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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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That was an unexpected plot twist. Looking forward to hearing the fight story! Also, I wonder what will rise from the "blasphemious" part.
Seeing as you dislike going back and making big changes will this feedback properly be rather unpopular... But this chapter did not get the time it needed to play itself out properly. Its hard to make a scene seem mysterious when the mystery get so little time to set in, think about a horror movie, a good horror movie give itself time to get under your skin, letting an hour go by as it present spooks and then let people fall down again before it hits the big crescendo, but this... You used twice the amount of words to describe them going up against a group of raiders, and a single almost 6K long chapter is simply not enough to set the mood. For this to really work could see a cliffhanger happen when we meet the dragon, there have been an extra scene put in somewhere to up the creepy spook factor, because this seemed like it was a half hour horror special instead of a fully fletched movie. You clearly know how to write, so you not giving your story enough time and words to breath properly is such a shame. The idea of a gem garden is so cool, so original, so Fo with it being the solution to all of the worlds problems, but first being found when it is way too late, and without taking a sneak peek on the next chapter does it seem that we are already leaving it behind, this tech that could marvel a megaspell in power, us not even knowing if there are some fatal flaw with the whole system or not, beside the obvious one of the gems being slow growing and hard to make.
As said, its really a shame when all of the elements are so well made, but dosn't get the full room to show themselves off properly.
Nitpicks:
"My heart raced as the memory of the necromantic unicorn grabb8ng me with his magic forced its way into my mind." Yo none of that L33T internet speaking in my stories! Can you get that away! Shoo shoo!
"“Burned alive,” " Needs a space in front of this sentence.
"“Ughggg, shut the fuck up.”" Seeing as she is an asskicker, pun very much intended, would the pony "buck" actually be rather fitting in her vocabulary instead of fuck, especially so when she is young and a stable pony as well.
"As I looted I backed into a painting of a tree and nudged it off center" Seems as if there are lacking a word in the start of your sentence
"Right before I caught her she wrapped herself in a purple aura causing her to be as light as a feather.I set her down" You have some tense troubles here, and I would connect both sentences with some rewording and a comma.
"After getting out of the gory mess I set Nibble down" Should be past tense.