Preview: The Baltimare Affair · 3:45pm Aug 22nd, 2021
Hello, folks.
Just wanted to share a little teaser of The Baltimare Affair, the full-length sequel to my previous short The Manehattan Sanction, a MLP/James Bond pastiche.
This will be in either the first or second chapter.
There was a certain point at which mere exhaustion passed into something closer to euphoria. While the feeling was certainly enjoyable, as the name would suggest, it also tended to bring poor decisions with it.
Starlight Glimmer recognized the first pulls of that euphoric state as she swept her latest winnings toward the considerable mound already stacked in front of her. The cards had been kind to her that evening, but the cold hand of experience warned that if she chose to continue, fate would quickly have her way with those wonderful bits that represented the hopes and dreams of so many starry-eyed fools.
Perhaps recognizing that Starlight, having made the foolish choice to let fate win several times over the past month, was preparing to do so once again, harmony chose that moment to intervene. With a slight smile, she wondered how the acerbic Prince Blueblood would take being thought of as an instrument of harmony.
Dressed to the nines – as he invariably was – Blueblood stuck out like a sore hoof in the dingy tavern. The bartender, a acquaintance of Starlight’s, glanced at the prince, then at Starlight, who made a quick gesture with her hoof. Gambling outside of licensed establishments was illegal in Canterlot, but Starlight knew Blueblood well enough to know he wouldn’t say anything.
“Glimmer,” he said, pulling off his hat as he approached.
“That’s all for me tonight, boys,” she said to the rest of the table, levitating her winnings into her satchel. “Don’t have too much fun now that I’m gone.”
“Hell, now that you’re gone, some of us might have a chance of actually winning a hand or two,” one of the others muttered.
Levitating a hundred-bit note to the dealer, who accepted it with a nod, she followed Blueblood to a table in a more secluded corner.
As they took their seats, a tired looking barmaid sauntered up, not bothering with a smile at this late hour.
“Scoltch and soda,” Blueblood ordered.
“Vodka martini, hoof-shaken, not stirred,” Starlight added.
The two stayed silent at their table. Only after the barmaid had returned with their drinks and sauntered off again did Blueblood speak.
“I recognize I’m the last pony in the world to comment on somepony else’s night life, but you look like hell, Glimmer.” He took a swig of his drink, smacking his lips appreciatively.
“I’ve looked worse,” she said, gently taking a sip of her own drink before grimacing.
“I’m sure,” he replied drily. “And the fact that you’re making the face a pony only makes when they realize they’ve had one drink too many is certainly proof of that.”
Blueblood was the closest thing Starlight had to a friend, and she knew he meant well.
That didn’t make his statement any less annoying.
“Is there a point to your visit, or are you just here to critique my life choices?”
“Can’t a pony do both?” he asked, flashing a brief grin. “The Princess is hardly a teetotaler, but if she suspects you’re out of control, she’ll remove you from active duty, regardless of your talents. And you and I both know Equestria can’t afford that.”
“They couldn’t afford Strawberry Lance getting killed either, but it still happened,” Starlight replied bitterly. A training accident. Of all the ways to go…
Blueblood had the good graces to look sorry. “Starlight…” he began, using her first name to get her attention. “I know he was your friend. Celestia knows he was mine as well. But things happen, and there’s nothing you can do about them. Living yourself to death won’t bring him back.”
She stared at the martini hovering in front of her face. She wanted nothing more than to tip the glass back, drain it, and call for another, and another, until she finally passed out. That was assuming she didn't end up going home with one of the stallions here for ‘a good time’, not that such encounters ever did more than leave her feeling more empty than before.
But Strawberry wouldn’t have wanted her to act that way. Deep down, she knew she didn’t want to either. There was a difference between enjoying life and wallowing in debauchery, and she had spent most of the last month firmly engaged in the latter, with nothing to show for it beyond a smaller bank balance and a greater sense of self-loathing.
Suddenly very aware of how very tired she was, she set the glass down, stifling a yawn with one unkempt hoof.
“Think we can get a cab at this late hour?” she asked nonchalantly, pushing away from the table and leaving a twenty bit note on the table for the drinks. An overpay, certainly, but the barmaid – Penny, Starlight recalled – was a good mare, even if she could be a bit forgetful at times.
“Hardly,” Blueblood replied, putting his hat back on as he stood up. “My driver is waiting outside. You didn’t think I walked here, did you?”
“You, walk? Perish the thought.” She snickered. “I just assumed you weren’t going to let somepony of my low breeding into your posh automobile.”
“You’re very nearly right,” he replied without a hitch, “but apart from the booze you smell mostly clean, so I suppose I can take on a charity case just this once.”
“You’re too kind,” she replied, as they walked up the stairs to the street.
“Do keep that to yourself, would you? I’ve worked hard to cultivate my reputation for being a ne’er-do-well. If ponies start thinking I actually care about others, my image would never recover.”
There's still a lot to go on this one, but I wanted to give at least some sort of update, as it's been a few months since I posted the original short. Currently, I'm working on it when I'm not working on a murder mystery project I'll be posting a preview of later this week.
For the curious: In this story, Blueblood takes the role of Bill Tanner, who was M's Chief of Staff in the novels (though he appeared infrequently), and has appeared sporadically in the film series (more often of late). Princess Celestia gave him the job years prior to this 'to keep him out of trouble', but he took to it surprisingly well, and stayed on when Princess Luna took over Special Branch. He's still a bit of an ass, but he's much more competent than the FiM version (with a tip of the hat to Raleigh, who might fairly be considered to have written the template on a proper Blueblood, and from whom my own interpretation most certainly borrows inspiration) and is a true friend to Starlight.
I was wondering when the next one would be out...
Everypony...er, everybody reading this...do you like "Bond--James Bond"???
You'll love "Glimmer--Starlight Glimmer" just as much, if not more...