New Review and Review Process · 12:43am Jul 7th, 2023
So, this is a new review process for me. This is the first, it won't be the last. This has been by far the longest fic I have ever read, and I ultimately chose not to finish it. I was actually quite close to the end of it, too, within just a hundred pages or so, possibly less than that, and I realized that I had no investment in seeing it through to the end, seeing where it ended up or what happened. I wanted to talk about that, so I did.
This, my review process here, is rough and a first-time effort for the medium. I hope to sharpen my talking skills and develop into a more organized speaker as I do this.
I do enjoy a good read. Sadly, this had not really been one such.
So, I realize that there are some folks still waiting, for possibly years now, for me to supply a review. I've been contending with a number of issues, personal ones, including a significant bout of depression that left me with little energy to really do anything. I've been away from this site, for the most part, for the better part of the last 2 years while I worked on myself. I'm not 100%, not yet, but I'm still working on that.
Point is, I'm fairly certain I remember the folks who are waiting for me. It's most likely that said folks long ago gave up on me, and aren't holding out any particular hope that I'll come through this time either. Well, I'd like to come through, so I'm going to be gathering and printing stories (I read best when it's a physical book in my hands, I've discovered) and reviewing them, and I'll be including those that I previously failed to come through on.
So, yeah.
FLUTTERJACKDASH! OH MY GOSH! I missed you. Didn't know you'd ever return online.
Funny coincidence, too, because recently convinced another friend to finish our story "Scars to Her Beautiful" and, upon finishing it, that person thought it was a tragedy that the story ended there. He even attempted to convince me to finish on my own. At that point I did recall I had access to our notes, but it was also a reminder how much I missed you.
I'd love to hear from you again. It's been so long.
You may note I immediately subscribed to your new youtube thing as soon as I discovered you had one. Specifically, I'm your 4th subscriber. Might as well. Been your fan a long time ago.
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Just in case this comment failed to post in your video for being too long, I'll repeat it here.
Finished the video, and have to say one thing that really kept me invested is just listening to your voice. That does have nostalgic value for me. That said, by the time I reached 1:30:00 approx, I had to speed the video up 50% because, by then, it started to get exhausting listening to you repeat yourself so often. I wonder if you can hear it too if you listen to your own video here. Major congrats on you if you can count the number of times you repeat specific points.
I have helped to edit one other Fallout Equestria story before called Desperados. It was also very long but sounds like it isn't as long as this one. I had issues with that other story too and rage quit for several months because it got to depressing. That was the first Fallout Equestria story i read and I thought it would be like a cute parade of Fallout series. It didn't take long for that illusion to get shattered and for me to realize what I have gotten committed too. I did eventually finish it because it felt like fulfilling a promise. ironically enough that's actually when the story picked up in my opinion. All of the sudden the heroes didn't feel worthless and they made accomplishment after accomplishment. The villians remained formidable if they survived to the end, but finally the story started to feel more balanced.
Compared to the one you reviewed here, though, Desperados might seem like a breath of fresh air to you. Perhaps you'd also find it more faithful to the source material too. I haven't read Fallout Equestria so I can't say that for sure.
With the story you have here, sounds like the writer and editors wanted to maximize grim/dark. To make the villans sound like Jason Vorheize and/or Mike Myers. Some unstoppable evil force and that is exciting to them, then suddenly dies for some other inexplicable reason. As for the heroes, they might as well not even be in the story. They are actually just cameras to show and display how badass the villians are.
"Ooo! Look how cool this bad guy is! Ooo! Look how unstoppable he is. Can't you feel the pressure? Can't you feel the chill running down your spine? Don't you feel like you're thrust at the very edge of hope? Well PSYCHE! That bad guy you were so afraid of up to this point suddenly falls to the ground and dies of a heart attack. FOOLED YOU!!! HA HA!"
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Then repeat that pattern again and again, kind of like you've done in your review here. Weird.
In an instance where every character and situation sound and feel the same, one has got to remember that it is written by one person (usually) and, in this case, that's why they all sound the same. That's why dialog is wooden. If the problem stems from the writer, how weird would it be to find one exception in the story? That there is one scene where the characters are suddenly written excellently but all of that is confined to just this one scene, and it really is the same writer, not another taking over to write that scene. "Consistently inconsistent" was a phrase you used in this video. Well . . . the same writer writing this is among the consistent factors of the story. If a standard is set at the beginning, you can expect the same quality going forward.
In real life, people can grow, but if these characters can't then it's the writer whose mind is equally rigid. This is a form of "absolute" thinking where something is one way and only this way and shall ever be this one way. That is how that character is defined in the writers mind so it might as well be written in stone. Only if the writer forgets a plot point or some previous fact does the character actually change, and if this takes place, it will be sudden and jarring.
My grandfather wrote a biography of himself and, as I read through it, I realized several chapters or points get repeated and I had a strong feeling they got repeated because the writer forgot that he wrote this before, so he ends up repeating himself. This could be similar here, except maybe in reverse? A character trait gets dropped (like an addiction to something or a character suddenly takes on an addiction) because the writer forgot that was or wasn't a point about the character from before.
Well, i know from experience you take detailed notes. That probably helps you to stay consistent with your characters and story points.
Blackjack's luck stat is off the charts in this story. Luck will save her because nothing else will. She can remain innocent and "pure" because she never pulled the trigger. The story will even go out of it's way to explain that is exactly how she's different from the villians by the sounds of it. She'll forgive and the bad guys/gals won't. That bullet point is highlighted with a highlighter over and over and over again. Perhaps, at times, because the writer forgot that point was highlighted before, or it eventually became a point of pride for the writer. The definition of a hero is, "Be passive and weak." So the opposite must be true for the bad guys. "Be active and unstoppable. That is what will sell them as a threat."
I agree with you that I prefer balance in these situations. I'd like for the heroes actions to matter. You can make the villian sympathetic. That's okay. If their motives are clear and how they gained this awesome power is also clear, so much the better. If it feels like a route the heroes could have taken had they just made one wrong turn, then great. The narrative of the story sounds solid.
Doing the opposite of all this and it sucking is a matter of opinion, but there may be a reason why so many people share that opinion. It sounds like this story has a lot of followers too, though, so they must see something in it as well. I guess the adrenaline rush of despair going so far. If it can be this bad in a fictional story, then real life might feel more tolerable by comparison. I think that's why some people likes stories like this. My guess is they are very depressed in real life, but feel less shitty when they read about other characters who have it worse than the readers do. Perhaps it is cathartic to them. "My life sucks, but at least it is not >this< bad! Geeze!" or something along those lines.
Keep in touch. I miss you, man.
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On April 8th, 2022, you sent me a PM, then on April 9th, 2022, I replied to that PM. That ended our exchanges, and I wondered what had happened? Where you had gone? I hope to hear more from you, and to pick back up on Scars To Her Beautiful, because that deserves a proper finish.
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I SO AGREE! And got that opinion from another viewer recently as early as today. probably the first in the world to read our unpublished chapter 19. He said, "You can't end it there!" and "That's not a proper ENDING!" If you wish to continue, I'd so love it. Or at least publish that last chapter 19.
It's almost typical for us to lose touch as each thought the other had abandoned them. I thought you had backed off from the internet entirely. I did get a message to that effect, too, on skype, but it was not written by you. That person made that clear despite it being your account. Thought maybe you had legal troubles or grew afraid of the internet. Now it seems . . . i don't know. Like you're cautiously coming back but still have problems.
Interested in my discord handle? I use that much more these days. it would be especially useful if we actually move forward with our old project. the ability to talk to each other was very helpful back then. I also have a small group of friends in a group server called Shimmering Hearts. if you don't feel shy, you could join us there too and make more friends. I know one person there who is a fan of our work and Scars in particular of yours.
Oh man. I missed you, buddy. So glad to hear from you again!
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Please check your FimFic PMs.