Hi y'all, sorry I've been dead on this site for a while, but for any of those who are still out there...I will once again be at BABSCon 2024 in Burlingame, CA, from Mar 29 to 31!
And I'll likely be in my Twilight or Opaline cosplay. Hope to see y'all there!
As the girls of Canterlot High graduate, they're probably all out looking for a job. And you gotta admit that magic powers looks pretty good on your resume, right?
#1 (most useful): The Empath
Sunny-bun gets the last laugh, it seems, after being treated like crap in the first two EG movies.
Being able to know what anyone is thinking by a simple touch...the possibilities are endless.
Her contributions to the criminal justice system would be invaluable. She'd be able to objectively tell if a suspect is lying. She could even read the memories of dead people or non-living objects to uncover what led to their plight.
I see her either working as a top secret agent in something similar to the FBI, or as an independent consultant that goes to courtrooms to evaluate perjury charges.
She could also be a great psychiatrist or therapist. She would be able to empathize with patients suffering from delusions or other mental illnesses.
There are other possibilities too that I won't cover. Heck, take her to the cemetery and she could become the next Long Island Medium!
Usefulness rating: 11/10
#2: The Animal Whisperer
Fluttershy is a top scorer for similar reasons to Sunset Shimmer.
Her ability to communicate with animals opens up a wide variety of job opportunities. She could work as a freelance pet-whisperer, helping pets improve their relationship with their owners. She could work in a wildlife sanctuary or zoo in a similar role.
I also imagine her as a world-famous animal rights activist, being "The Voice of the Animals", but Fluttershy would not appreciate being in the limelight.
It also doesn't hurt that Fluttershy loves taking care of animals.
Usefulness rating: 10/10
#3: The Rescuer
AJ's super strength would also obviously disqualify her from any professional weightlifting competition. There's also plenty of tools out there for lifting heavy objects, like immigrant laborers.
But AJ's super strength would come in handy in the fire department or other emergency services. Imagine her lifting rubble from an earthquake disaster zone to rescue trapped humans. Or knocking down a door to save a child that accidentally locked themself in. She could become like this man.
It's not the most unique job, but it's a very noble job that's honestly (no pun intended) perfect for Applejack. I'm sure she'd be very proud to work in emergency services.
Usefulness rating: 8/10
#4: The Telekinetic
Moving things is easier, but it's a hella lot easier when you've got telekinetic powers.
Telekinesis might be useful for moving very small items, like wires, which are very hard to grab with fingers let alone hooves. It would also help with moving very large and fragile items, such as a house of cards. She could also bring a whole new meaning to the word "contactless delivery."
Admittedly, the practical applications for telekinesis are very niche. But this ranks high on usefulness because being able to do things hands free especially when watching porn is just plain AWESOME.
Rainbow Dash wouldn't be able to go into professional sports for similar reasons to Applejack. Her super speed is clearly an unfair advantage. Which is a shame, because we all know how much Dashie loves sports.
The next obvious career for Rainbow Dash is a delivery person. Being able to deliver packages at super speed, especially in the world of ecommerce, is a very valuable trait to have.
The big issue, though...is SCALE.
She's the only person with the super speed. It's not like there's a machine you can give every single postal worker that will give them the same super speed. Even with super speed, there's only so much ground Rainbow can cover in one day. Assuming it takes her ten seconds flatTM to pick up and deliver one package, she can only deliver about 2880 packages per 8-hour day. New York City alone has about 1.5 million packages delivered per day.
Perhaps you have to pay a very large fee or get Amazon Prime to get super speed delivery, and there is priority for very valuable shipments, like transplant organs or sensitive documents.
There are other questions, too. How heavy of a package can she carry and still go at super speed? How will she carry the packages, especially if they require refrigeration?
If these questions are answered, perhaps Dashie may rank higher.
Usefulness rating: 6/10, with reservations
#6: The Bodyguard
Rarity would just love rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous. Thankfully, she can, as their personal bodyguard.
Her crystal shield is magically enchanted and can help block camera flashes from the hungry paparazzi. Or protect heads of state from potential assailants on their open-air walk from the White House to St. John's Episcopal Church.
Although, admittedly, she'd probably become a fashion designer. She'll probably have an even better chance at rubbing shoulders with the elite, and have a chance to fix Donald Trump's horrible fashion sense.
Usefulness rating: 6/10
#7 (least useful): The Accidental Terrorist
Poor Pinkie.
Poor, poor Pinkie.
All she wanted was to have some fun. Dropping food and making it explode in a big, pink cloud of smoke was useful, she thought.
And then she ended up on TSA's Do-Not-Fly list.
Now she's hitchiking across the country, making sure she doesn't drop crumbs from her stale candy bar, and throwing her food into the trash can very gingerly.
Despite her baking skills, no bakery wants to hire her, out of fear that she will ruin their kitchen with one badly aimed pastry bag. She's getting calls from alt-right groups that want her help to start something called the New World Order.
Yeah, this turned dark pretty fast. Now, all Pinkie does is sit at home and bake...
...Cupcakes...
Usefulness rating: -5/10
Footnote: This is a subjective ranking for entertainment purposes. Feel free to dispute in the comments. If I could've made this into a story I would have done it in a heartbeat.
5298565 I did think about that. The problem with that is her ability has no practical advantages over TNT or other conventional explosives. A mining company would much rather buy a few tons of TNT than have to hire an additional person.
Although, I suddenly have a story idea coming up of Maud and Pinkie working in a mine together...
She could even read the memories of dead people or non-living objects to uncover what led to their plight.
Not a hundred percent sure if her abilities can go that far. However, there was that time she saw the memory of a snowflake...
AJ's super strength would also obviously disqualify her from any professional weightlifting competition.
Not exactly, keep in mind that their powers come directly from their necklaces. All she'd have to do is undergo a small test to make sure the magic has worn off and make sure her necklace isn't on her person whenever she enters and she'd be eligible.
Rainbow Dash wouldn't be able to go into professional sports for similar reasons to Applejack. Her super speed is clearly an unfair advantage. Which is a shame, because we all know how much Dashie loves sports.
Same explanation as Applejack, just make sure the magic has worn off and she doesn't have the necklace on her purse and whenever she enter the tournament or anything like that. Even the comics and the EQG shorts showcase this.
And as for Pinkie, as long as she learns to properly control her powers, she could still put them to good use. Either becoming a demo expert, or simply using them for entertainment purposes like making her own special fireworks. We saw that Tempest Shadow was able to do something like that in the movie, so why not Pinkie?
5298635 Yes I know what scene you're talking about. If Sunset can get memories from a snowflake, I assume that her ability extends to most non-living objects.
5298726 We're taking about Pinkie here, if she somehow managed to develop party Cannon technology in the human world, then I think she can find a way to make her explosions even more entertaining
1: Evidence obtained this way would be inadmissible in court, but it would still be useful. I could see a case where use of her powers on suspects was quickly banned as a violation of privacy, though. I like the therapist one better: fits more with her personality.
5298591 Oooh oooh, best sisters mining co! Actually it would probably be for scientific purposes: Sprinkles are small so she can provide precision-ish charges, and you don't hire a (groan) rocktorate for simple mining operations.
”Yes Pinkie~ Join us~”
It's times like these that I wish we could upvote blogs.
If by some miracle Pinkie could muster a little self-control, she could find herself gigs in demolition and mining fields.
5298565
I did think about that. The problem with that is her ability has no practical advantages over TNT or other conventional explosives. A mining company would much rather buy a few tons of TNT than have to hire an additional person.
Although, I suddenly have a story idea coming up of Maud and Pinkie working in a mine together...
5298444
[Makeshift upvote box. Click thumbs up to upvote this blog.]
Minor nitpicks:
Not a hundred percent sure if her abilities can go that far. However, there was that time she saw the memory of a snowflake...
Not exactly, keep in mind that their powers come directly from their necklaces. All she'd have to do is undergo a small test to make sure the magic has worn off and make sure her necklace isn't on her person whenever she enters and she'd be eligible.
Same explanation as Applejack, just make sure the magic has worn off and she doesn't have the necklace on her purse and whenever she enter the tournament or anything like that. Even the comics and the EQG shorts showcase this.
And as for Pinkie, as long as she learns to properly control her powers, she could still put them to good use. Either becoming a demo expert, or simply using them for entertainment purposes like making her own special fireworks. We saw that Tempest Shadow was able to do something like that in the movie, so why not Pinkie?
5298635
Yes I know what scene you're talking about. If Sunset can get memories from a snowflake, I assume that her ability extends to most non-living objects.
Yeah, you make a good point about the necklaces.
And Pinkie could be some kind of entertainer, I suppose. She would probably enjoy that job a lot. But there's nothing especially remarkable about her explosions compared to traditional fireworks or smoke bombs. In the words of Kevin O'Leary:
memegenerator.net/img/instances/45613616/there-is-nothing-proprietary-proprietary-about-it.jpg
5298726
We're taking about Pinkie here, if she somehow managed to develop party Cannon technology in the human world, then I think she can find a way to make her explosions even more entertaining
5298847
I'm only so hard on Pinkie because I love her.
1: Evidence obtained this way would be inadmissible in court, but it would still be useful. I could see a case where use of her powers on suspects was quickly banned as a violation of privacy, though. I like the therapist one better: fits more with her personality.
5298591
Oooh oooh, best sisters mining co!
Actually it would probably be for scientific purposes: Sprinkles are small so she can provide precision-ish charges, and you don't hire a (groan) rocktorate for simple mining operations.