Sweetie Bot Needs an Upgrade: author's notes · 1:00pm Sep 29th, 2022
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Spoilers below the cut!
I never expected to write a Sweetie Bot story, not ever. But then I saw this:
I loathe microtransactions. I will pay $70 for a full version of a video game, but I will set myself on fire before I play a free game that wants me to exchange earth money for game money.
Needless to say, this BMW subscription took me aback. (I personally drive a 2005 Toyota with 200,000 miles and barely even have Bluetooth.)
The microtransactions seemed like an obvious thing to satirize. I tried to find a way to use Streamer Pipp Petals—I might still, yet, because this topic demands more mocking—but eventually decided Sweetie Bot was the better character to carry this satire.
But what sort of upgrade? If I learned anything from past fics of mine, the CMCs plus comedy tag plus sex tag is always New Column gold. So some sort of sex joke, TBD.
My initial thought was a giant powered dong, but I wanted to keep this T-rated. (Feel free to take that idea if you want it.)
So. A lovemaking ability subscription is still mocking BMW but T-rated. But that's not a joke, that's not a story. That's half a story; that's a setup.
What could the punchline be? I cogitated on that for several weeks. My only idea was that in frustration she self-installs, outside her warranty, the futa dong... but that toed the M-rated line more than I wanted. (And a pun about jailbreaking her OS would go here, but it's almost too obvious.)
So I was stymied. Then I thought: what if it's a ploy? What if the sex is a red herring? What does she REALLY want from Rarity and this is just a negotiation gambit?
Once I asked myself that question, the story was published in less than ninety minutes.
Hope you enjoyed!
Probably still more ecological than electric cars.
There's still a "heated seats" joke in that premise somewhere...
5689315
Hahahahahhaaa. Yup.
I bet that would be a problem if everyone was a robot and you get asked that question
5689313
I think that American cars from 1960-70th only - i. e cruiser on the wheels - will be less ecological than electric cars. But I have doubts about it...
5689320
Probably yes, but if you compare an electric car where a battery dies after a few years and buying a new car costs less than replacing it to a regular car which can run for decades if well-maintained, then the total carbon footprint (including the car production, recycling, electricity production) will be smaller for a petrol car.
honestly, Nice...
5689321
It's been my limited mechanic experience that the batteries are reliable; we had a customer with an Insight (hybrid) that had over 300,000 miles on the original battery pack.
Certainly there is a case to be made about the greenness of manufacturing costs (including the source of the raw materials), operating costs, and disposal/recyclability at the end of the life cycle, but I will say that my 1978 Chevy pickup that gets 10mpg and has no catalytic convertor is an emissions nightmare compared to something more modern.
5689321
Battery production is not really ecological as I heard.
It's amusing that a blog about how to write CMC sex comedy turned into an engineering analysis of electric vehicles.
5689368
The idea is to get to a point where we won't need to mine for materials for new batterys ....we just recycle the old ones. A battery is 96% recyclable so once there are enough batteries you pretty much have a closed cycle where you just take a old battery, get the raw materials out of it, and use those to make a new one!
As an EV driver I have this discussion with people irl way too much....how did it end up on Fimfiction...sigh...
5689378
You will have to hack some laws of Newton for that. And that is impossible because You can not hack the laws of nature.
5689378
It started with "making the CMCs deliver off-color jokes for new column gold" and then went all... fimficcy
Sorry, that is only for tier one premium subscribers...