Page generated in 0.017 seconds
Total duration
738 users online
732,959 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
3945272
Chapter two out already? You have a lot written down on Gdocs, huh? Anyway, I'll have to spend my night reading this and tLS. Whew.
Wow, this is something. Usually FoE fics from here aren't really worth reading but this is on a whole other level. the length might scare a few because over 40k words in 3 chapters is a lot. Other than that I really like this, its well written, no spelling or grammar errors, and a good start to the story. My only question is geography, I may be wrong but I thought Dise was to the north of the majority of Equestria. Well done, hope there's more to come.
3989895 Thank you! I'm glad you're liking the story so far! Chapter three is nearing completion, and should be up soon(ish). Both Wr3nch and myself find ourselves quite busy rather often, but we're getting close!
I'll admit that I am a little worried about scaring people off with the length of each chapter, but hopefully we won't scare away too many people! I've always enjoyed reading larger chapters myself, and I suppose that translated over into my own writing.
This is very good keep it up
I never left you a comment? Aw dammit all, I got some catching up to do.
First off, Nohta and Candy are a really interesting pair. I like how you introduced their strengths, between the sparring with Dust and helping out Flannel during the first Mareon visit. Candy makes for a unique narrator, especially with her intellectual manner of speaking. You manage to keep the story sounding like her voice without overdoing it and making her thoughts and speech stiff. I especially like how she even talks like that after falling into the sinkhole, and how she babbles when embarrassed. It was a little jarring for the prologue, but that was just because I wasn't expecting it. And Candy's spell is really cool, though the prospect of using it on a dying patient is horrifying. I like that you gave that sufficient weight in the first chapter, as much as the action-heavy scene of the caravan attack allowed.
I would have liked to see a bit more of their normal interactions on an ordinary day, establishing a baseline so that the later scene where they barely speak for the return trip to Mareon is all the more disquieting. And there's a few spots here and there that felt like they could have been cut for the sake of brevity, nothing major. But that's really the only significant critique I have for you.
The cover story that the caravan uses for their trip is a good idea, and I'm glad to see the Stable ponies were savvy enough to hide that they were from a Stable. It didn't help them, sure, but it was a good plan! And their worship of Luna, and exclusively Luna, is intriguing. Right now, I'm figuring it has something to do with Stable 76's experiment. Designing Stables is fun.
I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry, but I am too involved in 40k to read Psyker as anything but its grimdark, 41st millennium equivalent. Especially if this unicorn seems to have messed with another pony's head. It is a cool raider name, but it'll take me a bit to separate the two ideas.
Lastly, I was going to make a note here about not particularly liking the fanservice in the porn magazine, but then it turned out to be a Sparkle Cola ad. Well played, sir. Well played.
Got that right!