eventually go back and make some heavy revisions on the earlier chapters. I especially think you're right in saying that Twilight's recovery time shouldn't be so fast, so I'll make sure to include more emphasize on her injuries as the story continues. And I'll be more than happy to go over them and fix any grammar mistakes.

I am happy to hear that you think that the MLP characters are in character, as that's something I find really important when writing these kinds of stories. I won't blame you about feeling a bit distant about the game portion of the crossover. I know that Pyre is bit of a 'under-the-radar' game that won't get the most popularity, but part of me does feel a bit proud that it is something unique on this site. I'm going to try to find other methods to help non-fans of the game enjoy it as a story of Twilight and her friends going through a new fantasy world.

Anyway, I'm happy to see that you don't think that the story is terrible. Your rating is very fair and really does encourages me to continue further with the story. It's definitely going to be a long story, but that means I'll be able to improve upon it as time goes on. Thank you once again for reviewing my story.

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Okay, I admit I was waiting on this review. Partially because I knew nothing about Pyres, and partially because I myself had rejected this story because of that. Gotta say Nails, you didn't disappoint.