Friendship is Card Games: Portrait of a Princess · 12:09pm Oct 16th, 2022
You ever notice how many flowers factor into the plot of FiM episodes? Poison joke, swampfever flowers, the wishblossom…
What I’m saying is that this episode’s MacGuffin, much like its main foci, has a long and storied pedigree.
I do have to wonder how often royal portraits are made. I’m guessing it isn’t annual.
While I do appreciate the contrast between the two sisters, Pipp is… kind of insufferable. I suspect part of it is just how much I disagree with her on matters of public exposure and how much of one’s life should be broadcast… though her inability to process that the sister she’s known all her life has a different stance than she does on those matters doesn’t help. Nor does Pipp’s ability to appreciate that there are bigger things than her personal life.
(Granted, Zipp isn’t entirely in the right, but we’ll get to that.)
Neat to see Zipp’s investigation visor in 3D. One of the more enjoyably inexplicable things to come out of Tell Your Tale.
Does Pipp seriously think that a portrait commissioned by and for the royal family would dare to capture them in a negative light? They couldn’t look terrible if they tried. (Though she does have a point that pegasus media will be going over it with a fine-tooth comb.)
Pipp getting knocked out of the air with a thrown pillow is one of the funniest moments in Make Your Mark thus far.
The shots of Opaline’s castle always make me think of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force opening gags with Dr. Weird. (“Gentlemares, behold!”)
The fact that Pipp’s stream is one of the antagonists’ most reliable sources of intelligence is hilarious to me. Filly wouldn’t know opsec if it hit her in the face… though it does raise the question of why Opaline feels Pipp needs to be taken out as much as Zipp. I suppose a figure the populace can rally around is as much of a threat as a pony trying to uncover Opaline’s identity before she can enact her plan.
Also, Opaline has definitely had past dealings with Twilight… according to her, anyway. I still like the idea that she’s a Jenny-come-lately who’s claimed the name and mantle of a bygone villain.
I have to wonder why there’s a portrait of the Zephyr Heights royal family lying around Opaline’s palace. I can only assume she’s been gathering as much information on our heroes as possible in her efforts to undermine them.
Also, interesting to note that even that far in the past, there’s no sign of a king. I wonder if we’ll ever get any hard data on Haven’s husband.
I do like how much mouth-holding Misty does. G5 magnet hooves get a bit ridiculous at times. Also, interesting to see that Opaline has enough power to conjure rare flowers out of her scrying pool on a whim.
It’s so nice to see insatiably curious Sunny again. One of my favorite parts of the movie was her irrepressible urge to learn as much about the other tribes as possible, and that’s been in short supply ever since.
I wonder if Zephyr Heights money gets reclaimed and recirculated when the reigning monarch passes on, a la the United Knigdom.
Great contrast between Sunny and Zipp. The same experience that’s old hat to you can be a fascinating novelty to someone else, and vice versa.
Good to see Queen Haven doesn’t hold a grudge over the whole “Stealing the crown jewels” thing.
Goodness, Rocky just feel wrong with such slow wingbeats. (And the gilded wings make them feel artificial.)
Meanwhile, I have become aware of the general trend of Jazz not having ears.
I do like the subtle head turn from the guards when Haven delivers the full name ultimatum. Just enough of a reaction to make them feel alive, but professional.
Ponies still aren’t using metric, it seems.
I do like the Zipp-branded headphones. Likely a gift from her sister.
For all I chastised Pipp for being unable to put herself in another pony’s horseshoes, the same can be said of Zipp. She just can’t understand how anypony could sincerely enjoy a day of doing nothing, despite her sister and mother making it clear that they do.
Poor Sunny. She’s a mare of many talents, but impersonation is not one of them.
Cloudpuff enjoys cucumber more than any dog I’ve ever seen.
“Who sent this to you?”
“I don’t know.”
This is interesting. Does Dewdrop not name the account that sends you photos, did Misty use a burner account, or did Zipp just not bother to look? Though given that Pipp’s looking right at the message, I assume the sisters just don’t recognize the username.
Zipp’s argument that the flower must be in bloom may not add up depending on when that last portrait was… though a nice round ten years between portraits does make sense, especially with how young the sisters appear to be in the previous one.
Yeesh. Between Cloudpuff and Sunny, these must be some of the best cucumbers in town. (Though it may difficult to find ones that are small enough to fit over eyes, given the tendencies of earth pony magic.)
Come on, Zipp, your sister owns and runs that salon.
Huh. That’s a lot more than a single lily. Does Misty have more, or does her phone have Photoshop?
Zipp continuing to narrate her note to self after putting away her phone bothers me more than it probably should. She may have just kept thinking out loud, but given how little time there is between one thought and the next, it still feels like it’s part of the audio log.
Also, the folding magnifying glass with what appears to be a magical lensing effect is equal parts bizarre and fascinating.
Zipp’s confusion is interesting. I’m not sure if she’s wondering why a pony would steal magic when they all have it, or how. Given how she doesn’t find an anonymous, unprompted tip about an extremely rare flower at all suspicious, it may be the former.
Also, Zipp. Sweetie. Your sister clearly isn’t listening and doesn’t care.
“This could be important evidence!”
It’s a sand castle. You’re not even grasping at straws, Zipp, you’re trying to will straws into existence so you can grasp them.
Zipp, you agreed, however hesitantly, that Pipp could post about this beach trip. You are the asshole in this situation.
… Though, to be fair, video evidence of the two of them sneaking out of the salon would ruin the surprise.
To be fair, “Feedbag” absolutely sounds like the name of a pony social networking site.
Not sure why Sunny’s pitching this community garden idea to Haven. I have to wonder if the answer to my earlier question about who’s in charge in Maretime Bay is actually “Sunny, sort of.” That or she’s just very civically engaged.
Historically speaking, orange-coated earth ponies do not have a good track record with deception.
“I may be a queen, but I can handle a little mess. I’m a mom. 
”
I do like this. Haven may leave the gardening to her staff, but she’s clearly had an active hoof in raising her daughters.
Haven’s guards always carry the Royal Microphone with them when musical duty calls. Also, I do like how vocal performances seem to be as much of a royal tradition as Portrait Day, and how Haven’s performance style is more reminiscent of an earlier era. The bread and circuses that kept the pegasi admiring the royals go back for generations.
Seriously, both of the princesses have all the sympathetic capacity of a cinderblock.
I have to assume that Misty scattered ocean lily petals a few minutes ago, just as fed up with this as Zipp.
“I don’t care a salt lick about your Ponygram posts!”
Just going to appreciate the idiom there. Also, Zipp knows how much that one hurt Pipp.
“I came all the way out here to this beach we routinely visit!”
It rings a little hollow, is all I’m saying. Yes, they’ve only been out here for maybe an hour, but it really emphasizes how small the setting feels in comparison to G4. (Yes, Equestria was a lot smaller back in Season 1, but the Everfree helped give a sense of trackless vastness that an open beach just can’t offer.)
“After all we’ve gone through!?”
You walked down the beach and were mildly inconvenienced by your sister. Not exactly the greatest expedition in the world, Zipp.
I do have to wonder how Misty triggered that rock slide. Did Opaline also provide her with dynamite?
“Who trusts random Dewdrop photos anyway?”
On the one hand, Pipp, you did. On the other, it’s a valid point. Be wary of random PMs, folks.
The sisters were clearly about to curse each other, out but then they remembered that S&P wouldn’t let them go for what they really wanted to say.
Good to see Zipp recognize her faults here. She had a good motivation given the apparent threat to the world, but there are better ways to deal with it than scorning everything those close to you care about as less important. (Even if they are, you shouldn’t burn those bridges willy-nilly.)
The song’s sweet, but I have to think that Haven came up with it to… well, as it says, get her fillies to hold still.
Wow. That’s an incredible framerate on one bar of reception. Still, goes to show the power of a strong following. Pipp may not always have her priorities straight, but she certainly has the loyal following any monarch longs for. (Also, I hope Zipp has an excuse ready if Haven ever sees this.)
Alas, poor Misty. Defeated by literal children. Though exposing herself probably wasn’t a viable option.
“Just like the one you wore in the portrait all those moons ago?”
Seriously, I would rather hear “20% cooler” again rather than another use of “moons.”
Hmm. So there was one portrait between the plot-spurring one and the modern one. Interesting and inconclusive.
And we close on Opaline pulling some reflective shenanigans… and falling prey to the Wile E. Coyote Fallacy. (i.e. if your wicked scheme fails once, it will obviously fail every time and should never be attempted again, even with adjustments to account for what made it fail in the first place.) She really is a Saturday morning cartoon villain.
In all, this has some interesting background information and great character interaction, but the actual plot is a frustrating case of deep selfishness headbutting against more deep selfishness.
Irrepressible Streamer 3W
Creature — Pegasus Noble Performer
Flying
At the beginning of each player’s draw step, each other player draws a card.
“Information wants to be free, but I still appreciate anything you can spare on Haytreon.”
3/2
Devastating Callout 3WW
Sorcery
Choose one —
• Destroy each creature with two or fewer words in its name.
• Destroy each creature with three or more words in its name.
The Canternet can erupt in career-ending drama at any time.
Deductive Ascension 1U
Enchantment
Whenever you investigate, put a quest counter on Deductive Ascension.
As long as Deductive Ascension has five or more quest counters on it, Clues you control have “2, Sacrifice this artifact: Search your library for a card, put it into your hand, then shuffle.”
“Portrait Day” 1U
Enchantment — Song
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a verse counter on "Portrait Day".
1U, Sacrifice “Portrait Day”: Tap up to two target creatures. Put X stun counters on each of them, where X is the number of verse counters on “Portrait Day”. (If a permanent with a stun counter would become untapped, remove one from it instead.)
Royal Inspector 2U
Creature — Pegasus Noble Scout
Flying
2, T: Investigate. (Create a Clue token. It’s an artifact with “2, Sacrifice this artifact: Draw a card.”)
“Three coat hairs. The culprit was either desperate or a rank amateur.”
2/1
Spread the Word 2U
Instant
As an additional cost to cast this spell, tap X untapped creatures you control.
Draw X cards.
Within minutes of Pipp’s post, half of Maretime Bay knew what they needed to do.
Rancid Vibes 2B
Sorcery
Create a 2/2 black Nightmare enchantment creature token with menace. When you do, up to one target creature gets -1/-1 until end of turn for each enchantment you control.
Nopony appreciates a bad attitude.
Anonymous Inception 2BB
Sorcery
Search target opponent’s library for a nonland card and exile it. That player shuffles. You control them until Anonymous Inception finishes resolving. They may cast the exiled card without paying its mana cost. If they do, you control them while that spell is resolving.
Covetous Fellhorn 3BB
Creature — Warlock
Alicorn (This creature is also a Pony Pegasus Unicorn.)
Flying
Exploit (When this creature enters the battlefield, you may sacrifice a creature.)
When Covetous Fellhorn exploits a creature, exile the top X cards of target opponent’s library, where X is that creature’s power. Choose one of those cards. You may cast it for as long it remains exiled, and you may spend mana as though it were mana of any type to cast that spell.
3/3
“Pony Love” 2R
Enchantment — Song
At the beginning of your upkeep, put a verse counter on “Pony Love”.
3R, Sacrifice “Pony Love”: Gain control of target creature until end of turn. Untap that creature. It gets +X/+0 and gains haste until end of turn, where X is the number of verse counters on “Pony Love.” Activate only as a sorcery.
Gilded-Wing Stylist 3R
Creature — Pegasus Citizen
Flying
When Gilded-Wing Stylist enters the battlefield, create a Treasure token. (It’s an artifact with “T, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.”)
Whenever you cast a spell that targets a creature you control, if mana from a Treasure was spent to cast that spell, copy it. You may choose new targets for the copy.
2/2
Geotagging 2G
Sorcery
Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.
Investigate.
A phone is just a tracking device with extra features.
Royal Gardener 3G
Creature — Pegasus Druid
Reach
When Royal Gardener enters the battlefield, you become the monarch.
As long as you’re the monarch, you may play an additional land on each of your turns.
Wings don’t preclude a bond with the soil.
2/3
Burner Phone 2
Artifact
Flash
You may have Burner Phone enter the battlefield as a copy of any artifact on the battlefield, except it has “At the beginning of your end step, sacrifice this artifact.”
What you need, when you need it.
Personalized Medallion 3
Artifact
As Personalized Medallion enters the battlefield, choose two colors.
Spells you cast that are both of the chosen colors cost 2 less to cast.
Zephyr Heights’s manufacturing capability lets everypony have their own custom merchandise.
Resonant Crystals 3
Artifact
T: Add one mana of any color.
3, T: Put a verse counter on each Song you control.
It is the nature of crystal to produce light when exposed to harmony.
Royal Portrait 5
Artifact
As Royal Portrait enters the battlefield, choose a creature type.
Creatures you control of the chosen type get +1/+1.
Legendary creatures you control get +1/+1.
An inspiration for family of blood and deed alike.
Stream Snipe UR
Sorcery
Stream Snipe deals 3 damage to target opponent. Look at that player’s hand.
“And that’s why some ponies have to work with a time delay.”
—Princess Pipp Petals
Precision Strike 1(rw)
Instant
Target creature gets +2/+0 and gains first strike until end of turn.
A well-aimed pillow can have more stopping power than a poorly coordinated volley of arrows.
Crustacean Castellan 1WU
Creature — Crab Soldier
W: Crustacean Castellan gets +0/+1 until end of turn.
U: Switch Crustacean Castellan’s power and toughness until end of turn. (This applies after all changes to power and toughness.)
1/3
Xenocultural Studies 2GU
Sorcery
Draw a card for each different creature type among non-Brushwagg creatures target player controls.
“Sunny, if you ever see a hedge with a face like a squashed puma, do not engage.”
—Argyle Starshine, journal
Alluring Synthesis 3RG
Sorcery
You may put a creature card from your hand onto the battlefield. That creature gains haste and “All creatures able to block this creature do so.” Sacrifice it at the beginning of the next end step.
Opaline can create a pony’s greatest desires at will. Even this isn’t enough.
I've probably been letting the fact of this episode having actual emotional resonation and a song that kind of works, alongside the grace notes (most of which you mention) and far less rocky character animation (almost no background extras, most shots only contain two or three ponies) weigh the scales a bit for this one. For it does have a lot of selfishness (even if Zipp's has proper interiority throughout that makes it acceptable in a way Hitch's actions last episode weren't), plus the usual plot blindness, among other thing. So there's still plenty to irritate about it. In the context of a good FiM season, it would for sure be skating around the bottom.
Still, the fact remains that it does have actual positives I remember fondly even now, as opposed to the merely interesting or okay high points of most other episodes, and that does some work to dilute the negatives. Plus, the worst-written and acted characters in Izzy, Hitch and Sparky aren't here, benefitting the episode not just by being absent but allowing for a proper story that works on its own. FiM showed from an early stage how much an episode could benefit from focusing on a few ponies and keeping the other peripheral or entirely offscreen, and I wish this series would do that more. For this proves that giving us actual reasons to care about the characters can dilute a lot of sins. As if that needed repeating.
Well, evidently it does for this show, so…
Expand that to plants generally, and the supreme examples are the Tree of Harmony and the Plundervines, plus the Heart's Desire, the Tatzlwurm flower from Season Four, and whatever that carnivorous plant was from the Equestria Girls movies.
I'm honestly surprised Wallflower Blush's power came from a stone rather than another enchanted plant.
Portrait Day is still talking about The Portrait Song.
Favorites this time around were Deductive Ascencion and Gilded Wing Stylist.
I understand that adding background characters increases the render time to unacceptable levels, but having every location be so sparsely populated is getting a little eerie. Maybe going to 3-D without giving the series the budget to properly animate it wasn't the wisest executive decision.
Does Opaline possess teleportation technology, or is her prominent cliffside castle within a couple hours' walk of Maretime Bay? Does she get frequent visitors?
"Your gifts are all so lovely. I'll cherish them forever," says Pipp to her young fans as they give her random objects. I suppose it would have made the character too unsympathetic to see her dispose of them the very moment she left, but I wasn't surprised that the coral and the flower were never seen again.
After Misty trapped the sisters in the cave, why did she hang around (other than because the script needed her to see them eventually escape)? Was she going to stay there until they died of starvation? Is Misty now guilty of attempted murder? Would the show prefer I not think about this so much?
Nice to get a little bit of character work, even if it didn't give us much additional insight into Pipp or Zipp, and even though both characters had to be pretty oblivious to make the plot happen. But this at least demonstrates that the show can try to present character-based stories.
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Who needs technology when you have a perfectly good horn?