Dramatic Reading of "If You Came to Conquer" by Kitsune Heart · 4:09am Oct 7th, 2019
Some users may remember that one story I wrote about Nightmare Moon. You know, the one with the melodrama. Well, I'm happy to announce that Kitsune Heart has done a dramatic reading of it! Find it over here.
In my usual overanalysing way, I have written a critique of it. Read on for more.
The main thing that stands out to me is the voicing on the characters. Discord, Luna, and Nightmare Moon all sound sufficiently different that they can be differentiated on sound alone. And they also all sound different from the narration.
Nightmare Moon has a formal affect. Discord has a decent impression of his show self; a combination of boredom and smug self-satisfaction. Luna has a more normal speaking voice, but sped up slightly to represent her panic and emotional instability. Making all the characters sound distinct is no small feat. Giving them all a distinct personality through their accent is an impressive addition.
Nightmare Moon and Celestia do share a similar formal affect/accent, but this is not really a big deal since they don't directly interact with each other. Though I am curious to see how this will play out in the sequels; their similar speech might make the sequels a little harder to follow.
Occasionally the accents/voicing get mixed up; sometimes when one character is talking, their speech patterns will bleed into the next speaker's lines. This mostly happens with Luna and Nightmare moon—which is thematically justifiable. It also happens a lot with Luna and Celstia's dialogue, however, which is a bit more noticeable.
The narration itself has a fairly even, straightforward diction. There is a little embellishment on the narration; some moments which add a little emphasis or a more lyrical pronunciation. Note the "slightly forced, slightly pained" in chapter 2, or the last paragraph of chapter one.
The reading occasionally misses opportunities to embellish the story. It's a very close reading of the text. This definitely improves clarity, but it might have been easy to make more small additions or interpretations without changing much. Including a laugh when the narration mentions it, for instance. But this is definitely a stylistic choice, and the audiobook approach of reading the text without much embellishment makes it easier to listen to.
There are some moments where the narration or dialogue shifts in tone awkwardly. The line "An illusion she crafted to mock me!” changes tone abruptly at the end, for instance. This happens sometimes when sight-reading or doing a limited number of takes.
There are also some minor stumbles, but nothing that ruins the story. Some minor word order shifts, exclusions (like removing possible in "every possible direction"), or accidental replacements ("her" with "he" and the like). The biggest one is probably saying "provocative" instead of "proactive", which alters the meaning significantly.
Between those small errors, It sounds like this was done in one take. Which impressive, but perhaps not the best idea. Editing multiple takes together can be a difficult skill, however, so I understand if that is the case. I only noticed it because of my own experience editing things together, but it hardly hampers the reading.
There is also a fair number of lines which read awkwardly out loud compared to their written forms, but this is obviously well beyond the control of the dramatic reader. The blame for that lies solely on my shoulders.
Overall, I think that Kitsune Heart did an amazing job. Making a reading with both distinct character voices and clear diction and flow is no small accomplishment. I'm flattered that someone spent that much time and effort on one of my stories. Whether you've read the story or not, consider giving it a listen!
