Friendship is Card Games: Applejack and the Honest-to-Goodness Switcheroo · 1:32pm Jan 30th, 2022
We return to the Berrow catalogue this week, and it’s AJ’s turn in the saddle.
… I’m going to think about the implications of that idiom with ponies later. For now, let’s see what this book has in store.
We open with a dedication to Berrow’s father, which hits particularly hard in an Applejack-focused story.
We actually open on a pie-eating contest. Scootaloo, Lyra, and Minty (who has shown up in FiM, but long after this book came out) are giving it their best, but it’s neck and neck between Pinkie and Cranky Doodle Donkey. There’s definitely something behind that, but Cranky’s basically made of the greatest stories never told.
Berrow’s trying to put Applejack-esque diction into the narration, and I get the feeling it’s going to grate on me over time.
Bonbon (here called Sweetie Drops, as we’re still pre-“Slice of Life,”) is cheering on Lyra with a homemade flag. Quoth the text, “The two ponies were best buddies.”
Oh! An unexpected contender in Mayor Mare, who despite her dainty bites and constant “I couldn’t possibly”s is keeping up with Pinkie and Cranky. Indeed, the mayor and the jack pull ahead in the final seconds.
We get names for what are presumably two of the Big Mac recolors in Senior Mint and Overhaul. Bulk Biceps is referred to as Snowflake, and the Triptych Continuum edges closer to canonicity despite Estee’s objections.
Also, a very clumsy means of introducing the rest of the Bearers, just flat-out listing Applejack and her friends. And Twilight is referred to by title, despite her objections.
Cranky wins, and his prize is “a crown of paper apples.” I’m imagining something like a Burger King crown. It’s enough to get him to very, very briefly smile at Apple Bloom as she coronates him. I wonder how Matilda will react.
… And that’s the first chapter. A pie-eating contest. Well then.
Ah, we do get to see Matilda. Though Cranky’s clearly uncomfortable with all the attention he’s getting as champion, despite his efforts to downplay the achievement and chase away the crowd with his abrasive attitude.
Apparently the hidden depths of Cranky’s character and stomach are enough of a revelation that Applejack feels it merits an entry in the friendship journal. Which even the narration acknowledges as an abandoned plot device. That’s actually surprising, since this book came out between Seasons 4 and 5. I guess Berrow would know they were dropping the journal ahead of time.
Ah, callback to the Rarity book. And apparently Charity’s doing so well she’s being featured in PegasUs Weekly.
Look, if I have to endure this level of horsepun, so do you.
And we’re then introduced to one Blue Ribbon, an earth stallion who runs the Best of Equestria Awards. According to his business card—no word on its coloring, thickness, or watermark—said awards are dedicated to “Finding the Best Businesses in Equestria Since the First Summer Sun Celebration.” And Sweet Apple Acres is a finalist for Best Orchard in Equestria. This entails an inspection in a few days; the Acres only qualified based on yield reports, so they haven’t actually looked at the place yet.
I’m sure this will go perfectly smoothly and cause no problems whatsoever.
Also, Applejack can’t remember the last yield report “for some reason.”
Nope. No problems whatsoever.
Also also, the winner “will be named the official, exclusive apple supplier for Canterlot Castle,” which raises even more questions about AJ’s goals at that first Gala. Oh, and Rarity and Rainbow Dash are both already planning networking opportunities in Canterlot.
No. Problems. Whatsoever.
“Applejack shot her friends a look to shush them, but Rarity had a dreamy look in her eyes and Rainbow Dash had already stopped paying attention.”
I know I knock Berrow for her characterization at times, but honestly, this feels on point.
Oh, and another part of the grand prize is a new plot of land… which doesn’t honestly make sense. Is the crown going to bequeath some random nearby patch to the winner, regardless of who may already be using it? Is it some designated location that may be miles away? Does Berrow think that earth ponies can just extrude new terrain on an as-needed basis? My efforts to the contrary, this isn’t Magic: the Gathering. They can’t just give Applejack two Forests and call it a day.
“And as we say at Best of Equestria: ‘best’ of luck!”
I sincerely wish Berrow was as clever as she thinks she is.
And we close the chapter—yes, we’re still on Chapter 2—with Twilight offering to help come applebuck season. And I think this may be enough to get Applejack to say yes.
We briefly cover Applejack’s entry in the journal before getting back to the actual crux of the story, and the whole thing feels disorienting. Not exactly a dangling plot thread that was in dire need of resolution there.
Berrow devotes a paragraph to Applejack’s hat, though no mention is made of any legacy the hat may have. Just “It was perfectly broken in.”
Apple Bloom likes to sit directly across from Granny Smith so Granny can cut her vegetables. Nice little characterization tidbit there, thoguh I wonder how much longer it’ll last. Mind you, Berrow seems to write the Crusaders much younger than most people, so that’s open to interpretation.
Big Mac is apparently allergic to “funflowers,” whatever those are. Also, I appreciate Granny knowing Applejack well enough to practically read her mind once she starts wondering.
Apple Bloom and Big Mac were apparently late for dinner because the Crusaders were having an alicorn tea party and hey, somepony had to be Cadence. (Apple Bloom was Luna. No word on how Scootaloo and Sweetie divvied up Celestia and Twilight.)
“If [Applejack] didn’t hold this family together, it would fall apart faster than a jalopy with a missing axle.”
On the one hand, that does very accurately describe AJ’s view of herself. On the other, it’s still weird to hear “jalopy” in a world where the internal combustion engine is largely a novelty, even if Granny Smith used the term in “Pinkie Apple Pie.” Also, Applejack completely fails to grasp that her family might be a mite resentful after she tore a strip off of them.
“Applejack hated the attic. It gave her the heebie-jeebies, the hootie-jooties, and even the humble-jumbles.”
Possible signs of Pinkie influence there. And there’s definitely a story behind these assorted h*e-j*es.
Granny Smith unearth an old cowpony toy as she digs through the attic. One with “A.J.” written on a the sole of a boot. I was not expecting a Toy Story reference of all things.
Oh. Oh. Granny unearths a sketchbook Applejack’s mother owned… though it’s not clear if Buttercup brought it with her to the Acres or if AJ’s mother was Granny’s biological daughter in this continuity.
And Applejack tucks away things precious to her out of harm’s way where they can’t distract her from the goal she’s hyperfocusing on. Symbolism!
“If they wanted to win the award for Best Orchard in Equestria, it was going to take a lot more than just a salt lick and a promise.”
There are points where Berrow just tries to make up idioms, and it does not work.
Applejack’s already making plans for what she’ll do after winning the award, and you can just feel the twist on “Apple Family Reunion” coming.
Pinkie Pie is explicitly horrible at applebucking… which does check out, given “Magical Mystery Cure.” But she’s apparently outstanding at statistical analysis. Well, the math part, anyway. Deriving a trend from just two data points is a big no-no.
There’s also the matter of determining yield per tree based on what shakes out after a single buck. And each tree yielding only about dozen apples when compared to what we see on the show. Several issues here, really.
Ah, good, AJ recognizes an insufficient data sample when she sees one… though apparently she’s getting “the apple sweats.” 
Ha! Pinkie quoting Carl Sagan is something I didn’t know I needed. Though here he’s “Cart Bacon,” which raises familiar questions about just why the Apples raise pigs. Besides, Applejack already did that part!
I do like “The golden delicious sun” coming from what’s meant to be Applejack’s perspective.
Applejack tries to tell herself to relax and do a proper job despite falling behind schedule on the first day. She then has to figure out how to relax. This is painfully on point for her.
“I love Pinkie as much as a grub slinger loves a new spatula.”
Okay, to be fair, some of Berrow’s Apple-isms do work.
So the next day, Applejack has a plan to tackle the rest of the trees with two-pony teams… and Rainbow Dash objects to being her wingpony. She still agrees, but then proceeds to blow the leaves off of a large stretch of the orchard while harvesting via slipstream. She then tries to invoke pony Darwin for leaving behind only the strongest leaves. (Darwing was apparently a pegasus; it seems Scootaloo’s parents are following in his wingbeats.)
Hmm. Mysterious beige pony in the trees. The exact color of Blue Ribbon. I’m sure it’s nothing.
Oh boy. You know it’s bad when Applejack’s thinking longingly of the time she tried to buck all of the Acres by herself.
After a few days, her mother’s journal has already become Applejack’s emotional lockbox, where she can harmlessly vent her frustrations. Let’s hope that just stays a healthy coping mechanism…
Trying to get Fluttershy to evict creatures living in the trees doesn’t go well, especially in the wake of “Bats!” Understandable.
Aaand AJ needs to take a break in the middle of the day to vent her frustration. Yeah, I don’t see this going well.
Seeing “Sweet Apple Acres Cider Booth” written out like that, capitals and all, makes me expect an “Available only at Wal-Mart!” after it.
Twilight offers to help by using a little royal authority to get the Acres an extension, but Applejack sees it as unacceptably special treatment. (And honestly, I don’t see Twilight even suggesting that except as a last resort… which may indicate just how bad the situation has gotten.)
Actually talking to her friends makes Applejack feel a lot better than spilling vitriol on the journal. Part of me can’t help but wonder if the thing’s haunted.
Oh no. The titular switcheroo comes courtesy of Apple Bloom, who gave the other Bearers Applejack’s venting journal rather than the shared one. And they’re conspicuously absent on the day of the judging.
… Up until the next chapter, where they’re hyping up the farm like nothing happened. This would’ve worked better with a commercial break.
Heh. Rainbow Dash reading AJ’s journal. Shades of that one CYOA EqG short.
“I didn’t really think the one about me was too bad.” Rarity shrugged. “Luna knows, there are way more embarrassing things in my diary.”
Interesting to see the invocation of Luna there. We’ve gotten “Celestia as my witness” and the like, but the younger sister not so much.
And Applejack recognizes that using the journal as she had wasn’t being honest with herself, subconsciously ruining her mood as she felt more and more like she was betraying her fundamental self. Not how I saw this going. (After Braze the zebra pyromancer, I’m never sure what to expect from these books.)
And after AJ’s end-of-episode-lesson speecg, Dash flat-out tells her her friends already knew that. No wonder they forgave her.
“She didn’t even care about the prize anymore.”
A few pages later…
“Applejack still couldn’t believe they’d won the Best Orchard in Equestria award!”
Heh.
And indeed, as that not-so-subtle foreshadowing indicated, Blue Ribbon was covertly watching everypony work their tails off to get the Acres to peak condition. Still no explanation for how the new plot of land works, but it does reinforce the point that the Apples are the landed gentry of Ponyville.
… Huh. More so than I realized. Apparently the willingness to teach her friends new skills means that Applejack now has “farm-student ponies” learning how to work the land. Turns out she had a school before Twilight made it cool. And she has a magazine column!
So, yeah, this one’s… odd. The premise is a little warped to begin with. There’s some very familiar-feeling “focus character gets frustrated by foibles of other Mane Six” bits, a “suspenseful” twist that lasts for all of two paragraphs, and then what feels like Apple Bloom writing about how her sister became the most famous Bearer of Harmony and Sweet Apple Acres the most beloved orchard in all of Equestria. It doesn’t quite come together as a whole; even the title barely describes anything that happens in the story itself.
Still, plenty to work with. Note that with previews under way, I will be using Kamigawa: Neon Dynasty mechanics going forward. Rather on-theme collision of tradition and innovation given the Applejack-centric content this week. Let’s see what I can do with it:
Heartstrings Banneret 1W
Creature — Pony Bard
Lifelink
Bard spells and Song spells you cast cost 1 less to cast.
House Heartstrings has a long, storied history of service to Equestria. Lyra just likes having her own cheerleader.
1/2
Sugarcube Interns 2W
Creature — Pony Citizen
Lifelink
Devour artifact 1 (As this enters the battlefield, you may sacrifice any number of artifacts. This creature enters the battlefield with that many +1/+1 counters on it.)
“They’re growing fillies.”
—Pinkie Pie Bearer of Laughter
2/2
Pinkametrics 3W
Sorcery
For each player, choose friend or foe. Each friend gains 4 life. Each foe sacrifices a creature they control with power 4 or greater. If you chose two or more friends, each of them draws a card.
Spoil the Bushel 2U
Instant
Counter all spells and abilities target player controls unless they pay 5.
“Ain’t like you can tell an apple to wash its hooves.”
—Applejack, Bearer of Honesty
Blowback Charger 3U
Creature — Pegasus Soldier
Flying
When Blowback Charger enters the battlefield, each player returns a land they control to its owner’s hand.
She’s perfected the airburst takeoff, but has yet to learn the difference between cheers and curses.
3/2
Charity’s Imitation 3U
Enchantment — Saga
(As this Saga enters and after your draw step, add a lore counter.)
I, II — Until your next turn, target creature you control becomes a copy of another target creature.
III — Exile this Saga, then return it to the battlefield transformed under your control.
Flattering Form
(U) Enchantment Creature — Reflection
You may have Flattering Form enter the battlefield as a copy of any creature on the battlefield, except it’s an enchantment in addition to its other types.
Rarity nearly found herself with an unwanted twin before showing Charity how to shine on her own.
0/0
Journal of Spite 2B
Artifact
1B, T, Pay 4 life: Draw a card. This ability costs 1 life less to activate for each opponent.
The poison isn’t always in the pen.
Invoke the Night 1BBBB
Sorcery
Put target creature card from a graveyard onto the battlefield under your control. Creatures you control gain menace, lifelink, and haste until end of turn.
“After my nightmare, how can I not look after the lost and desperate?”
—Princess Luna
Tangled Skein R
Instant
Each player shuffles their library.
Draw a card.
“Lots of planes have some tangible force of fate. Few can handle an outside context pegasus.”
—Ditzy Doo
Glutton’s Crown 1R
Artifact Creature — Equipment Atog
Sacrifice an artifact: Glutton’s Crown gets +2/+2 until end of turn. If Glutton’s Crown isn’t a creature, equipped creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn instead.
Reconfigure 2R (2R: Attach to target creature you control; or unattach from a creature. Reconfigure only as a sorcery. While attached, this isn’t a creature.)
1/2
Interpretive Demolition 3RR
Sorcery — Lesson
Destroy target land. Add RR.
Pinkie and Rainbow Dash’s joint classes are equal parts pranking seminar and arms race.
Orchard Sage 1G
Creature — Pony Druid
Renown 1 (When this creature deals combat damage to a player, if it isn’t renowned, put a +1/+1 counter on it and it becomes renowned.)
Each creature you control with a +1/+1 counter on it has “T: Add one mana of any color.”
1/1
Skinny Ass 1G
Creature — Donkey Citizen
When Skinny Ass enters the battlefield, create a Food token. (It’s an artifact with “2, T, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.”)
Whenever an artifact is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, put a +1/+1 counter on Skinny Ass.
Always one meal away from Bony Ass.
1/1
Stonebucker 1G
Creature — Pony Warrior
1G: Stonebucker gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the number of creatures in your herd. Activate only once each turn. (Your herd consists of up to one each of Bat, Pegasus, Pony, and Unicorn.)
True strength comes from without.
2/2
Growing Contest 1GG
Sorcery
Draw a card if you control the creature with the greatest power or tied for the greatest power. Then repeat this process for toughness and mana value.
Only the highest-yield farms get the Castle Canterlot catering contract.
Proper Preparation 2G
Enchantment
At the beginning of combat on your turn, target modified creature you control gets +2/+2 and gains trample until end of turn. (Equipment, Auras you control, and counters are modifications.)
Every job needs the right tools.
Student of Agronomy 2G
Creature — Pony Druid
You may play an additional land on each of your turns.
Whenever a land enters the battlefield under your control for the second time each turn, learn. (You may reveal a Lesson card you own from outside the game and put it into your hand, or discard a card to draw a card.)
1/3
Sweet Apple Thallid 2G
Creature — Fungus
At the beginning of your upkeep or whenever a Food enters the battlefield under your control, put a spore counter on Sweet Apple Thallid.
Remove three spore counters from Sweet Apple Thallid: Create a 1/1 green Saproling creature token.
2/3
Scurry of the Seedling 3G
Enchantment Creature — Squirrel
Scurry of the Seedling’s power and toughness are each equal to the number of Forests you control.
Channel — 1G, Discard Scurry of the Seedling: Target creature gets +1/+1 for each Forest you control until end of turn.
The harvest’s heralds never come alone.
*/*
Planar Synthesis 4G
Sorcery
Put any number of land cards from your hand and/or graveyard onto the battlefield tapped.
“Now to get to work on that apple pie.”
—Pinkie Pie, Bearer of Laughter
Royal Grant 4G
Sorcery
Search your library for up to two basic land cards, put them onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle. You become the monarch.
Celestia bestows all manner of blessings on her ponies, some more directly than others.
Map of the Acres 2
Artifact
1, T, Sacrifice Map of the Acres: Search your library for two basic land cards that share a land type, reveal them, and put them into your hand. Then shuffle.
Sweet Apple Acres is full of love, dedication, and spatial anomalies.
Ramshackle Jalopy 3
Artifact — Vehicle
At end of combat, if Ramshackle Jalopy attacked or blocked this combat, sacrifice it unless you sacrifice another artifact.
Crew 3 (Tap any number of creatures you control with total power 3 or more: This Vehicle becomes an artifact creature until end of turn.)
6/6
Sparkling Signage 3
Artifact
Sparkling Signage enters the battlefield under the control of an opponent of your choice.
Creatures attacking you get +1/+0.
At the beginning of each end step, if you were dealt 5 or more damage this turn, target opponent other than Sparkling Signage’s owner gains control of it. If you have no other opponents, sacrifice Sparkling Signage instead.
Evolution Guide 2GU
Creature — Pegasus Ooze Druid
Flying
Whenever Evolution Guide deals combat damage to a player, create a 0/0 green Ooze creature token, then put a +1/+1 counter on each creature you control.
“If the fittest survive, we must provide fitness.”
2/2
Well, this is interesting.
Awesome! Been waiting to see another Friendship is Card Games on one of the chapter books. Almost finished the first six!
Huh, that wasn't in my copy of the book. Another reason I'm glad you do these, sometimes I miss things! (Like the first Twilight book weirdly having a chunk from a chapter later in place of some of her early talking with Cadance).
It speaks of the quality control that this persisted in a few of the chapter books despite the "Rainbow Falls" script being locked for at least a good few months before this book would have been.
Anyway, I remember liking this one more than most of the other chapter books so far, mostly on the grounds of not wallowing in Berrow's character-breaking tendencies for as long. But it's certainly oddly constructed, even haphazardly, with the focus shifting constantly and the disparate parts never quite merging into a cohesive whole. Heck, even the sharp turn the Rainbow Dash book took was at least warped enough to grab one's attention.
I think by now I've soured on enough of Berrow's tendencies, and among other things, come to truly realise how little she's written (that I've seen/read, so none of the chapter books after the first six) is either good or structurally sound. That we have the show's visuals, music and voice acting backing up her scripts blinded me to that fact – even her one good episode, "The One Where Pinkie Pie Knows", has the same "juvenile infantile" simplicity to it. I won't fully commit to this opinion – I've heard good things about the Daring Do chapter books and some of the other later entries – but when we add onto that her script and story editing for Pony Life… yeah. It says a lot that of all the Pony scripts she's worked on, A New Generation is either best or 2nd best (though, of course, there's so many cooks for a movie most of her tendencies are suppressed there, and it feels like her contribution, outside of the plot angle of emotion/friendship-based magic she likes, was mostly for franchise consistency).
Still, just one more early chapter book to go (and I think the best of the first six, though I won't commit to that), and then we're off to the races!
It's been many years since I read this one so I didn't remember the story at all until you jogged my memory about the journal. I remember feeling extremely put off that Applejack writing things about her friends in her private journal that she would never say aloud is somehow supposed to be a vice
Buck that to Tartarus.
It could be a remnant of old feudal tradition from medieval Equestria: Congratulations, you're now the Count of some distant county you're never going to actually visit but get to profit from
Cesare Borgia was commonly called "Valentino", because his family was from Valencia. So when the King of France made him a duke they just made up the new Duchy of Valentinois centered around Valence, France just so that he would keep his nickname.
Inside Baseball Alert: Even for pre-Mending planeswalkers like FoME's Pinkie, making an entire plane is something of an undertaking. (As an aside, earth pony culture is clearly much better at preparing one for the return of their mortality than that of Dominarian nobility.)
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: State-based actions such as "No toughness? Then die!" aren't checked while an ability is still in the middle of resolving. Momir Vig's Simic are obsessive, not stupid.
One of the reasons Dash is my least favorite of the Mane Six is because an awful lot of her time on-screen amounts to "Rainbow Dash had already stopped paying attention."
How good would Stonebucker be considered if it were an official card? Is X total mana for X/X considered normal for creatures, barring the effects of textboxes? Sorry for the noob question, I've never actually played Magic, though seeing your card ideas is interesting.
5632553
It's par for the course for commons. 2 mana for a 2/2 with no abilities is considered boring but practical. Stonecoil Serpent is a card that happened at rare, while on the other end of the scale you have Morph existing.
Dockside Chef just vindicated your use of the Citizen subtype. Particularly this one, where they're eating arbitrary (ie. non-Food) artifacts.
5632415
That's a pretty fair take on Berrow, honestly.
5633465
I must also thank you for making me realise some of her writing tendencies. Not the quality of her episodes themselves, with "The End in Friend" being an obvious objectionable concept from the moment I saw it. But certainly the shorts in between S8/9, which I'd barely given thought to before. In particular, "The Point of No Return" snapped into place so much better once I caught on to thinking of them in the same mindset as these chapter books, where the writing has to simplify things far more than the show, given the show can rely on visuals and music rather then spelling everything out - even for its target audience! A small change, but a noticeable one nonetheless.
Given she's our longest Pony writing mainstay, having written for MLP since 2013, and done so across G4, been the main voice for the in-between spinoff, and co-wrote A New Generation… wonder if she'll return for the G5 series? It wouldn't surprise me, it's clear she values a steady writing gig over other career options (writing children's books is cutthroat, can't fault that mindset heavily), and Hasbro evidently likes her work. If so, please, Berrow dear, mature your writing a tad.
5633478
You flatter me, though in truth, most of my insights about Berrow's writing from that review were pointed out to me by my friend Oliver, who himself was always less than fond of Berrow as a writer in his Points of Canon series. I'd recommend giving it a read if you like Friendship is Card Games, since it takes a similarly analytical look at the show, though with the purpose of working out a unified timeline and theory of canon rather than finding inspiration for MTG cards.
5633527
Ah, he made the My Little Chronology tool! I use that sometimes (mostly for idle curiosity, not for anything big or serious yet), though I’ve read very little of his actual blog posts on the matter. I’ll bear his posts in mind if I get more curious.