Just watched the G5 movie · 3:49pm Sep 24th, 2021
What follows are my random musings as I watched the film. Really enjoyed it.
Spoilers ahead. Beware
· Opening with the mane 6 is total pandering, but I don’t even care. Love it.
· Good to see that the history books got Rarity spot on. Also, filly Sunny is absolutely adorable.
· If I hadn’t already written a story about filly Sunny fucking her dad, I would totally be doing it now.
· Good question, Sunny. How did Twilight fuck everything up?
· He said the thing!
· Sunny sleeps in the nude, confirmed.
· I really like the aesthetics of this town. Also, song!
· How does one make a balloon animal with hooves?
· I don’t know how she’s be holding on to that trolley with a hoof either, but I certainly don’t know how she’s doing it with rollerblades on.
· Yeah, okay. These two are definitely fucking.
· Still using moons to measure time. Still not telling us what the hell a moon is.
· Why does everypony only have a cutie mark on one side? I just noticed it with Phyllis now, but it’s going to bother me the rest of this movie, I know it.
· Yikes, I think we just watched a pony die. Sick beats, though.
· Why would you design your unicorn entrapment device to leave the horn exposed? You’re really just asking to be zapped by their lasers at that point.
· Hitch, you’ve got to pull those out of the socket by the plug. You’re really risking damaging the wire yanking it like that.
· Gotta work on those friendship speeches, Sunny.
· But not those disgusting griffons or dragons! Part of me wants a twist where, after uniting “everypony” together, Sunny turns out to be a Neighsay level racist against non-ponies.
· Drama scene, cue sad music.
· Pony disaster response hasn’t improved much in however many years this has been. Also, it’s the scene from the trailer. Hi Izzy!
· “A vulnerable young pony!” Hitch declares as he dives to grab him up. I can relate to this guy.
· Okay, I love Izzy. This chase scene is adorable.
· Whatever you all do, no pony stop her.
· Seriously, if Izzy could use magic, she totally could have fried all your brains from that trap. It’s a good thing Princess Twilight Sparkle screwed everything up so much that magic is dead.
· Is it really so hard to add an extra nail or something for that picture?
· Love at first sight.
· For that recipe for “Love Muffins” in the background, love is totally a euphemisim for cum on that ingredient list. Try to tell me I’m wrong. Bet Sunny’s dad had her pump it straight from the tap when she helped him bake.
· What do they eat? Do they eat pizza? What toppings do they like? Sunny’s here prepared to ask the hard-hitting questions that we all crave.
· She likes your smell, Sunny. You’re half-way to getting her in bed already.
· “Not the brightest crystals in the forest.” Looks at Applejack and Pinkie Pie… I mean… where's the lie?
· IZZY SONG!
· Izzy very nearly died there. How did she get all the way here by herself?
· Izzy pronks. She did it during the chase too, but look at her go on those rocks.
· “Steed.” In all the horse puns of FiM, I don’t think they ever referred to themselves as steeds.
· Yeah, okay. These two are definitely fucking.
· Depooty
· Zipp’s got the cool poses down, and she knows how to make a cool exit. Not that we know her naaaammmeee yet.
· Oh, it’s those cute guard pegasi. I’ve seen porn of you two. You’re cute.
· We have tennis ball.
· Pegasi always have the best looking cities.
· I’m going to have a hard time loving Pipp.
· The queens a dog? Well, still can’t fuck things up as much as a certain purple princess did.
· Random side note: If a dog goes through the mirror portal to the Equestria Girl’s world, does it become a dragon on the other side?
· Queen’s got style. Wonder if she’s a descendant of Rainbow Dash, well known for always dressing in style.
· Okay, Pipp’s at least scoring some points for filming horizontally.
· Aww yeah, take those cute mares down to the dungeons, you handsome guards. Feel free to do what you will to them. Your queen demands it.
· The doors slamming back on Sprout’s face got a chuckle.
· Is Sprout getting the opening bars of ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ leading into his song? Nirvana is too good for this pony. Poor Kurt Cobain needs this like he needs a hole in his head.
· This might be the best song of the movie so far, and Sprout doesn’t deserve it.
· At least their all honest about themselves, though.
· Izzy’s totally hitting on Zipp here.
· That’s two times Izzy being “medium sneaky” has been mentioned. Can’t wait for it to pay off on the third mention. Good old rule of threes.
· Bet Pipp’s had some fun with that vibrate function before.
· Oh, thank goodness we’re out of that horrible dungeon. Who knows how much longer our intrepid heroines could have withstood that torture.
· All those memes, and the tennis ball is already gone.
· “I’ve never met a pegasus in my life, but I know damn well what their feathers taste like.”
· Oh hey, Wonderbolts poster.
· Wait a minute… no pony can fly, royalty looks up to the Wonderbolts… what if Scootaloo’s condition was just a sign of things to come? Maybe this wasn’t all Twilight’s fault, there’s been some kind of genetic condition stealing everypony’s magic and Scootaloo was just patient zero!
· Gasp! I’m shocked! Shocked!
· Well, maybe not that shocked.
· Faking it? Like what I do when Hitch shares me with Sprout?
· Okay, also this whole “sparkle” thing. I get what they’re going for, but I can’t hear Izzy mention it and not imagine Tree Hugger complimenting a pony on their “totally stellar aura, dude.”
· Good theory, Sunny. Nice of you to frame yourself in that totally not suspicious empty window where a third pane of glass could fit perfectly as you say it.
· “What should we base the second act of our children’s movie around?” “How about how it’s cool to steal things from your mom as long as your friends that you just met tell you it’s for a good cause.” “Perfect.”
· So, none of these backstage ponies who coordinate the whole wire and lighting thing have ever blabbed about what they do? How many people are employed in this conspiracy without it ever getting out?
· Pretty sure some of these moves Pipp’s doing wouldn’t be doable on a wire.
· Way to leave your sis hanging, Zipp.
· Alright, the phoney-pony part is a just accusation, but that full-of- bologna allegation is simple hearsay.
· Maybe mommy should give him a little head to help the situation then, Phyllis.
· WHY ARE YOUR WINGS DIFFERENT?! This has been bothering me since the first promo shots, but seeing Pipp and Zipp walking side-by-side really emphasizes how weird Pipp’s wings look.
· Izzy is the best.
· How the fuck did you do that, Izzy? Did… did you chip away at it like you did the bean can? Is this what that was setting up?
· We’re all glad you’re here, Hitch. This would be a total clam fest without you and your stallion dick.
· D’awww. The feels.
· Hitch is officially on board for the friendship orgy. Hooray!
· Looks like a super welcoming place.
· How many seasons until Tirek blows this place up too?
· Wow! What a coincidence that Izzy’s little instrument there plays the same song that the queen sings to herself in the shower.
· Aww… Izzy sad :(
· I’ve heard this song already, but still excited to hear it again. This thing bops.
· Not sure either of those assumptions were wrong, really.
· I’d watch you shake those all day long, Izzy.
· I can’t get over how doofy Zipp and Pipp look dancing back there, and I love it.
· The unicorns are obviously taking the inability to lord their genetic superiority over all other ponies really hard. Look how sad they all are.
· Somehow, someway, either Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash are behind these superstitions and silly dances, and their laughing their asses off from whatever the pony afterlife is.
· What kind of monster just assumes that somepony would want milk in their tea? This is the real crisis that Sunny needs to save the world from.
· Rookie move, Sunny. You lay out the terms of the duel before agreeing on the stakes. That’s gambling 101.
· “Just Prance”. I get it.
· How were those even attached, anyway?
· Aw, Sunny. First race war, huh?
· That bing-bong probably got the best laugh out of me yet.
· Was that supposed to seem like a sex thing? It kind of seemed like a sex thing.
· Either way, “joining our crystals” makes for a good sex euphemism. Might have to start using that.
· Also, boy that big, crystal shaped hole in the middle where a third crystal sure could fit perfectly is probably nothing. Don’t even worry about that.
· We’ve got this together! Oh, wait… wrong movie.
· Is that the first time Hitch as spoken to Sunny during the whole walk back? Or has he been telling her that he’s right there if she needs to talk like, every mile or so? I’m not sure which would be sadder.
· Hi camera. Do you think you could linger a little longer on that crystal in the lantern there? Not sure we get it yet.
· Yeah, perfect. Just like that.
· Of all movies to reference on that billboard, you pick an R rated one?
· Sprout actually looks pretty sharp in that outfit, not going to lie.
· Also, Trixie could take some tips from him on how to utilize minions for mobility without having to rely on those shifty wheels.
· What is one motorized pony car going to do? Just stretch a chain across the road and you’re good.
· Yeah, okay. These two just met and probably aren’t fucking, but they should.
· Okay, so obviously the whole crystal thing was just a convenient excuse to teach everypony how to work together and magic is going to return due to friendship and all the races coming together in harmony, but what was the point of that table in the lighthouse then? Why did some random light house have a storage device for those things?
· Nice going Sunny. It took Twilight 4 seasons to get her house destroyed. You’re making record time.
· This is a much better friendship speech. Nice job.
· This is heartwarming with the picture frame and all, but honestly the queen walking up, kicking the picture of Sunny and her dad, then silently staring at her seems more rude than anything. Like, if no pony else had followed suit, Sunny would have been super confused.
· Holy shit. I was joking earlier about Sunny making record time, but apparently she really is just speed running the whole alicorn thing.
· I’m sure all the earth ponies are super excited to watch all the pegasi and unicorns regain their magic and get super powers. Yep, sure is great being an earth pony.
· Not pictured is five minutes later when the forest is ablaze due to an errant spell, and pegasi are crashing into each other and plummeting to their deaths due to never having flown before.
· An aurora borealis? At this time of year? In this part of Equestria? Localized entirely above your new alicorn goddess?
· Okay, balloon pony had a pretty good pay off there in the end.
· “No using your magic this time,” begs the earth pony filly who already is realizing she got the short end of the stick.
All in all, a good movie. I really enjoyed this thing. Props for kicking this new generation off right, Hasbro. Let’s see if you can keep the momentum going when you make this a series.
Now get to lewding these ponies, everyone!
Thanks for the fanfic fuel.
This is what happens when you let a pony with anxiety issues run your country.
Surprising how rarely that happens.
I've been wondering that since season 5 of G4.
Oh, yeah, most definitely!
ARGH! I know, right?
You'd think they'd learn eventually about this thing called security.
Great job, Celestia.
That's definitely true.
Most likely, yeah.
Nope, you can't.
Hello, future fanfic.
As am I! Fanfic writing ho!
You and me both! This was easily my favorite part of the film!
Yeah, that wouldn't surprise me.
Yeah, I've never heard of putting milk in tea. Coffee, definitely, but never tea.
Considering the fact that Izzy tells us to "watch us shake our unicorn butts" as she does it, it wouldn't surprise me.
Same.
Or did they spend the entire trip back in awkward silence?
Yeah, they definitely should.
Yeah, that caught me off guard as well.
God, it must really suck being an earth pony. Why are earth ponies always getting shafted?
That ending would've been much more preferable than the shitty one we got instead.
Mm, yeah, okay, that's true.
Again, I have to ask, why are earth ponies always getting shafted?
Aye aye, captain! Say no more!
ESPECIALLY THESE TWO!
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5586183
Just reinforces Twilight taking the throne as a grand failure on part of everyone even a little bit involved in it.
5586899 Uh . . . okay.