So I finally managed to score a date with this really cute girl in my area. For the first few days things were alright, but she recently revealed to me that she has had a few other boyfriends prior to me. Well, this disconcerts me because I imagine now that she's had a body count of some kind. I'm also starting to wonder if she does online spicy work like a lot of girls seem to be doing these days. I don't know if I should break up with her because she's really nice (or seems to be, since it could just be an act for something far more sinister). What should I do?

7948793

Trust is vital in all relationships and if you don't have that trust, the relationship will wither and die. I say that you should tread lightly and go with what will make you feel the most comfortable.

7948793

Her having a few boyfriends prior to you, in inself, shouldn't be too much of a red flag since quite a few good unmarried people have had 3 or 4 boyfriends/girlfriends, especially if they had boyfriends/girlfriends since they were teenagers. I would say it's the context of why her past relationships failed that should be the thing to look out for. She could have simply just picked the wrong guys, or maybe she made some mistakes in the past and doesn't reflect how she is now.

But if she's not giving any red flags from a personality or habits standpoint, then that's a better overall sign than if she had some past boyfriends. Now if she's had a lot of boyfriends in the past, then feeling a little nervous about her would be considerably more justified. But even then, a certain level of trust needs to be given if a relationship is to have a real chance of not becoming one of many failed ones.

And if course, if she starts changing in ways you're not comfortable with and is affecting how much you can trust her, then you could definitely give some thoughts of breaking up since it's not good to drag out a relationship you already feel is going to fail. Just relationship be careful about jumping the gun and running at even the slightest thing, since it could happen again if you get another girlfriend that isn't as perfect as you might like and/or is a sign of you having trust issues in general.

This mindset set of a "body count" is something I had to take a long time to unlearn. The entire concept is just a terrible one to have and commodifies people, reducing their value to nothing more than their genitals. Even if you see them as more than that, you're still comparing them to this unrealistic standard.

I'm also starting to wonder if she does online spicy work like a lot of girls seem to be doing these days.

Two things:
1. How do you come to that conclusion?
2. So what? I get if you don't want to be with someone who engages in the worlds oldest profession ("spicy" work in general,) and that's fine. But the only thing wrong with the work is the chance of her being exploited for it.

I don't know if I should break up with her because she's really nice (or seems to be, since it could just be an act for something far more sinister). What should I do?

You're being completely paranoid over quite literally nothing. And to be brutally honest, I'm seeing red flags all over, but they're all from you. Maybe breaking up with her wouldn't be a bad thing. I'd suggest you find a licensed therapist to talk to, this mindset also has the side effect of ensuring you isolate yourself and becoming bitter and resentful to women. You're already leaping to terrible conclusions and making judgements based on nothing more than these ideas.
I'm speaking from personal experience and friends I used to have. This mindset you've got is the problem here.

7948793 The only question you should ask yourself is: Am I having a good time when I'm with her?

Her past doesn't matter. The future doesn't matter. What matters is that you're both having a good time.

7948793
Meh. It's natural for a normal person to have an ex-partner or two. It's part of life to kiss a few frogs before finding a prince (or princess) charming.

For the first few days things were alright, but she recently revealed to me that she has had a few other boyfriends prior to me.

I'm just checking here. Are you saying that you shouldn't have a girlfriend if the girlfriend has had a boyfriend before you?

Also, if YOU had already had girlfriends, would that make YOU someone who no one should have as a boyfriend or girlfriend?

If you break up with her, will this make you someone who has already had a girlfriend, so no one should ever have you as a boyfriend ever again?

I'm just trying to figure out how to apply a consistent logic here.

I'm also starting to wonder if she does online spicy work like a lot of girls seem to be doing these days.

Are you wondering this for any particular reason? Or is it just something that you expect?

I don't know if I should break up with her because she's really nice (or seems to be, since it could just be an act for something far more sinister).

Let me help you here: she only dates so she can murder her boyfriends and extract their livers for use in necromancy rites, which she streams online as part of her spicy online work.

You're welcome!

Somewhat more seriously, if this is how you kick yourself while looking a gift horse in the mouth, no wonder you're depressed.

7948793
Sorry, I should have marked my comment immediately above as a REPLY to your question, so you'll get a notification.

7948793

My dear, don't you think that sounds a bit... paranoid? I'm not a dating expert, but as others pointed out, someone having a 'body count' isn't exactly uncommon these days. Sure, it would be nice if your partner were a pure virgin and whatnot, but if you want to aim at that, you dramatically reduce your dating pool (although the quality most likely goes up).

As for 'online spicy work' (I assume you mean OnlyFans or something similar), that's a serious accusation you should not throw around without proof. I know it seems that 'everyone is doing that!' these days because it's all over social media, but the reality is that what you see is way overblown. Believe it or not, the majority of people still wouldn't even think of showing their privates online. So unless you have proof...

My advice: If everything is working out fine—you like her, she likes you, you share interests and political views (yes, they're unfortunately very important these days), and so on—stick with it.

you share interests and political views (yes, they're unfortunately very important these days)

As long as she ain't a far-leftist, I'm sure we'll get along fine.

7949234

Whatever floats your boat, man. Just make sure you both share enough values to make it work. Contrary to what people say, at least when it comes to politics, opposites do not attract .

One more thing... Look, I'm probably the last person to give more than very basic dating advice, but when it comes to anxiety, paranoia, and avoiding danger, I'm your man . As someone who will be 37 years old soon, I can say that playing it safe, giving into the 'what if' thinking, and so on is not a good idea in the long run. It will keep you safe, but it will also keep you down. You'll throw away opportunities that you'll later regret wasting .

Obviously, I don't know you, how old you are, or how this person is in real life, but my advice is to look for the golden mean, meaning... do a basic red flags check but don't go overboard. We all have flaws, and you'll find some if you want to. If you like her and believe it may work, try to make it work. It's not like you have to jump straight to marriage or anything, you can try it out for a few months/years .

Remember, trying and failing is (almost) always better than not trying at all .