Techie's SPICY Smokin' Toasted Self-Roasted Reviews #33: Toaster Waffles Are Magic · 3:17am Nov 7th, 2019
Neat, another follower special.
No comment on the story itself. Let's get right into it.
Twilight shrieked as she set hoof into her castle. Except... it wasn't exactly a castle anymore, but rather a large, BLT-shaped railgun mounted on an absurdly large golden statue of Twilight's head.
Aaaaaand that happened.
Twilight shook her head. "I don't understand!" She cried, "I know I've been alive all my life, and just this morning, I had a hamburger for breakfast!"
"A hamburger."
"Yes, Spike, a big, meaty, juicy hamburger." Twilight replied, rubbing her still-full belly with satisfaction.
Spike rolled his eyes. "And where did you get this hamburger from, anyways? I didn't expect my own adoptive, bookhorse mother to be the kind of mare that liked hamburgers."
Suggestive spoilers boxes are suggestive.
SUDDENLY, NINJAS!
"Spike, why am I suddenly a ninja?"
Good question.
"So, Changelings turn into cats in the Portal Realm?"
That'd be interesting to see.
Either that, or the universe decided to play extra-stupid that day...
Based on this story's contents, it's very likely the latter.
Spike eyed the portal nervously, and unfortunately, this nervousness was immediately noticed by Elder Goddess Twilight, sees all, knows all, does all, and rap--.
Suddenly, Pinkie appears from a portal, and whacks the author with a newspaper. Something about "Keeping it Family Friendly".
HOL UP, WHAT WAS CUT OFF THERE?!
*Sweating profusely*
Gee-whiz, is it just me, or is it getting hard to not have any regrets in writing this?
Both, methinks.
"WHAT IS YOUR OFFERING?" the absurdly large mechanical waffle boomed over the three, "SACRIFICE, OR DIE!"
There's the story's namesake waffle.
The car also happened to swerve right past Twilight, blowing her panties off. Except... she wasn't wearing panties in the first place. 'Cause y'know, have you seen how short that miniskirt is?!
Twilight saw absolutely nothing around her as she and her two passengers zoomed through the YaHoO! Highway of Eternal Semi-Doom.
Also, apparently she was a bus now. A magic school bus, to be exact, and Spike was a flower pot.
Don't even get me started on what Thorax turned into.
What did Thorax turn into?
Before Twilight could possibly do anything, Thorax enveloped and dissolved the pancake with his pool noodle ear tentacles.
...Oh. Okay.
As for the Apple Horse, Big Mac and Applebloom already rushed the mare away, attaching her to an IV rack filled with cider.
Appul.
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̴̨̡̨̛̛̛̛̛̣̝͍̞̝͚̥̳̮̞͖̦̥͉̞̯̟̣̹͙̭͎̜̮̝̺̰͇͚̰͉̠̪̫͎̳̣̺̰̪͎̤̲͈̰͎͎̲̖̞̰̣̭͈͈̙͔̯͕͉̝̻̰̘̲̯̱̲̭͉̫͕͚̞̈́̃̑͒͋̄̈̑̐͑̿̑̅̍͗̋̉̋͌̎̏̓͗̃͛̌̾̓͐̍̀͐͛͑̀͛̄̐͆̌͒̂̌̒̇́̿̐̃́͑̇͑̓͐̉͂̽̀͆͒̿̾̇̿̽͛̈́̿͒̿̾̔̓̈́̽͗͒̈͆̉̾̉͆̃̇͌̓̓̀̆̌͋̈́̏̔̑̀̇̾̐̈́̃͒̅̀̓̈͒̈́̀͌̔͋̽͌̒͐̓͒̏̑̏̈́̍́́͗̀̚͘̕̚͘̕͘̕͜͝͝͠͝͠͠͠͠͠͝ͅͅͅǴ̷̢̡̡̧̧̡̢̢̧̡̧̧̨̨̢̨̧̡̧̨̧̧̡̨̡̧̡̨̧̨̛̛̛̛̛̗̖̞͕̯̺̜̼͚̲̮̟̖͉̻͚̜̙͔̹͓̥̱̲̘̦̲͔̳͚̠̫̱̝͍̤͎͖̦̪͖̱͕͇̪̹̹̣͇͉̹͚̞͔͈̲͈̥͎̤̤͍͉̗̰̭̙̫̙̳̙̗͍͉̹͇͇͇͈͔̖͇̪͇̜̻͇̜̰͉̻͎̯̟͖̦̹̹̼̟͔͚͖̝͉͕̺̠̤̻͕͔͎̭̦͙͓̖̩͔̗̞̳̮̜̱̦̜̪̘̰͇̱̼͔̬̫̼̟͚̦̩̖͈͖̰̗͕̫̣̫̰͇̠͙͙͎͔̯̻̠̫͍̥͎͈̗͔̯̯͚͍̗̙̼̞̳͚͍̥̮͈̳͚̟̣̣͖̰̟̹͕̥͙̣͓̠͚͔̗̺̟̹̘͍͙͈̪̙̥͔͉͈̩̗͕̬̩̮̩͎͓͎̳͕̮̬͚̪͍͈̯̩̹͇̠̭̻̗̳̫͙̪͚̩̣̰̣̣̬̎̀̓̈́̿̑́͐͋̈́̾́̇͛̇̆̈̂̐́̉̈́͋̌́̃͛̽̓̆́̓̅̾͋͊̐̈͌͒͒͒̾̐̂̏̀̀̓̍͌͂̃̎̓͑̅̾̍̄̍̿̿́̎̅̔̑͗͗̇̎̇̈́̀́̂̍͊͗̀̌̌̇͌̓͑͊̎͂͌͐͐̀̆͐̔̄̑̈́͋͒̓̉̊͐̈́̀̑͌̅͑̈̌̒͗͐̀͂̎͆̓̀̊͌̈͊̈́̊̿́̒̓̾̈́̈̓́́͒̓̋͊̐̋̐̉͋̔̅͋̂̇̅̋̓̓̔͑͂̐̿̓͊̇͐̑͛͌̇̄̆̈͛̄̅̍̄̓͒͆̄̏̃́͗̒̓̊͂͊̒́̕̚̕̚͘͘̕̕͘͘͘̕̚͘̚̕͘̕̚͘͘̚̕̚͜͜͜͝͝͝͠͝͝͠͝͠͠͝͝ͅͅͅͅͅͅͅͅƠ̶̢̢̢̨̨̢̧̨̨̨̧̡̧̡̨̛̛̛̛̟̝͖̞͍̙̲̺̱̙͕͖̝̝̦͙̟̟̜̝̪̠͔͇̜̭̹̘͕͇̘̯͉̪̟̙͚͙̰̰̦̺͎̜͖̟̰̭͉̳̘͔̱͕̥͓̦̠͉͔͉̘̖̘͙̻͇͈̤̼̯͙͇̠̠̯͚͈̞͙̝͈̝̟̹͎̲̺̘̤̼͔̫̘̤̘̰͙͉̜̯̺͔͙̯̼͔͎͓̱͖̙̗̹̤̙̺̣̹͖̗̫̟͇̯̮͙̺̪͉̹̰̏̿̓̎͛͂̀̇̿̿́̃̐̌̉̃̆͗̓̋͗̀̅̒̌̊̑͂̈́̍͂̑̍́̎̈́̾̎̾̋̄́̄͆͑͂̾̋̽̋͑͐̓͑̄̌̑͗̈́̓̐̀͂̈́͂͌̈͆̃͐͂͂̊̽̄̉̈̑̂͊͛͐̏̄̂̄̍̑̈͆̅͋̾͒̽͂̐͋̀̈́̑̈́́̓͊͐͊̉̾͂̈́̔̋͛̍̀̈́̌̐͋̉́̃̎̇̽̂̔͋̈̒͂̈̏̀̋̐́̂͗̔͊̊̍͋̈͑̐̓̀͐͆̄͐͑̔̎̆̏̉̽͆̈́͌̓̇̈̊̿̆̽͛̏̑̉̾̓͒̂͆̏̇͐̆͆̀̏́̏̓̇̾̉͗̾͐̋̆̍̽̄̽̏̒͒̓͆̒̂̾͛͗̒̓́̂̀͋̉̀͂̄̉̀̎͒̒̚͘͘͘͘̚͘͘̕͘̕͘͘̕̕͜͝͠͝͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͠͠͠͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͠͝ͅD̷̡̢̢̡̧̢̡̧̨̡̧̡̨̢̧̨̧̢̡̡̡̡̢̡̧̧̧̡̧̡̛̯̰̙̰̪̬̟̭̥̻̦̣̻̘̰͕̦̜̠͇̩̝̪̳̯͎̘̜̦̯̻̲̮̺̭̞̫̼̩̹̙̮͍̫̣̥̘͖̮̙̯̫͚͇̫̙̻̥̳̫͚̯̝̼̪̱̖̼̖̝̙͇̠̺̲̟̟͈̣̟͚̝͎̯̪̤̹̖̙̜͓̰̪̺̥̭̙̬͖̭̲̦̦̜̯͔̠̖͕̯̲͉̳̹̞̹͉͖̤̭̱̞̗̫̩̟̮̦͖̼̖͓̮͖͚̰̜͖͇̗̪̣̖̼̮̜̟̲̟̣̞̯͓̠͎͔̞̜̣̦̻̮͕̝̬͚͔̖̳̺̜̭̻̖͙̤̖̻̻͔̯̱͉̞̯̙̩̥̱̬͈̹̺̥̹̙͉͈̺̘̤̤̗̳͚̻̮̰̼̫̳͔̝͚̠̭̗̬̥̙̱̭̜͔̮̹̙͔͎̤̜̺͍̮̖̹͙̦͓̭͚͙͙̩͖̝̩̺̞̱̭̞̜̬̝͍̮̯̽̈́̂̌̽̀̀̎͊̃͗͊̎̄́͂̄͐̌͋͒̊͋͆̀͂̌̎̏̀͂̌̅̇̽̿͑̄̐͛͋͊͗̐̃̑̾͆̔͐̓̋́̃́̿̇̀̂͌̿̔̀̏̓͆̈́̃̊̀̀̕͘͘͘͘̚͘͘̚̚̕̚͜͜͜͜͜͜͝͠͠͠͠͝ͅͅͅͅ 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I too love myself some good ol' cursed godrays.
You promptly faint from the beautiful rainbow god-rays that have just fried your eyeballs to a crisp.
Yes.
SUDDENLY, A GIANT METEORITE HIT EQUESTRIA, AND THINGS WENT BOOM!
CELESTIA’S CAKE WENT BOOM!
TWILIGHT’S MIND WENT BOOM!
SPIKE’S ICE CREAM WENT BOOM!
The resulting rift in space and time created by the collision ended up spitting out a few billion clones of a stickman Darth Vader, which ended up flooding the world with badly drawn stick figures wearing crudely made paper helmets.
Twilight screamed.
I think a scream might be a bit pointless at this point, Twilight.
She screams because that's all she can do after her mind went BOOM