fJd Review: The Shadow Queen by Scroll · 4:41pm Nov 1st, 2020
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Overview:
It’s a first person narrative, from Cozy Glow’s point of view. There’s a twist. It’s not pony Cozy Glow. Nope. This is EqG Mirrorverse Cozy Glow, and the author explores her mind with detail and care. It’s a story about revenge, about regret, and about learning. Eventually.
My Thoughts:
The fact that this story was inspired by, and intended as canon to, one of mine was not lost on me as I read through it. Which is what got me frowning so quickly. Unfortunately, I had been indisposed for a long while during the pandemic, and only recently returned. During that time, this author, and friend, had penned an entire story of 50 chapters to go along with my “Scars To Her Beautiful” that, by the end, had me feeling as though I’d been written into a tight corner.
It’s hard to say all of this, because I like both the author and the story, but I have to remain honest in my reviews or else no one gets anything out of them. The story, even given its “M” rating and intensely triggering chapter, winds up being fluff. To me. Why do I say that? Because the healing process is never that fast, or that easy, and someone who lacks compassion for others wouldn’t be so skilled as breaking through like that. Except for one thing, I suppose that Cozy’s lack of empathy did enable her to do something someone else might have found too difficult to do.
But ignoring anything to do with Diamond Tiara, the story is quite good. I read right through it, though I took care to skip over the chapter that actually earned the story its “M” rating. The concept is solid, the sci-fi elements are fantastic, and the characterization of Sci-Twi is pretty good too. She’s a little gushy, I think, but that doesn’t actually hurt her any.
Characterization:
Cozy Glow
She’s a genius. At a level that would have heard her whisked away for experimentation in our world. The entire game of life is actually a landscape of chessboards and strategies in constant play for her. She calculates odds, and so long as they are favorable she usually hasn’t got a problem moving ahead with a plan. Since Mirrorside Cozy is not an established character in canon, this character actually qualifies as a sandbox to me. Thus, Scroll had the freedom to really play around with her personality. I think he nailed it, actually. It might even be an accurate representation of her Ponyside counterpart.
Sci-Twi
The gushy, over-the-top, mushy mother figure in Sci-Twi doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. Though her education in friendship through Sunset and the others surely must count for something here, right? So, gone is the self-conscious, uncertain, awkward dork and here is the confident, inventive genius who adopted Cozy Glow, and also became Principal at Canterlot High. All in all, I would say the growth was really quite good.
Sunset Shimmer
She plays less of a role than I’d have thought, and I spent a lot of my time furious over her fate. Not furious at the author, furious at Cozy. I was that drawn into the story that I was cursing out a character who not only couldn’t hear me, but couldn’t have cared less anyway. Still, this is about Sunset. She was a compassionate, kind, soul with a tremendous heart. I like that, a lot. It shows just how big Princess Twilight’s influence is and just how far she, herself, has come. Sunset is now widely accepted around the school, is a member of the faculty herself, and then her reputation is destroyed. Darn. She’s abused in this story for sure.
Sweetie Belle
Almost unused, and a character who I developed, I wasn’t very pleased with how she was handled in this story. Not entirely, at least. Though it wasn’t all bad, and I wasn’t all complaints as I read it. Still, I feel like this story could use some re-writes after my story reaches completion.
Scootaloo
She’s hardly here, and I had to advise adding profanity and rage to some of her thoughts and outbursts. What few there were. She’s a pretty terrific character to employ for saying exactly what’s on her mind and being a bit hostile about it, too. In the end, she wasn’t used enough to have detracted from anything either. I suppose Scroll felt safer that way.
Apple Bloom
Another little used character, but that’s okay. What little use she did see wasn’t bad.
Diamond Tiara
I was a little thrown at her personality at times, and Scroll could certainly do with learning a bit more show don’t tell in writing. Overall, I felt she was further along in recovery than she should have been during this story, at least for the sake of mine. I realize I’m sounding rather small and petty here, so for that I do apologize. Scroll’s work is good, I do recommend reading this story.
Silver Spoon
Perhaps the closest to correct, but the author didn’t have all of the details I would have laid out in my story to work with. The result is that a lot of this is based on a fraction of the information that would have helped. Looking at it as simply a story inspired by? She’s a good representation of Silver Spoon if Silver had grown a little and faced more mature problems.
Rarity
While her role was important, it was understated. She was also presented as rather cartoonish in a setting where most of the characters really weren’t. I felt like it was somewhat insulting, to see that she hadn’t grow out of being theatrical and over-the-top zany in her expressions. Still, as a detective she was quite something and that definitely shone through! Still, I was astonished that, while most other characters had matured with age, Rarity didn’t appear to have done much of that.
Character Development:
Cozy’s development and slow and steady, almost frustratingly so. Now that isn’t to criticize the writing, actually. It’s more the character. It’s how she’s written, how Cozy is, she doesn’t grow quickly and, it seems like, for every step forward there’s a half-step backward. All in all, Cozy’s growth is about the most realistic of any of the characters in the story. If you excuse the magical intervention in the end.
Theme:
Revenge. Regret. Reinvention. This story is all about redemption, in the end. It’s just done so differently from others. She doesn’t have to face severe consequences for any of her actions, it doesn’t seem like many people actually hate her, and there’s no tension and no real fights. Part of why I called this fluff is that right there. It’s like Scroll is afraid to write out actual arguing, and that’s a tough sell in a story like this. I read this, read Cozy’s choices, and I expected a better payoff. She was written up as a character you wanted to see fall, and fall hard, before getting back up and seeing who would even still talk to her after all was said and done. Instead, she has something of a fairy tale ending.
Logic:
Logic is where I struggle the most with this one. Mostly because of the curious lack of open hostility, arguments, and tension present in a story so much focused on revenge, anger, and a life-long grudge. While the elements of trauma, and the effect on the mind, are more faithfully presented, the elements of actual betrayal and hurt aren’t very well portrayed. Characters aren’t given as much voice as they might have, which in a first person narrative is more understandable, but even the characters she’s interacting with aren’t really expressed a lot of real anger. It’s… curious, and confusing.
Rating:
Story Idea: 9.0
Writing Style: 8.0
Entertainment Factor: 8.0
Inner Logic: 4.5
Final: 7.38
Feedback/Final Thoughts:
Yeah, don’t be afraid to write out hostility, and arguments, and harsh words. Don’t be afraid to address regret and forgiveness realistically in your story. I felt like you avoided all of that like the plague throughout the writing, just when it was about to get interesting and the characters suddenly figured out something that should have left them hurt, disgusted, enraged, or any combination of those things, it’s just a letdown. Not everyone lives to see that sort of tension, but this story is marked as “M” and given to a great deal of mature themes, and still wears kid gloves when it comes to fighting among friends and classmates. I find that odd.
I don't want to comment this, but I have to... My story's been on the "Reading" section of your reviews for God knows how long; I'm not complaining, I just want to know if there's a problem with my story or... you just didn't see it. Only asking, I'm not complaining. You may answer, if you want to.
5390129
I've started reading it, actually. Was 3 down in the queue and I'm caught up to it now. I'm just finishing out what I had in my reading folder and then I'm just done. Nothing wrong with your story from what I have seen, either. Just something wrong with me.
5390139
Nah, it's okay it's just that I've waited like two months. I thought there was something wrong with the story; I understand you're busy, that's why I'm not complaining because I empathize with those who are popular and busy. I know they have lives to live and satisfy the readers, fans, etc.
5390140
Pfft, popular. Nice, no. I'm not that, I don't think. Thank you for understanding though. A recent injury means I have more free time to fill with this sort of thing, so I'll get through your story before long. It took me some time to read through "Spectrum of Lightning" and then "Death of a Queen", but I didn't think it had taken me 2 months. I'm sorry for that delay.
5390149
To be honest, after the 3rd week, I lost the count, so... I may have exaggerated a bit.
5390149
Besides, you may not be popular, but I assure you that, one day, you'll be.
5390151
5390150
Well, alright. I've got this list of stories I'm working through now:
I'm probably not taking any new requests after those are done. Definitely not with Pens and Couches, I'm done there.
5390158
Why?
5390161
A lack of motivation, a pesky depression that insists on plaguing me. At the least my thoughts aren't going super dark from that. Writing has become very difficult for me, I'm feeling nothing and getting nothing down any longer. I want to continue my stories, I'm just not certain I'll manage to do so as of right now.
As for Pens and Couches, just a lot of issues with some of the staff and some of the members there. Some of it stems from another group that I walked away from. I just saw some sides of people that don't sit well with me, and learned where I actually stood and that also didn't sit well with me. I respect myself more than to stay in an abusive atmosphere.
5390167
About the first issue: Don't worry, I understand perfectly, I also had a lack of motivation, though there was always something that made me continue. I enjoy writing stories as well and, if you need inspiration, imagination or creativity, I may help you.
About the second issue: I only have to say... that's life.