Such a mess · 5:48am Jul 11th, 2020
Sorry feels like an understatement at this point, but I really am for how long it has been between chapters.
I know the next chapter is taking a while. I've been beating my head against a wall because of it since about a week after posting the previous chapter. It has been so frustrating that I have had to basically scrap the notes I had originally planned for it. The point of view character even changed twice to see if it would work. Throw in a bit of life (being messed around trying to find a psychologist to diagnose or disprove what I think is the root of my depression has in no way helped), plus a challenge that I particularly loathe (writing about/describing food), and it all became a mess I have been trying to wade through. It had become a concept that I just felt was nowhere near what I would normally put out.
Good news is, since scrapping the notes, I have been making better headway on what this chapter should look like and how some of the scenes and beats should play out. Still has the characters and themes, just going to play it better than the original would have been. Still have at least two foods to decide on but it will get there. Just wish it was a month ago instead of nearly the middle of July when I got to this point with it. Although I can't promise it will be done by then, I will be trying to get it out for the 15th, which would mark my first full year since joining the site.
Frustrated but hopeful,
Tael.
I actually was thinking about you recenbtly, wonding how you were doing.
Only really wanted to post anything when I had some good news or a chapter ready to go, but, after this long, it felt best to explain a bit of what has been going on and why no recent chapter release.
I would also be a little happier if I hadn't been messed around for more than a month and a half by the organisation my GP directed me to, only for both of us to find out they don't do psychological diagnosis. That came after threatening me repeatedly with being cut from their services permanently if I fail to pick up the phone whenever they ring me even though they had the information that I was a potential suicide risk and reaching out for help. I know automated text messages are impersonal by their nature, but maybe check the phrasing for how it can be viewed by a client or potential client when they aren't in the greatest mindset? At least I am forcing the move to somewhere which can do diagnosis or direct me to truly appropriate services for what I am after.
Also, my best friend, who has been through medical hell over the past few years, is waiting to hear back on results of a suspicious lump. So decently scared for her.
My mother messed up her paperwork (mostly because of conflicting information from a state government body) when she traveled to the other side of the country so now she is in two weeks self isolation at my sister's house even though she was coming from a basically covid free state. At least they let her in because they were threatening to send her back at one point. So been stressed about that.
Then there is the state where the bulk of my relatives live (not where I live) being forced back into hard lockdown over covid because they couldn't be bothered acting like adults and openly refused testing even after a new and bigger outbreak began. The reason that is extra frustrating is that we have learned the Uncle I have who became a widower at the start of year has had repeated falls, shows clear signs of mental deterioration and can now basically not walk has had to be admitted to aged care. Sounds like my prediction after my Aunt's passing is sadly coming true. What sucks is, we can't even go see how he is because of the restrictions.
So yeah, been a little on the distracted side. You have no idea how much of a help people and stories here have been in keeping me grounded.
Sorry, about the venting. I know others have things worse. Quite frankly, this year just sucks.