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back on that midterms grind... ◈ Brain Cell Donation Fund!

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Teleportation is concerningly complicated for how simple it's portrayed to be. · 7:47am September 7th

Just think of a place and you're whisked away in the blink of an eye, right?


Teleportation is inherently reliant on the caster's imagination the moment the destination is beyond one's line-of-sight. There are no coordinates you can use, or guides to keep you in the right place. It all hinges on how well you can picture your destination.

One wrong move can quite literally yeet you out of your home universe, straight into a three-way fight between a fedora-wearing platypus, a strange merchant with an absurdly large rectangle of a nose, and a pharmacist.

Heck, what if you're drunk and you try to teleport? What happens then? If you were walking home after a night with your magic buddies at thee pub, and you saw a cart barreling toward you at speeds that could lead to certain death, a panic-teleportation could very much mean that you just isekai'd yourself.

And not only does teleportation rely heavily on the imagination, but it also requires the ability to manipulate matter at the destination before teleporting, and the ability to observe the surroundings at the destination beforehand as well. What if someone moves a chair into your destination the moment you teleport? Would you know mid-spell to shift upward as to appear above the chair? Or would you become a pained hybrid of yourself and said chair, never to be separated again? And what about the dust and air at the location? Does teleporting lead to your body getting pockmarked with dust and air bubbles both inside and out?

Teleportation is, by far, seemingly one of the most dangerous spells you could possibly perform (in regard to personal safety), yet it's treated so trivially that it seems to be as simple as "cast spell and you're there".

Sincerely, a Tonkus whose final brain cell just hit the corner of his skull like the DVD logo and experienced a 1:45 AM thought.

Comments ( 11 )

there's a ponies the anthology sketch about that, but i don't know the name of it,

I mean, cars are probably around the same level of dangerous, and probably more so just because of how many people use them. The reason both cars and teleportation are relatively safe is because only people who know what they’re doing are going to be the ones doing it. Of course, there’s going to be exceptions, but generally only the properly instructed people are going to be using these forms of transportation.

Cars and teleportation are pretty much impossible to do safely with no instruction.
But the important part is the instruction. What was once difficult and scary is now pretty easy as long as you’re paying attention.

Further more, cars are way more common than teleportation and easier to acquire, so it stands to reason there would be way less teleportation mishaps than car wrecks.

In conclusion, teleportation may be difficult, and have many dangers, but in reality it is probably statistically safer than a car.

The reason only the strongest unicorns can cast it is that offloading all of that stuff to the magical process is both incredibly taxing and incredibly necessary, just because of how absurd it would be to do all of that in your head.

My headcanon is that teleportation works like the portals in Portal. It doesn't recreate matter as much as it bridges two points and sucks you through.

Same headcanon. I thought teleportation is instant wormhole travel rather than basically deleting an individual and then make a copy, while somehow transporting a soul from one individual to another.

I think teleporting longer distances is bound to be more difficult, so getting isekaid isn’t that big of a threat. I’d guess that matter that would interfere with the teleportation would get shoved away from the spell, too, so the air bubble thing probably wouldn’t be a problem. Teleportation is not a spell for amateurs.

As distance increases, the energy required increases exponentially. The energy required to yeet yourself out of your own universe is beyond astronomical.

I'd imagine that originally, yeah, you'd be 100% correct. The first unicorn to go, "Hey, I bet I can be over there now!" and try to teleport probably killed themselves in at least six different ways. I'd expect the next few mad lads probably didn't have much better luck. Eventually, some enterprising wizard succeeded, but had a close call, and decided to not screw around with spacetime (much). That probably led to the spell being altered for a few safety constraints and maybe being passed around to some of their wizard friends for review. Fast forward a few hundred years and the spell is really, really difficult to cast, but almost impossible to telefrag yourself with. Still possible, because there's always some moron, but improbable.

As for how it could be certain of the destination, perhaps there are variables for as much as you know about the place. It could use all knowledge you have of a place to make the destination, such as distance, basic layout, lighting, smell, and many other variables to narrow down the location. For example, trying to teleport to a library you've never been to could place you inside any library in range, but teleporting to somewhere you're intimitely fimiliar with will have essentially a zero perfent failure rate.


this is how i imagine pinpointing precise location would have to be like.

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