Who do YOU write like? · 10:59am Dec 10th, 2012
So there's this site, yeah? And it has a little machine that magically analyses your writing and tells you who you write like.
I mean, that's... that's pretty cool!
Of course, I really can't not test it. I really can't.
Naturally, the first thing that comes to mind is to give it a very simple test, to see if it returns some famous author who has actually written a one-word swear story before. So in the attempt to seek the truth, I entered this as my first analysis:
There. Sweet, Simple. Effortless. I hit the button. I'm sure I'll get something rather hu-
Wait, what the shit?
You know what, that's just RUDE. Alright? Yeah, I READ your rules. You didn't have to erase my well-crafted paragraph and SHOUT RED IN MY FACE.
Jeez. Some bots.
So, what, you want more? Okay, fine. I'm going to give you more. In fact, I'm going to take some paragraphs from ACTUAL famous people online and see just how smart you ARE, you stupid bot.
The first one I tried was a classic. Really classic. Romeo and Juliet:
Familiar text, eh, Magnet readers? Yeah. Fuck you. And so, brazenly I hit the stupid button, with the line of red screaming at me, and lo and behold, I find the nasty truth. Shakespeare is actually...
REALLY. That explains so much.
Alright, that didn't work. Let's try something else. Contemporary writer.. someone FAMOUS... how about a little Charles Dickens? From 'Great Expectations' Because I love Pip. You should love Pip too. Everybody fuckin' loves Pip. He was in that one episode with the Nightmares and the Moons and the shit. How could you NOT LOVE PIP:
Not sure why it's STILL screaming at me, considering I actually posted big old chunks... but whatever. There. Some nice classic literature from the pre-modernist era, full of frilly froo-froos and tasty British people. And apparently, Mr. Dickens writes like...
Well, alright! That's not actually bad, is it? In fact, that's PRETTY close in era and style! This thing might not be that bad after all!
So, how about this then, I thought. One last test. I'm going to put in a favourite of mine. DRACULA. The original book. Not the shitty movie with the boobs and the hair. What the fuck were they thinking, putting BOOBS AND HAIR into Dracula?! Jeez. What a bonerkiller.
So I plug in the ENTIRE FIRST CHAPTER:
And... well. Whaddaya know. WHAT DO YOU KNOW.
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW.
Maybe there's something TO this after all! Maybe this thing actually WORKS! I'm psyched now.
I got straight on it. Who do I write like? Which literary classic master do I resemble? Perhaps my great use of descriptive verse would place me amongst the likes of Virginia Woolf or Tolkien. Maybe my simple and easy flowing narrative, beautiful in its form will have me resemble E.B. White or C.S. Lewis! Maybe the sense of wonder that I impart on the reader will hold me in regard with the likes of H.G. Wells or Mark Twain!
I couldn't wait.
I decided to use a small chunk of text from my recent fic, One Day. Man, this is thrilling.
Who would I be!? Hugo? Doyle? Smith? Anderson? Which of these amazing authors do I represent? No doubt it's someone masterful in the language, capable of weaving narrative and story and emotion together like they came from the same fluffy piece of cotton. Surely I would be shown that I have the skill and power to be an actual proper author! Surely I will finally find that my relatively unknown status is due to the fact that I am one of these - a mistaken genius, writing out of his time for the wrong audience... Surely my writing is one of the mastercrafts. Not just random crap on a page. Not just poorly constructed stories written with marketing in mind rather than the focus of a story. Surely I can write lasting and believable worlds and characters that go beyond a shallow template and last for the years!
Oh... I can't wait. I hit that stupid button. I hit it good and hard and...
and...
and...
Oh FUCK OFF.
Bwuahahahahaha!
I got Neil Gaiman...
594699
Dude you're
luckyfreakin' talented. Neil Gaiman is like one of my personal heroes =(YOU'RE NEIL GAIMAN.
ARHHEAHRHEHREAHRAEHR
594700
I'm a fan of his too, but... jeez, I never thought we were that similar.
I just retook it with a different one of my stories and it came out L. Frank Baum, the author of The Wizard of Oz. I guess I can see that one easier.
594703
Haha, to tell you the truth, each chapter of that fic I wrote returns a different author. I forget the rest, but for the purpose of the joke in this blog post I used the J.K. Rowling one. The gadget is funny, for sure, but it isn't supremely accurate. I think they just do a general count of spacing and pacing and the Flesch-Kincaid to measure up, along with the presence of archaic words.
594713
That seems most likely, huh?
594736
But still... Neil Gaiman... do I have to start worshipping you? =)
This just looked like too much fun not to try. So I tried it.
First sample: Chapter 1 of my rhyming clop. Yeah, let's see how bad we can screw with this thing right off the bat.
...Who? I better look this guy up. Oh! He wrote Fight Club! That's pretty neat. Still, this is based on rhyming clop. I may as well be picking an author out of a hat with a sample like that. Let's try a piece from my [Romance] fic.
Really? Well... I mean, that could still be a coincidence. How about I try a sample from later in the fic. Emotions and word choice are way different in chapter 3 than in chapter 1.
I... But I... huh. My comedy about Rarity going blind? Chuck Palahniuk. Twilight runs for mayor? Chuck Palahniuk. Applejack hangs one of her friends and buries her under her apple fields? Chuck Friggin' Palahniuk.
Apparently my stories are not quite as diverse as I thought.
602990
Hahaha! Actually, you know, I'd say that's a good thing. Diversity is not based on that, after all. You have a clearly established voice, which is something very hard to keep standard as a writer!
In fact, this is something that most writers would die to have... to have a clear cut standard style that is recognizable instantly. Anyway, Chuck Palahniuk is pretty legendary!
Also, you have a fic where Applejack hangs her friend and buries her?
I MUST READ THAT.
603004 -->The East Field. I've written two [Dark] tagged fics to date, and this one is the older and better-received of the two.
This reminds me... I need to give Six Walk In a shot.
603037
hahaha, way ahead of you. I'm already there, like checking them out. Trying very hard not to look at the comments ;_;
I am gonna read them real soon!
Oh and if you ever read Six Walk In, please tell me what you think! My horror is different to the regular in that they genuinely attempt to creep out the reader, at least I hope I manage to do that! And I hear that the applejack chapter is very sad indeed. (Why do I keep torturing her? =( )
But please do tell me everything, even if you hate it! I always seek to improve! =)
603046 I think maybe Applejack suffers from the Cop With A Family effect when it comes to tragedy being heaped her way. Her strong family bonds make her that much more sympathetic of a character when something bad happens to her.
603062
Nailed it, I think =) Her character naturally lends itself to tragedy. But then I feel so dirty afterward....
You know, I love j. K. Rowling. All I got on my test is some guy named Neil Gaiman. I've never even heard of him.
683259
You kidding? American Gods? Translator for Ghibli films to English? THE SANDMAN? Good Omens?
@_@ I would die to write like him.
I... I hate you *SOB*
But now I must read your stuff because you write like Neil Gaiman. =D
Really? Thanks. Sorry that you hate me. Hope you feel better.
683292
No no. I... I love you. I couldn't hate a fellow brony.
Let's have some ice cream. Here. I brought Mint Banana.
Sorry. I only like Pomegranate Sherbert.
683329
HAVE SOME MANGO NUT SURPRISE
Okay.
...
Mmm that was tasty!
By the way, just posted the Neil Gaiman style story.
...if you were wondering...
683421
Special Talents, you mean?
Eeyup.